Whilst those who have made the top 32 wait nervously to discover that they have and what their next assignment will be, and those of us who haven't wait for sudden disappointment, I thought I'd post a thread for gag villains on this forum.
So, to get things rolling:
Froodlepip Bignose, crime-lord:
Spoiler:
(awakened elephant Rogue 10)
Description:
One of the most feared figures of the criminal underworld of a Taldan city, Froodlepip Bignose is an awakened elephant, of several centuries of age and experience (he is a regular purchaser of Sun Orchard Elixir from Thuvia, which he uses to extend his life) and with a long memory for grudges. He still harasses the descendants of a since defunct band of 42nd century AR mercenaries called ‘Abadar’s Trumpeters’, for reasons long forgotten by everybody apart from him. He arrived in the city with a gang of Katapeshi thugs and hired spellcasters one dark and stormy night a little over two hundred years ago, and by the time that dawn broke the bosses of the city’s then leading criminal syndicates were dead (some personally trampled to death by Froodlepip) and it was clear that there was a new player in town. Several more months of violence and fighting rocked the city’s underworld, before the surviving fraternities submitted to the authority of the newcomer, and Froodlepip’s dominance has been unchallenged ever since.
Froodlepip is unusually dark-skinned for an elephant from the Mwangi Expanse (where he appears to have originated) and on moonless nights or in situations where light is otherwise absent or in short supply, is surprisingly stealthy if he goes out ‘undressed’. He prefers to reside in his subterranean lair ‘Dimity Mansion’ wearing clothes tailored to elephant-size in the latest fashions, and has a team of eight pagwumpi ‘personal assistants’, led by a gnome simply known as ‘Paulus’, to ensure that he is always dressed to the height of sartorial elegance. When cigars are fashionable, he smokes them vigorously.
Whilst efforts by various servants and retainers over the many years to persuade him to drop the name ‘Froodlepip’ have failed (he apparently has a sentimental attachment to the name) he has permitted himself to be persuaded to adopt the affectation ‘Bignose’ – a reference to his trunk, his uncanny ability to sniff out the secrets and doings of the rich and powerful on his home-turf, and to the fact that he has ‘his snout in practically everything’. Politics, guilds, protection-rackets, food, commodities, arms & armour magical or otherwise, and spell-casting services – Froodlepip has men and women on his payroll in all these enterprises, ready to do his bidding. His current chief enforcer and spymaster, a sinister diminutive sabre-toothed hamster by the name of Sabaoth (who may or may not be an eldritch knight victim of a polymorph gone permanently wrong), has an unfortunate habit of being able to turn up, unobserved, and wait almost anywhere whilst supposedly secret conversations are held. Sometimes he calls down a murderous storm of spells before reporting back to Bignose.
Schemes/Plots/Adventure Hooks:
Froodlepip has a fine collection of drums, and is interested in adding a magical instrument that the PCs recently acquired to his collection. He sends agents to retrieve the drum ‘by any means necessary’. They make an offer, and if that isn’t accepted, simply take the drum when it is unattended or when it is protected by only one or two PCs.
On the last day of every month the beautiful half-fiend Jubilee Jericho shows up at a tavern known as ‘Gaudy John’s’ to receive petitions to Froodlepip from the common people, merchants seeking to set up shop in town, or other people not sufficiently close to Froodlepip’s inner circle to be able to call at Dimity Mansion. If the PCs need to make contact with someone important in the city’s underworld, any basic attempt to gather information will inform them that this event is where they should present a written petition. Jubilee’s demented elderly father, Thomas Jericho, is the owner of the tavern, and will tip his daughter off before she shows up in the common room if he thinks anyone looks likely to make trouble for her.
Froodlepip invites the PCs to Dimity Mansion to discuss a ‘mutual problem’ with him. An elven bard with an enchanted harp that bewitches humanoids that hear its music has shown up in several nearby villages, and is preparing to lead a ‘peasants' revolt’ against the authorities in the city. Naturally, if the civic leaders raise and send out any normal force to put down the gathering, the elf will bend them to his enchantments too. Froodlepip wants a group with ‘some chance of protecting themselves from mind controlling magic’ to go out and deal with the threat. He doesn’t care what they do about other aspects of the situation, or if they smash the harp, destroy it, or simply remove it to somewhere ‘very secure’ – he just wants the harp ‘away from his turf’. In return he offers a good reward – including using his contacts with Thuvia to obtain the PCs a couple of vials of Sun Orchid Elixir should they need such a thing.
City deliberately left blank because I didn't want to go against canon in sources outside my collection (EG Cities of Golarion), and also so crazy GMs who actually want to borrow this may adapt it to their own campaigns.
And yes there is some inspiration here from a couple of passages of Dorothy L. Sayers... ;)
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That crazy??? Oh dear. That sounds bad for your players...
:D
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A lich bard that uses his ribs as a xylophone. Not as crazy Dumbo's Cousin Vennie, but still crazy.
