Ravingdork's Crazy Character Emporium (Second Edition)


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Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber; Pathfinder Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber
Ed Reppert wrote:

I like this one! Had a couple problems making her in HLO. Submitted bug reports. We'll see.

Pathbuilder has this table under "details":
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Rank Qty Cost Total Spell Cost
0 20 2 gp 40 gp
1 44 2 gp 88 gp
2 42 6 gp 252 gp
3 28 16 gp 448 gp
4 25 36 gp 900 gp
5 22 70 gp 1,540 gp

SUM 3,268 / 2 = 1,634 gp (halved due to Magical Shorthand and no chance of failure)

AoN lists different numbers:

Rank Qty Total Cost
0 25 50
1 51 102
2 46 276
3 30 480
4 27 972
5. 24 1680

For a total cost, after halving, of 1780.

I wonder why the difference? I searched the Arcane spell list for Common spells from Rank 1 to 5 (AoN lists Cantrips as Rank 1) from PC1 or PC2.

By my calculations, she's about 123 GP short of being able to buy all these spells at level 14.

I didn't count common arcane spells that she already had through her levels in sorcerer.

Did you account for that? If you did, then it's possible I miscounted somewhere.


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Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber; Pathfinder Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

NEW(ISH) CHARACTER!

I have not only updated Caltrop, halfling giant slayer (male halfling hunter guardian 7), for the Remaster, but have also reimagined him as a guardian rather than a fighter. Enjoy this sneak peak of Battlecry! content!


Slayer of hafling giants? :-)


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Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber; Pathfinder Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber
Ed Reppert wrote:
Slayer of halfling giants? :-)

Can't ever let 'em get too tall.

I've added the lesser alchemist's fire and the morph jewel, cold iron transmuting ingot, and silver transmuting ingot whetstones to Caltrop's equipment. This will allow him to shut down a troll's regeneration as well as to change his weapon's damage to bludgeoning, cold iron, piercing, silver, or slashing, as needed.


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Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber; Pathfinder Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

NEW CHARACTER!

Carbuncle, the Tiny Tax Tyrant of Andoran (Male draxie sprite tax collector guardian 11) - Pathbuilder Array

“I’m not A carbuncle! My name IS Carbuncle. Most call me “Carl” for short. I am an authorized assessor—that means NO smiting!”

Long before he became a feared tax collector of the Andoran People’s Council, Carl (short for Carbuncle) was just another mischievous draxie sprite buzzing through the meadows, playing pranks on farmers, and sweet-talking honeybees out of their nectar. His destiny changed the day he stumbled upon an abandoned ledger in a hollow log. While most sprites would have used its pages to start a campfire, or a particularly elaborate paper hat, Carl was entranced by the meticulous columns of numbers and the mysterious legalese.

Inspired, he began “collecting debts” from local animals. The squirrels paid their taxes in acorns, the field mice in dried seeds, and the owls… well, they paid nothing, but Carl learned valuable evasive maneuvers in the process. It wasn’t long before he realized that power was less about size and more about who controlled the receipts.

Years later, his knack for extracting “fair contributions” caught the attention of a passing Andoran magistrate, who witnessed Carl singlehandedly “audit” a group of loggers attempting to sneak untaxed timber downriver. Through a dazzling combination of intimidation (mostly shouting from a branch), precision paperwork (using beetle-shell quills), and truly spiteful pranks (including replacing the crew’s boots with beehives), Carl forced them to settle their “dues.” Impressed by his relentless spirit, and his unerring ability to detect liars, the magistrate recruited him.

Now officially appointed as a tax collector of the Andoran People’s Council, Carbuncle has become a pint-sized terror of tax evaders. He wears heavy armor forged from repurposed kettle lids and plates, gleaming like a walking coffer. His tiny wings allow him to swoop in unannounced, ledger in hand, his high-pitched battle cry ringing out:

“If you can’t pay, I’ll make you pay attention!”

Those who fall behind on their dues risk far more than fines. Carbuncle’s infamous pranks are legendary: delinquent taxpayers have been known to awaken with all their furniture glued to the ceiling, have their goats braided into knots, their wagons mysteriously disassembled and reassembled into “works of art,” or to find all their goods replaced with sacks of turnips with similar weight, all tagged with “Seized for Back Taxes.”

