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Hello? Anyone here?
Um...
I'm looking for my friend? A large Ulfen barbarian, goes by the name THUNDERLIPS!? His normal attire is nothing more than a studded leather thong and some boots. He has long blond hair, a large beard, and a massive amount of chest hair. Oh, and he always carries around his earthbreaker that I refuse to acknowledge by the name he gave to the weapon.
Yeah, ok, where was I? Oh, right. Um, you see he... uh, somehow managed to worm his way into the Blakros family. When he told me about this, he was really drunk. Even by THUNDERLIPS!/barbarian/Ulfen standards, he was lit up. So, there was a get together over at Maldris's place where we were introduced to Madeline Blakros. Calling her homely is is doing a disservice to the woman. Wow. Yeah, ok. Anyway, he- What just touched me? Seriously, what just touched me!
I found his thong in the Petal District. I found bits and pieces of the dress the Blakros woman was wearing in the Petal District as well. I don't know which is worse, seeing THUNDERLIPS! naked or Madeline Blakros naked. Then again, based on what I heard used to happen around these parts you all are ok with images best left unseen. Heh heh, yeah... um, I'll let myself out thanks.
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Uh... Ok.
So have you seen my friend or not? You people are supposed to know all about secret things so you of all people should know where a large naked barbarian with an equally large naked woman would disappear to. Those assho-, I mean well intentioned souls, over at the Silver Crusade lodge are ignoring me. Shouldn't they be worried about finding a lost Pathfinder? I'm talking to my union rep. Oh, that's right. He got bounced for killing The Spider.
Don't call me pet. No one calls me pet. Last person to call me pet went into the ocean a piece at a time. I started with his feet. By the time I got to his prized possession, the screams became a symphony. It helped that some Kuthites were on board as well. Thankfully, the Kuthites were not long for this world when I put in at Ilizmagorti. Those people are just plain wrong.
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"The "herald of ghosts", as my servants reported him to me in the events of the ruckus you describe. It is certainly to the advantage of our home's structural integrity that he is found and turned over to his handler. I presume this is you, madam? If you will but offer me your patience for ten minutes. . ." he says, as a polite gesture accompanied by an arcane word toward a nearby chair scoots the furniture out from the table, "then I shall inform you of his precise whereabouts with a discern location spell."
His heavy gaze falls squarely upon you as he genially awaits your response.
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"Thank you all for, uh," she swats a zombie's hand away, "making us look like the bunch of normal, responsible, non-psychotic, adults that we are." The device in her hand begins to beep, as she turns back to Ms. Quick.
"Excellent, then, I, uh, guess this is for you," she offers Ms. Quick the device.
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An amused halfling in black enameled full plate rides over on a shaved and painted riding dog. (Poorly disguised as a hell hound). The motifs embossed in the armor remind you of cavorting devils. Some of the enamel is worn away revealing the blue silver glint of Mithril.
"Non Psychotic reporting for duty! Have you been a door knocker recently, Wow the rush. Meridoc Esquire, Hellknight of the Scourge, Public Defender, and Zarta's secret Santa. You seem troubled dear, do the zombies need freshening?"
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An Ulfen man with a lute, a silver chain bearing an Asmodean symbol, and a blackened mithral breastplate stands to address the newcomer.
"Hah. Woman of Black-rose is muchly fortunate to be taken by man of the north. He will make her many of the strong and beautiful babies. Yet she must learn proper place and stay at the house while big man slays dragons and brings home meats and monies for family. Black-rose women have problems outstepping bounds, but strong Ulfen men show them the true path."
"By the way, what is name of earth-breaker? Perhaps I write ballad of the legendary lady-killer, not leave out mighty weapon."
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A lady of chilling beauty steps from the shadow of a near by door, her pale skin, light blond hair and blue eyes giving a possible indication of her northern heritage.
"Out-stepping bounds? I doubt she has, although he might have. Not that there is anything wrong at all, with Ulfen Men. It's that the Blakros, or Black-rose as you put it, family have a more matriarchal view on family roles. Ulfen aren't that different, with individuals proving themselves worthy, or would you look down on Shield-Maidens and White Estrid? I certainly hope you don't think little of our dearest Zarta. Or me for having been adopted into the Blakros family."
She pauses, and gives a disappointed look at Juhani.
Noticing the Asmodean symbol about his neck, she adds "And do not the Angels of Vengeance to do as they wish, with His acceptance?"
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A lady of chilling beauty steps from the shadow of a near by door, her pale skin, light blond hair and blue eyes giving a possible indication of her northern heritage.
"Out-stepping bounds? I doubt she has, although he might have. Not that there is anything wrong at all, with Ulfen Men. It's that the Blakros, or Black-rose as you put it, family have a more matriarchal view on family roles. Ulfen aren't that different, with individuals proving themselves worthy, or would you look down on Shield-Maidens and White Estrid? I certainly hope you don't think little of our dearest Zarta. Or me for having been adopted into the Blakros family."
She pauses, and gives a disappointed look at Juhani.
Noticing the Asmodean symbol about his neck, she adds "And do not the Angels of Vengeance to do as they wish, with His acceptance?"
The Ulfen man then turns to the newly arrived woman. "Heh. You see, I have nothing against the strong women idea by itself. I fight alongside a few in my time as a Pathfinder. Only when the women start making their men whipped is it getting into the bad. It is something I have seen in Black-rose, such as marrying that pretty-boy nerd elf at the museum. My woman can kill demons all she wants, but I will never put on a frilly dress and make trenchers in kitchen."
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Look you lot, keep it down around here. Just cause some of us worship the same diety doesn't mean you have to make sounds all hours of the night. Why the Grand Lodge chose to move me above your lodge I will never understand. Uncouth Chelaxian schemers. Some of us are this close to closing a deal with the Liberties....
Normal human.
Normal human woman.
Normal human woman in the Dark Archive.
TRAP!!!
and with a flash of light and puff of smoke the lawyer is gone...