EDIT: Or a house filled with awakened cats, lead by a cat-folk druid, with a room or two holding kitten swarms. What person(with morals anyway) could possible bring themselves to hit kittens?
You may also "steal" bunny/puppy/duckling/flying monkey swarms.
Or a swarm of hatchling gold dragons(think of all the breath weapons!).
If you can't tell, I like swarms.
As do I, I'm particularly fond of chicken swarms. Stirge swarms are lots of fun too.
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Calixymenthillian wrote:
As do I, I'm particularly fond of chicken swarms. Stirge swarms are lots of fun too.
Chicken swarms... that brings back N64 memories...
Mike Welham
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An awakened jellyfish with winged boots who pretends to be a flumph. "Naw, baby, I'm a good-aligned creature, and I'm really ticklish on my underside. Don't mind the tentacles."
Few villains can match the evil of Barton and Snarbuckle, vicious half-orc assassins equipped with a surprisingly-effective disguise: an enchanted horse costume. Many an unsuspecting victim has fallen to the cunning pair's equine ambushes: Wandering too close to a seemingly-innocent nag, their prey only discovers the faux-horse's deadly intent as the assassins spring their trap.
Enchanted with an unusual variation of alter self, the costume enables Barton and Snarbuckle to take on the seeming of any sort of horse. It doesn't increae the half-orcs' strength, so bearing a rider is generally out of the question.
Sean McGowan
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Sir_Wulf wrote:
Few villains can match the evil of Barton and Snarbuckle, vicious half-orc assassins equipped with a surprisingly-effective disguise: an enchanted horse costume. Many an unsuspecting victim has fallen to the cunning pair's equine ambushes: Wandering too close to a seemingly-innocent nag, their prey only discovers the faux-horse's deadly intent as the assassins spring their trap.
Enchanted with an unusual variation of alter self, the costume enables Barton and Snarbuckle to take on the seeming of any sort of horse. It doesn't increae the half-orcs' strength, so bearing a rider is generally out of the question.
And if nothing else, Avinash and the Catspaw Marauders suddenly have a new pair of archnemeses...
Few villains can match the evil of Barton and Snarbuckle, vicious half-orc assassins equipped with a surprisingly-effective disguise: an enchanted horse costume. Many an unsuspecting victim has fallen to the cunning pair's equine ambushes: Wandering too close to a seemingly-innocent nag, their prey only discovers the faux-horse's deadly intent as the assassins spring their trap.
Enchanted with an unusual variation of alter self, the costume enables Barton and Snarbuckle to take on the seeming of any sort of horse. It doesn't increase the half-orcs' strength, so bearing a rider is generally out of the question.
The closest I have to this one (and this is in a SERIOUS horror campaign, mind you), the main villain is an unborn fetus demonically controlling his mother, sensing through her senses, manipulating events, slowly gaining levels along with the PC's...
And when the time is right, one of the players will get to help bring him into the world...
And then everything goes horribly, horribly wrong.
Sean McGowan
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Rebis Ouroboros wrote:
The closest I have to this one (and this is in a SERIOUS horror campaign, mind you), the main villain is an unborn fetus demonically controlling his mother, sensing through her senses, manipulating events, slowly gaining levels along with the PC's...
And when the time is right, one of the players will get to help bring him into the world...
And then everything goes horribly, horribly wrong.
Whilst those who have made the top 32 wait nervously to discover that they have and what their next assignment will be, and those of us who haven't wait for sudden disappointment, I thought I'd post a thread for gag villains on this forum.
So, to get things rolling:
Froodlepip Bignose, crime-lord: ** spoiler omitted **...
This reminded my of a story a friend told about real life ninja elephants. They can be very stealthy when they want to be, and smart enough to use mud to silence bells fitted on their necks so they can come and go as they please at night (usually to steal bananas), washing the mud out before morning.
Eric Morton
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carborundum wrote:
Mynameisjake wrote:
I once ran an all halfling campaign where the villain was an evil squirrel.
I once ran a TOON campaign where the villain was an evil squirrel :-)
I once ran a campaign set in Super Mario World. The villain was exactly who you'd think it would be.
Mike Kimmel
Developer
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Epic Meepo wrote:
carborundum wrote:
Mynameisjake wrote:
I once ran an all halfling campaign where the villain was an evil squirrel.
I once ran a TOON campaign where the villain was an evil squirrel :-)
I once ran a campaign set in Super Mario World. The villain was exactly who you'd think it would be.
Oddly enough, in the game Super Mario RPG, the villain is not exactly who you think it is going to be.
Way back in 2E I had a DM who had us encounter a village of talking squirrel's. We slaughtered them outright for being 'freaks of nature' then we found another animal village, this time of talking turtles. We took the time and turned every one of them on its back to bake to death in the sun....we were not a 'good' party.
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Charles Scholz wrote:
You stole the bunny idea from me!!
Prepare to make ammends. We meet at dawn with our dueling d20s.