Carbuncle believes in Andoran’s ideals of fairness and civic responsibility--as long as they’re filed in triplicate, countersigned by a steward, and don’t smell like they were buried in a turnip field. While some scoff at his size, few laugh long. After all, what’s more terrifying than a fey with legal authority, diplomatic immunity, and a full understanding of back taxes?

He dreams one day of becoming Chief Assessor for the Eastern Reaches, where he can bring fiscal harmony (and just a little chaos) to all of Andoran’s frontier. Until then, he audits on, one copper at a time.

Tactics: Tax collectors can be real bullies when the job demands it, and Carl is no exception! While sprites aren’t typically known for their law-abiding nature, Carl revels in the rare joy of having official permission to harass others via diabolical pranks until they cough up what they owe.

Carl excels at battlefield manipulation, using combat maneuvers to reposition enemies into unfortunate places. Though he’s only the size of a house cat, Carl possesses the strength of several grown men. He can hurl creatures many times his size across the room, trip charging beasts, wrap his serpentine body around a giant’s limb in a submission hold, or disarm a seasoned warrior with a flick of his wrist.

This style is supported by feats like Flying Tackle, which lets him leap through the air to trip enemies; Disarming Intercept, allowing him to snatch weapons from foes trying to bypass him; and Juggernaut Charge, which lets him drag enemies into danger--be it a trap, a waiting ally, or a well-preheated oven. Punishing Shove brings the pain to those who aren’t braced for it. Thanks to Titan Wrestler and Larger Than Life, his Tiny size (or the size of his enemies) is rarely a limiting factor.

At higher levels, combos like Scattering Charge and Right Where You Want Them work wonderfully with Punishing Shove, letting Carl knock enemies around like bowling pins while repositioning himself across the battlefield. Cloud Jump and Powerful Leap extend the reach of his already impressive Flying Tackles. And if sheer presence isn’t enough, Battlecry and Terrified Retreat help ensure Carl’s reputation as a tax collector to be feared.

When the going gets tough, abilities like flight, Quick Squeeze, and Slippery Prey along with later options like Quick Climb, Quick Swim, and Invisible Trickster, make for excellent escape tools.

If time is on your side and enemies lack good ranged options, Carl can harass from above using his flight and extending feather quill to poke holes in his targets’ excuses. Just remember, staying airborne costs actions, so be mindful not to become an easy target!

If you’re guarding others, it might be better to stay grounded. Carl has numerous tools to protect himself and his allies, including Shield Block and Intercept Attack, which he can use together in the same round thanks to Reaction Time. If enemies won’t focus on him, he can activate his armor’s Change Size function to become Large. An angry sprite the size of a house is hard to ignore!

Outside of combat, simply perching on someone's shoulder while using Touch Telepathy, Quick Coercion, and Lasting Coercion can be surprisingly persuasive. For louder confrontations, Group Coercion makes entire rooms bend to his will. And with Thorough Search, Carl’s more likely to uncover the hidden assets of those attempting to underreport their worth.

Inspirations: Carbuncle could easily draw inspiration from a mix of mischievous and bureaucratic characters like Pain and Panic from Hercules, Rumpelstiltskin from Shrek or Once Upon a Time, and Dwight Schrute from The Office, blending petty enforcement with gleeful vindictiveness. His size and chaotic energy echo Tinker Bell from Peter Pan and Boo from Baldur’s Gate, while his obsessive devotion to rules and forms brings to mind Bartleby the Bureaucrat from Futurama or Inspector Zenigata from Lupin III. Add in a pinch of King Bumi’s unpredictable genius (Avatar: The Last Airbender) and the draconic whimsy of characters like Morgrem (Pokémon) or the Tooth Fairy from Rise of the Guardians, and you’ve got a full recipe for a pint-sized terror with a ledger and a vendetta.


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Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber; Pathfinder Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

NEW CHARACTER!

Brio Merryweather, circus ringmaster (Male gutsy halfling entertainer commander 1) - Pathbuilder Array

“Every moment’s a stage! You choose whether to stand in the light or hide behind the curtain.”

