Ask the Next Poster!

[Jurassic Bard]

Inspired by the "Ask Uncle GoatToucher" thread, I thought I'd create a thread where anyone (specifically the next poster) could give advice/help/guidance to any of the queries asked here and then ask a question of their own for the next poster after them to solve. And so on in that fashion.

I'll go first:

Dear next poster, how would you get a cabbage to eat a lettuce?

[The when]

16.

But why?

[Goth Guru]

I hope 16. is polymorph a cabbage into a bunny.
Why is probably to offend vegans. Probably would not work.

Why go out of your way to sabotage topics?

[GoatToucher]

In a word... CHAOS.

Why do you ask?

[Jurassic Bard]

Just curious, really.

What is the best way to balance all the chaos out?

[Qunnessaa]

Add more chaos everywhere, obviously, until it's, um, as uniform as chaos ever gets. It's inevitable, anyway. That's how entropy works, innit? Or proteans.

Or (*gasp*) surely you didn't mean it in the dreadfully unhip way of reducing the amount of chaos? So that's not my question.

Anyway, what does a nice elf girl need to do to get a good night's sleep?

[Dr. Zephyrus Vitruvian]

Take two of these and send me a messenger-dove in the morning. *hands over 2 vials of diluted blue whinnis*

Dear next poster: Who can take a sunrise, sprinkle it with dew, cover it in chocolate and a miracle or two?

[Dedrick, The Professor]

A musical, magical confectioner can! Or maybe that creepy fellow in the alleyway.

How would you rate the awesomeness (in all senses of the word), of GoatToucher?

[Pulg]

The Mohs scale of hardness seems appropriate.

What happens if you throw Ron Perlman before swine?

[Fish-Malkovich]

The swine will eat him alive, naturally. Don't try this with pigs though, they'll just ignore him.

If you could turn Pulg into a real boy, how would you do it?

[Skiron]

First, I would sacrifice 139 humanoids to Yog-Sothoth, then I would drain their blood into a 5-dimensional alembic, then raze an Iomedan church, then turn a king to gold, then sacrifice HIS family to Yog-Sothoth, and waitwaitwaitwaitwait I'm sorry, did someone just ask me a question...?

I'm in the market for some enchanted legwear; what would you recommend for one such as myself?

[G-unit]

Golden Pantaloons of course.

What’s hiding in your closet?