Well, I'm just going to sit down here on this rock and rest a spell.
Mortimer sits down inches to the left of the rock, falling prone.
That reminded me of my cotillion.
I wish I would've been there to see that, mi'lady. As it is, I believe I'll be wrenching on one of you. My gravest apologies.
Larry vomits next to Gabby, then apologizes profusely to her for ruining her traveling clothes.
Puny weaklings, it was just a little rough water. I could do that all day.
Brawncho vomits one enormous and disgusting stream of puke that lasts for a good 18 seconds, then wipes his mouth and smiles.
See! That's how you power through. It's just like having a good hangover!
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In Tian, Mortimer, could I have one of your prestidigitations to clean up? I am glad that I packed my armor away before this.
I don my armor and weapons then I cast life-link on all members, minus Doge; Shield Other on Mortimer (+1 deflection bonus to AC and a +1 resistance bonus on saves) and Bless for the party. Shield of Faith on myself.
In Common,
Brawcho-kun, you will take the lead with me, act as my eyes. I have more armor than you. Let them hit me then return the favor with your gift of strength. You are my divine retribution.
Well, Mortimer is going to stay on his comfy spot on the ground for about a minute if nothing jostles him or seems like an immediate threat. Once he gets his head on straight he'll start plotting and planning.
First, casts False Life on himself.
Second, casts Mage Armor on himself from a scroll.
Third, pops one of his Slothy-cams above the tower that is facing the party, looking for guards, patrols, any goblins coming their way, etc.
Again, telling the story so far as if Mortimer had hired a bard to retell it.
Our intrepid heroes, led by the Great Mortimer, slayed many evil goblins intent on destroying SandPoint. One of them escaped to fight another day, but will have to find himself a new animal companion, because the feral, mistreated tiger that the cowardly goblin sicked on our heroes was put down.
Saio has proven to be a valuable member of the team, keeping the hordes at bay with her thick armor and fast reflexes, meanwhile healing those that were careless enough to be hurt.
Brawncho absorbed a lot of arrows and single-handedly wiped out the horde of rats the goblins had been keeping. Larry cried a little that he wasn't able to keep one as his new mount, but Brawncho was far too thorough.
Gabby shot holes in many of the goblins and Larry lit them on fire. Gabby has added about 20 ears to her collection and is smiling even bigger and scarier than normal.
Now we must deal with the monster living in the hole in the ground. It appears to be guarding valuable treasure and while it would be a distraction from their goals, Gabby described the gold alone as rivaling that of a dragon's horde. So the party must push forward and slay the foul beast in the name of justice and wealth.
Level 4 in 850 XP (times 5 players, so actually like 4200)!