Brio Merryweather grew up on the road, born into a modest family of traveling entertainers who relied on quick wit and nimble hands to make a living. His small stature and boundless charm made him a natural fit for the stage, and his knack for timing and coordination quickly caught the eye of larger, more established shows. That attention eventually landed him a place in Mistress Dusklight’s Celestial Menagerie, a troupe that promised glittering opportunity but delivered cruelty and exploitation behind the scenes.

In the Menagerie, Brio learned discipline under duress; calling cues for dangerous acts, improvising fixes mid-performance, and smoothing over mistakes so the crowd never saw the seams. His skill at holding a show together made him valuable, but the constant mistreatment of performers eroded his loyalty. When a group of fellow acts, weary of Dusklight’s abuse, chose to walk away and form the Circus of Wayward Wonders, Brio seized the chance to join them.

In the Wayward Wonders, Brio found the family he’d always longed for. There he met Myron “Thunder” Stendhal, the booming-voiced ringmaster who saw potential in Brio not just as a performer, but as a leader. Myron made him his understudy, teaching him how to command the ring, inspire the troupe, and turn chaos into spectacle. Under Myron’s guidance, Brio’s confidence flourished, and so did the quality of every performance he helped run.

That golden chapter ended abruptly when Myron was murdered, slain by poisonous snakes hidden in his costume trunk. With the troupe in shock and a major performance looming, Brio stepped forward, determined to honor his mentor’s legacy. That night, he directed the show from center ring, ensuring it went on without a hitch. The crowd roared in delight, never guessing the grief concealed behind the curtain.

In the days that followed, Brio took up the ringmaster’s duties in all but name, working tirelessly to keep the Wayward Wonders together while quietly vowing to uncover the truth behind Myron’s death. Though his voice still carries the warmth of a showman, it now bears the steel of a man shaped by tragedy and chosen responsibility.

Tactics: Consider opening up with a bola at range to trip an enemy. Then Signal a tactic (e.g., Gather to Me!) to bring allies into aura coverage around the fallen enemy. Use dueling cape and armor to soak punishment while allies reposition and mob your foes from all sides.

Consider tanking hits with your dueling cape and armor and impeding enemy movement by standing in choke points while you command your allies. Use the shove property of your fighting stick to push enemies into vulnerable positions, such as hazardous terrain, or high drop offs.

Inspiration:

= Stage and Showmanship =

Ringmasters & Circus Leaders - P.T. Barnum (theatrical presence, showmanship, commanding a crowd). Brio’s banner could be as much a prop of spectacle as a tool of war.

Shakespearean Captains or Tricksters - like Henry V’s rousing speeches or Puck’s sly mischief. Brio could pivot between inspiring bravery and distracting foes.

Vaudeville Performers - blending slapstick, timing, and charisma, which mirrors his Deceptive Tactics and Fascinating Performance.

= Military Archetypes =

Wellington or Napoleon (but pint-sized) - masterminds who reshaped battlefields with clever maneuvers, not just brute strength.

Colonel Jack O’Neill (Stargate SG-1) - sarcastic but competent squad leader, who masks sharp tactical sense with humor.

Band Leaders in Military Marches - historically, banners and music weren’t just morale tools; they coordinated troop movement. Brio’s banner is a direct echo of that.

= Fantasy Figures=

Samwise Gamgee (LOTR) - halfling resilience and the ability to keep spirits up in dire moments. Brio shares that “glue of the group” energy.

Tyrion Lannister (Game of Thrones) - clever, underestimated strategist who uses words and wit to outmaneuver stronger foes.

Matt Cauthon (Wheel of Time) - gambler-turned-general, with a mix of charm, luck, and battlefield brilliance.

= Trickster-Commanders =

Robin Hood’s Merry Men - a leader who inspires loyalty not through fear but fellowship.

Cyrano de Bergerac - charismatic, theatrical, and skilled with both words and weapons.

Jesters with Hidden Depths - Brio could play the fool to mask cunning moves (like a court jester who’s secretly the smartest in the room).

= How It All Fits Brio =

Brio Merryweather can be imagined as:

A battlefield ringmaster: directing combat like it’s a performance, with banners, calls, and dramatic flair.

