The Flaxseed Pathfinder Lodge: Explore, Report, Cooperate!

Game Master Redelia

"How fleeting is fame...Trotter Flaxseed, the gent who founded this lodge nine years ago. Feckin' brilliant archaeologist."

Oh .... I did not know that. Please ... tell me more.

A tall but physically weak looking elf walks in. He is wearing a haramaki and a spell component pouch that indicates he is using magic regularily. His pale skin and clear blue eyes are in strong contrast to his jet-black hair.
The elf looks around with an arrogant smile.

"I'm looking for a mission that's worth my precious time. Was there anything interesting announced yet?"

"I never adventured with old Trotter, so I couldn't tell you much about him. He got the idea for the Lodge from Maximo Interresante, I believe, who started a bar for Pathfinders. I played drums there a time or two...haven't been back in years, though."

What was the name of the Lodge you played drums at. I might have performed there once or twice

"Maximo's Hideaway." He taps out a syncopated rhythm on the djembe he carries. "Been closed for a while now, I think. Not sure what became of old Maximo, either."

Huh ..... no sorry ... not familiar with the name

Lady Alya De Qill A tall high elf walks in, stops and looks around the room. She has a simple Black and Silver uniform on, No armor, just a slim fine blade, and dagger on her belt.

She walks to a table and orders a black coffee and cream.
sipping it she listens to the music, while waiting to see if anyone
needs a investigator.

She doesn't look like she needs an investigator but she waves and smiles over at the newcomer.

The smile of the elf turns into a frown when he realizes the lack of interesting work. He then turns to the barkeep.

"One glass of elven wine."

She doesn't look like she needs an investigator but she waves and smiles over at the newcomer.

Smiles back and joins the halfling for a drink and gossip.

I'm Rani. Acrobat and Escape Artiste Extraordinaire.

"I'm Lady Alya De Qill, Lesser noble have no fear, I inherited just a title. I work for a living, I'm a Privet Investigator"

She slips over a business card.

"Nice to meet you, Rani. An Acrobat and Escape Artiste, sounds exciting, I have to ask, what has been your most extraordinary escape?"

Erm ... the bottom of Absalom harbour? Rani replies, not quite getting the question. She then pauses a bit.

Oh ... I see what you mean .. erm ... Stonespire Island. I was posing as a slave to infiltrate some slavers and take out their leader who had been using this magical mirror to scry on slaves who had scrying targets on them, all over Absalom and who knows where else

Alya looks down and seems to be contemplating her next words.

"Slavers, I have a real problem with Slavers. Beings with souls should not be chattel."

She looked around the room for a moment,

"I have hunted down more than one slaver"

My mother was a Bellflower and I intend to follow on her work while entertain and find paths. One of the reasons I trained in escapes - besides, it's fun and a challenge. I LOVE challenges, and daredevil stunts *grins*

"Your mother sounds like a wonderful woman. My mother is a Lord's wife, lots of dinner parties and glad-handing. I don't know her that well. Gave me to a nanny the day I was born, then shipped me off to private school as soon as I could walk. That could be why I like finding lost things so much"

Say says sipping her drink. Alya is the very word stoic when she says this. Then she smiles at Rani.

"I was told halflings have large exstaned familys."

Some do, yeah. I'm actually the eldest of triplets - by a minute. Next is my sister Prilla - she's a druid, and the youngest is Milo, a psychic or psion or something like that. We're not identical though but similar, for instance, while I'm a blonde, Prilla has light brown hair and cute freckles.

We're all members of the Liberty's Edge faction but a few years ago, Prilla switched to Dark Archive. She gets very defensive when I ask her why, just saying that Zarta made her an offer she couldn't refuse.

Mom used to be a circus performer before she got married. I've learnt most of her tricks.

"Fascinating"

She nods,

"Have you ever been to Arcadia? They have a cliff labyrinth. You could try that if you like getting out of things"

All I know if Arcadia is that it is a distant land far across the ocean from here. So no, I've never been there

As for escaping a labyrinth, that sounds like something that should be done with very pleasant company.

So, what stories do you have to tell?

She looks up at the rafters and lets out a long breath.

"I lost my wife of late. She headed off to do some bloody work for a pirate warlord in the Shackles Islands. The ship she was on blew apart so they say. Black powder magazine went up mid-battle, and nothing left but splinters. The only good thing is she went fast. Yes, I would be upset if she had gone slow and in pain. Better this way."

Then she laughed to herself.

"She had a temper on her something fierce, I bet she is playing merry hell in the boneyard, "

She takes out a small locket, opens it, and shows Rani the image inside.
An attractive red-haired human female about 30ish in clerical robes.
Closing the locket. She slips it back into her pouch.

Pickup her drink she downs it in one, and waves for another.
When the bar lad comes over, she hands him her glass.

"Bring me a pitcher of beer, and a bottle of that Old Rock Dwafven-Whisky, Two mugs and two shot Glasses, do it fast and there is a silver in it for you"

She pays the lad and sends him on his way.

