'EY GOBBOS! LISSEN UP!
I GREAT CHIEF GRAALSK. BADDEST GOB WHAT EVER SWUNG A SLICER! I GREAT CHIEF OF DA BRAMBLECLAWS! WE BADDEST GOB CLAN! YOU WANNA BE A BRAMBLECLAW? LISSEN UP!
BRAMBLECLAWS GOT SMARTS AND FASTS AND STRONGS WHAT ADD UP TO YER FINGERS AND YER TOES PUT TOGETHER. ANY MORE THAN THAT AN' YOU CHEATIN! ANY LESS'N THAT AN' YOU AIN'T GOOD ENOUGH TO BE A BRAMBLECLAW!
MOST BRAMBLECLAWS BE GOBLINS! WE OKAY WITH OTHER KINDS TOO THOUGH! FROG TYPES, HOB-GOB, KO-BOLD, WHATEVER! NO LONGSHANKS THOUGH!
BRAMBLECLAWS GOT WHAT LONGSHANK WIZARD CALLS "TRAITS!" YOU GOT THREE OF 'EM! ONE GOT TO BE CUZ OF YER RACE! IF YOU A GOB AND YOU AINT GOT GOB TRAITS, YOU AINT A BRAMBLECLAW! IF YOU A KO-BOLD AN YOU GOT A GOB TRAIT, YOU WEIRD BUT GOOD!
BRAMBLECLAWS GOT SKILLS TOO! SMARTEST BADDEST GOBS! EVERY SINGLE BRAMBLECLAW GOBBO GOTS TO BE ABLE TO DO SOMETHIN! MAKE SLICER, COOK LONGSHANKS, WEAVE BASKET UNDERWATER, WHATEVER! WE AINT GOT ROOM FOR GOBBOS WHAT CANT DO STUFF. HEY! QUIT CRYIN! BRAMBLECLAWS REAL SMART PANTS GOBS WHAT GOT ONE EXTRA SKILL EVERY WHAT WIZARD CALL "LEVEL". USE DAT FOR BASKET WEAVIN!
BRAMBLECLAWS REAL GOOD AT CLIMBIN' AN SWIMMIN'! BRAMBLECLAWS DO BOTH WITH NEW SKILL CALLED "Athletics"! ATHLETICS COUNT FOR BOTH CLIMBIN AN SWIMMIN AN' IF YOU GOOD AT ONE YOU GOOD AT BOTH!
BRAMBLECLAWS START WIFF THE REGULAR 'MOUNT OF SHINYS WHAT IS USUAL!
BRAMBLECLAWS CAN BE ALL KINDS OF GOBS! FIGHTAN GOBS, WIZARD GOBS, SNEAKIN GOBS, WHATEVER! LONGSHANKS WIZARD NAMED "JAMES OF THE JAY CUBS" GOT A STACK OF DEVIL BOOKS WHAT TELL YOU WHAT KIND OF GOB YOU CAN BE. IF IT AINT IN THEM DEVIL BOOKS YOU CANT BE IT! DONT READ THEM BOOKS! ASK JAY CUBS WHAT YOU BE! WHATS A 'JAY CUB'? SHADDAP!
LISSEN UP! GOBS BE REAL BAD! SOME TIMES GOBS DO BAD THINGS OR SAY BAD WORDS WHAT MAKE LONGSHANKS GIRL TURN RED! IF YOU CANT HANDLE THAT YOU DUMB AND AINT A BRAMBLECLAW!
NOW SOUND OFF WHAT KIND OF GOBS YOU BE, YA FAT FACED HORSE HUMPERS!
Dotting, and making the worst of the goblins - a smart one! :) Goblin fire wizard, coming up.
"Mister Stinger say Feeva no join tribe. She need go away far place and get Brother. He be gobbie with no Chief so he be good match for you. He name be Ki-Ah! Feeva go now and get him and bring him back soon. Byebye!"
me smash good go talk wizzy guy make sure I good tonight.
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Me name Ki-Ah, live in tree.
Last night Feeva visit me.
Say you Gobs have place for me.
Ki-Ah is happy as can be!
