You are the newest members of the Licktoad Tribe. Or at least hope to be. For now, though, you're whelps-ravenous, amoral, grumpy goblin children who learned to stop eating rocks and mud only a few months ago. But with every day that passes, your whelping cage seems smaller and smaller. The outside world increasingly beckons to your goblin curiosity (and appetite), but the hateful cage bars hold you at bay.
There are whelps who flourish in the cage, even as the smaller and weaker ones are thinned out. Kettlehead stands literally head and shoulders above the competition, being a goblin of impeccable flatulence and having already fashioned himself an impressive hat from a teapot lying too close to the cages. Even adult goblins—legendary Chief Rendwattle Gutwad among them—have taken note of Kettlehead and his advanced skills of poking the rest of you with sticks and delivering bruise-inducing noogies.
But today is special. Today, instead of a bucket of fish heads, whelp-wrangler Loptop brought a key and unlocked the door to your cage, spilling you sorry lot into the world for the first time. Other Licktoads gather around, eyeballing you and chewing on the fish heads that should have been yours.
“You all are too big for cages,” Loptop snorts. “But you’re not Licktoads yet. Licktoads
gotta be useful. Licktoads gotta be tough! Licktoads gotta earn
their places in the tribe. And that’s what you’re gonna do now!
Show us where you belong, even if that ends being the boneyard!”
----
Image of Loptop -- Loptop is a female.
Guel eyes Kettlehead with what can only be described as extreme prejudice. Except in Goblin, where there are lots of ways to describe it and more ways of enacting it.
The whelp listens as Loptop yabbers about stuff. As far as Guel is concerned, just being out of the cage is enough. Except for one thing.
"Whassa boneyard?"
Jugdaz moves furtively out of the cage, making sure to be in the middle of the group so as not to draw attention.
He is unsure about what exactly Loptop means, but has no intention of asking a question.
He prepares to mend a weapon or conjure water (albeit without a container) if asked to demonstrate his usefulness immediately.
If Loptop is suggesting they go out into the Brinestump Marsh, he will look to join up with a group that looks strong, though he is a bit leary of Kettlehead.
Knowing exactly what the Boneyard is, Jugdaz cringes a little when he hears Guel speak up.
Beaknose clomps out of the cage and looks around at his new world. He takes a big sniff, inhaling the smells. Smell the same, he said. Boneyard smell new?
Beaknose bounces his crude dogslicer against his leg as he eyes Kettlehead. Kettlehead head make good squish ball for game. Is that useful?
Loptop goes over to Guel, and smashes him on the head with her club.
"You not smart goblin. Put you on bones job, if you survive tribe challenge."
Looking over the remainder of the whelps, she stops in front of the larger Kettlehead.
"Brave Kettlehead warrior no baby. You take friends and start toad adventure.
Kettlehead cuffs two nearby whelps, and drags them along by the leashes he's made for them. "Largest toad belong to Kettlehead! Leaving the pond area, Kettlehead is showered with gifts as he makes his way out of the village.
Chief Rendwattle Gutwad takes a seat at the edge of the muddy clearing, formally announcing that the whelp challenge will commence.
Loptop steps forward, motioning to one of her assistants, who carries over a cage with a large spider in it.
"First challenge for whelps, tie rope around spider, and keep tight. Each get one try."
Beaknose scrambles forward and picks up the rope. "Beaknose show you all!"
Guel fixes Loptop with a malificent glare and rubs his head. He listens attentively to the rules of the challenge, trying no to focus on the chief's horribulent form.
Unfortunately Guel trips over before even laying a hand on the arachnid.
Loptop watches, snickering under her breath.
The spider turns on each of the whelps, attempting to dig its fangs into the soft, squishy whelp flesh.
vs AC 17
vs AC 16
vs AC 14
"Stupid whelps not last long in swamp."
Her assistant wrangles up the spider and you get another try.
Beaknose lets out a loud snort. "Stupid spider. You make Beaknose look stupid." Beaknose lets out a scream as he charges at the spider again.
Guel yelps when the spider tries to bite him but redoubles his efforts. Sadly the spider just evades his grasp...
Loptop starts laughing, holding her belly as she nearly topples over.
The gathered crowd starts throwing fish heads and rotten vegetables at the whelps.
vs AC 17
vs AC 16
vs AC 14
-----
-----
The spider's fangs sink deep into Beaknose's hand, forcing him to drop the arachnid.
Having come so close last time, and down to his last go, the voice that talks to Jugdaz suggests he grab the spider enclosure fence, shake it around while throwing his head around like a maniac. Having prepared, the Ultimate Jugdaz has another go!
Beaknose shrieks and puts his bitten hand in his mouth. "Phad, phad ydar!" he yells around his hand.
Shaking the pain away, Beaknose calls to Guel. "Wise goblin once say teamwork make the dog dead. Maybe make spider dead too? Distract it, Beaknose jump on it."
Giving Guel a moment to catch the spider's attention, Beaknose charges at the arachnid again.