Bring it ya kill-thief!
And you have never suggested bunnies as swarms, only rabbids. ;P
Description:
Nong Nang has the form still, given to him by a witch of Irrisen more than a hundred years ago, of a blue and white china teapot of oriental design and patterns. Then he was a human wizard, fresh off a ship from distant Minkai, looking to steal the secrets of the daughters of Baba Yaga. Unfortunately for him at that time, he was caught by the first witch whose lair he violated the sanctity of, and for his impudence she turned him into a teapot. But the curse left him with intelligence still, trapped in a porcelain form with little flexibility.
Over many years Nong Nang bided his time, watching and waiting, with little to do other than plot and terrified of moving against his ‘mistress’; but during that time he did learn many secrets of magic and when the witch whom he had served as a brewing pot finally expired he decided to finally make his move – only he found himself still trapped in teapot form, even though the witch who had laid the curse was now dead. He was forced to adapt his plans, and wait until a distant relative of his late mistress arrived, and to assert control of her by means of subtle whispers and carefully worked spells. Now he uses her as his hands and eyes and ears in the world, making ready the preparations for the day when he will seize control of first the north, then of the whole of Avistan, and then spread his dominion ever further until the entire world is under his control.
Nong Nang has become, forced by circumstances, a master of casting spells with neither gestures nor components nor words. He has some ability to move and speak, but when around unfamiliar individuals he simply shuts up and pretends to be a normal teapot, whilst furiously communicating with any allies or minions in the area by means of telepathic bond spells of which he is extremely fond. More than one party of adventurers has carved their way to the heart of a location where he was overseeing some phase of operations in his plans for world domination, only to ignore the innocent seeming teapot that stood on an apparent master of the premises’ shelf or desk. Nong Nang is well protected by abjurations against casual damage or discovery for what he actually is, and even his abjurations are protected against discovery by yet still more magic designed to confuse spells that normally detect the presence of magic. He has in recent years directed the creation of a group of winged monkeys who often steal items or documents he needs to further his plans, and he likes to keep one or two of them handy to ‘fly him out of trouble’ if necessary.
His most valuable ally and asset is the relative of his late mistress, a witch by the name of Sekrina Pukkleduck, who is actually quite pretty for a witch and now in her late thirties. Amongst his other, grander plans, Nong Nang is currently investigating if any means might exist by which he can impregnate her with his child. As his most trusted servant, and the only one apart from his squadrons of monkey thieves who know who and what he actually is, he is careful to keep her out of harm’s way as far as possible. She is (under various magical disguises) all six members of the highly reclusive board of directors of Irrisen’s Nong Nang Trading Company (who for obvious reasons never show up in public more than one at a time unless it can be managed with simulacra or illusions).
Nong Nang’s most promising current plan for control of the globe involves breeding an army of slavishly loyal conifer trees which will march into enemy lands and spin around unleashing hails of deadly pine needles into the ranks of enemy populations, or flick exploding pine-cones. He intends to use gate magics to deploy these fearsome troops, and is concerned by the recent lack of progress of some of his agents to track down an enchanted drum which has a map on it that would help in locating a lost artefact useful for just such magics. The corpse of the last agent to fail was brought back to Irrisen from Taldor for him to personally interrogate with necromantic magics, and reported that the only person or thing he saw just before the gigantic bell that ended his life plummeted onto him was ‘a cute little hamster with sabre teeth’.
Schemes/Plots/Adventure Hooks:
One of Nong Nang’s recently discarded plans involved attempting to hold countries to ransom by threatening their livestock. A shipment of ‘livestock feed’ grain that causes cows to swell up with methane gas over a couple of hours before exploding was part of this plan and was lying forgotten in a warehouse before a criminal gang happened upon it and sold it to a merchant who shipped it overseas. Now the PCs must investigate what is causing the cattle in their part of the world to mysteriously expire, deal with those responsible, and ensure that there is no more of the grain around. Some of the sacks carry partially removed traces of the words ‘Nong Nang Trading Company’.
Thugs hired by thugs hired by the Nong Nang Trading Company try to persuade the PCs to get them a copy of a map painted on the side of an enchanted drum currently in the private collection of a Taldan crimelord by the name of ‘Froodlepip Bignose’.
The PCs come across a village in the middle of a Mwangi jungle where everyone has been killed. The ground has been churned up as if a herd of dinosaurs had been driven through it, many of the dwellings have burnt down, and for some reason the corpses are all perforated with thousands of pine needles. And yet search though the PCs may, there isn’t a single non-tropical tree that they can find in miles… The only sign of unusual visitors are some odd remains that look like they may have been part of a magical gate and a number of packing cases that bear the words ‘Nong Nang Trading Company’.
A mute gibbering mouther, that took up the bard class. now has perform wind instruments, prefers the bagpipes. However he has lost interest in actually eating adventures and now strives to be a famous 1 being concert and woe to any that gets in his way.
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