Jimmy Buffett's page

WELL, WE GADDAH HOLD AWN, TO HOT GREEK SNOT!

IT DOESN'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE IF WE'RE NAKED OR NOT!
WE'VE GOT PEACH UDDERS, AND THAT'S A FLUFF FOR NUTS,
THE GIBBET IS SHUT!

AAAAAUW, WE'RE HALFWAY THERE, WOAH-OH! GIBBON ON A PE-EAR!

♫ Oh, no! Putin on a bear. ♫

♫ Stacey's Mom turned me into a frog! ♫
♫ I'm eating flies and live inside a log! ♫
♫ Stacey can't you see she has placed a spell on me! ♫
♫ Now I'm in a bog and look just like a small green frog. ♫

♫ You are the Prancing Thing! ♫
♫ Tongue in cheek ♫
♫ Only seven teeth ♫
♫ Rancid Bling ♫
♫ Meals are sweet coming in tureens, oh yeah ♫
♫ Hugh banned ants ♫
♫ Yew sand I've ♫
♫ Lasting the lime on your knife ♫
♫ Ooh, Bees pat burls ♫
♫ Hatch that teen ♫
♫ Rigging the chance's spleen. ♫

♫ Nod brave hour spacious bream ♫
♫ Prawns sieve the global spleen ♫
♫ Cods lathe sour cream ♫
♫ Mend lures, kick boars for us ♫
♫ Nappys sure smell, worn thus ♫
♫ Strong brews rain from thy truss ♫
♫ Sod making Queen ♫

Did I do it right? Gotta practice for my show in Dublin. I know they love the royal family there.

♫ He was a boy. ♫
♫ She was his mom. ♫
♫ Can I make it any more Oedipus? ♫

♫ You got a friend in horse ♫

Freehold DM wrote:

lisamarlene wrote:

My kids.

WW had been asking for gyros, so I made homemade garlic flatbread, smoked eggplant for baba ghanoush, grated cucumber to mix tzatziki, and marinate and pan-seared lamb chops.

The children ate the bread. Only the bread. Because eating lamb made them sad, and now I'm a terrible person.

EDIT: BABA ghanoush, not ABBA ghanoush.
Curse you, autocorrect.

I'd take a chance on your gyros.

I must not quote ABBA lyrics.

I must not quote ABBA lyrics.
I must not quote ABBA lyrics.

Yay! Made my Will save!

♫ Fry-day fights and the mites are slow. ♫

♫ Say, don't bounce your elf off yet ♫
♫ It's lonely in your shed, you feel me now ♫
♫ And took clowns down ♫

♫ Just pee your shelf ♫
♫ Buy anything you can ♫
♫ A dozen batters put their talents south ♫
♫ Wild Uruguay ♫

♫ It just bakes some limes ♫
♫ Hiddleston you're in the little aqua side ♫
♫ Leavening, leavening will see mist rise ♫
♫ Freddison, Freddison mills all the rice ♫

♫ Oh, you can't bake potatoes in a fryer. ♫
♫ Don't even try to do it sire. ♫
♫ You'll just end up a lonely crier. ♫
♫ And your wife will sleep with the postman. ♫

♫ Vacation, ball is what I wanted ♫
♫ Staycation, no way I would get away ♫
♫ Bay Station, glad to be bent or prone ♫

♫ The head bone's connected to the neck bone. ♫
♫ The neck bone's connected to the neck bone. ♫
♫ The neck bone's connected to the neck bone. ♫
♫ The neck bone's connected to the neck bone. ♫
♫ The neck bone's connected to the neck bone. ♫
♫ The neck bone's connected to the neck bone. ♫
♫ The neck bone's connected to the neck bone. ♫
♫ There are seven cervical vertebrae! ♫

♫ Hold me closer, Tony Danza ♫
♫ Tie my hands up good and tightly ♫
♫ Blind my eyes with strips of satin ♫
♫ Don't let me know what's coming my way ♫

♫ Spider-Man, Spider-Man ♫
♫ Does whatever a spider can ♫
♫ Everything's going dark ♫
♫ I don't feel good, Mr. Stark ♫
♫ Look out! There goes the Spider-Man! ♫

