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Oh sure, when HE wishes it, it's ok, but when I actually DO it, there's screams and recrimination and--what's that? Dice? He said 'dice'? Not--you know, never mind... I'll just take this outside where I found it... and that one... and just don't look in your sock drawer for a while.
GAH! *flees*
Red dot? RED MOTHERF$#~ING DOT?! SMASH KILL DESTROY!!!
CELLOPHANE!!!!!
*de-nips*
It’s our culture!
*locks eyes; slowly and deliberately knocks Erwin Schrödinger off shelf*
*locks eyes with Mark Zuckerberg; slowly crashes Facebook for no apparent reason*
*eats half of rats; leaves other halves strategically located for maximal midnight impact*
*puffs up to twice normal size; slowly circles uttering guttural profanities; sprints in random direction when nearby squirrel coughs*
*drags half-eaten thread into house and leaves it on most expensive item that will also absorb blood*
*knocks salt shaker off table for no apparent reason*
*unearths thread; eats half of it; vomits it back up onto person's head at 3:00 AM, for reasons*
*volunteers to take third shift watch; horks in everyone's empty boots for no discernible reason*
*locks eyes with rest of tavern; slowly knocks mug of ale off table for no discernible reason* |
