Stupid, Stupid Player Characters!

[Kobold Catgirl]

What's the dumbest thing you've ever seen a PC (or NPC) do? Was it because the player was stupid, or were they roleplaying?

Oh, and be honest: Was it you? ;)

[downlobot]

Let's all five of us try to cross what has been clearly described as a rickety-looking rope/plank bridge over a raging sea.

[Timebomb]

We were fighting a white dragon and getting royally beat, so we dove down a crevasse, saw a cave and then took shelter. We ran right into the dragon's lair, with only the one exit now occupied by the dragon.

We made it out but we had to collectively pull out all the stops, and even then half the party went down.

That or when the barbarian made a deal with a devil to regain an arm he lost in combat. And then he proceeded to not follow through on the pact. And then it was a TPK, almost a double TPK (the DM was running two groups in parallel)

Surprisingly the wish we took from Pazuzu didn't completely backfire, just do exactly what we said (which conveniently placed the party + civilians in between a city we wanted to go to and the army who was charging the gates of said city)

[Rynjin]

Start about halfway down the page with "Ghulassen feels a compulsive need to disrespect authority and starts to hack at the snowman and sign with a charging strike."

[Tacticslion]

Dot.

[Pan]

PCs decided to assault a factory with baddies by going in through the roof. Made too much noise and baddies got to set up for them. The PCs managed to climb down a ladder into a bed room. several mooks met them nothing too challenging for the PCs but softened them up.

The real threat was hiding around the closed door they had not opened yet. PCs finally open door and stare into darkness. Magical darkness. The magus was too impatient and decided to "bull rush the darkness". Magus went over the cat walk and into a vat of boiling bleach. He spent the entire fight trying to climb out and nearly lost his life.

[TheNine]

Way back in the day's of living city in a module that it was designed for the pc's to get stranded on an island after being captured by pirates (it was even designed for low level) Our group managed to pick the guards pocket for a key, tried to escape up the boat, fought off some pirates. (here is where the dumb comes in) It was like written in the module i guess that if PC's do try to escape to allow them, but if things get out of hand the captain will uses a scroll of summon monster x (i dont recall the level really.) the Gm made the mistake of summoning a hellhound on the deck... but right along the edge. Our heroic bard, barbarian and ranger bullrushedit off the deck. well the bard and ranger did, the barbarian got eaten of sorts (okay he got knocked really low negs) Bad guys all fled, mod over and undone, got no treasure but didnt care that much really cause well you know. we won.

Another adventure (i think the very next one man Living city loved its ship modules) pirates attacked and a mook low level npc went overboard with the mast and sails in shark infested water. My ranger tied a rope off and dove in for him. Got mauled... badly like a lot, like -9 thank goodness cleric was there waiting with a cure spell when they pulled my dumb elf butt up. Strangely enough 'Stupid heroics 101' is a class i teach on the weekends. *lawls*

[Glutton]

Rynjin wrote:

Start about halfway down the page with "Ghulassen feels a compulsive need to disrespect authority and starts to hack at the snowman and sign with a charging strike."

Is it bad form to point out the ice elementals don't have combat reflexes and would not have got an attack of opportunity on the bard? Unless you ruled they got a surprise round.

[Rynjin]

Glutton wrote:

Rynjin wrote:

Start about halfway down the page with "Ghulassen feels a compulsive need to disrespect authority and starts to hack at the snowman and sign with a charging strike."

Is it bad form to point out the ice elementals don't have combat reflexes and would not have got an attack of opportunity on the bard? Unless you ruled they got a surprise round.

They're "awoken" by the sound of the snowman/Sound Burst trap and move in for the surprise round. I figured it was as good a place for Surprise as any...he certainly wasn't expecting any danger as evidenced by his actions. So they weren't flatfooted, at least by my count.

But I could have run the encounter wrong.

On a side note..anyone find it odd Small Ice Elementals have Power Attack as their one Feat, with only 12 Str?

[Raith Shadar]

Let me see.

1. One player was very bad at playing casters. Cast stoneskin when in melee combat in 1st or 2nd edition. I can't remember. It was the one where casting in melee range opened you up to getting struck without defensive casting. Had his spell disrupted and ended up dead.

2. Same player in a module with an assassin disguised as an ally. When the assassin stabbed one of the other PCs dropping him, this player instead of reacting stood and did nothing exclaiming, "Ned, is that you?" To which Ned responded, "Sure is" while stabbing him. We had a good laugh at that one.

[Domestichauscat]

One time most of the group got thrown in jail by racist humans. I was a half elf though with the feat pass as human. So they think I'm human and so I don't get thrown in jail.

I go in there and try to bribe them out. I then don't get the dm's hint that this was a bad idea. The warden cuffs me and throws me in jail with them. Sucked big time.

[Jacob Saltband]

We're wandering through a wild magic area with a NPC guide, every so often random magic spells with go off around us. GM says 'a pit opens beneath the npc.' As the GM is finishing says this I say 'my character grabs for the npc to haul him to safety.' Since I responded so quickly the GM said that I was able to save the npc.

A few minutes later a pit opens beneath my character. Marching order has player Scott's character closest to my character at the time. As the GM says the pit opens beneath my character I look at Scott and he says 'whut??' And my character falls into the 40' pit.

[Gilarius]

From a long time ago, one of the all time classic 'do not do this, ever' moments was when a party had finally fought their way to the BBEG's tower room (an evil cleric with the Hand of Vecna) and only then decided to have a lengthy discussion about their proposed method of fighting him.

After 30 minutes of real time conversation between the players, in character, including a few shouted arguments and some strong hints from me that they were being scryed upon, they burst into the room only to find that the enemies were not only ready for them, but were countering their every move.

I was kind: they were all beaten unconscious and taken prisoner so the game could continue.

In another game (actually playing Rolemaster), a relatively low-level party found out that they would have to get around a monster called a 'Black Reaver' which is the most dangerous thing in that game system (combine all the advantages of a major devil with those of a golem, plus the hit points to survive planet-busting damage - they are intended to be unstoppable). However, I had also given them a scroll of 'Destroy Black Reaver' earlier in the campaign so they could win against it.

The PCs decided that the scroll was too valuable to use and tried to fight the Black Reaver...after two characters were killed by it in one round they retreated.
Was it time to use the scroll? Nope, still too valuable to 'waste', so they attacked again. This time, the lone survivor used the scroll and then collected his friends' bodies to get them resurrected.

[Shiftybob]

First session of Dragon's Demand.
A player drew his sword on Lady Origena in the middle of the town square because she refused his proposition of marriage.

I just...
I just don't...
How do you even?

[BuzzardB]

Well, I do get ridiculed for this one quite a bit but.

Background: Were on some giant cliche fantasy tree trying to get a magic nut for some reason.

So I am faffing about looking at spells and whatnot while my compatriots are figuring out how to get one of the nuts at the end of the long tree branch.

I miss the part where they tie themselves to a branch in-case they fall.

So the half-ling rogue easily makes his way to the nut on the tree which is a part I heard clearly

easily. makes it. to the nut.

