Gobs! Assemble!
'ey boss! Wrecktwitch is here! What you want, chief?
Hophop and Teeths assembled boss!
AAAAH! gator in 'ere!
Is Teeths! Heeheehee. Teeths Hophop's friend! Eat you if you bad!
Goblins go to make new king
All-new songs of fights, we'll sing
If longshanks show, we bite with teeth
Their guts pies, we'll send to chief!
Kibbles hope aminals don't eat each other, take long time to beat Snouts so he do what Kibbles want, unless find better thing to ride in land of squiggly waters?
I good gob, hophop! real good gob! not tasty neither!
That good. Teeths like longshanks food better than goblin anyway. Specially flappy bird chicken.
Okki like birds too. Mebbe Okki and Teeths be pals and not bite each other?
Maybe, but Teeths no share yums. Not even with Hophop! So careful, careful...share crunchy bird yums with Teeths and he like you forever!
Feeva here. Who have bugs? Mister Stinger say he hungry! Feeva see many lots animals. Some fur things. Some scale things. Lots things with big teeths. Feeva like this. Hee Hee!
Kibbles reaches into his rags and rummages around for a while, before pulling out a couple of half squished insects.
"Kibbles have lots bugs. Bite Kibble and make itch. Stinger can eat bugs"
Chubglub's interest is piqued in the discussion of eating.
"Chubgrubs want bugs and squawk flap-flap bird! We not ever have flap-flap crunchy bird before! We eat for Venkelvore!" Chubgrub ties his Unholy Symbol to his forehead in a jaunty dance that lasts at least a minute. His symbol is the front half of a tin can depicting a leg of ham with a big chomp taken out, affixed to dirty twine and cloth to make it a headband.
"We eat for Venklevore!" he repeats as he spins around in what one may consider a "dance". After the "dance", , his "brother" appears; a cartoonishly-big Goblin-shaped entity wearing the same headgear.
"Farg farg and Fagface here to! What we do now?"
Mikmek wanders over to the group of goblins, Shortleg in tow. "Hi gobbies! Mikmek and buddy here to help!" he smiles, his teeth gleaming in the daylight. The Grippli wanders over towards Hophop and Teeths, attempting to pat the alligator on the head. "Hi gator! No eat Shortleg! Shortleg not food!" The aforementioned giant frog attempts to hide behind his master, despite being several times larger than him.
Feeva happily takes Kibbles' bugs and feeds them to the scorpion hiding under her hat. "Hey Kibbles! Mister Stinger likes you! You an' he be goodgood pals yes? "
Teeths doesn't bite Mikmek, though the alligator's slitted reptile eye follows the grippli's movements with predatory patience.
Hophop is staring at the frog and his frog creature.
Frog for froggy! Heehee! Teeths not eat!
Mikmek grins at Hophop and Teeths. "Mikmek like! Mikmek be friend. Poke guy who make you unhappy with stick! Shortleg not so happy, but Shortleg not trust gobbies because gobbies eat frogs! But you nice gobbies, so Shortleg don't need be scared!" the Grippli states in an excited voice, moving to his companion and giving the huge frog a pat on its slimy head.
Shortleg blinks three times, quickly, and then croaks out loud. "Shortleg says he okay as long as you no eat! Kay?" the Druid translates, looking around at the others curiously, not an ounce of distrust in his gaze.
"I no eat now. Not so hungry. Later I get hungry remind me not eat Shortleg.
Mikmek nods forcefully, twice. "Mikmek remember to remind gobbie not eat Shortleg!"
So, um, you've all been given a charter... I guess... please don't kill me.
*****
Be it so known that the bearer of this charter has been charged by the Swordlords of Restov, acting upon the greater good and authority vested within them by the office of the Regent of the Dragonscale Throne, has granted the right of exploration and travel within the wilderness region known as the Greenbelt. Exploration should be limited to an area no further than thirty-six miles east and west and sixty miles south of Oleg’s Trading Post. The carrier of this charter should also strive against banditry and other unlawful behavior to be encountered. The punishment for unrepentant banditry remains, as always, execution by sword or rope. So witnessed on this 24th day of Calistril, under watchful eye of the Lordship of Restov and authority granted by Lord Noleski Surtova, current Regent of the Dragonscale Throne.
After many days of travel---
Slave! You stop or Chief poke you with sharp stick. Me not like charter. Me make own charter.
You be mighty goblin gang! You go to place called Green-Belt to find lots of things. Some things be to eat, some things be to burn, something be to poke with sharp things. I don't matter you do really. What matter is dat you make Chief Gutwad good proud. So go, gob crew, and... Make King!
Dat better, you keep talk slave.
Anyways, after many days of travel by the hot and dusty trail you come to a what appears to be a peaceful trading post lying at the edge of the Greenbelt. Wooden palisades 20 ft. tall surround the structure, and upon the gate is fixed a large stone knocker. What do you do?
