This kind of seems like too small of a question for it's own thread, but here I go. I'm playing a Goblin Paladin for the amazing RP shenanigans. The idea is basically that he is an otherwise generic goblin, who pretends really hard that he's a wise paladin. Since he's pretending, a lot of his "wisdom" comes out nonsensical and stupid. I figure I'll largely focus on malapropisms and messing up/combining wise sayings(like the bartender in Boondock Saints).
As part of this though, I want my goblin to give himself a title. Like a "Gurgam the witful" kind of thing. But I want it to be dumber/funnier. Something that shows he's trying to sound cool and smart, but too dumb to actually use the right word. Any ideas for said title?
Gurgam the Wiseguy?
- Gurgam the Smitten
- Noblesse Oublier
- Gurgam the Gall Ant
- Gurgam the Knobbly
- Humbler Than Thou
Oooh, I like the Gall Ant. Very nice.
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I remember reading somewhere that in "real life", it took people a long time to figure out that the brain was the seat of reasoning - for a long time, people just assumed that intelligence and wisdom reside in the heart.
I think I imagine Pathfinder Goblins having a somewhat similar grasp on biology...
Except that for Goblins, the source of all wisdom and reason is...
...their stomachs.
Goblins that don't eat become irritable, their voices slur, they become listless and unresponsive, they stop making sense, and it's not because of low blood sugar - it's because hungry Goblins haven't been feeding their voices. They haven't been eating their words.
Eventually, their stomachs start growling and talking on their own, and then starving Goblins typically go on a berserk, feral, wordless, snarling feeding frenzy, until they eat enough words to talk sense again.
Some Goblins talk to their food to smarten it up before eating it.
Other Goblins like to make their food talk while they eat it to make sure all the words are fresh and good... hence all the unfortunate people who get tied up and slowly eaten alive by Goblins while begging for mercy.
Properly pickled food preserves the food's smartness.
For many Goblin tribes, the wisest, smartest Goblins are those that prepare and preserve the community's food. If you want to get the best advice and information available from a Goblin tribe, just follow your nose to wherever the food is being cooked, and talk to the cook. Cooking is one of the greatest and most sacred art-forms known to Goblins, behind singing, doodling, and making fires... good cooking is like a form of magic, and wise cooks are those who prepare food that is least likely to food poison an entire Goblin tribe. Wise Goblins are also the Goblins best able to start cooking fires. It's not uncommon for Goblin tribes to be led by their wisest cooks. Many people believe that both common meanings of the word "sage" came into the Common language from the Goblins, who use the word to refer to any herbs, seasonings, flavorings, or salts added to food, and to the Goblins who cook food.
The wisest Goblins of Goblin history, lore, legend, and art are depicted by Goblin doodlers as pictures of Goblins with chattering faces on their stomachs, and Goblin sages who really want to advertise their intelligence and awe their stupider subjects are known to paint or tattoo big smart faces on their bellies.
Titles for wise Goblins:
* Word-Gobbler
* Speaks With Food
* Wise-Gut
* Smart-Belly
* Chatter-Tummy
* Argues With Pickles
* Big-Belcher
So, may I suggest Gurgam Eats-His-Words?
You've certainly made a compelling and interesting argument.
Bunch of Cool stuff:I remember reading somewhere that in "real life", it took people a long time to figure out that the brain was the seat of reasoning - for a long time, people just assumed that intelligence and wisdom reside in the heart.I think I imagine Pathfinder Goblins having a somewhat similar grasp on biology...
Except that for Goblins, the source of all wisdom and reason is...
...their stomachs.
Goblins that don't eat become irritable, their voices slur, they become listless and unresponsive, they stop making sense, and it's not because of low blood sugar - it's because hungry Goblins haven't been feeding their voices. They haven't been eating their words.
Eventually, their stomachs start growling and talking on their own, and then starving Goblins typically go on a berserk, feral, wordless, snarling feeding frenzy, until they eat enough words to talk sense again.
Some Goblins talk to their food to smarten it up before eating it.
Other Goblins like to make their food talk while they eat it to make sure all the words are fresh and good... hence all the unfortunate people who get tied up and slowly eaten alive by Goblins while begging for mercy.
Properly pickled food preserves the food's smartness.
For many Goblin tribes, the wisest, smartest Goblins are those that prepare and preserve the community's food. If you want to get the best advice and information available from a Goblin tribe, just follow your nose to wherever the food is being cooked, and talk to the cook. Cooking is one of the greatest and most sacred art-forms known to Goblins, behind singing, doodling, and making fires... good cooking is like a form of magic, and wise cooks are those who prepare food that is least likely to food poison an entire Goblin tribe. Wise Goblins are also the Goblins best able to start cooking fires. It's not uncommon for Goblin tribes to be led by their wisest cooks. Many people believe that both common meanings of the word "sage" came into the Common language from the Goblins, who use the word to...
We are not worthy.
Thank you, but please, don't blame me - it's almost entirely the fault of the folks at Paizo who gave the Goblins of Golarion some personality. I just followed the Goblin-logic a short distance from the details they provided :)
I'd never have come up with anything for the default D&D Goblins.
Oh, and I should add: there's an old term that's largely forgotten today, "Belly-God", which referred to gluttons, and apparently inspired those old medieval depictions of demons or devils with faces in their bellies to represent the way that their will is subservient to their bestial gluttony and hunger for evil and mischief. "Belly God" probably has a Biblical origin:
Romans 16:17 - 19
I beseech you brethren mark them which cause division, and give occasions of evil contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned: and avoid them. For they that are such serve not the Lord Jesus Christ: but their own bellies. And with sweet preachings and flattering words deceive the hearts of the innocents: for your obedience is spoken of among all men. Therefore am I glad. But yet I would have you wise unto that which is good. And to be innocent as concerning evil.
Philippians 3:18 - 19
For many walk (of whom I have told you often, and now tell you weeping) that they are the enemies of the cross of Christ, whose end is damnation, whose God is their belly and whose glory is to their shame, which are worldly minded.
I also borrowed a little bit from those ideas.