A small but steady center of morale: allies feel braver and stronger just by clustering near him.

A deceptive tactician: enemies underestimate the “jovial halfling,” but his feints and diversions create deadly openings.


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Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber; Pathfinder Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

NEW CHARACTER!

Janet Paegin, acclaimed diabolic scholar (Female witch kholo acolyte sorcerer 10) - Pathbuilder Array

“Every rule is a kindness to those who would otherwise be lost.”

Janet Paegin was born among the Kholo clans of the Mwangi Expanse, where her sharp intellect and soft-spoken nature marked her as an anomaly. While her kin found purpose in the hunt, Janet was captivated by the written word--especially the meticulous logic of law, language, and the contracts that bind word to deed. Her curiosity eventually led her north to Cheliax, where she became an unlikely favorite among scholars and magistrates alike, her quiet composure belying the infernal magic coursing through her blood.

Unlike many diabolists, Janet does not seek dominion or cruelty for its own sake. She venerates Asmodeus not as a god of torment, but as the ultimate patron of structure. To her, the Prince of Darkness represents the ideal of a perfectly ordered world--one where every rule, every soul, and every syllable has its rightful place. Within the vaulted archives she tends, silence is sacred and discipline divine. The “tyranny” she practices is bureaucratic rather than brutal: a relentless insistence that all knowledge be cataloged, protected, and preserved from ignorance.
Janet’s infernal heritage manifests not in fire and fury, but in an unshakable authority that smolders beneath her calm exterior. Her words carry weight, her presence demands respect, and her commands are rarely ignored. Yet she is genuinely kind to those who honor the sanctity of study. Her assistants whisper that the warm tea she brews for weary scholars may be enchanted to soothe the mind, though none dare ask outright.

Her early years in Cheliax earned her a reputation for precision and reliability, if not warmth. Her mastery of infernal jurisprudence soon drew the attention of Riva Sarjenka, the famed Dragon Sage and founder of Allania, a rising city-state in the Stolen Lands. Invited to assist in drafting the legal frameworks of Riva’s grand library and its affiliated societies, Janet quickly proved indispensable. Where Riva’s genius burned bright and untamed, Janet’s measured patience and sense of order provided balance. In time, she was entrusted with overseeing the library’s daily operations, ensuring that even chaos itself bowed to her system of classification. Occasionally, she was also tasked with watching over Riva’s little-ball-of-chaos daughter, Tarka Firefang.

Today, Janet divides her time between her secluded library-estate in the Stolen Lands, her correspondence with Chelaxian colleges that sponsor her work, and her occasional lectures at the Magaambya, where she is both admired and quietly distrusted. A woman of contradictions, she is pious to a devil yet sincerely kind; feared for her power, yet beloved for her fairness. In her heart, she believes she serves the greater good by preserving order in a world forever slipping toward chaos.

That orderly life of catalogues and candlelight ended the day Tarka fled the township in search of her missing mother. When Janet, serving as an impromptu babysitter at the time, discovered the child’s diary--scrawled across pages torn from one of her valued tomes--it revealed a perilous journey west into the wild swamps. Reluctantly, Janet left her desk behind to pursue the child, compelled less by affection than by duty. Yet the farther she ventured from civilization, the more her infernal magic became a lantern in the dark, and the laws she once enforced on parchment began shaping destinies instead.

Tactics: In combat, Janet Paegin excels as a measured battlefield controller and punisher. She opens fights by establishing control--using fear, suggestion, or wave of despair to sap morale and limit movement, then reinforces her authority through diabolic edict, rewarding obedience and punishing defiance. Against powerful foes, she relies on banishment or vampiric maiden to remove threats outright, while hellfire plume devastates clustered enemies with infernal precision. Her blood vendetta reaction ensures that any who harm her face immediate retribution, often leaving attackers bleeding.

When battle turns against her or her allies, Janet seamlessly shifts into a supportive role. Bless (in conjunction with malediction), guidance, and heal bolster companions to swing the tide, while embrace the pit grants her the durability to briefly hold position if cornered. Her Reach Spell and wand of shrouded step allow her to keep herself safely distant, using concealment and positioning to dictate the flow of combat. Calm, commanding, and unshaken, she wages war as she keeps her library--quietly, efficiently, and with no tolerance for disorder.