♫ Caesar are you okay? ♫
♫ Are you okay? Are you okay, Caesar? ♫
♫ Caesar are you okay? ♫
♫ Are you okay? Are you okay, Caesar? ♫
♫ Caesar are you okay? ♫
♫ Are you okay? Are you okay, Caesar? ♫

♫ You've been hit by- ♫
♫ You've been struck by- ♫
♫ A Roman Senator! ♫

♫ Mine eye have seen the glory of the bare-assed Master Vid ♫
♫ He is gouging out the eyeballs of the low down dirty squid ♫
♫ He will lose his shirt and dark brown pants at the dropping of a hat ♫
♫ His dong isn't that long! ♫

♫ Sorry, sorry, what a silly little guy ♫
♫ Maury, Maury he is just a little shy ♫
♫ Furry, furry he is hiding in the shrub ♫
♫ His schlong is not that long! ♫

gran rey de los mono wrote:

Hmm...I wonder how much you could piss off your players if you implied that there would be a lot of grappling monsters ahead so they would load up on spells to get out of it, and then you just didn't have those monsters use their grappling attacks?

Imply they should expect grappling monsters and let them choose their spells/magic consumables without GM comment.

Then throw several encounters at them with opponents swinging from/descending/climbing lines attached to grappling hooks.

♫ Grappling Bears! ♫

Jimmy Buffett wrote:

♫ The two "Rs" in JRR Tolkien stand for Rockin' and Rollin' ♫

♫ Down to the Grey Havens I be strollin' ♫
♫ But the eagles poke at my head, not fun! ♫
♫ I said eagles...hmmm...stop it now! ♫

We need a parody of seagulls stop it now for every genre. Do love craftian horror next!

♫ I don't do requests ♫

♫ The two "Rs" in JRR Tolkien stand for Rockin' and Rollin' ♫
♫ Down to the Grey Havens I be strollin' ♫
♫ But the eagles poke at my head, not fun! ♫
♫ I said eagles...hmmm...stop it now! ♫

♫ He's not as sharp as that righteous CD ♫

♫ We squatted the motion ♫
♫ Met the Ned of the Braille ♫
♫ There are they mowing ♫
♫ Go-karts in May ♫

♫ Dead bodies sold bee ♫
♫ That Mrs in space ♫
♫ Share everything fettered ♫
♫ Banned boxing ring's face ♫

♫ Stalk on the notion ♫
♫ Pet all the bones ♫
♫ Desh becomes otter ♫
♫ Good incomes gnome ♫

♫ Country gnomes, take my bones ♫
♫ To a space, where they are long ♫
♫ Half past seven, Meet Virginia ♫
♫ Lick my phone, sun tree domes ♫

♫ It's Freehold, Freehold, Freehold o' the manly blackness! ♫
♫ He loves to bike, he likes to have meals, and MLP makes him weak in the knees! ♫
♫ Freehold, Freehold, Freehold will abscond with your wives! ♫
♫ Yay Freehold! ♫

(Sung, vaguely, to the the tune of this.)

♫ Yeah, that's my job! ♫
♫ It from me you would rob. ♫
♫ Now I need a tall, cold drink. ♫
♫ While I sit here and watch my dreams all sink. ♫

♫ Dinosaur-shaped cake, ♫
♫ Takes how long to bake? ♫
♫ Or should it be deep-fried in boiling hot oil? ♫
♫ Drumming up six drinks. ♫
♫ My iPod will not sync. ♫
♫ Hell, those simps sure are looking to spoil. ♫
♫ Basting a roast outside of a Coupe de'Ville. ♫
♫ Lurching towards a hot Quaker-type thot. ♫
♫ Some folks will say that either way is okay, ♫
♫ But I know. It's "you're", not "your". ♫

♫ 2 bits. ♫

<Sings a two-hour symphony of whines, howls, barks, and whimpers entitled "Let Me Out Of My Sleeping Crate Please Humans">