And he tries to cut it, but his mundane weapon will not sever it from the tree, we deduce we need a magic weapon to do so. Hey I have a magic scythe I proclaim and I saunter over there. Someone says "Hey you want a rope?" to which I respond "naw, s'all good". Walk halfway to the nut and told to make a balance check. "Wait what? Is it slippery or something?" and then I am told "Uh yeah, and less than a foot wide, remember?" Okay, well I am a cleric in half-plate...attempting to balance...fail. I slip, okay reflex to grab on, reflex...fail. And I fall to my death. And as I fall all I hear from the rogue is:

Hey you want that rope now?

[Unruly]

I had a player that wandered off on his own, went into a room, saw the tables start moving, and then try to ride one of the tables like a surfboard. He wanted to tame it and make it his mount. I had him attempt a grapple, which succeeded, and then allowed him to use the grapple to climb on top, at which point he had to make a ride check.

He got bucked off of it, and ended up prone, so he decided to crawl underneath of it. His reasoning being that hiding under it would be the safest place for him. Well, the table had a slam attack, and he ended up dying.

He asked for a description of how a granite table was slamming someone that was underneath of it. So I said "It's a magically animated table. Think Beauty and the Beast mixed with The Discovery Channel."

The other players gave him a headstone that read "He'll never forget the table that loved him back."

Of course, that particular player was well known for making absurd, comic relief characters that stuck around for a session or two before dying because he could never make it to games on a regular basis.

[K177Y C47]

Worst moment in a game for me?

We had a Ranger this ranger kid. We were on a boat when the boat gets attacked by octopi. Well, some how, the ranger gets thrown off and gets grappled by one of the octopi. He eventually managed to kill it when a friendly dolphin came up to him.

Well he decides he is going to try and use Animal Empathy on the ALREADY FRIENDLY dolphin. Rolled a nat 20... Well lets just say the Dolphin got VERY FRIENDLY with the poor ranger. The big question though was... why didn't he use Animal Empathy on the octopus.

The other big fail was a buddy of mine that fell out of a 2nd story window... as level 10 ninja... with rope. He was NOT having a good day.

[Black Powder Chocobo]

First session of a new campaign, and the party is attacked by, and defeats, a number of goblins. They keep one alive to interrogate, and is often with goblins, they have little useful information. So the party ties him up and leaves him.

Well the dwarf druid, hating goblins and all, decides that's too lenient a sentence and has his AC snake move up and strangle the goblin while the party is busy exploring other rooms.

The party finishes their delve and the rogue wants to try to interrogate the goblin one last time. Moving up, he sees the goblin laying motionless, so the rogue kicks him. I announce that the body feels stiff and cold. The rogue doesn't check for a pulse or anything; thinking that the goblin must be chilled and/or being hard to interrogate, he drags the goblin body by the legs out of the dungeon and outside, placing tying him to a tree near the campfire. The player specifically mentioned that the goblin was extremely close to the fire, thinking the warmth would wake him up, or the burning pain would.

I announced that by the morning, the party is awoken by the smell of foul, cooked meat as the goblin was now half smoked. The rogue felt terrible for "killing" the captive.

My chest hurt trying not to bust out laughing (which failed when he tied the goblin up outside).

[Jaelithe]

Watched a player who asked to portray a paladin, in the first five minutes of session one, walk into a generic town's general store, get into a minor dispute with the proprietor ...

... draw his sword and kill the guy. No, I'm not kidding.

[Mythic Evil Lincoln]

Glutton wrote:

Rynjin wrote:

Start about halfway down the page with "Ghulassen feels a compulsive need to disrespect authority and starts to hack at the snowman and sign with a charging strike."

Is it bad form to point out the ice elementals don't have combat reflexes and would not have got an attack of opportunity on the bard? Unless you ruled they got a surprise round.

Stock Answer: "It was an advanced ___________ ."

[phatbac]

In a 2nd Ed AD&D game, We had a player scouting as the ranger. he had drank a potion of invisibility. He saw an ambush and spent 20 minutes trying to decide whether or not he should attack the ambush from invisible or try to signal (while invisible) the party and not break his invisibility. He couldn't understand why he couldn't do either without breaking invisibility. after that 20 minutes the party just walked into the ambush of 14 spiders the size of German Shepherds, while he watched from invisible.

Later in the same game session, we captured 3 bandits on the road (and he was CG and would lose his class in this edition if he turned from good) and had to be talked out of cutting the throats of the bound and gagged men.

[Dosgamer]

Way back in the day I was running B1 In Search of the Unknown and the party of PCs encountered the room with all of the pools of various and sundry liquids in it. The PCs investigated each and every one by sticking something in them. The last one they investigated was filled with a "green, slick viscous liquid." The PC even mentioned to the others "nah, it can't be green slime." He had to chop his hand off and apply a torch to the stump or suffer an agonizing death.

Many years later a different group of PCs had heard rumors of an enormous red dragon attacking travelers along the road they were on. Duly warned, they witnessed said dragon flying overhead some days later. The dragon spotted them and they knew it. What to do? Quickly taking stock of their situation, they spied a cave opening on the north side that the dragon could not enter. On the south side of the road was a forest. Most of the group ditched their horses in the forest and ran across the road to take shelter in the cave. Two remained behind "in the safety of the forest" and promptly got roasted alive by the dragon's breath as it flew overhead.

Players, whatcha gonna do?

[Kolokotroni]

So there is a player in my group who has a habit of getting his characters killed. Mostly its because he likes flashy (his words) rogue-like characters that are very mobile, and not very combat effective. The end result is he almost always goes first (improved initiative is almost always his first feat) and gets into the thick of battle before anyone else can.

On one particularly notable occasion he was playing a swordsage from the book of nine swords. The primary 'tank' in the group was my paladin, the secondary melee fighter was a cleric and I believe there was also an archer fighter in the group, the party was I believe was 8 characters. The character in question was combat cabable but not overly durable. He was however with the help of certain maneuvers extraodinarily mobile. This was a 10th level gestalt game, and was fairly high powered.

We are inside a government building (2nd floor) when there was a commotion outside. A large hydra (12 heads i think) was tearing up the town square. (later we found out a recurring villain had summoned it). Knowledge checks and various other means identified this as an extremely dangerous enemy, and the dm emphasized this pretty clearly. A quick in character and out of character exchange translated into everyone taking a round to buff since the creature was a good distance away. Everyone but two characters did this. One was my paladin, who saw people dieing and would not waste time even if it meant greater risk to him.

The other was the sword sage. When he moved to leave, everyone warned him against going too soon, but he said 'dont worry I have a plan'. With his impressive stealth and pseudo magical abilities most thought he was going to try to get into position without engaging. However he felt much like my paladin did, and so, he essentially rushed into battle. Normally this isnt that big an issue, since with my paladin near by he often attracts most of hte attention and can heal/protect the plucky sword sage.

But we were on the second floor of a building with more then 60 feet of courtyard between us and the monster. My paladin wore full plate armor. The sword sage did a manuever that teleported him right next to the hydra and then did something that apparently caused it to provoke attacks of opportunity from the guards it was eating. That was his plan. It took my paladin 4 rounds to get there. Once the guards were dead (in one round) all the heads of the hydra focused on the lone sword sage. He didnt make it to the fourth round. The other characters attacked from the windows, and my paladin actually critted on his opening smiting attack which killed the thing on the fourth round, but allas the sword sage was dead before my pally could get there. He essentially faced alone a creature the dm had intedned to take on an 8 person party, for 3 rounds.

