1001 ways to recognize adventurers
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1. They have no fashion sense
2. They have too much bling
3. when you cast detect magic, you will recieve an instant migrane and avert your eyes in reaction to the pain
4. they are stingy with thier money, they only care about the next piece of magical gear in the small armory they wear.
5. they wear a small armory on thier bodies
6. they have the look of a cold blooded mass murderer in thier eyes, regardless of age, gender, race, profession or background
8. They are covered in blood, bile, cranial fluid, gore, and ichor. Even with no monsters or animals around.
9. They smell of sulfur, bat guano, and other chemical smells.
10. The people in question look like they were caught in an explosion, despite the absence of an alchemical lab on the spot.
11. They smell strongly of dirt, smoke, and body odor, as if they've been camping for a really long time.
12. They seem to subsist on nothing but alcoholic beverages and trail rations.
13. One is armed to the teeth, one looks sneaky, one is piously shining a holy symbol, and one is studying from a ridiculously large book.
17. They never have to go to the bathroom.
18.) They talk about the townsfolk as if they are not actually sitting/standing right there.
19.) They burn down entire hamlets/villages/towns/cities after "taking one ounce of lip too many from mouthy upstart NPCs".
20.) They fail to obey municipal weapons laws.
21.) They kill the lawmen who attempt to enforce #20.
22.) They shout something about " We ARE the law!! " when wandering into town, often right before #21.
23.) One sleeps in full plate armor, one cannot ever be perceived save by scent/tremorsense/blindsense/blindsight, one sleeps inside of a tree and the last one sleeps in an extradimensional space.
24.) They sleep in a magically created - and often magically trapped - house that they created in the newly vacant lot created by fireballing the "lousy flea-infested inn we stayed at way back at 1st level" - repeatedly.
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25. empty bottles (potion, ale, wine, poison, alchemical extracts, etc...) trail him, wherever he goes.
26. pelts, scalps, notches, some means of tallying trophies/coup
27. always answers "What's your last name?" with "Uhhhh......."
28. scars cover her, including 2 new ones from an arrow and dagger, both of which are still lodged in the skin.
29. as #28 above, except she's sitting calmly, sipping beverages, and seems not to notice the implements of destruction protruding from her body.
30. under her armor, he's wearing...lighter armor.
31. When someone mentions the word "deathtrap", you immediately do a flying dive to the ground thinking to yourself: I hope I make my reflex save!
33. The sound of loud belching, farting and other rude noises.
34. The ones who brought the small zoo of animals into the tavern and insist they also eat at the table.
35. The ones who just shouted "There he is, get him!" and all ran out the tavern door with weapons drawn after the seemingly crippled, innocent old man.
36. The guy who talks smack, telling you he could beat you with one arm tied behind his back, as he starts casting buffs on himself.
37. The Halfling who is attempting to convince his friends he is NOT a Rogue... loudly in public.
38. The Gnome who points his wand threateningly at passing townsfolk hoping that it might miss-fire and increase his death toll.
39. A Dwarf urinating in the corner, saying "Everyone stand back, I'm searching for slopes and trapdoors".
40. A Dwarf rubbing(smashing) an Elf up against a wall, loudly telling him "Keep looking, there's a door there somewhere, I know it!"
41. You find a trail of headless bodies of various species.
42. A Halfling is suspiciously fiddling with your neighbor's door knob, all the while telling the stern looking man in brilliant fullplate behind him "I do have a key! Hold on, that was the wrong one. Lemme try another."
43. The one dressed in black leather say "oops!" and all his/her friends run screaming in various directions.
44. Only guys in town walking around with a 10' pole.
45. Can't understand why people charge extra to stable a tiger (or refuse altogether).
46.Have a wagon for their things, but still don't trust each other enough to not carry around back-packs full of their stuff.
47. They stop moving and talking once every six seconds in times of stress and danger to think for 5 minutes. And no-one takes advantage of them doing so.
RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16
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48:
Awkwardly tip their waitress in solid gold coins, because they "couldn't be bothered" to take the silver.
49:
9:00 - They leave their rooms at the roughneck inn, armed to the teeth, faintly glowing with a riot of magical auras.
9:15 - They return to their rooms at the roughneck inn, satisfied with the results of a good day's work.
50. They're the only ones who never change or replace their shoes, tunics, and undergarments.
51. The less the females where the harder it seems to be to hit them.
50. They're the only ones who never change or replace their shoes, tunics, and undergarments.
51. The less the females where the harder it seems to be to hit them.
52. There is only one female in the group.
53. the token loli is the most dangerous member of the entire group.
54. They are suspicious of townsfolk that exclaim "t-t-t-they aren't e-e-v-vil" and who are backing away slowly from the adventurers that just finished slaughtering a few people right after exclaiming "Their evil!".
55. Four people who entered town from opposite directions sit at a bar, nod at each other and proceed to act like old comrades in arms.
56. It takes them two days to get through customs because the properties of each magic item must be independently verified.
57. The customs officers are dead and they walk into town sporting enough weaponry to equip a small mercenary force.
58. The entire local economy depends on them and when they leave for higher CR locales, the economy collapses, the local shops filled with a glut of magical weapons they cannot sell and have no use for. Shortly afterward, the economy recovers as farmers using +2 Wounding plows and +1 Holy adamantine pitchforks discover a new level of productivity.
59. They are the only people in the world who turn their noses up at +1 Longswords.
60. When there's something strange in the neighborhood.
55. Blue boots, Red shirt, silver armor, green gloves, Black cloak, One gold ring, one platinum ring, one copper necklace..a yellow hat...none of which are from the same culture, decade, or even the proper size. or ...conversely everything that put on suddenly matches and fits !
56. The guy with the cross around his neck always seems to react last when the fight starts.
57. The big green guy or the lil guy with hair on his feet is often the reason that same fight got started...
58. When ever they come into town, the shop keep who makes 300 gp a year can suddenly come up with the gross national product of a small nation in liguid assets to fence all their crap.
64. When one is mortally wounded, the universe stops for fifteen minutes as the laws of physics and magic are double-checked by the powers-that-be to see if it's possible for them to survive at all. Everyone else dies the moment they go unconscious.
65. They talk about strange, eerie magical devices that no one has ever heard of, despite being learned sages. Things like 'Television' and 'The Internet.'
66. They also sport an encyclopedic knowledge of what other characters can do, merely by finding out their profession and/or race.
67. They are honestly surprised (and then angry with the Gods) when the find out an opponent out matches them as a group.
69.) They seem to be Masons in their "day job", talking incessantly about "levels", "eeps" and other strange words that must surely indicate their high ranking in that secret society.
70. Even for those whose professions would indicate a need for secrecy and anonymity, they crave attention and are very distinctive.
Missed #68, or it got removed. *shrug*
71. They shout "INITIATIVE!" for a battle cry.
Missed #68, or it got removed. *shrug*
71. They shout "INITIATIVE!" for a battle cry.
Earlier posts have the count mixed up...
72. They are the only ones who teleport in the middle of the market square.
73. They are the only ones who enter a house in a village by bashing in a door.
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74. A board drops, glass breaks, or some other sharp noise occurs. The people in question:
A. Draw at least 1, if not 2 or 3 weapons and assume a battle stance.
B. Vanish from sight, whether through skill or simply going Invisible
C. Turn into a bear/snake/dragon
D. Calmly rewind time to retrieve the dropped plate before it hits the ground.
75. This is a reasonable exchange:
Halfling: Where's the closest place to get a couple barrels of ale?
Sailor: Oh I don't know, down the end of the block at the Crooked Mast
Halfling: Dimension Door
about 30 sec later
Halfling, now carrying a full barrel of ale which weighs more than he does: Dimension Door. What, you expected me to carry that all the way over here?
