Trolling Bulk: Hand Crossbow Alpha Strike

[Plane]

This is bad advice for asking your GM to allow your crossbow ace not to suck. Inspired by the recent heavy crossbow thread.

Ask your GM to allow (attempt #1):
Get Crossbow Ace feat.
Buy 9 Hand Crossbows each Bulk L.
At a Bulk of L, 9 are still L.
Stack them on top of each other secured with string.
Tie a string to the top 8 triggers.
Loop that onto the trigger on the bottom in your hand.
Hunt your prey.
Alpha Strike for 9d8 + 18 damage (avg. 58.5)
Advanced Technique Addition:
Carry 99 crossbow bolts in your free hand, also Bulk L.
Drop them as a free action to create Difficult Terrain.
That's a MOUNTAIN of bolts. No one can safely attack you!
It's probably enough to provide free cover and also
supply your familiar with endless ammo to reload for you.

Ask your GM to allow (attempt #2):
Be Human.
Get Crossbow Ace feat
AND Hunted Shot.
Buy 9 Hand Crossbows each Bulk L.
Wear 7 of them on a bandolier.
Wield the other 2, one in each hand.
Since you don't intend to reload them,
Your Hand Crossbows gain Reload 0!!!
Fire the first two together and stack that dmg!
Drop them Matrix-Lobby-Scene-Style and use Quick Draw
to continuously fire without reloading.
1d8+2 all day, no volley penalty!

Step 2:
Laugh at the builds of everyone else suffering from Bulk.
The sword and board fighter contemplates mounting
9 Hand Crossbows on his shield instead of his bulky spike.

[Ubertron_X]

"Could it also have been one guy with 9 hand crossbows?"

[TheDoomBug]

I'm only slightly disappoint by the lack of wrist-mounted toads and witches with self-reloading crossbow familiars.

[Themetricsystem]

This makes even less sense than throwing a backpack full of Alchemist Fire from both a Rules and Sanity perspective...

My "Advice" here is as follows: "Nope"

[mrspaghetti]

We can do better. I propose a build with 9 hand crossbows, each of which has a Tiny Construct loaded into it as ammo. When fired, they can then be detonated with Final Sacrifice.

[Dubious Scholar]

TheDoomBug wrote:

I'm only slightly disappoint by the lack of wrist-mounted toads and witches with self-reloading crossbow familiars.

The hypothetical "my crossbow IS my familiar, so it can clearly reload itself" is an unusual edge case I think. Also it requires a Rare option, so it's easy for GMs to decide if it's fair or not.

(Personally, I think it's fair, because it's only +1 damage/die average over a light crossbow anyways).

[Plane]

mrspaghetti wrote:

We can do better. I propose a build with 9 hand crossbows, each of which has a Tiny Construct loaded into it as ammo. When fired, they can then be detonated with Final Sacrifice.

Finally a man of culture and true system expertise. You've taken this to the next level, but you can only have 4 minions. Can those minion constructs have familiars they can detonate higher up in the alpha strike that blow up before they do? I feel like we're one step short of tarrasque 1-shotting and just need to hammer out a detail or two. Spellstrike ammo with Shocking Grasp could be the key. We will probably have an action leftover to raise a shield or strike an intimidating pose, too.

[Gisher]

This thread has given me some laughs that I really needed today. Thanks.

[Plane]

Themetricsystem wrote:

This makes even less sense than throwing a backpack full of Alchemist Fire from both a Rules and Sanity perspective...

I agree. The smarter bulk option is to tie 9 Alchemist's Fire together with string. They're still L so you can wield them in one hand and throw them together. Plus, the real big brain move is to tie together:

9 Alchemist Fires
9 Bottled Lightning
9 Acid Flasks
9 Tanglefoot Bags
9 Thunderstones

Tie them all together with string and then throw them as one ultra-high-damage L splash weapon. With splash multipliers, that's over 500 damage even at the highest saves. Backpack bombs were shot down in a previous thread and rightly so.

[shroudb]

I simply can't condone a thread about mass throwing bombs for burst damage that doesn't include Crystal Shard Bombs that you have applied Poison in them as per normal for a "weapon that deals piercing damage"

Dealing 9 applications of poison plus the normal piercing damage is a nice way to finish off a blast.

[mrspaghetti]

Instead of throwing the bomb, summon a Construct to deliver it. First cover the construct from top to bottom in caltrops for piercing shrapnel damage, using glue. Upon delivery, you guessed it - Final Sacrifice.

[Plane]

...and you've still kept it all L thanks to wise Bulk management. Ingenious, gentlefolk. Ingenious.