[DrDeth]

Back in pre-OD&D, my first dungeon, there was a Gong. Sign said "Ring gong for Demon". Almost everyone did. Once.

[Jaelithe]

DrDeth wrote:

Back in pre-OD&D, my first dungeon, there was a Gong. Sign said "Ring gong for Demon". Almost everyone did. Once.

Someone had read The Magician's Nephew once too often.

[Miranda Silva]

downlobot wrote:

Let's all five of us try to cross what has been clearly described as a rickety-looking rope/plank bridge over a raging sea.

"I know we just fell into the raging sea below and had to climb our way back up, but let all cross this bridge second time..."

[Scrogz]

All human group.... that is important in a second.

We are on a boat sailing from one place to another. We are sailing through a narrow straights and we see a large fire on one cliff. Turns out this is light for the crew operating the catapults.

The catapult starts lobbing stones at us. We quickly put out all the lanterns and lights to disapear in the darkness and are scrambling around in the dark trying to manuver the boat to not get hit by the catapult stones.

We are cursing up a storm, falling all over the place in the complete darkness. All human party remember....

The VERY chaotic cleric just yells out "screw this" and casts.....

Daylight

Here after to be known a "The target becon".

[Lamontius]

I went down the well

[Tin Foil Yamakah]

I drew from the deck

[Scott Williams 16]

Pan wrote:

PCs decided to assault a factory with baddies by going in through the roof. Made too much noise and baddies got to set up for them. The PCs managed to climb down a ladder into a bed room. several mooks met them nothing too challenging for the PCs but softened them up.

The real threat was hiding around the closed door they had not opened yet. PCs finally open door and stare into darkness. Magical darkness. The magus was too impatient and decided to "bull rush the darkness". Magus went over the cat walk and into a vat of boiling bleach. He spent the entire fight trying to climb out and nearly lost his life.

I know and like that one!

Evil GM Grin

[Kimera757]

In a 2e campaign years ago, a paladin wearing holy plate armor and covered in holy symbols fell.

The DM gave him a choice. Become an equal-level fighter, or an anti-paladin. He chose the latter. That was a lot of damage per round, and taking off plate armor takes a long time. He didn't make it.

[Eric the Wicked DM]

So we're playing RotRL back when it first came out. The PC's are planning the assault of Fort Rannick.

Well, the PCs are deciding how to assault the fortress and decide to raise the water level magically to fill the courtyard with water. They then decided to summon sharks in the courtyard. The water serves to impede the movement of the brutish ogres who are holding the fortress.

What they did not count on were the Lamia. Not only the one written into the fortress but, in the prior module, Xanesha had done her damage and (as written) fled - or as my PCs like to say "Paizo Off" because, of course, every villain should stupidly fight to the death every time.

The two Lamia wreak havoc on the party though, they manage to survive with the aid of the controlled dead some of the Grauls who Mammy had raised but the party wizard usurped control of.

I had a moment when they were discussing this plan where I paused and thought, "Maybe I should nip this." But they were so excited so I just let it play out and tried to enforce the rules as best I could.

Stupid PCs... good times.

[PsychoticWarrior]

In a Shadowrun game a friend was running at a convention I was a witness (I was just killing time until my next Con event) to the following;

Phys Adept PC "I call the troll Street Samurai on his phone"

Troll: "Hello?"

PA "Don't leave I'm coming right now to pick you up!"

Troll (who just got finished leveling a bar over a $5 tip, he was the classic 'Big Dumb Guy') "No, I'd better leave right now. Cops r' comin'"

PA "Don't! I'll get there in a few minutes! Just sit tight!!"

This goes back and forth a few minutes - long enough that the GM hands the PA player a note saying he has arrived at the former bar and sees the Troll talking on his phone in the middle of wreckage.

PA (to Troll) "Good I'm glad you're still here! Lets get going!"

Troll (without a moments hesitation) "Quiet! Can't you see I'm talking to you on the phone?!?"

Still makes me grin to this day.

[Set]

Against the Giants / Hill Giant Steading.

Most of the stock characters had a couple of doses of dust of disappearance, so they went invisible and unintentionally split up (since none of us could see each other). The cleric and magic-user were two who did not and stayed together. In some sort of comedy of errors, the cleric and magic-user arrived in the dining hall just as the invisible rogue, ranger and fighter were setting up to backstab the dozen or so giants in the feasthall (along with their chief).

The doors open, the magic-user says, 'Oh wow.' and casts confusion, which, per the rules, affects the lower HD PCs in the room first, and not the giants, and the PCs immediately start attacking each other, etc. while the giants enjoy some free rounds of attacks on them.

After several rounds of this, the rogue finally gets the glorious roll of 'attack caster and his party' on the confusion check, since he's itching to murder the magic-user for hitting him with confusion. The same round he charges, the cleric puts up a blade barrier to stop the giants closing in on his position, and the rogue has *exactly* enough movement to make it into the blade barrier, but is still 10 ft. from the magic-user and gets no attack. Next round, he rolls, 'wander away' on the confusion chart and turns around to walk away (but then takes another round worth of blade barrier damage and dies).

By this point, the fighter and ranger have been murdered by the dozen giants, while bumbling around and getting only a round worth of attacks between them (thanks to the confusion). The magic-user is down, having taken too many giant-thrown boulders to the face, and the only one left standing is the cleric, who Word of Recall's out (taking the unconscious magic-user with him).

Pretty much the second encounter, after a sleeping guard in the front room, and we have a TPK in module 1 of what was to be an epic run through G1, G2, G3, D1, D2 and Q1.

[Orthos]

Guilty.

[Deadkitten]

DM: "Ok, so who wants first watch?"

Paladin: "I Will!"

DM: "Alright, couple hours pass with nothing in particular happening, however roll perception."

Paladin: "OK"

DM: "What did you get?"

Paladin: "1"

Other players: "DON'T YOU HAVE RANKS IN PERCEPTION!!!!?"

Paladin: Just looks at the rest of the party and goes "Nope."

Lest just say that the party bard BARELY survived the coup-de'-grace from the Pale Stranger that had walked right into the party.

[Lazurin Arborlon]

Was DMing a game where I clearly described that the party was waist deep in swampy water with an oil sheen upon its surface....as they creep closer to the abandoned mine the alchemist makes a check to recognize a smell similar to petroleum. Not a minute later the party is beset by Orcs and the Sorcerer does what you ask? Casts fireball.....

[Magda Luckbender]

Playing for keeps: Party killed by coup de grace while sleeping. They had every warning.

[Dieben]

I misread my faction mission. I critically fumbled in that I thought that my mission was to rob the venture captain for a locket he had. Turns out that the person with the locket had been the guy introduced to us by the VC.

This is why my first character in PFS has five months of latrine duty written on one of his chronicles.

[SterlingEdge]

We send the kinder rogue ahead to scout the cavern, he climbs up and into the cavern, he then yells back down to us "Hey guys, there is a big white dragon sleeping up here!" Ice cracks and coins jumble. "No wait, there are two of them sleeping up here!" Two white dragons awaken to see the kinder peeping over the ledge.

