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If reproduction is so vital to the continuation of the human species, why is it so difficult to detect for an individual when they themself is the flirtee? I can watch an interaction between two people and almost always easily figure out who is into whom. But when I'm the possible flirtee, it's almost impossible to detect?!
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I was never good at picking up flirting cues, either.
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I hate being greeted by staff upon entering a large chain store. I know they're doing it just because some overpaid exec is making them do it, and thus it makes me uncomfortable.
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I love being asked if I need help finding something at hardware stores.
"Can I help you find something, sir" "Yes, where can I find some nails to jam these Christmas lights into an eye socket" "this way, sir!".
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When you have a teenager and a 7 year old with active imaginations every trip to the hardware store is an adventure.
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What is virtue signaling? I tried looking it up, but none of the first few explanations I saw really made me understand it.
I'm no culture expert, but the few times I've heard it I took it to mean 'a word or phrase used to signal values to others.' Like if a new poster posted a highly ambiguous comment about trans people and you wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, you might send him a PM saying "Hi, this is a very inclusive forum, you might want to clarify what you mean before people get twitchy."
I've heard 'virtue signalling' used derisively too.
People who say "no offense" and then say something offense, as if that magically makes it ok. Usually if I'm on the receiving end of this I reply with "no offense but you're stupid and ugly".
Similarly, people who use "I'm just being honest" or worse "I'm just joking" as an excuse to be a jerk.
People who use the term "virtue signalling" unironically.
Most of the things that make me mad are related to language for some reason.
Language is SUPER important, for hard-to-articulate reasons, and it's because peoples' brains don't work 'logically.' Like if someone tells you "I'm just being honest, you sound like a teenage girl," you and other listeners hear that full statement as-is, but what your brains tend to do is:
1. Make tons of unconscious associations between teenage girls, and pile all of those associations into the term. Teenage girl = inexperienced, ditzy, superficial, low on the social hierarchy, jailbait, etc.. This is called framing, and its what drives modern political strategy. (In the U.S. at least.)
2. Remember the subject and adjective above all else; "you" and "teenage girl." Thus, you and other listeners tend to end up thinking "you're a teenage girl," with all of the aforementioned associations applied to you.
3. Associate the speaker with honesty, a basic human value. Thus any negative reactions your brains might have to the implied insult are likely to be undercut/counterbalanced by the speaker's claimed motive. In some cases, you (all) may end up remembering the speaker as being a "straight shooter" or a "tell it like it is" guy, which makes him seem better at the same time that you seem worse.
And what people think of our world and of our fellow people ultimately translates into what we do.
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I love being asked if I need help finding something at hardware stores.
"Can I help you find something, sir" "Yes, where can I find some nails to jam these Christmas lights into an eye socket" "this way, sir!".
"Let's see... I'll need some lye... a couple rolls of duct tape... one of those weed whackers... a box of condoms... oo! Jujubes by the register! And as much motor oil as it's legal to sell me. Thanks!"
I love being asked if I need help finding something at hardware stores.
"Can I help you find something, sir" "Yes, where can I find some nails to jam these Christmas lights into an eye socket" "this way, sir!".
Have you seen Fringe?
One of the characters (an eccentric scientist) asks the following:
Excuse me, do you have any sharper saws? Preferably something that can easily go through bone and flesh?
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I don't know if it's weird but I can't f*$+ing stand flakes and people who aren't punctual. Not occasional, but regular all the time late or don't show up regularly for scheduled events.
Say what you mean. Mean what you say.
If you're going to be 15 minutes late every damn time, say, a game is scheduled, schedule the game 15 minutes later and (this is important) don't be 15 minutes late for THAT! And 15 minutes is generous. I regularly run into people who are 30+ minutes late for stuff, especially if RPGs or other geek habits are involved.
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Bro, if I schedule something fifteen minutes late to account for that, I'm going to be fifteen minutes late to that fifteen minutes later. So it's better for me to keep it at the originally scheduled time on the off chance I show up ontime then rather than ontime fifteen minutes later.
Why can you not simply mean what you say and say what you mean?
...but if last week it took you 15 minutes longer than you expected, why not adjust your leaving time by 15 minutes?
I suppose I understand what you're saying. I don't know. I'm always five minutes early everywhere I go. I don't like to keep people waiting.
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I always find it rude to show up before people tell me to, because they might not be ready for me. The "show up ten minutes prior" in the military was a rough change.