Me climb trees, Me never falls
And me like make pretty dolls.
Sometimes horsies, sometimes dogs
Then me stuffs them full of frogs!
And spiders, bugs, and lice.
Give to longshanks - me very nice.
Then they break and longshanks say
"AAAHHH!!! BUGS EVERYWHERE!!! GET THEM OFF OF ME!!!"
Then me come and eat their face!
This be Ki-Ah's favorite game.
You no tell me it is lame.
Or me punch you, make you cry.
Punch and punch until you die.
But if you think that me is fun,
Ki-Ah be nice to everyone.
You give Ki-Ah jobs to do,
And me will be your friend true.
Farg farg want be part of tribe. I fixxy stuff soon.
"Me Vonk. Vonk smartest Brambleclaw gob. Me make fire booms to throw at longshanks and make fizzydrinks to make strong gobs into strongest gobs. Has lots of recipes and lots of fires." As Vonk speaks, he waves a torch around, using it to accentuate his speech. Numerous bottles, jars, and vials are crammed into pouches and his backpack. They clink and rattle as the goblin makes his pitch to the chief.
"Fireface will join your tribe. Clawface comes with."
"We will write a song later."
Me all fixed now even got chopper back cause of new shinies I gots.
(poke)
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The fierce glare of the springtime sun beats down on Golarion, its rays nourishing the proud, ancient trees of the Echo Woods.
The date is 28 Desnus, 4713 Absalom Reckoning. The place is the northwestern River Kingdoms. And you... you be goblins.
Goblins without a tribe or home. What put you in this precarious situation? Who's to say? Perhaps your old tribe was overrun by terrible longshanks with fire and steel. Perhaps famine pushed you into the world to shift for yourself. Perhaps you drew the attention of a brutal chief and got out while the getting was good. Maybe you just wandered off and got lost - you are a goblin, after all. You little dummy. The reason doesn't matter in the end, for now destiny and chance has pushed you to the River Kingdoms.
In your travels and escapades, you've managed to link up with a mere handful of your fellow greenskins. You've ran terrified from shambling mounds, evaded bandit gangs, fled up trees to escape a wolfpack, and have somehow managed to scrape up enough food to mostly get by.
It's been rough going, but your fortunes might finally shifting.
As you wander through the woods today, a rustling in the bushes draws your attention. Before you can run away, a fellow goblin pops out! He's lean and well-toned, and carries a spear slung across his back.
"Ey! Gobs! Who you be? I Two-Fang da Brambleclaw! You ain't Brambleclaw or I know you. What you do inna dees woods?
Okki leaps in the air, caught off guard by the sneaky goblin boss.
"We be gobs, Brambleclaw!"
He quickly sticks his hands behind his back and grabs a small handful of tiny metal throwy-stars.
"Just gobs passing thru that aint want no stabbins or slicin. Mebbe want food. We thought to help some longshanks and be some gob kings, but that aint worked out so hot. Next humie I see gets his necks bit."
Ki-Ah bounces around maniacally as he chatters along with his companion. "Okki, he be rights! Our Chief be vanishded. And disappearded. And he be gone. Now we gots no home and no Chief."
"Kibbles leave and everything fall apart! Kibbles knew he have to be one in charge. But Kibbles feeling like being someone else instead. What other gobs think? Kibbles going to go stick fish fur on self, grow tail and pretend to be girl, wonder if anyone tell."
"Makena not a gob! Don't even speak funny gob talk! Speak proper growly dragons talk instead, but also speak tall-one language, so can talk with tall-one speaking gobs."
"Makena big and powerful caller. Call lots of monsters, including big scary dragon named Growly who let Makena ride on back. Makena used to live with other Kobolds called Sootscales, but then stupid purple kobold come and chase Makena off. Purple stupid color, no purple dragons! Not like Makena, she have lovely green scales, green like gobs!"
Makena fit in with gobs fine. Gobs need watch where walk though, Makena like making traps, she stole tall-one big bitey traps, and like digging holes for people fall in, then shoot with twangy cross. Where gobs going? Makena come and make traps protect gobs, then gobs feed Makena, Makena sick of eating rats, but not good at catching proper meats. Makena can help build other things too, she know how to put trees together so roof not fall on heads. Roof normally ground above head, but Makena think it work with other kinds roof too."