[ebon_fyre]

Level 3 Swashbuckler decided to pull a George-of-the-Jungle and swing across a 300-ft chasm by cutting the rope bridge. He had ranks in tumble, and thought he could negate 424 ft of falling damage when he hit the rock wall on the other side.

1 hour later (and a short lesson on physics--specifically acceleration and velocity--and geometry), the player finally conceded the character was dead.

[Tacticslion]

Some just off the top of my head from GMing:

1)

A new player doesn't value NPC life, or his character's own:

A new player, joined our group in the middle of a long session*. I explain that for the most part we handle things realistically - the other players agreed that they'll accept him easily to make things easier on the newbie, but don't expect the NPCs (the characters I play) to be so easily persuaded. I also explain that, as we're in the middle of a scene, with some very specific details worked out in advance, his character will have to wait for a few minutes - just long enough for two others to receive a scroll, be informed that he is to go with them (a part of the story I'd just created whole-cloth to allow him to join), and then they'll all be up and playing together.

I explain that, if creatures that I play talk to him, he needs to use his diplomacy skill (we explain how) or charisma to succeed. He understands, even giving a few examples.

We help him roll up an elven cleric (bow user, focusing on diplomacy and tumble) and I introduce him to two of the other PCs. They would normally be suspicious, but hand-waive it, and he's accepted into the group. Having just explained, five minutes before, that his character is probably going to wait outside while I deal with the two PCs that are about to enter the meeting (and he should talk to the other players who's characters aren't there to figure out what is going on), I note that the two PCs, as previously agreed, are allowed in to the very private meeting with the paranoid elves, but his character is not; instead the guards politely ask him to have a seat, enjoy some refreshments, and he may see the holy high priest (of his deity) as soon as these two are done.

He nods, verbally agrees, and then says, "I do a backflip out of the range of his weapons." When I ask for him to clarify, he asks if they're armed. I affirm that they are and explain that they're not threatening him, just offering him a seat and noting that he is able to help himself with some refreshments, if desired. He says, "Okay, cool, so they're not threatening me?" I explain that they're not, and in fact, like him. So he says, "Well, in that case, I do a backflip out of the range of their weapons." I find this odd, but allow it, bearing in mind that he's got a huge penalty for his moderately heavy armor. He natural 20s it, which is enough, and he does a nifty backflip away from the guards.

I start to explain that one of the guards says, "Wow! That looked really aweso-"
"I fire my bow at him!" he interrupts.
"You... what?" I ask. He affirms that he is, in fact, attacking them. The other players stare at him, dumbfounded. He rolls his dice (without asking for my approval) and... rolls a natural 20. Then confirms. Then rolls maximum damage. The guard dies instantly. He has two attacks in a round, so he rolls again, and harms the other guard, but doesn't kill him. The other players are asking me to retcon this, while trying to talk him down - in game and out - and he asks if they're attacking back. I say that they aren't, but that they're calling for help and asking why you'd do that, and calling for a healer, and he says, "Good! I attack the other one!" then rolls his attack, hits, and kills the other guard. The PCs are, by this point, freaking out, unsure whether to stabilize the guards (it would have done no good, they were dead) or not touch them to attempt to avoid any appearance of culpability - or to attack and subdue a priest of the guards' own religion. All of this was an absolute terror to RP-focused PCs, and and I'm exceedingly confused about why this just happened - too shocked to have faked the guards' hp, or just stopped the whole thing.

When asked for clarity, he explained that he flipped out and killed them - "like a ninja", he noted - because they were preventing him from going into the meeting. Now that they're dead, he can enter the meeting. When I explain that's not how that works (and note that four other guards and two priests arrive to figure out what's going on), he says, "Awesome!" and attacks them. The other two PCs (a wizard and a rogue) practically have their characters weeping on the steps leading up to the meeting room from whence the guards and priests came, cradling the dead guards, claiming that they had nothing to do with it and it was "all him!" It takes no convincing, as he's currently attacking the guards. The PCs manage to help the temple guards take him down (alive, for some reason) and they demand that he go with them as "their penance". They receive the Macguffin, and he's left tied up and unable to do anything. He tries to make nice with the PCs whose players aren't having it, and he genuinely seems like he doesn't understand what he did wrong. He also slips free of his bonds, murders a few other random NPCs (including a farmer and a healer offering him aid for his injuries), runs from the other PCs and silently stalks them to "help". After he shows up while they're talking to some elven druids, he - you guessed it - attacks them. This time, they've got substantially better defenses and powers, and absolutely destroy his character, regardless of his seemingly pertenaturally good dice rolls (using my dice, by the way). After this, he leaves confused, and unsure of how he died.

They later reincarnate him into the body of a kobold that the party uses to find traps. When they later go up against a powerful, deadly, murderous sentient tree, and, for one of the few times all the current players in this party (there were several) were together, and the guy comes back, I explain the situation, they hand his character some masterwork weaponry, and buff him up with all the rest of the PCs - figuring his murder-skills will come in handy - and he... commits suicide. Not by doing anything heroic, he just outright murders himself by Coup De Grace. He explains that he hates this new body and simply can't ever play a creature like that, even temporarily.

I accept this, grant him temporary control over a GMPC (an NPC Janni the PCs had explicitly gained control over, but freed and recruited to their party for some reason I never figured out) explaining that as soon as the battle is over we can create a new one for him, and I quickly show him his options (the other players decided to refrain from acting to allow the new guy to play), and I then ask what he wants to do. He declares he commits suicide - he doesn't like this character either. I stare dumbfounded. Two of the players, without talking, stand and actually take him by the arms and walk him out of the cafe where we were playing while I try to process what just happened. The two players return - the other guy does not. The entire group unanimously and without talking about it before hand (almost in unison) declares that neither the janni nor the kobold commit suicide. Instead, they explain, the party murders the kobold and then use its body as a sacrifice to peacefully negotiate with the evil tree... bear in mind, this is after they know that said tree, if it consumes a body, prevents any sort of raising from ever happening again (technically, I suppose, there was a 50% chance of success... if you successfully destroy the tree and successfully remove the curse first). This outright baffles me - especially since several players of otherwise very kind, generous, and good PCs were all over this.

They proceeded to role ludicrously well on their social checks, and they gained an evil sentient extraplanar tree as an ally while curbing its excesses and channeling its hunger toward their other enemies (more evil folk).

* We had irregular playing times. It's a bit complicated to explain, but the short version is that we had about seven to nine different people playing at different times over the course of six or so hours. It was all highly organized, though, so it ran smoothly.