Guel looks on in consternation as Beaknose is bit. First Jugdaz. Now Beaknose. Guel does not want to be next! He doesn't understand how to help Beaknose and still succeed at his own attempt - he merely dives in...this time manages to grab the spider but can't quite even hold the rope. Guel's eyes bulge as he sees the rope slither out of his grasp and the arachnid bear down on him...
Free Action: Wet loincloth
The spider blinks its eyes, maneuvering itself towards Guel's urine-soaked loincloth.
vs AC 17
vs AC 16
vs AC 14
-----
This spider's venom has been expended, so only the 1 HP damage for Beaknose and Jugdaz.
-----
Loptop comes over to inspect the spider, and thumps Guel over the head with her club. "Why you break Fang-fang's mouth?"
Guel has had enough. He does not want to be hit again. He brazenly brandishes his scythe, fashioned out of a wagon spring, wire a rusty bolt and a clothespole. He holds his weapon between himself and Loptop.
"Owowowowow!!! You no hit Guel. You tell Guel wassa boneyard!?!?"
The older goblin sneers at Guel. "Boneyard where dead whelp live."
She eyeballs the sickle, and moves on to inspect Jugdaz's knot. "Maybe you bring back biggest toad."
Jugdaz looks as though he’s listening to a conversation no-one else can hear for a moment, then puffs out his chest and pipes up
”I can take dese two and still beat Kettlehead to da biggest toad!”
Guel can sense the tide changing in the wind. Or ...something. He thinks quickly. Like really quickly.
"Yep. He can!"he shouts, trying his best to seem righteous. Or right. Or just-not-wrong.
"Kettlehead get big headstart. Maybe no toads."
Loptop looks over at Guel and his sickle, then steps back to her assistant.
"Next you whelps do happy beat."
Suddenly a scrawny goblin steps out of the crowd, carrying a drum. He starts thumping out a tribal dance beat, and the rest of the tribe goes crazy.
Hooting and hollering, Loptop indicates that you should start.
the tribe’s delight. Each whelp’s attempt deals 1d3 points
of nonlethal damage to himself. The whelp can make the injury entertaining with a successful DC 15 Bluff or
Charisma check, gaining a circumstance bonus to this check equal to the amount of nonlethal damage sustained. Whelps can retry this challenge so long as they remain conscious.
Damage roll, then bluff/cha check
Guel's mind nears overload as the beat pulses. He has no idea what is expected of him until he sees the jeering leering crowd go wild for hijinks. Guel's flesh creeps and a cold sweat escapes in runnels from his armpits. Eyes bulging, and casting feverish glances left and right begins to sway, scythe held out and up. He tries to jump over the horizontal pole of the haft while still holding it.
He skins his shin very very painfully and falls.
It basically looks like an arhythmic and very unfortunate mess.
Beaknose clambers to the highest point he can easily reach and begins juggling some of his interesting rocks while balancing on one foot. Losing his balance quickly, he falls to the ground, as do his rocks, conking him in the head soundly.
Picking himself up, dusting himself off Guel pokes out his tongue in imitation of a snake, then, thrusting his scythe into the ground by the haft attempts to limbo under it, arms held out wide to the sides.
Sadly for the crowd, the scythe isn't stuck into the ground very well and the blade falls on Guel's twice already bumped head.
Jugdaz climbs high similar to Beaknose, then cups his hand to his ear hoping to inspire some applause. When he fails to get any, he digs in his ear for some wax, then conjures his own applause with Ghost Sound. Then he does a Frog Splash on to Beaknose, after which he will heal Beaknose with Cure Light Wounds(if he manages to land on him).
Failing to land on Beaknose, Jugdaz hits the ground fully splayed out, again trying to be too ambitious and not getting to where he thinks he will.
A small group of goblins encircles Jugdaz, poking him with sharp sticks, not allowing him to move. Loptop runs over squealing with joy.
"This whelp not ready for Licktoads. Get him back in cage."
They start herding Jugdaz towards the water's edge, and the whelp cages.
Guel tries to distract the crowd from Jugdaz' incarceration by merely jumping around like a frenetic ragdoll, with some impressive head thrashing to accompany it.
Wow. Like very impressive. So impressive that Guel has suffered a neck injury. But do the goblins care?
Nope. Guel cannot Goblin-mosh.
Beaknose clambers to his feet. Running as fast as he can, Beaknose plants his hands on Loptop's shoulders and leapfrogs the whelp-wrangler. His fantastic leap ends in a belly flop on the ground.
Loptop swings her staff wildly at Beaknose, and misses spectacularly. She twirls herself around, and winds up getting tossed to the ground, trampled under dozens of goblin feet.
The drumming stops as Chief Gutwad comes waddling over like a diseased penguin.
His assistant, Slorb, stops to pluck Loptop out of the mud. The whelp wrangler swoons on her feet for a momwnt, then joins the chief.
"Whelps greatest seen for many moons," Gutwad says, a malicious grin on his face. Drool drips from his filed fangs, a piece of a dead squirrel lodged between his teeth.