I really do try. I've told myself I need to leave at quarter after to make sure I'm at the office on the hour or earlier, even if traffic slows me down. But I still find myself on the couch at twenty past, because "it's only half an hour to get there".
I do sometimes try to force myself to be well and truly early, especially for gamedays since I can hang around the store for thirty minutes checking the shelves and getting my table laid out.
I do everything I can to be on time for things. I don't always succeed but I do more often than I don't.
Well just because I AM early doesn't mean I walk in. I usually chill in my car for the five to ten minutes on my phone and walk in one or two minutes early. I find it CONSIDERABLY more rude to arrive late than early. By an exponential margin.
Well just because I AM early doesn't mean I walk in. I usually chill in my car for the five to ten minutes on my phone and walk in one or two minutes early. I find it CONSIDERABLY more rude to arrive late than early. By an exponential margin.
I'm with you. I always arrive first and wait outside in my car until the second person gets there, then go in together. We have a start time of 7:30 and one of the guys is rarely there before 8:30 (usually with the excuse "I had to update my character..." like he couldn't do that in the week since last time we played. Grrr).
I still disagree. I know people with kids who are always punctual. I know late people who can and will make it on time to unimportant events they enjoy. It's simply saying it's not a priority, which is disrespectful to the time of others, saying it is not as valuable as their right to be late. We meanwhile sit around twiddling our thumbs because we arrived when we all communally agreed. This in turn causes punctual people to eventually stop trying. It spreads the bad habit.
However, none of this accounts for last minute flakes, which are a plague in our hobby, infesting almost every group. They make late people tolerable by comparison. I dislike lateness. I vehemently disdain flakes. And it's always last minute. They schedule events for the one time we agreed upon, even though they have other days off, and don't let anyone know until the day of even though they knew a week earlier. I wish I could say this was the exception, but in 15 years playing I've had 1-2 flakes in every group I was in save maybe two.
I will admit I've possibly had a string of bad luck, but when I mention this problem it usually resonates with others.
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Once you have kids it's very hard to be on time. Because at the last min, your kid will decide to poo and have to have his diaper changed. That's just going to flat make you late. Or you end up showing up at the venue 45 min before.
This is true to a point but eventually they're potty trained.
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Yeah, then you have another. My nephew is potty trained, my niece isn't, so my cousin is still rather flaky when it comes to timings, they either show up super early, and the kids start complaining the food isn't ready yet, or they show up late.
Anyway, I would not enter into any RL game commitments if I had kids. Except with the kids in our home, of course. But you can't start snobbing off family gatherings, and I would warn my family on my lack of punctuality.
Waitbutwhy article on chronic lateness and it’s causes: Why I’m Always Late.
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I'm almost never late, unless i want to be.
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If reproduction is so vital to the continuation of the human species, why is it so difficult to detect for an individual when they themself is the flirtee? I can watch an interaction between two people and almost always easily figure out who is into whom. But when I'm the possible flirtee, it's almost impossible to detect?!
Preach.
I turn 37 in a little over a month. I have had an interest of sorts for at least twenty-five years. One would think I would pay attention, and be on the lookout. Nope.
The only woman to successfully flirt with me did so by the impossibly subtle method of walking up to me, initiating a conversation, and mentioning that she was single.
If anyone else on the planet has ever expressed an interest in me, I am, as of this writing, totally oblivious to it.
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I'm almost never late, unless i want to be.
...and this guy has two kids, a non-military background, and lives in a place so cold anyone in their right mind would avoid leaving their home for as long as humanly possible.
*high fives the captain*
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It's best to assume you are being flirted with. It doesn't hurt to flirt back. Just stop if they say no thank you. That's the important part. If the person in question expresses disinterest you HAVE to stop. Not only is it annoying as hell, there's 3.5 billion other people of your preferred gender to bother; you're wasting your owm time as well.
I think it has a lot to do with our society's puritanical roots and how sexual interaction is a taboo only being uncovered in the last 50 years, and how flirting is almost a secret way of admitting sexual desire in a society where open admittance leads to shunning among the majority. That's why it's so damn hard to figure out. It's meant to be for third party onlookers.
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It doesn't hurt to flirt back.
...
I have never known how.
Compliments that are overt, questioning availability, and explaining willingness to engage in social activities are good starts. If you're too nervous to ask someone out, hang out in a group and let them get to know you.
The friend zone may be a thing, but you don't put yourself there. They do. If they actually like you, friendship is a bridge to a relationship, not a wall blocking it.
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And don't girlfriend zone them either. If they just want to be friends, let them.