2)

I really don't get it - this was a shining example of chaotic stupid instead of lawful good:

Same campaign: there was a guy who was a dwarf, different player, mostly a different party (as previously semi-explained above, there were sort of two different "sets" of PCs that only partially overlapped). The PCs had learned of a break-in in a local vault. The dwarf decided that this was because something valuable was down there. When they explored the lower regions and vaults to keep them safe, I noted they ran into dead ends. When he asked for clarification, I explained that there were several locked vaults, none of which (except the one that was looted) had signs of breaking and entering - they were all ignored. He immediately declared that the "bad guys" had broken into the wrong vault. The cleric of Moradin then got the other PCs to help him break into the "right" one (the most heavily warded of the five vaults) to get the MacGuffin (which wasn't actually there). As a slightly bemused GM, I allowed them to attempt this, dispelling some traps, and then using actual engineering to break the door down. It opened and I explained they found a few pieces of magical treasure, and lots and lots of money, but no MacGuffin, but that the very loud alarm spell was going off like crazy. The other PCs decide to own up to their mistake (having believed that a divination had informed the dwarf - it hadn't) while the lawful good cleric of Moradin decides that the best idea is to "run for it". He does alone, against the recommendation of the other PCs. He actually escapes the building (a temple of Waukeen), but is quickly caught and surrounded by a dozen guards. I note, out of character, that as the lawful authority, he would likely listen to them, and then explain they request that he stand down for questioning. He casts some buff spells instead. Hoping not to kill him, I note that the guard captain attempts to talk him down - they plan on arresting him, but if, via magical divination, they can see his intent is pure, they'll let him go. The PC begins to loudly and repeatedly insult the guard captain to his face, calling him a coward, hiding behind all the other guards, and demanding a "fair fight". The guard captain blinks a few moments, asks if the dwarf is really sure, and, when the PC confirms, shrugs and agrees, explaining that he was a champion boxer and wrestler in his youth (me explaining that he has the feats to prove it - which he did). The captain takes off his armor, weapons, and drops his shield, and asks the dwarf do the same, but asks, one last time, if he's sure he'd rather fight than come peacefully. The PC insults his honor some more. The captain shrugs, tells his men to lower their weapons if the dwarf strips and prepares to step into the ring of men with loaded crossbows. The dwarf strips to fight the captain, ("to the death", the PC adds) and the captain calmly orders his men to fire, but not to kill. Twelve bolts in one round later, the dwarf is down.

The same guy later had his old divination-focused Red Wizard attempt to take on an entire druid circle (who were preventing him from entering some ruins because "all arcanists who enter go irrevocably insane and kill themselves and their friends), and even later attempted to use his shapeshifting druid to out-maneuver some extraplanar drow mages/police force (while attempting to raid some other drow corpses they'd dragged into this extraplanar locale)... each time when it was supposed to be a clearly-peaceful resolution with a very clearly much greater power and superior numbers. Each. Time.

3) A group of normally very rational PCs from that same campaign came across an ancient machine that was clearly badly damage. They were facing a foe that only appeared at certain lunar cycles, one of which was happening tomorrow (they'd arrived a day earlier than I planned through careful and clever play and deduction). As they learned about it, I explained that it was a Moon Gate - at certain times and phases, it would open to specific locales. It could be opened otherwise, but because it was so damaged, it only functioned properly with the lunar cycle. They questioned me on what it would do otherwise, and I explained that it would more or less open somewhere random that there was another similar device, but that since this device was damaged it was unlikely they'd be easily able to return; I explained slightly out of character* that it was incredibly dangerous, and would generate random encounters, many of which would be with creatures with CRs so high above them that they'd be killed instantly. So, of course, yelling "ROAD-trip!" three of them immediately fire it up... just to drop themselves onto the eleven-headed pyrohydra magically bound to destroy any intruders... and they activated it again only to end up in the place where there was the elemental army... and then they activated it again to show up somewhere in hell... and then somewhere underwater... and then, finally (randomly) back to the place they started. Three of the seven present had died in the course of these few minutes. They universally declared that the trip was "awesome" and "totally worth it" as they made a half-day journey back to find some druids who could reincarnate the dead folk, and then the half-day journey back to actually watch the thing and use it to take the fight to their enemy...

* One of the characters, by this point, had a semi-constant augury/divination-like effect going, and was very wise, so they got hints like this.

[Umbriere Moonwhisper]

my buddy Andy, in a Savage Worlds Fallout Campaign. does stupid stuff every saturday. the only reasons he survives, are because he is a wild card and i keep saving him.

my character is, the party doctor, i typically weigh things triage style, with limited knowledge of the subject, if a guy is down, and hasn't been doing very effectively, i will bring him up, after the combat

but if somebody needs saving, i will generally do some emergency rescue on the more cautious and prepared members.

but my revivals are an out of combat thing, and i prefer to roll healing checks instead of using stim packs because a doctor's bag is like a spell component pouch, if you pay every so many adventures to refill it, it's is assumed you have all the stuff to treat people with, plus, it provides +1 to medical checks, which is a huge bonus in SW.

in combat, when healing is either not needed, or highly impractical, i tend to shoot my foes down with whatever firearm i can pick up. typically my semi automatic shotgun, my plasma pistol, or my plasma rifle. the rifle especially, because it has the highest Armor Piercing Range. a boon needed to take down foes in power armor

2d10+4 AP3 isn't bad

but i wish it was 3d6+4 AP 3. half a point below on average, but D6's roll much more smoothly, plus, D6s are easier to get. but then, i have lots of weaponry, including 2 energy weapons.

oh wait, everybody has MKII power Armor, lotsa energy weapons, a D10 or better vigor, a pip boy, and whatever they can pick up. but because of the toughness of power armor and the fact everybody we face has it, we need all the armor penetration we can get

details aside, let me tell you about Andy's Samurai Time Traveler Taro Hanzo, the Developmentally Delayed Barbarian whom charges everything headlong and only survives because he is a wild card with power armor and extremely good luck

we were flying out Vitol (think X-Jet thing) to stop these insectile humanoids called Cassidors, which were one step below a deathclaw in physical strength, but could fly and had a special poison on their stingers

we try to eliminate their queen from the sky, Dale's prospector, Devlin Savage was firing the one plasma gatling we had, doing most of the wounding, and i stagger the thing with a Shotgun. the Ghoul Pistolero, Dean, the American Sniper from WWII Buck White, and his German Rival whose name kept changing nonstop. whom i will refer to as Jaegermeister for now for simplicity were the crew.

i Doctor Ivan Redwood, stunned it with a lucky crit from a Shotgun after i play an action card to make it waste a turn gloating

Taro, the Samurai Barbarian Bravo, ties himself to the Vitol and leaps for the kaiju sized cassador queen and hits it after i staggered it, turning the stagger to a wound. Devlin had already inflicted 2 wounds upon it before hand and had been making it waste bennies left and right.

the foolish warrior, tangled to the bug, fights it in melee whiled tangled, with a super sledge because he doesn't want to stain his katana with bug blood, despite his katana being both, a superior weapon due to edge investment, and him using it before he got his super sledge. he can't even wound the thing, but tying it up made it easier to hit

we have to cut the rope to save the flying military class transport vessel from being dragged down.

he survives because he has power armor and the DM ends up rolling poorly. i end up treating and nursing him

2-3 weeks later

we get sent to capture some new texas republic escapees whom survived being defeated on the raid, we intended to detain them and their general for escaping. we have a captured truck, and being fallout inspired, vehicles, and structures, tend to explode very easily

he wants to drive the truck, and he strongarms the players into letting him drive through sheer force, racist jokes about 'Asians' being lousy drivers are exchanged with no harmful intent in a rented private gaming room with the door shut

we see the escaped soldier's vehicles parked at a church with lotsa generators and a bunch of motor cycles