"Whelps rest in big-big shack tonight." He indicates the largest structure, which is his den.
"But first do chores," he finishes. "Loptop give job."
The chief turns away, with Slorb in tow.
The crowd quickly disperses, and you're left with your whelp wrangler.
Jugdaz channels Gollum and says"No, my precciousss freedom - please Jugdaz can do chores too! Jugdaz tied spider up!"
Guel feels shame. Not for soiling himself, that's just Goblin etiquette. But because he can't catch spiders. Can't tie knots. And can't win the approval of the tribe. And now Loptop is going to give him a job.
Guel holds out his scythe, menacing Loptop.
"Guel no want job. Guel no want Loptop. Loptop give Loptop job of go away!!!"
Loptop stays clear of Guel's scythe, and tells him, "You go away across water, meet Ribnutz and protect village."
She flicks Beaknose's oversized schnoz, and tells him he'll be helping Tumm over at the pig pen.
"Loptop have special job for Jughead. You make magic clothes with Grammel. Make big-toad magic."
"Magic?" Jugdaz ears perk up when he hears the word. "Jugdaz likes magic!"
He then runs pell mell to where he's observed Grammel might be.
Beaknose rubs his nose. "Pigs smell better than whelp cage; Beaknose happy with pigs."
Guel lowers his scythe.
"Goodfine. Guel find Ribnutz. Protect village."
He looks at Lootop.
"Across water. Which way dat?" he asks without any mention of how to get across..
Loptop directs Guel across the fetid water of the pond. On the other side of the pond, you see a goblin standing on a tree stump, swinging a meat cleaver around with practised efficiency.
----
Beaknose is sent to the pigpen (#3 on the map), where he finds Tumm, a gangly goblin wearing coveralls. "You no get poo shield," Tumm cryptically says.
"Get clean grass dirty," he tells Beaknose, handing over a pitchfork.
----
Jugdaz finds himself standing in the doorway of a hut filled to the roof with scraps of cloth, glass jars, potted plants, and an assortment of smooth, shiny rocks.
From the bottom of one of the piles of cloth, you see two legs kicking, and hear muffled screams for help.
Jugdaz leaps into action, saying "Jugdaz help" and he grabs the legs and pulls this goblin out.
Jugdaz gets a female goblin free from the clothes avalanche, and sees that she's quite attractive.
"Why you stare at Grammel?" she asks. "Put tongue in mouth and help make magic."
She goes about picking pieces of clothing from the pile, then turns back to Jugdaz. "You not Tak. Where magic helper?"
Jugdaz starts as he realises he's busted. "Ummm, not know Tak, Loptop say come here help Grammel do chores. Wait! You say magic? Jugdaz has big magic from spirit!"
Jugdaz then casts Cure Light Wounds to prove it.
Guel grabs his scythe and makes his way across the water, even encumbered as he is the crossing is not difficult.
He clambers out of the water and brandishes his scythe again.
"You Ribnutz?" he asks - after the clobbering he received from Loptop he is unsure of his reception.
Beaknose stares at Tumm for a moment then smiles. Things made sense now. "Get clean grass dirty. Yes, Tumm." Beaknose salutes with the pitchfork nearly blinding himself with one of the prongs.
Beaknose hurries away from Tumm to an area of clean grass. Looking back toward his supervisor, Beaknose gives a wave and a huge smile as he flips open his loin cloth and squats over the grass.
Grammel looks Jugdaz up and down, then pulls out a mean-looking dagger. "You steal Grammel's job, I stab you in eye. The blade disappears into her dress. "For now though, use big magic to make patches. They help whelps on great adventure tomorrow.
-----
Ribnutz looks at Guel's scythe, and shakes his head. "We find you real goblin weapon." He starts off into the swamp, expecting you to follow. Eventually you come to a small pile of animal bones. Ribnutz pushes the bones aside, revealing a small cache of weapons. "No tell Licktoads," he says, inviting you to choose a weapon.
-----
Beaknose finds himself in a standoff with a pig. The pig has been rooting around in the muck, and has revealed a small metal box, and is now guarding it. If only there was something g to distract it with.
Jugdaz will mostly do exactly as directed, but can’t help himself from trying to put Cure Light Wounds into one of the patches. He will try and do it at a time when Grammel doesn’t appear to be paying too much attention in case she takes umbrage.
"Pig face! Hey, pig face want rat?" Beaknose pulls out a pickled rat from his bag and gives it a sniff and a sad, longing look before tossing it away for the pig.
Guel shakes his head back at Ribnutz in a strangely Ribnutzian fashion. "This goblin weapon is a goblin weapon. Proper." he says adamantly. He begins to sift through the pile.
"But mebbe you got one extra properer." Guel finds a scythe, this one made from, surprisingly, a stout, if shorter than usual scythe handle, and a crosscut sawblade cut down into a scytheblade. Guel holds it up triumphantly.
"You Ribnutz. You no know proper like Guel know proper for Guel. This proper!"