"I be Farg farg, maybe you hear of me. I with theses yahoos and we look for new bigbad chief."
"Makena heard gobs fleeing from same place as her. She think that be you, not know of any other gobs where she from. How come Farg Farg gob know tall-one talk?"
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Two-Fang seems a little lost trying to take in the antics of this strange pack of goblins, but he does notice Okki fingering his sharp throwey-stars and his eyes widen a little.
"No slice an no stab!" he agrees emphatically, making no move for his spear. "Brambleclaw tribe need gobs! We baddest cleverest gobs but not too many of us. We live in longshanks town real close! Live in big bush with thorns an longshanks can't get in. Only gobs!"
He pauses to consider the kobold in your midst.
"Well she not longshanks so she ok. We got big bad boss chief! He Great Chief Graalsk! He de smartest. He know longshanks speak real good and know how to talk wif dem important-like. Great Chief one leader of longshanks town! Great Chief teach all Brambleclaws to be smartest and baddest, one day gobs take over longshanks town and make it goblin town! Follow Two-Fang! I take you to Great Chief. He reward me for find you gobs and I share with you. Strange gobs look hungry, yes? Great Chief give me food and we eat!"
With that, Two-Fang whirls about and jogs to the southwest along a faint game trail.
Makena seems to take notice of Two-Fang for the first time as he speaks. Mention of living in the tall-one town seems to set her on edge. Mention of food does something to alleviate her nervousness however. "Why you live in town with tall-ones? Isn't dangerous being so close? Tall-ones not normally like short peoples like us."
Interrupted from his task of investigating some bugs underneath a rock, Vonk is startled by Twofang's appearance. He jumps, his large ears quiver, and his oversize pack rattles ominously.
Although plenty of sunlight is filtering through the trees to the forest floor, Vonk brandishes his torch at the speaker. Realizing it's another goblin, he lowers the torch and answers "Oh. Ello. Vonk is make tasty drinks for gobs. Drinks make strong gob, fast gob, big gob. Vonk also look for secret ingredient what make fire booms and look for boom targets."
Grabbing a fistful of leaves, Vonk quickly stuffs them into a pocket "Vonk come with Two-Fang, maybe sell humies gooddrinks."
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"We live in longshanks town becuz Great Chief is smartest gob! Great Chief say why live in cave or live in woods an get eated by wolves an sliced by badnits an have to work for foods? We live in longshanks town and longshanks keep away alla the bads! Longshanks make way much food and smartest gobs know how to get! Longshanks make much shinies also and smartest gobs know how to get! Great Chief is smartest-pants gob what ever is!"
When Vonk mentions drinks, Two-Fang's bulbous head lights up in a childish grin.
"GLUGGADRINK? You smartgob what make gluggadrink! Chief take you into Brambleclaws for sure!"
You can tell from the thinning of the trees that your party is nearing the edge of the Echo Woods. Signs of civilization are increasingly prevalent: Here and there you see swaths of logged trees, and an obviously new-planted orchard provides you with a midday meal. The game trail you've been following crosses a rough road, and Two-Fang leads you westward on it.
"Dis be th' Forest Road" he intones solemnly. "It go to longshanks town."
As the goblins start to head down the trail Makena turns towards the bushes, making a 'come here' gesture, before speaking in a strange sibilant language
A moment later slithering from the underbrush precedes an 'enormous' green-scaled serpentine creature with a ferocious seeming maw, tiny vestigial wings, and incongruously, a saddle strapped around it's midsection, and a set of saddlebags bulging with an assortment of strange objects strapped behind.
"Gobs wait up! Growly not go very fast!" Makena calls in common as she climbs atop the giant draconic serpent, which starts to slither after the pack of goblins.
"Tall-ones no like Kobolds. Makena think if tall-ones live near Sootscales they try to kill kobolds, or steal yummy radishes. Makena miss radishes..." she laments as they travel. As signs of civilization grow more apparent Makena grows more nervous, hunching low over Growly's slithering back.