What stupid idea comes to the Samurai's mind? kill the enemy soldiers kamikaze style by crashing the captured truck, into the parked trucks, which he should know, if he played fallout, creates a massive explosion, most of the group bails out, majority of enemy soldiers die, i save him while the group pursues the general, both due to my duty as a doctor, and because, if he ends up dead, his recently married NPC wife would be angered that he didn't return alive.

i save the samurai, German guy's character retired the session before and he brought in a character that was a traitor from new Texas, a Guy named "Shotgun Bob" "Sanders" with delusions of being "a Colonel". guess what Sanders favorite weapon to play with is? no, it's not his Sawnoff double barreled shotguns he dual wields. it's his freaking rocket launcher. he may as well be "Demolition Dave". he blows up the collapsed warehouse not too far away where the lone general was fleeing on foot with a stealth boy, blowing up, 4 more motorcycles, 3 more generators, destroying valuable documents that could have been an asset, and knocking out 3 of the 4 allies in pursuit, well, general dies, but now, i have to deal up the party. we stopped the people whom escaped the evasion, but we failed the optional bonus objective of recovering the plans

Because Andrew and Matthew, are so reckless, they are like Aaron, but Aaron does similar stuff, luckily Aaron was absent

a week later, Matthew draws attention to the group fleeing with colonel Augustus autumn by setting off a bright bang telling them "we are right here." because he wanted a nightkin stealth boy

in fact, the DM had to fiat things and have Augustus, the NPC we were saving, tell us, the Nightkin would stop, if a Certain Samurai defeated their leader in honorable single combat

the arrangements are made

a reckless fight between Taro and the super mutant Shogun, whom i will call Nakadashi for simplicity, even if the word is a hentai term in Japanese, with no intention of using the term's actual meaning. Taro lands his first strike with the first strike edge, Shogun Nakadashi looks like he would take 7 wounds, but rolls a high enough vigor to shake off 4 of those 7. leaving him with 3 wounds. Nakadashi and Taro, exchange grazes and staggers, until both had one wound left before incapacitation, 5 minutes before the session ended and both were out of bennies, they have one last Iaido duel, were Taro Crits Shogun Nakadashi for 5 wounds and incapacitates him. by DM fiat, the shogun survives to be his mentor, but remembers the honorable defeat by the weaker samurai whom had gotten lucky.

2 weeks later

we infiltrate New Texas republic to destroy their Vehicles and recover their plans, i recovered the plans, but was a little reckless as a distraction, counting on the fact i both had, a surge of good luck, and a lot of bennies to spare. Taro tries to play demolition dave by stealing a tank and crashing it into the vehicle warehouse we were sent to destroy

lots of vehicles go boom Taro survives due to luck. enemy chases us with Fat Men (mini nukes), Miniguns (not that small really), Gatling Guns, and Rocket launchers, we lose them in the sewer after a long chase, and i catch up, revive/heal everyone and we rest a bit, we come out of the city and get sent to help tell other cities to stay neutral in the war.

guy in a bar starts a fight with Taro, he chooses not to wear his power armor and fight with an axe, which while definitely stealthy, made him extremely vulnerable, and left him feeling lots of wounds, i played an adventure card to save him by making the pissed ranger kill another ranger by accident

Taro wins again, by sheer luck, adventure cards played by other players, and the fact he was fighting an extra

Taro gets into all sorts of trouble, and requires a lot of bailing out. what a silly and idiotic samurai he is. he does all sorts of reckless stuff, him Matthew, and Aaron. but when i do reckless things, i tend to make sure it is at least a lucky session and that i have lotsa bennies to spend.

Neither Matthew, Andy nor Aaron seem to have a sense of self preservation with any character they play.

[Shadowlord]

The party was mid-thieve's den in a game I was DMing. I set up a trap that dropped anyone who steps on it through the floor into a shoot that deposits them into a net. The net was weighted to slowly lower the person into a prison cell. One of my players walked into this trap and down the shoot he went. Another member of the party was playing that character's brother, so naturally, he shouted "brother!" and dove into the floor trap after him... Well, the shoot was about 30 feet long at an angle. Where the shoot ended in the ceiling of the prison cell to the floor was another 20 feet or so. The net was a pretty crucial bit of DM mercy. Unfortunately the net had already gone to the floor with the first guy. So the second guy dove about 50 feet straight into a stone floor and received a broken arm for his troubles.

I have some other good ones, I'll post again later.

[AlmightyTurnip]

We had two rangers in the party, mine and another player's. I built mine to be sneaky and had around a 14 point bonus to stealth checks; he built his as a fighter and had a massive penalty to stealth checks.
Any time I tried to sneak up on people, he would do the same. I would make my stealth check, but as he had penalties and therefore didn't, we were both always spotted. We were spotted because he said every time that he was following my character, pretty much right next to him. This was after numerous attempts to let him know that this was a bad idea. This happened almost every week until the player left the game. Nobody misses his character.

[Fizzygoo]

Causing a TPK:

I'm playing in a long running campaign set in the Forgotten Realm's Great Dale with the evil terrible nasty Rotting Man taking over the northern forest while our characters are from the biggest settlement in the center of the Great Dale (population less than 2000). From 1st level on our characters are dealing with the Rotting Man's minions. Divinations are telling us the Great Dale is going to be lost. We're loading up our character's families and escorting them to the border of Rashemen so they'll be safe and returning to our home town while visiting hamlets and villages along the way, warning them of the danger.

My character, LN samurai class, becomes default leader. And by 4th or 5th level my character was focused on organizing and protecting the humans of the Great Dale. But at every turn we're loosing ground. An evil Durthan witch has taken control of one village for her own ends. An evil druid lieutenant of the Rotting Man and his Night Hag companion makes every victory bitter sweet (and even kills our druid PC with Finger of Death. Twice.). We learn of ancient ruins that hold magic that will help us only to release demons from their depths. The king of the city on the edge of the Great Dale in the west won't open his gates to fleeing citizens and barely grants us audience which ends with my character threatening to lead an army of giants to take the city for my own if the king doesn't open the gates by the time I return. The goddess of bad luck's avatar visits our home town and turns it into her own cult through fear-of-more-bad-luck. The elves of the southern forest liked us, but wouldn't send any aid to the human villages.

All on top of our PC wizard being an "outsider," a Mulhurondi, with an artifact called the Orb of Chaos which he invokes when ever we get in over our head (which is often). It quickly becomes clear the Orb is a deus ex machina that, in addition to arbitrarily saving the party's skin time after time, also polymorphs the saved PCs to...well...anything (added wings, human to gnome, spots) and sometimes it's permanent, sometimes it's not. But luckily (and keeping with the theme), my lawful character never succumbs to the polymorph (due in part to good Fort save).

So both I as a player and my character were starting to feel a little ineffectual by 12th level or so (over 4 years of real-time).