Sailor: But, what about all those wagons ans horses and teamsters and stuff?
Halfling: Oh. Oh well, this was faster.
76. They treat the ancient and profound arcane ritual that allows a magic wielder to bind force from the magical ether around them and in so doing, creates a coherent and infinitely fast missile attack that unerringly strikes its target and can kill a man where he stands...
...with nothing more than barely disguised contempt.
76. They treat the ancient and profound arcane ritual that allows a magic wielder to bind force from the magical ether around them and in so doing, creates a coherent and infinitely fast missile attack that unerringly strikes its target and can kill a man where he stands...
...with nothing more than barely disguised contempt.
Priceless.
77. They exclaim with exasperation that they cannot purchase The Holiest of Holies with the King's ransom in their pockets.
78. They individually carry a King's ransom as "spending money".
79. They are so paranoid/perceptive that even the most talented pick-pocket in the local thieves' guild cannot filch that King's ransom.
80. Part of the reason for 79 is that said King's ransom is carried in a folded tablecloth made from spun aether and phase spider webbing.
81. They complain that the town's booze is not up to standards at 1,500 gp per serving.
82. They buy slaves out of their contracts only to indenture them for all of their remaining days to reimburse that buy-out.
83. Upon the deaths of the indentured servants from 82, they animate the cadavers as scroll caddies and torch-bearers.
84. Every one in town breaths a sigh of relief that the zombies from 83 were not animated on desecrated ground to prevent some nameless Gawd from decreeing that the new scroll caddies did not crave fresh (humanoid) brains to stave off the pain of undeath.
85. They hire commoners with promises of "hazard pay" and "bonus pay". Sadly, the remains are (sometimes) returned with a 5 gp "next of kin benefit" by courier.
86. They smell like dragon breath.
87. And don't notice it any more.
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92: They ride horses everywhere they go...
93: but never mention feeding them...
94: and as soon as they enter the town, they dont even bother to find someplace to keep the horse tied up and make sure its taken care of...
95: and just assume the horse will be ready and waiting to go right when they need to leave.
100. They can't bring themselves to enter a tavern named, "The Ravenous Rustmonster."
101. no matter how negatively it will impact a community's economy, they will get thier hands on the finest magical equipment the people of the area can provide, accompnaied by threats of death to people that do not comply. if any of these pieces of magical equipment do not meet thier standards. the entire community may not survive long enough to see it's next month. either by means of a cold ruthless aggressive massacre or by means of a bloody Coup De'tat.
102. They assume that every single village in the world has at least one tavern and one inn. Any village that does not meet the requirements will quickly be left / set on fire by the adventurers.
103. They can have very long arguments on moral questions, but killing goblins is always the right thing to do. They deserve it for being green, after all.
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104. (possibly 103a) When a moral/ethical argument between the Wizard and Paiadin breaks out, it is the responsibility of the Rogue/Fighter to solve it. This means the Rogue/Fighter kills the goblin babies and proceeds to search the next area for traps.
"We can't just slaughter them...that's wrong," says Sir Gallant.
"They're monsters. They're evil, and that's just the way of it," retorts Mr. Magicyguy.
<soft stabbing sounds>
"Guys, problem solved, do we go North or backtrack to the previous stairway?" asks guilt-free Roguey McStabbyface
105. They never take off their armor. Ever.
#107- They're the group surrounding the mysterious old man at the corner table in the tavern.
.108. Basically, they're murderous hobos.
109. They're people who've never met each other before, but all wander into the same tavern at nearly the same time.
110. If they need to find out vital information from an important person they are the ones who will instead spend half-an-hour quoting Pratchett/Douglas Adams/Monty python/Red dwarf or describing their money-making idea for ventriloquists on the radio.
111. They respond to any questions about their family/clan/tribe/spouse nearest-and-dearest by telling you in a bored monotone that said persons are either dead, unknown or rejected and disowned them at an early age.
112: As a result of 111, they are emotional basket cases.