Speaking of the actual thread topic... the number of people I know who seem to think they have enough friends already and won't settle for anything less than a total romantic commitment from the next person with compatible bits is a real tooth-grinder...
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My wife was super specific about no girlfriends.
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That go for both of ya?
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She was also super specific about no extras.
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I dunno. I have found making your intentions plain and clear helps. You can tell someone you're not looking for friends without being a dick about it. It was as simple as
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"I'm interested in you romantically."
"No thanks, how about friends,"
"No thanks, that wasn't my intent. I have friends."
"Okay, have a nice day."
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It doesn't have to go down all:
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"Date me."
"No. I'll be friends though."
"No, I needs sex! Date me!"
"No!"
"You suck!"
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I was clear, concise, and honest, and I found that women appreciated that, as long as (and this is very important) I wasn't disrespectful and/or harassing after given a no. I found that's the key. Accept rejection and move on and don't be jerk. They have every right to not want you as a romantic partner - but it's equally stifling to say you don't have the right to refuse a platonic relationship.
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Weirdly annoying? The difficulty in finding good documentation for modding the Baldur's Gate series of games.
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Also annoying: I haven't had any sodas in a year now, but damn I always crave a Dr. Pepper every time I'm reminded it exists.
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I have a friend who's been off soda over 2 years now. She still craves it.
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If I drink soda, I get gut pains, I feel tired for hours afterward, and there's a good chance it'll be enough to trigger another gout flareup. But Jeebus, the memory of its sweet fizzy deliciousness still comes easily and readily to mind, it almost makes me salivate. Knowing how terrible it makes me feel afterward, it still tempts me powerfully.
Thank goodness I never seriously tried smoking.
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I quit drinking soda years ago.
The trick is to have one every once in a while.
I have one about once or twice a year with a burger and fries at a nice burger place.
No cravings whatsoever.
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I never tried smoking even once. My parents both smoked and I hated it. Dad would ask me why I spent so much time alone in my room instead of watching tv with the family. I told them why and he eventually quit. My mom never did, though.
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Here's a thing that annoys me. My gaming group. We're all very good friends and have gamed together 3 decades, but boy oh boy. I prepared a loot pile for the last adventure with items I figured they could all use as well as some things that were optional and could be used or sold later. So what does the Sorcerer choose? A Ring of Sustenance over a Headband of Alluring Charisma. She never thinks about how Charisma is so important to a Sorcerer. So thus far the Headband is in the "to sell" pile. *bangs head on desk*
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Here's a thing that annoys me. My gaming group. We're all very good friends and have gamed together 3 decades, but boy oh boy. I prepared a loot pile for the last adventure with items I figured they could all use as well as some things that were optional and could be used or sold later. So what does the Sorcerer choose? A Ring of Sustenance over a Headband of Alluring Charisma. She never thinks about how Charisma is so important to a Sorcerer. So thus far the Headband is in the "to sell" pile. *bangs head on desk*
Just tell them point blank "That's a REALLY bad idea"
if they don't listen to your warning, then...well, death probably will eventually show up, because if you don't understand a basic principle like "sorcerers need charisma, you'll likely play tactically poor, and then, well..."Why did I die?"
"I dunno, maybe because you suck at this game. I mean, if you don't learn how to play chess, you lose at chess. Same here. I try to help you, and you ignore me - the guy making all the bad guys and challenges. What did you THINK was going to happen?"
...but then, I'm kind of a jerk.
I never tried smoking even once. My parents both smoked and I hated it. Dad would ask me why I spent so much time alone in my room instead of watching tv with the family. I told them why and he eventually quit. My mom never did, though.
I absolutely cannot be around smoke.
Not only because I've lost too many loved ones (three) to lung cancer, but because I'm literally, physically allergic.
Fortunately, I was raised in a home without - I only experienced physical distress when we were around places where people smoked.
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Just tell them point blank "That's a REALLY bad idea"
Thing is she's a really good player and a really intelligent person. But she just doesn't grok the idea, I guess. I don't tell folks things are a bad idea; I just let things play out and tell them they need to have a backup character. I'm the farthest thing from a killer GM, but sometimes ya just gotta let nature and the dice take their course.
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This is related to flakiness, but it really bothers me when a GM will cancel a game because ONE player won't show up. Oh never mind the rest of us who actually didn't flake, cleared our schedules, and showed up, (or were willing to show up) right? F!$~ us - let's pause the story for one person who decided something else was more important last minute.
Guess what happened tonight.