Well, a cult of Tiamat, largely just an evil adventuring party of NPCs, has started to move into the Great Dale and we're having a hard time discerning if they're for or against the Rotting Man. We're making our way north into the Rotting Man's territory because a child from our home town had gone missing and we learned she had be taken north. We spot the girl while flying, descend, only to find she's an illusion and we end up fighting "the green-masked man" and his minions and who we haven't been able to figure out who he's working for...save that he's not on our side. He ends up fleeing and we give chase when we run into this Tiamat-loving group of dragon sycophants. Their leader approaches us and begins talking about joining forces, how they have an ancient green dragon on their side who wants the Rotting Man out of "her forest" and they'll help us if we just help out the green dragon with a few things.

My character looses it, just succumbs to the despair of evil all around him and never causing any change for the good. Not that he was good-aligned...just that all that he loved was being broken apart. He sent his wife and two new-born twins to live with his in-laws in Rashemen. His "king" turned a blind-eye to the people. The people, his people, were being manipulated by outside forces or, worse, beset by demons he himself had a hand in releasing.

So my character tells the Tiamat-cult leader to go f&#$ himself, in so many words, with a hefty set of threats leveled against him and his kind to get out of the Dale.

The Tiamat-cult leader is quite surprised, as are the rest of the PCs (and the players), and lets us know next time we meet it won't be good for us and blah blah blah. My character walks away letting the cult leader ramble on and the rest of the party follows.

No one was expecting this reaction from me or my character, especially the DM who obviously had an adventure/encounter planned.

So, now not having the Tiamat cult as allies, that night at camp, our party is ambushed by the "the green-masked man" and more, many more, of his minions. We're captured, the whole party dominated, and we're sent to kill the green dragon's brother anyway...but we all die in trying.

But the Orb of Chaos "saved" us, by transporting us to Tir na nOg where we recuperate and find our way back to the Great Dale.

tl;dr: I did the opposite, but essentially the same thing and equally annoying to the GM, of "shooting the BBEG in the face during the monologue" and got my party killed.

[Orthos]

ebon_fyre wrote:

Level 3 Swashbuckler decided to pull a George-of-the-Jungle and swing across a 300-ft chasm by cutting the rope bridge. He had ranks in tumble, and thought he could negate 424 ft of falling damage when he hit the rock wall on the other side.

1 hour later (and a short lesson on physics--specifically acceleration and velocity--and geometry), the player finally conceded the character was dead.

GEROOOOONIIIMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHCRAA--*SPLAT*

This event was from the second or third session of my very first D&D game ever.

(Note: This was not my character. I was playing the Hexblade who got the rope across the chasm in the first place. He and Ebon's Ranger made their way across and the Swash was supposed to bring up the rear.)

[Gluttony]

Player of a witch sent their familiar ahead to scout. When the familiar didn't come back they went forwards themselves to look for it, and found the poor kitty bleeding and strung up in a dark area of the dungeon, with twisty passages and lots of obvious hiding spots all around.

The unarmed, unarmored witch got the highest initiative and immediately charged forwards to save her cat. She took readied attacks from both of the oni that were waiting to ambush her, which was basically what everyone had expected was going to happen, since the whole situation was a very obvious trap.

A moment later, the oni's turn on the initiative count arrived, and the two of them full-attacked the witch to death before the other PC's could so much as raise a finger to interfere.

[Tacticslion]

1)

I forgot to mention.:

In my third story up above, where the PCs went on a random road trip? I was actually being a benevolent, kind, and merciful GM (who was, unfortunately, handicapped by being unable to arbitrate - that game, all the dice were rolled on the table for all to see). When I rolled up a massive way-too-powerful-to-handle pyrohydra, I had it sleeping... down two long, curving (so they're out-of-sight dead-end hallway with a door too small for the pyrohydra to fit through in the middle. With loud snoring in the distance.

... the PCs cautiously approach the thing, stealthing well enough not to wake it (barely), and then to identify the overwhelming radiant heat, see the smoke trailing from its nostrils, and the multiple heads which, with a knowledge check, identified it as the creature it was. So they retreat juuuuuuuust far enough that they can see the pyrohydra, and then begin talking about what to do. I arbitrate that it doesn't wake up, as they clarified after the fact that they were whispering, after I mention that the thing was right there.

Then the sorcerer, thinking he's brilliant, in the midst of their debating, declares, from nowhere, "I cast fireball at the sleeping pyrohydra!"

... yep. That went about as well as you could expect. The other PCs were kind enough to grab a handful of the sorcerer's ashes (shoved into an empty vial) to be reincarnated, though.

2)

That sorcerer's first encounter with NPCs went... poorly.:

With that same sorcerer later, when he was first introduced, he met the other PCs at a recently-defiled temple of Lathander - being elderly and senile, he'd teleported there (with his female yak familiar) by mistake, and joined in with the young heroes to see what all this was. After a tough battle with a recurring long-time villain* that they finally won (barely), they ran into a captured adventuring group of Lathanderites who had hoped to reclaim the temple. Everyone mourned dead guys, and then the sorcerer says, "Wait! They're dead?" When I confirm, he says, "I got something that can help!" and when we confusedly ask if he's sure he took it from the correct spell list, he says"Yeah-yeah-yeah! It's, eh... what-ya-call it, Animate Dead!" Everyone looks at him stunned for a few moments, and, proudly (and incorrectly) taking that as a sign of system mastery, he declares he casts Animate Dead on the deceased Lathanderites...

* See next story

3)

The same boss battle, but a wizard:

In the boss battle, above, there was a different player who was a wizard. They were facing, as mentioned, a long-time recurring villain who'd been thwarted, but grown stronger both times previously and, though a diviner, generally had something to do with undeath. When they came across her this time, I'd taken great pains to explain that she now looked strangely dead with grey, patchwork skin sewn up in places, wounds that didn't bleed, and sunken eyes. The wizard said something like, "Man, has she got problems... weirdo." then casts enervation on her. I checked to make sure he wanted to, and describe her again ("Yeah, I get it, she's a freak."), and he confirms... and was very confused and annoyed that it seemed to do nothing, demanding that, "Someone dispel her!" (which would have done no good, as she was immune to negative levels, because she was undead).

4)

Same wizard, different boss battle:

In another boss battle with the wizard, facing a cleric of Shar, the PCs were having a tough time, and the wizard was holding back... until he launched (via rods and one of a three-time-ever special ability) two maximized, empowered enervation spells and critical-success'd on the touch attack for both of them, doubling the effect (yes, yes, I know... now). It killed the cleric instantly, which caused him to freak right out, pointing at the corpse and demanding, "Kill it! Kill it with fiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrreeeeee!" which the sorcerer was only too happy to oblige, repeatedly fireballing the corpse before it could come back as a wight. While I knew what he was afraid of, none of the rest of the party did; even the sorcerer had no idea what was happening, but enjoyed hitting things with fireballs, so he did.

5)

Seriously, out of character knowledge, in-character knowledge, and common sense were all ignored for greed... but they won't ever let me give them a wish spell...:

Once, the PCs opened an ancient seal that they were clearly supposed to wait until later in the game to open (in fact, they discussed this very thing out-of-character when making their decision, though they went with in-character motivations in the end), and only be extremely clever use of tactics and lucky dice rolls. Having known that it would summon "something", but unsure what due to failed spellcraft* (though they had the idea that this magic was ancient and far beyond their ability to imitate - they'd never even heard of its equal before), they opened that puppy right up, and then fled in terror when the Tarrasque**, failed all of their will saves***, and ran far away. The illusion then randomly turned South, a direction they didn't know anything about or really care about, and they watched as the Tarrasque just kind of "went away".