Ki-Ah's expression brightens at the mention of food, and he gets more and more excited as Two-Fang continues speaking. By the time the speech is over, Ki-Ah is excitedly bouncing up and down.
"Ki-Ah like this plan! Want meet Great Chief! Like numnums and shinies! Ki-Ah want be Brambleclaw too!!!"
Vonk grins at Two-Fang's invitation. "Yep, Vonk have lot of recipes, make lots of gluggadrinks what gobs can drink. Vonk used to travel and sell drinks but maybe be good to stay in one spot, not have to carry all things."
Upon seeing the orchard, Vonk partakes of some fruit. However, he spends plenty of time examining and picking leaves and fruit and cramming them messily into his pack and pockets.
Vonk overhears Makena mourning vegetables. "Radish? Vonk has seed of radish for secret gluggadrink ingredient. Maybe can plant and grow more radish? And make radish gluggadrink!"
"They special Radishes? Makena think yummy ones called Moon Radishes. They so goood..." she laments sadly as Vonk questions her. "Can try grow them, Sootscales not know how, but there was big patch of them in forest back home." the scaly humanoid feeds all of her apple cores to Growly who crunches and swallows them with disinterest.
Okki looks at the giant creature with no small amount of worry. He has been plagued by gobs riding wolves, frogs riding frogs, and gods riding on bigger teethier gobs for some time now.
"Gobs sure are doing lots of new things these days.."
He picks his teeth with his Wakisaucy, clutching his ninja stars, whistling a ninja song of irony.
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An hour or so passes by as you follow Two-Fang down the Forest Road. As you proceed on your way, the smell of roasting meat reaches your little hungry nostrils. It smells fantastic. Looking down the road, you see a campfire burning in a stone ring. Spitted above the fire is a whole wild boar.
There are fresh tracks in the road ahead of you. They appear to cross the road from the campfire to the south. The pig has not burned on the side above the flames, despite nobody being present to turn the spit.
"Maybe this be trap? Fresh pig, no one to watch, and see, feets prints go over there? Maybe someone hide to attack gobs?" Vonk points at the tracks in the road.
He cups a hand to an oversized ear to listen for anyone hiding, particularly craning his scrawny neck at where the tracks lead into the woods.
Not hearing anything, but still suspicious, Vonk asks Two-Fang "Does weird humies what lives here usually leave nice foods for gobs?"
Makena puts her hand on her stomach as it growls from the yummy smell of fresh pig, pork was dangerous game for the Sootscales back north, but very delicious. She cocks her head, looking down as Growly begins to his and growl and yap in the strange language she spoke earlier.
"Growly think same." Makena observes, lowering her voice and looking around nervously.
Growly slithers forwards towards the tracks, sniffing at them to try and pick up a scent.
Okki looks over the camp, increasingly uncomfortable. He whispers to the others before moving quickly into the first copse of shrubbery on the southern part of the road to camp.
"Pigs are like cake. If you have it, you eat it. Be careful! The pig is a lie!"
With that, he crept quietly into the trees and hid as best he could.
Farg farg shifts in his saddle on top Fang Face. "You smell Fang Face, find enemies."
Scent(Survival):
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As Makena cautiously moves foreward, Growly picks up the scent of dogs - several of them. Seeing that they've been made, three haflings mounted on ferocious bloodhounds let out war whoops and charge!
"AIEEEE!" screams Two-Fang as he sees the attackers. He draws his spear and rushes to take cover behind the roasting pig.
Farg farg curses and lowers his lance. "Why little half men always try make us dead? We just want pig."
Charge Attack:
Damage: x2 for charge
Fang Face Bite:
Damage:
"What? Little tall-ones? Riding dogs? that silly." she observes in disbelief as the halflings make their presence known. As Two-Fang rushes over behind the big Makena points.
With a screech an eagle appears out of nowhere in the sky above. Hovering in place it takes it's bearings, spotting the halflings, and--as Farg farg--waiting until they break from cover to swoop down and try to peck some eyeballs.