Inspiration:

= Minerva McGonagall (Harry Potter) =

A perfect model for Janet’s measured authority and quiet compassion. McGonagall’s stern, no-nonsense demeanor hides genuine care for her students--much like Janet’s bureaucratic “kindness through order.” Her sharp wit, restraint, and refusal to tolerate chaos make her an excellent behavioral reference.

= Inara Serra (Firefly) =

Inara embodies a similar elegant composure and moral strength beneath a veneer of diplomacy. Her grace, control over her environment, and ability to assert quiet dominance through presence rather than force mirror Janet’s Asmodean poise.

= Ra’s al Ghul (Batman mythos) =

A lawful villain archetype who, like Janet, believes discipline and control are the purest forms of compassion. Drawing lightly from his philosophy--not his ruthlessness--can help you channel Janet’s view of Asmodeus as a god of structure rather than cruelty.

= Lady Melisandre (Game of Thrones) =

While more overtly fanatical, Melisandre’s serene conviction in her faith and mastery of divine fire magic parallel Janet’s infernal lineage and calm, prophetic demeanor. She demonstrates how belief can fuel quiet certainty even amid horrific surroundings.

= Delenn (Babylon 5) =

An especially apt comparison. Delenn’s diplomatic restraint, moral clarity, and deep spiritual authority embody Janet’s best traits. She is lawful without cruelty, kind without weakness, and inspires loyalty through intellect and principle rather than fear.

= The Archivist or Librarian Archetype (e.g., Cassandra Pentaghast, Dragon Age; Yennefer, The Witcher) =

Like Janet, these characters wield knowledge as power. They command respect through intellect and self-discipline, often walking the line between scholar and enforcer. Yennefer’s pragmatic morality and Cassandra’s firm devotion both map well to Janet’s internal balance between control and compassion.

In short:
Think of Janet as a blend of McGonagall’s discipline, Delenn’s faith, and Inara’s quiet authority, with just a touch of infernal gravitas from Melisandre. She’s not a zealot or a villain--she’s a scholar who believes that order is the truest kindness in a chaotic world.


Ravingdork wrote:

{. . .} Janet Paegin {. . .}

The “tyranny” she practices is bureaucratic rather than brutal: a relentless insistence that all knowledge be cataloged, protected, and preserved from ignorance. {. . .}

I can see that sooner or later, she's going to run afoul of the Order of the Rack.


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Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber; Pathfinder Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber
UnArcaneElection wrote:
Ravingdork wrote:

{. . .} Janet Paegin {. . .}

The “tyranny” she practices is bureaucratic rather than brutal: a relentless insistence that all knowledge be cataloged, protected, and preserved from ignorance. {. . .}

I can see that sooner or later, she's going to run afoul of the Order of the Rack.

That would make for one hell of a plot hook.


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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Lost Omens, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber
Ravingdork wrote:
UnArcaneElection wrote:
Ravingdork wrote:

{. . .} Janet Paegin {. . .}

The “tyranny” she practices is bureaucratic rather than brutal: a relentless insistence that all knowledge be cataloged, protected, and preserved from ignorance. {. . .}

I can see that sooner or later, she's going to run afoul of the Order of the Rack.

That would make for one hell of a plot hook.

Emphasis on "hook."


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Nice characters! I like 'em both. Very minor nit: her Pathbuilder array list's Janet's sex as male. And a question: having been born in the Mwangi Expanse, shouldn't Janet have Mwangi as a language?

I much prefer the Harnmaster way of dealing with languages: you have a native language (the one you were born into) and may have others depending on your background. So Janet would have Kholo as her native language, Mwangi as probably her first secondary language, Taldane as the next one (based on her move to Cheliax), and then others. Of course, Pathfinder's approach is different, but the abstraction level leads to problems. Is "Common" actually a group of languages, and someone who speaks "Common" speaks whatever the common language is where she is? If she moves (Mwangi Expanse to Cheliax for example) does she automatically learn the new "common"? Most people won't care about this, just picking languages sort of at random based on INT mod, and otherwise basically ignoring linguistics and languages as an aspect of the world. And so do I, perforce, when playing this game. But, as they say, I don't have to like it. :-)

Added: Also, nobody calls the language they speak "Common". It's Taldane, or Mwangi, or Tien, or whatever.