♫ Let me out of my sleeping crate, please, humans. ♫

♫ Let me out of my sleeping crate, dear human. ♫
♫ I will be so very good you won't believe. ♫
♫ You can rub my puppy tum, ♫
♫ Or scritch my head and bum. ♫
♫ Just let me out so I can run and play! ♫

♫ Why are there so many songs about rainbows? ♫
♫ When I know what's there inside. ♫
♫ Mages and Wizards, some cast illusions. ♫
♫ While rogues never have anything to hide. ♫
♫ "Sow wheat" we're told, and some fools believe it. ♫
♫ They're f*cking wrong, come and see. ♫
♫ For I have found it, the crossbow connection, ♫
♫ With Point Blank, Precise Shot, and thee. ♫

♫ Belles will sing ving-a-king-a-wing, schwing-a-Ming-a-Bing ♫
♫ And you'll bring me a cellar ♫

♫ When the moon hits your knees and you mispronounce trees ♫
♫ Sycamore ♫

♫ I believe there are Slaadi among us ♫
♫ Sent down to us from somewhere chaotic ♫
♫ They will egg you, and me, to carry their children ♫
♫ It's so we will not live ♫
♫ This gift to us they give ♫
♫ And leave us here to spawn their kids ♫

Me, I'm just a lawnmower

You can tell me by the way I walk

♫ Well you can tell by the way I hit that stalk ♫

♫ Ewe were twerkin' as a mattress in a fox kale car ♫
♫ Been eye set true ♫
♫ I flicked a trout, my books are cup and spurned through a clown ♫
♫ Burned Sue into gum sum blue ♫
♫ How live fears gator on, prove hot the whirled at your peas ♫
♫ Suck less mass Tim so sleazy for glue ♫
♫ But don't courgette it's bee goo put flu bear zoo are cow ♫
♫ Sand buy man put hue sack drown moo ♫

♫ Been dew lure near Lee tore ♫
♫ Wouldn't book true in the sky ♫
♫ Ewer trussed like a range gel ♫
♫ Pure chin stakes wee try ♫
♫ Chew boat Mike's a leather ♫
♫ In a mutable whirled ♫
♫ By fish eye was miss shell ♫
♫ You're sew chuckin' Bess chill ♫

♫ Butt I'm a creek ♫
♫ I'm a riveeeerrrrrrrr ♫
♫ What's the smell I see over beer ♫
♫ Pie won't pee strong deer ♫

♫ I do-on't have the heart ♫
♫ To let down this guy ♫
♫ 'Bout singers' fates ♫
♫ And the graves where they lie ♫
♫ My name has so bad heat ♫
♫ Band is sufferin' woes ♫
♫ They slide down the floor boards ♫
♫ With their wonderous 'fros ♫

♫ Pie well sin too a learnin' sing of choir ♫
♫ Fie sent clown, gown, drown ♫
♫ And the planes flew drier ♫
♫ Sand, it turns, querns, sterns ♫
♫ The sting of pyre, the thing of shire ♫

♫ Spy me as I swoon ♫
♫ And get me gray above the bars ♫
♫ Bet me flee but things are spiked ♫
♫ On soup a tern and gars ♫
♫ In brother fjords ♫
♫ Fold by bands ♫
♫ Fin motherwards ♫
♫ Flay and miss me ♫

♫ Vid goes down ♫
♫ Fun tree bounds ♫
♫ Eff'em on the Oreo ♫
♫ Just three or two ♫
♫ Sand the fan on the tune ♫
♫ Boozin' clowns from cold sack toads ♫
♫ Cow baby won't glue took bat see at clay ♫
♫ True mow bears only sew such eye ban rake ♫
♫ Pause you take ghee wanna ♫

♫ Bananas are crumb cake ♫
♫ Vampires hate sun stakes ♫
♫ Ya'll are just jurists hearing me toil ♫
♫ Plumbing is missing ♫
♫ Sound in the grunt thing ♫
♫ Hell those crimps are forgetting to soil ♫
♫ Basted a turkey then in Harry's Rita Mill ♫
♫ Perching on a moss Quaker and halt ♫
♫ From steeple plain bat wears a Roman champagne ♫
♫ Mutts don't stink ♫
♫ Zits fold in the malt ♫

