'Chief Rendwattle Gutwad's page

"Alla right Licktoads. Yous all knows longshanks place name 'Sandy-points' right? Well, me wants it! Me hear talk that other Gob tribes be make plan to attack, but we's gets there first! Then all will know Licktoads be bestest most powerful tribe! Birdcrunchers, Seven Tooths, Mosswoods, Thistletops, all be nothing!

"I knows what you be's thinkin'. 'But there be many many lots longshanks in Sandy-points! More than Licktoads. THAT NOT MATTER!!! Longshanks be lots, but they not have Big Chief like me! And me has plan....

Chief Rendwattle's voice lowers conspiratorially. "Longshanks be have bigbig party name 'Swallow Tails Festival'. They not be looking for Gobs. Licktoads make four groups, sneak into town. One group attack thissa way (indicates the north) through big gate. One group attack thatta way (indicates the east) over little bridge. Them two be MAKE LONGSHANKS CHOKE ON TAILS!!! Other groups job different but still important. One group sneakasneak thissa way (indicates the south). Find filthy evil books, writing and burn. Make bigbig fire. Last group have hard dan-ger-us job - but most important. You attack from top like Tail Kill group (indicates the north). No fight longshanks. Find dogs and horses. KILL THEM DEMONS!!!"

Chief Gutwad pauses to make sure everyone understands, then assigns the entire tribe to random groups. By sheer luck, it's a relatively even split - approximately 50 Goblins apiece.

Determine your groups however you see fit. No, you don't all have to be in the same group. No, you don't have to divide yourselves evenly (you could have 3 PCs in Group Two if that's what everyone felt like). No, there doesn't have to be at least one PC in each group. Go wherever you feel like would be the most fun for you. :-) This is also your last chance to purchase gear before the game starts in earnest.

*stabs narrator in the throat* “Agh, shaddap you! Me never liked you anyway. Filthy longshanks try ruin bigbig plan….
HEY GOBBOS! LISSEN UP! BIG CHIEF HAVE ORDERS!!! Okay. All gobs here? Where Feeva? Better not be sleeping again…. Oh! Me see her now. Goodgood. Okay. Pay tenshuns you lot! Chief have inpurtant job. You all know longshank place name Sand-Point. Me no like. Too big. Soon make ‘ventures come kill Licktoads. That bigbad thing. So Chief make plan: KILL THEM FIRST!!! In the morning, we attack! Kill horse. Kill dog. Kill longshanks. This I decide. Now me say ‘Get Ready!’ Licktoads raid soon.

"Shaddup! We gots more portant stuff to talkytalk bout! Dat 'Find da Pafs' game be making Number Two and it gots Gobbos in it!!! We gots to practice so all can see we be da bestest at all the things! Dat means I need all my top Gobs to step up! Kick names! Take butt! Now, sound off my Gobbos! Let's get dis thing started!"

"YOU LIE! ALWAYS BE GETTING IN TROUBLE. THEN ME NEED TO FIX YOUR MESS. CHIEF NOT DO THIS NO MORE! ME SAY FIX BACK NORMAL. GO DO IT!"

It's pretty obvious that Chief Gutwad isn't in the best of moods right now. ;-)

"WHY YOU GO TO THISTLETOP PLACE?!? YOU MADE THEM MAD! NOW GO MAKE THINGS FIX BACK NORMAL GOOD. GO NOW!"

"GOBS! YOU BETTER NOT BE FALLEN ASLEEP! What you be doing?"

A few days later...

"GOBS! Me has new job for you! Me send archer Laz and walking dead lady Auntie to visit Thistletop clan. It been many lots days, and they not come back. Go find 'em! Me not like Licktoads who run away...."

Survival DC 14 gets you there. This check can be repeated.

"BAH! Seven Tooths be trouble. You kill him dead! Chief Gutwad be pleased with you gobs. Now me have new job. Make special magic cloak. Red. With bird skulls! Give to me. If me likes, you be top Licktoad wizard! Go now. Me very busy being Chief."

"GOBS! Why you take so long make safe my glassy-works building?!?"

"HEY! GOBS! Why you be taking a nap? Glassy-works place still not safe yet!"

Holding on everyone except Tochack :-)

"You done good, my favorite Gobs! But not done yet! Me want know more about big glass place. Why Birdcrunchers and longshanks want it? And why they be working together? Me must think on this. For now, go back go this Glassyworks. Make sure all is safe. Tell me what you find. If is good, will have reward. If is bad, me not be happy."

Once you've returned to the Licktoad area and secure an audience with the Chief...

"Why you bother me?!? You make Gobs stop being dead?"

"HEY, LICKTOADS! GOBBLE BIRD EATING BE DONE NOW! GET BACK TO WORK!!!"

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I'll update tomorrow. :-)

"Chief say go find glass-work. Get longshanks. Make Licktoads safe. Then we talk again."

As you leave, Slorb stops you and gives each of you a CLW potion - plus an extra one for Puseater.

"Why disturb Chief?!? You kill Licktoad slayer?"