"Let us eat pig!" Vonk shouts in response to Okki. Grabbing a vial filled with murky brown liquid, he gulps it down. His green skin seems to grow a bit thicker and he seems to twitch with energy. Seeing his companions back away, he shifts back towards the fire as well.
Okki waits eagerly for one of the dog-rider halfies to come by his hidden spot.
Ki-Ah screams at the top of his lungs as he charges the closest foe. Heedless of danger, he swings wildly at the dog. "KKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEE-AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Unarmed Strike
Damage
If result exceeds damage dealt, I'm instead moved a number of feet equal to negated damage (rounded up) in a direction of my choice. I'll end up prone - ideally in striking range of a dog. If I hit someone, my movement stops and I take damage. I'll also be staggered next turn. Here's the link.
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The hafling patrol surges forward with lances couched atop slavering war dogs. As soon as one appears around the rock, Farg-Farg spurs Fangface into a devastating charge and his lance erupts from the back of the hafling's leather armor in a spray of gore. The hafling is dead before he hits the ground. Fangface snaps at the dog of the hapless outrider, but doesn't connect.
The second hafling is met by Ki-Ah's charge. He aims his lance at the madly charging goblin and tries to spit him as he approaches.
Ki-Ah nimbly ducks beneath the lance and lands a punch to the dog's face. It whimpers as his fist cracks teeth. The hafling fighting Ki-Ah is distracted and doesn't see the summoned eagle swooping down upon him. He shouts in pain and surprise as the eagle pecks his head. The outrider drops his lance and draws a long knife as he directs his dog to attack.
The dog companion of the deceased hafling takes a bite at Fangface.
The third hafling, unmolested, rides up to attack Vonk, who steps back and drinks his mutagen.
Okki rolls between two of the halfling dog riders, rolling under their legs to avoid attacks of opportunity if he's lucky.
Coming up on the other side of Kee-aah's foe, he quickly stabs at the dogs backside with his wakisaucy.
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Okki sucessfully evades the outriders' attempts to hit him as he rolls by. Unfortunately, the dog jumps aside and Okki's blade only cuts air.
Two-Fang sees his new friends fighting bravely and rallies. He stands up and throws his spear at the riderless dog
The spear passes cleanly through the beast's torso, piercing both lungs. The dog howls in mortal agony and staggers.
Ki-Ah screams with terror and delight as the evil dog sends him flying through the air and into one of the other foes.
From the ground, Ki-Ah tries to kick the nasty dog.
Attack
Damage
Makena's eagle friend continues to rake and peck at it's target while Okki distracts it from below.
Makena meanwhile, rummages in her saddlebags, pulling out a battered looking crossbow and a handful of bolts, loading one into it, and taking aim at the various targets with a look of intense concentration.
Growly however, with surprising speed will lash out and snap at the nearby goblin.
Farg farg turns Fang face to attack the surviving halfling.
Charge Attack:
Damage: X2 for cxharge
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The hafling being pestered by the eagle swats at it with a free hand, warding off most of its attacks, but the eagle still gets through with a scratch.
Farg Farg pulls his lance from the dead hafling's body and shifts to aid Ki-Ah. His lance thrust misses, but Fangface rears up and takes a chunk off of the hafling's leg with a vicious bite, twisting and yanking his head back and forth in an effort to pull the rider to the ground. The hafling screams but keeps his seat.
The dying dog pierced by Two-Fang's spear tries feebly to flee but crashes to the ground dying after a few steps.
Suprised by the ferocity with which you goblins are fighting, the haflings spur their mounts into desperate fighting.
The hafling in front of Okki stabs wildly at the nimbly rolling goblin with his lance, stabbing the forest dirt where goblin flesh was moments before. His dog sees an opening and lunges forward to bite the ninja, bowling Okki over.
Defending himself from Farg Farg's attack, the outrider pokes his lance at the mounted goblin commands his steed to attack - but Farg Farg's superior riding keeps himself safely out of harm's way.
"Burn, dog, burn!" Vonk shouts, smashing his torch into the halfling mount between Ki-ah and Farg Farg, cackling as he singes the horrifying creature's flesh.