Mikmek gazes upon the huge gate. "Wow!" he exclaims, looking at the knocker that is significantly higher than his reach. "How reach?! he questions his companions, before looking back at Shortleg and clapping his small hands together.
"Mikmek has idea!"
Feeva stares up at the knocker.
"Mikmek! You be froggy. You can maybe jump high. Grab rock thing. Make lots bangbang. Then we hide. Longshanks come. Say 'who is it' open door. Good plan yes?"
Mikmek hops on Shortleg's back, and points at the knocker. "Shortleg! Tongue!" The giant frog blinks, then launches its long tongue at the knocker. It wraps around the stone fixture, pulling it slightly towards the party. "See! Shortleg best buddy! Now, like this, Shortleg!" Mikmek says, gesturing pulling his quarterstaff forward and back. He is met only with a strange croak and another blink, but soon, the Druid's animal companion begins to swing it back and forth, a loud THUD sounding as it hits the gate.
As the knocker bangs against the wood, the gruff voice of a middle aged man sounds from inside the trading post.
”Who’s there?”
Wrecktwitch looks around at his companions, nervously fingering the oversized pistol hanging from his leather armor. longshanks! we poke with stick, yes?, he hisses quietly.
Hophop immediately looks for something to hide behind, Teeths lurking somewhere behind her.
Kibbles looks around at the other goblins when the longshanks voice sounds, the diminuitive goblin swathed in many rags, riding upon a rather mangy, maltreated looking Wolf who has been similarly, though not quite so effectively swathed in dozens of overlapping belts, bits of fur poking out in strange tufts between the many belts.
"Is Kibbles Darkswaddle! Great hero, come to... ummm, come to Make King in Green-Belt, in land of many squiggly waters!" he declares, puffing up his chest importantly as he sits astride Kibbles back. He then looks around at the others again "Other gobs come Make King too."
Okki stood quietly near Kibbles at first. He nervously fingered the hole of one of his shurikens before sucking in a deep breath and calling out.
"Kibbles is right! Many gobs and wolfs and frogs and Okki come to make Goblin King. We hear there is problems here and maybe we can eat your problems to make you not poke gobs when you see us?"
He whispers back to everyone else.
"Pajama Humans made me learn the talk and way to make Longshanks not always stab and poke. Sometimes it works and sometimes not."
"okki you smart. We eat longshanks problems and longshanks like us. Dat's mut...mutua.. mutassu...happy ending for us!"
We not eat longshanks this time?
Hophop's stage whisper is terrible, and her eyes are huge. She seems puzzled, but assumes somebody else knows what's going on.
Mikmek nods, still standing on Shortleg's back. "If you no eat humans, maybe humans be friends. If humans be friends, then maybe help make king? Mikmek just want save swamps. Okay with be friends with humans. No poke with stick," he explains to Hophop, gesturing wildly with his quarterstaff all the while. He doesn't attempt to whisper, his excited voice easily reaching anyone who cares to listen.
Kibbles nods in agreement, still seated astride his mount as Okki makes longshanks talk.
"If stab and poke then Snouts eat them; make belly pie for Chief. Or put chains on, make work. Not work good if make pie too." Kibbles explains to noone in particular, benevolently bestowing his great wisdom and experience of slave taking.
"If they have horse or dog, we stab and eat longshanks and horse and dog, yes? Chubgrubs want flappy squawk bird, too! We hope they have squawk bird!"
me drik too much grob grog. What me bash. me lost chopper got bashe but me get chopper soon take from logshank
Feeva notices the confusion on Chubgrub's face and turns to him.
She then yells to the man behind the gate, trying to sound friendly.
Chubgrub looks to Feeva after her confusing longshanks talk.
He and his "brother" then get excited and dance around a little in place, as they remember something.
The voice comes again.
"Goblins in the Greenbelt? You can't possibly be here to make peace, you wicked creatures! Stay back! This trading post has nothing to offer you; bandits rob us frequently! Take your warband somewhere else!"
so.we help longshanks???
Chopslot looks confused and rhen takes his great club and hits the door
Speaking loudly in goblin while hitting the door
you let us in we helps you ... ai smells horse. you let me in
edit crit
Okki's face twitches in annoyance. A flurry of ninja stars peppers the gate while the gob stamps his feet on the ground.
"Say you give us Gobs just one of your stupid Human quests! We do this quest to prove we not here to eat you. Tell us a place go or a thing to eat for you and we do this! Gobs want to make nice!
Perception roll was a 9
Diplomacy
Farg farg pulls his backpack off and begins searching for a moment before retrieving flint and steel.
how that help. what wrong with longshank what he say is wrong do what he need help wit.
The Chubgrub brothers will begin to try to climb the walls.
k mes keep.bashin dor
As some of you begin to climb and chop and burn and whatever other goblin thing you do the voice calls out in response to Okki.
"Call off your goblin friends and I'll give you a damned quest! Some bandits are coming for their monthly "tax collection" at dawn. Handle them for me and GET AWAY FROM THAT GATE!"
Chopslot looks around what longshank say