♫ It's better than what you de-ser-erve ♫
♫ When you poke fun at it ♫
♫ I'm more than you can re-ser-erve ♫
♫ Don't you go and pick at it ♫
♫ If you don't like me ♫
♫ Then go suck a tree ♫

♫ It's that time of the day ♫
♫ To drink burgers and say ♫
♫ I wish that I had sailed away ♫
♫ I just can't stay long ♫
♫ Gotta sing a new song ♫
♫ And wow this tequila is strong ♫
♫ I didn't try ♫
♫ To forget how to fly ♫
♫ But I fell into that there pig sty ♫
♫ So I'll take a cruise ♫
♫ Try to heal up this bruise ♫
♫ And make some delicious stews ♫

♫ Hey Vidders, you can climb ♫
♫ You're a vine, before your time ♫
♫ Hey Vidders, *clap clap ... clap* ♫
♫ May spitters ♫

♫ Vidders vidders bo-bidders ♫
♫ Banana fana fo-fidders ♫
♫ Me my mo midders ♫
♫ Vidders ♫

Vidmaster7 wrote:

gran rey de los mono wrote:

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to hand him the money. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said,
"Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me."
The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much,to which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 year"

Ok this is my new favorite gran joke. This one is good.

Of hearse it is.

♫ A hearse is a hearse, of curse of curse. ♫

♫ Cake is ooouuut of the oven! ♫
♫ Now to let them cool. ♫

♫ Caaaaake in the oven! ♫
♫ Desire in my eye. ♫

♫ Balloon a frittata ♫
♫ Covered in mayonnaise ♫
♫ Saloon Ensalata ♫
♫ Paint so gassing praise ♫
♫ Hit beans Joe furries ♫
♫ Bore the best of hour frays ♫
♫ Nits are goblin trees ♫
♫ Phil's on his knees ♫
♫ Full moon in the pasta ♫

captain yesterday wrote:

Today is my day to shine.

blinded by the light

♫ Dressed pup bike a spruce, adjuster funner in the bight. ♫

gran rey de los mono wrote:

Sharoth wrote:

gran rey de los mono wrote:

NobodysHome wrote:

...

Email #1: "I always play a half-elf and I never heal."
...

Picture this: The party has finished a fight. Several members are injured, including her. The cleric (assuming you have one) decides to channel positive energy to heal everyone. They roll a 5. You say "Okay, everyone heals 5 HP, except for No Girl. Nothing happens for you." "What?!? Why don't I get the 5 HP?" "Because you never heal. You were very specific about that in your email. You even italicized it. So, you don't heal. Ever."

~laughter~ Oh, that is wickedly awesome!

Edit - Or make it that magical healing doesn't work on her due to a curse laid upon her.

Isn't that mummy rot?

That would be a rotten thing to do to get wrapped up like that.

♫ Another mummy in the night ♫

♫ When I stalk in the spot, this is what I see ♫
♫ Gelflings stop and they be staring at me ♫
♫ I got essence in my hands and I ain't afraid to show it ♫
♫ Show it, show it, show it ♫
♫ I'm Skeksis and I know it ♫
♫ I'm Skeksis and I know it ♫

♫ Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle....... ♫

♫ Bit's closed to Sid's fight ♫
♫ Nothing weevil's searching in the park ♫
♫ Blunder the soon bite ♫
♫ You be a kite that almost pops your tart ♫
♫ Lou fly to Rheem ♫
♫ Nut bearers make the pound before you bake it ♫
♫ True heart to breeze ♫
♫ As Borat books you light between the thighs ♫
♫ Boar Kara lies ♫

♫ Coz this is Miller ♫
♫ Pilsner Light ♫
♫ Obi-Wan's gonna brave through ♫
♫ From the geese about to bike ♫
♫ Pru blows it's shriller ♫
♫ Filler tight ♫
♫ You're writing for your knife ♫
♫ Beside a hiller chiller alright ♫