”Licktoads! We has winned! Now all will know that we be strongest tribe! Kill many longshanks. Burn many lotses writings. Eat much dogs and horses. This be good day! Chief be very much pleased. Chief mostest pleased with dese Gobs.” *he singles out each of you* ”Dey not special or bigbig strong like Squad Leaders. But that not mean they useless! Alla them do great things, kill evil ‘venturers, find bigbig writing place and burn it, kill nasty longshanks who take Goblin ears, chase away demon archer elfshanks. Bestest thing? They save Slorb!!!” (the cheering at this last announcement is half-hearted at best) ”Me make decision. Longshanks had bigbig party, think they best. Well, they wrong. Licktoads showed them good. Now we have bigbig party, eat yummy horsemeat, play games. Today we celebrate great victory!”

As the party preparations are being made, Poog and the other healers work their magic (everyone is refilled back to full HP). By sunset, everything’s ready. Check the Campaign Info tab for game rules, or feel free to invent your own. Have fun!)

"You be Rulers? HA! I be Ruler. Or you be sayin' you make better Chief than me?" *scowls dangerously at the puny Kobold*

When DNPWwO speaks up, the Chief freezes in stunned silence. A moment later, his shock changes to outrage. "YOU DARE ASK THINGS OF BIG CHIEF!!! Be glad me be in good mood. No kill you yet. NOW GO WITH YOUR GROUP!!!"

1d3 ⇒ 2
That would be the East Bridge people.

"Alla right Licktoads. Yous all knows longshanks place name 'Sandy-points' right? Well, me wants it! Me hear talk that other Gob tribes be make plan to attack, but we's gets there first! Then all will know Licktoads be bestest most powerful tribe! Birdcrunchers, Seven Tooths, Mosswoods, Thistletops, all be nothing!

"I knows what you be's thinkin'. 'But there be many many lots longshanks in Sandy-points! More than Licktoads. THAT NOT MATTER!!! Longshanks be lots, but they not have Big Chief like me! And me has plan....

Chief Rendwattle's voice lowers conspiratorially. "Longshanks be have bigbig party name 'Swallow Tails Festival'. They not be looking for Gobs. Licktoads make four groups, sneak into town. One group attack thissa way (indicates the north) through big gate. One group attack thatta way (indicates the east) over little bridge. Them two be MAKE LONGSHANKS CHOKE ON TAILS!!! Other groups job different but still important. One group sneakasneak thissa way (indicates the south). Find filthy evil books, writing and burn. Make bigbig fire. Last group have hard dan-ger-us job - but most important. You attack from top like Tail Kill group (indicates the north). No fight longshanks. Find dogs and horses. KILL THEM DEMONS!!!"

Chief Gutwad pauses to make sure everyone understands, then assigns the entire tribe to random groups. By sheer luck, it's a relatively even split - approximately 50 Goblins apiece.

Determine your groups however you see fit. No, you don't all have to be in the same group. No, you don't have to divide yourselves evenly (you could have 6 PCs in Group Two if that's what everyone felt like). No, there doesn't have to be at least one PC in each group. Go wherever you feel like would be the most fun for you. :-) This is also your last chance to purchase gear before the game starts in earnest.

"LICKTOADS! You all ready? Pay close 'tenshuns now. Big Chief tell you bigbig plan...."

Each of you has a Dogslicer (you're considered proficient) and 90gp worth of gear. If that isn't enough, beg your party members for money in the discussion thread. Maybe they'll be generous. ;-) Any unspent coin goes *poof* once everyone's done gearing up. If you have the appropriate crafting feat and can pass the check by Taking 10, you can start with self-made gear. No, you can't sell the Dogslicer for more gold. ;-)

Do everything in the Discussion thread and post here in-character when ready. In terms of history/backstory, you all have at least a passing knowledge of each other (at a minimum, you'll recognize party members faces). At the moment, you're assembled with the rest of the Licktoad Tribe and are about to hear the Chief's awesome plan.

*smack!* "CHUFFY!!! Me tell you many times: You not be Chief! ME BE CHIEF!!! Shuttup or be stabbed!"

"HEY GOBS! Stop sittin' around! We be leavin' soon! Get yous acts together!"

Due to the heavy interest, I'll be closing recruitment a bit early. Probably around Tuesday/Wednesday.

*stabs narrator in the throat* “Agh, shaddap you! Me never liked you anyway. Filthy longshanks try ruin bigbig plan….
HEY GOBBOS! LISSEN UP! BIG CHIEF HAVE ORDERS!!! Okay. All gobs here? Where Feeva? Better not be sleeping again…. Oh! Me see her now. Goodgood. Okay. Pay tenshuns you lot! Chief have inpurtant job. You all know longshank place name Sand-Point. Me no like. Too big. Soon make ‘ventures come kill Licktoads. That bigbad thing. So Chief make plan: KILL THEM FIRST!!! In the morning, we attack! Kill horse. Kill dog. Kill longshanks. This I decide. Now me say ‘Get Ready!’ Licktoads raid soon.