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Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber; Pathfinder Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber
Ed Reppert wrote:
Nice characters! I like 'em both. Very minor nit: her Pathbuilder array list's Janet's sex as male. And a question: having been born in the Mwangi Expanse, shouldn't Janet have Mwangi as a language?

Yeah, I cycled through a couple ideas before settling on the current version of the character. The original 1e Paegin was a male gnoll NPC. I decided to take the character on a different, more PC friendly route this time around. I actually forgot to change the sex on the character sheet as well. About a day passed before I spotted it and corrected it. Can't believe I didn't think to check the About tab on Pathbuilder as well. I'll be sure to adjust it.

Also, good catch on the language. Is it established in the game the Common in the Mwangi expanse if Mwangi?

Ed Reppert wrote:
I much prefer the Harnmaster way of dealing with languages: you have a native language (the one you were born into) and may have others depending on your background. So Janet would have Kholo as her native language, Mwangi as probably her first secondary language, Taldane as the next one (based on her move to Cheliax), and then others. Of course, Pathfinder's approach is different, but the abstraction level leads to problems. Is "Common" actually a group of languages, and someone who speaks "Common" speaks whatever the common language is where she is? If she moves (Mwangi Expanse to Cheliax for example) does she automatically learn the new "common"? Most people won't care about this, just picking languages sort of at random based on INT mod, and otherwise basically ignoring linguistics and languages as an aspect of the world. And so do I, perforce, when playing this game. But, as they say, I don't have to like it. :-)

I don't think "Common" covers all the languages like you describe--a character can't take Common, then speak two languages for the price of one just because they're well-traveled. I think you have Common (Taldane), Common (Tien), Common (Mwangi), Common (Osirion), or some other language based on your region, then if you want one of the other "common languages" you spend a language slot (or a feat or similar ability) to get it.

Thanks to various world guides and some adventure paths I know Taldane (Inner Sea), Tien (Tian Xia), Mwangi (Mwangi expanse) (probably), and Osirion (Geb) are all established Common languages.

Ed Reppert wrote:
Added: Also, nobody calls the language they speak "Common". It's Taldane, or Mwangi, or Tien, or whatever.

You're probably right about that! XD


Ravingdork wrote:

Also, good catch on the language. Is it established in the game the Common in the Mwangi expanse if Mwangi?

I don't think "Common" covers all the languages like you describe--a character can't take Common, then speak two languages for the price of one just because they're well-traveled. I think you have Common (Taldane), Common (Tien), Common (Mwangi), Common (Osirion), or some other...

Agree with your last. As to the first, yes, I think in The Mwangi Expanse and probably in some earlier books (Player Core?)

Not sure about Osiriani being "Common" in Geb, although it may be the most commonly spoken language there. GM choice, maybe.


Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber; Pathfinder Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber
Ed Reppert wrote:
Not sure about Osiriani being "Common" in Geb, although it may be the most commonly spoken language there. GM choice, maybe.

I believe it is mentioned in the Bloodlords Player's Guide that all Gebbite players begin with Common (Osirioni) rather than Common (Taldane).


Janet's staff has the flaming rune--magic staves can't have property runes (GM Core page 278, or here: https://2e.aonprd.com/Rules.aspx?ID=3211)


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Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber; Pathfinder Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber
VVKing wrote:
Janet's staff has the flaming rune--magic staves can't have property runes (GM Core page 278, or here: https://2e.aonprd.com/Rules.aspx?ID=3211)

Ah, yes, I had forgotten about that. She had a flaming morningstar originally, but I thought why not just use her staff?

Completely forgot about that last line. I'll get it fixed up. Thanks for pointing it out.

Man! I really liked the idea of her adding scrolls to the staff by appearing to cast them into the flames.


Ed Reppert wrote:

{. . .}

Added: Also, nobody calls the language they speak "Common". It's Taldane, or Mwangi, or Tien, or whatever.

Closest I can think of is in the Star Trek universe, in which English is occasionally referred to as "Federation standard".

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