"WELP!" declared the wizard (after the players had seriously questioned my GMing for summoning the Tarrasque on them, but ultimately accepting my points as well****), "Not our problem anymore! What was behind it?" ... and they proceed to go into the dungeon, not worrying about having just unleashed the Tarrasque on the world (even though they didn't actually, they didn't know that). It wasn't until nearly a year of real-time gaming later when they went south to explore the devastation that Big T had created that suddenly... stopped... did they actually start wondering if "something strange might have happened there" (their words), and only much, much later when a character was directly informed that they'd recently been deceived by a powerful illusion***** did she finally realize (and inform the other players) that the Tarrasque was an illusion the whole time. Now much more powerful, they teleport back, examine the ruins, discover the truth, and bemoan how much damage they let it cause.

* This was actually false - they'd failed their Spellcraft check, yes, but it didn't summon anything; instead it would create a powerful quasi-real illusion of summoning a creature of a very random power level.
** Remember, it's just an illusion, though partially real - it had none of Big T's special abilities, like, say, frightful presence: the PCs just literally fled in terror.
*** And, of course, they didn't know why they were making will saves, and just presumed it was against the frightful presence instead of disbelieving the illusion, but since they were fleeing anyway they didn't bother to or think about it...
**** That a) they'd known this was more powerful than they were ever able to cope with and b) I'd warned them from the beginning of the campaign - and had warned every player that started after it - that there were going to be fights they just couldn't win.
***** The irony was, of course, that the Tarrasque wasn't the illusion that was being referred to. There was nothing "recent" about that event! The illusion being referred to was actually a man becoming an illusory avatar of Cyric.

6)

I can be stupid, too!:

In a change of pace, once when I was playing, the GM had imprisoned us by substantially more powerful forces. Instead of escaping (like she thought we'd do) we were afraid of those forces... so we holed up in our jail cell and lied our rear-ends off that we'd actually come to be partners. Through a set of bizarrely lucky dice rolls, we had defeated (but taken alive) all those who'd come after us so far, just gaining ever-more prisoners we placed in the bad-guys' own prison, while waiting for someone to negotiate with. So then the "big guns" come out - a powerful dragonborn (4E) and some umberhulks. Welp. We barely manage to render this incredibly powerful dragonborn unconscious, but the umberhulks scoop him up and the two other dragonborn we had captured (the original intent was to clearly gather all the orcs, too, but that fell apart after we'd done so well) and began burrowing back into the side of the mountain, closing the hole as they went. In a fit of frustration and terror, I declared, "I tumble to the umberhulks' feat, and strike their knee with my dagger!" much to the GM's shock. I critical the Umberhulk in the knee, and purposefully leave my dagger there to slow it down, trying to do the same to the other one, but can't because of the falling rocks - and I was not being protected. The GM arbitrates some stuff, I make a narrow saving throw to avoid getting crushed, and we break the game for me (feeling that the game was set up so that we couldn't win) to cool off and for the GM (being extremely confused as to why her plot hooks were being so thoroughly derailed) to re-plan and re-think her strategies and figuring out what the heck the villain(s) would be doing.

EDIT: to fix tags and then to note that I edited

[Gluttony]

Another one: PC's were between arcs in the relatively-early levels of a campaign, and had lost their rogue in the final encounter of the previous dungeon, so we arranged a small side plot involving a road trip to the nearest big metropolis (where we'd pick up with the next threads of the plot), and sent them travelling with a small caravan with a new player running the caravan's sole guard (also a rogue, happily enough, as that rounded the party to the classic Fighter/Wizard/Cleric/Rogue), who was supposed to become the new fourth PC.

They arrived at a mountain. The road around would take them through some slightly-dangerous territory (i.e. random-encounter land), but was nothing they couldn't handle. The new Rogue instead decides to consult his maps and knowledge of geography to try and circumvent the dangerous area. He rolls high enough to know of an obscure shortcut tunneling right through the mountain, but also high enough to know that a dragon is rumored to live there. I had put the dragon there with plans to use him later in the campaign, and honestly hadn't expected them to stumble on him so early. When the rogue did roll high enough to locate his lair, I dropped the hint assuming it would mostly be useful foreshadowing of the dragon for later, and that they wouldn't actually go for it at their current level.

Every other PC insists going the longer slightly-dangerous route is a better option than a potential dragon encounter. They're only 5th level and can't handle a dragon, and the rest of them are smart enough to know their limits, but the rogue insists that the dragon is "just a rumor" and starts leading the caravan in. The fighter and wizard siblings immediately want to leave him to his fate, but the cleric convinces them to go in afterwards, at least for the sake of trying to protect the innocent members of the caravan.

Of course the powerful adult red dragon is there, and the caravan is caught trying to sneak through. The dragon is none-too-happy, but the cleric steps up to try her hand at diplomacy. She pulls off some excellent rolls, and roleplays an amazing speech of flattery, peppering her dialogue with mentions of how fortunate they are to stand in the fearsome presence of someone so magnificent and powerful as the great red dragon, and things like that. All-around masterful ego-stroking, and the dragon eventually decides fine, he'll let them use the shortcut through his lair just this once, since they so eloquently praised him.

...And then as they're moving through the shortcut tunnels, they pass by the dragon's horde, and get a glimpse of what will later be a relevant MacGuffin, again meant to be foreshadowing. The rogue tries to use sleight of hand to take the future-MacGuffin for himself. He had a SoH modifier of +12 against the Adult Red Dragon's Perception of +23. I advise that this is a very bad idea and give him a chance to take back the decision, I also give him a very easy Wisdom check to realize that the dragon is likely to spot him, and will almost-certainly kill him if that happens. He goes for it anyways, gets caught, and of course gets fire-breathed to death on the spot. The player is shocked, as if he'd not been given repeated blatant warning.

The dragon is furious and orders the rest of the caravan back out the way they came, saying that because of what their ally did, they now have to pay him to use his tunnel, and they can't afford the exorbitant toll.

Once again the cleric manages to be awesome. She was a cleric of Shelyn, and followed artistic pursuits as good Shelynites do, with her specialty being is dressmaking. Aside from diplomacy, most of her skill ranks were in Craft (Clothing) and Profession (Dressmaker), and she'd been excited about the trip to the big city because it was an opportunity to get influential people interested in her designs. She'd brought along her 'best work' for that purpose; a high-quality, expensive, natural-20-crafted gown, and convinced the dragon to accept it as payment with the promise that she would never make another like it, thus increasing its value as a collector's item and ensuring the dragon would have the only one like it in the world.

Doing so hurt her business later on in the city (she had to craft a new dress with rolls that weren't as good, which ultimately proved to be nice, but of lower-quality than the 'best work' gown she'd given away), but her actions earned her tons of alignment-points as a good person. All-in-all, a series of stupid decisions from the rogue that resulted in a series of awesome moments for the cleric.

They later got a new rogue who wasn't so stupid.