She is pretty Rani replies My condolences. I'm between girlfriends at the moment

So. Are we drinking to her memory?

Lady Alya nods

"Annie, her name was Annie Greenwold. But she liked me to call her Ann, Said it was what her mother called her. And yes two glasses each"

She added as the drinks come, she pays the lad a silver and pours two beers and two Whiskies, She passes one of each over to Rani, Holding up her shot class.

"Here's to Ann and old loves and our loves to come."

And down the drink in one, she holds her head up letting the strong peaty whisky slip down her gullet. Shudders and then leans back into her seat. Picking up her beer. takes a sip.

Rani also downs her shot
Amen she gasps, not being used to this stuff.

Seeing Rani down her shot, Alya pours two more, but dose not drink her. She sips her beer.

"The thing about getting drunk, is there are seven stages of Alcohol Intoxication."

She counts them off on her fingers,
"Stage one Sobriety, or Subclinical Intoxication, as in not even a wee bit dunk"
A finger goes down.
"Stage two Euphoria. where most like to be"
Another finger
"Stage three, Excitement, arr the stage where love and Dance come in"
and another
"Stage four, Confusion. and so many a love was had here"
Almost a hands full down.
"Stage five, Stupor, Sleepy sleep time"
on to the other hand
"Stage six Coma, I have seen so many half-orcs hit this one hard"
and the last finger drops
"Stage seven, Death or Alcoholic poisoning, take your pick, ya you want to stop at 5 max. So which of the five should we aim for?"

Then an evil grin crosses her face.

"I know, let's play a drinking game, The winner gets the other as her personal bedroom slave for the night, The rules are simple, we take turns to tell each other jokes, and if we make the other laugh they have to drink a shot and a beer. The last one standing wins."

She places the two full shot glasses in the middle of the table.

"What do you say?"

Oh .. I am SO in for that ... and to be honest, I prefer the slave role. The thing about being an escape artist is that one can choose not to escape when one can.

I think the highest I've been is Stage 4. That's when I get dragged off to ... well ... I guess you can imagine. Or Prilla drags me home - or was that Stage 5 - I'm not really sure.

She sips her ale.

So ... who's first?

She busts out laughing and then stops herself suddenly

"O! crud, looks like you did"

She Drinks her shot and then downs the beer.

She belches a little then refills her glass and cup.

"My go, How many elves does it require to take out the garbage?"

Ah .... *ponders for a bit* One I suppose ... although I suspect it depends on what sort and how much garbage there is

"Five! One yes indeed to carry the bucket but four more to sing a song of its loss"

She waits to see if Rani gets it.

Rani just groans

OK. Here's one. It is so beautiful, colorful, and magical lives up in the sky, but yet it is unable to fly. What is it?

She waves her finger

"Ahah no riddles we play with jokes, It's lighter we are after. And every elf child knows that one, Rainbow"

Silly me. that was one of my favorites when I was a kid. I'll take a forfeit

... and a shot. Your turn

Alya takes a deep breath and starts.

"A Half-Orc is approached by an elf sex worker in an Inn. The elf sex worker says, ‘This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for 300 gold as long as you can say it in three words.’ The Half-Orc replies, ‘Hey, why not?’ And pulls out gold from his pouch, slamps 300 coins down on the bar, Then says slowly to the elf. ‘Paint…my…house.’

Oh by the ghods. Rani says between giggles. That's a classic but it's still good

How am I gonna top that? But yeah, it's probably just as well that Prilla and I, being twins, didn't become witches. Cause Mom might have trouble telling which witch was which.

"Ha I see what you did there, If two witches watched two witch wristwatches, which witch would watch which witch wristwatch?"

She takes a breath

"Answare is, each witch would watch which wristwatch belonged to which witch's wrist!

She nods at the Rani.

" And that's another riddle Rani, Drink! come...on Rani, jokes, you're a Halfling, the very definition of fun, unlike us stiff old elves, you must know some great jokes."

OK OK OK .... How about this one? She takes her drink and then says

A human woman comes home to find her human husband in bed with a female halfling. She screams at him "You said you wouldn't cheat on me anymore!" to which he replies "I know... can't you see I'm trying to cut down?

Lights so hard she falls back off her seat, climbing back up she takes her drinks and downs them.

In a deep human-like voice

"That was self-deprecating, alright how about this one.

Deep breath,

Ranger!" the man demanded. "My wife recently gave birth to an Elf! And you are the only Elf anywhere around here, everyone else is human! Explain yourself!"

In A light elvish voice

"Now, don't judge too harshly," The Ranger answered and pointed towards the boars in the man's front yard. "You see, boars are normally brown but that one was born white! It's just one of nature's mysteries that you have to accept."

In a deep human-like voice

"Fine, I understand, Ranger,

Lyra leans in close into Rani's ear, in the same deep human voice and whispers.

"I'll stop talking about the Elf child, and you stop talking about the white boar, alright?"

As she does she places a hand on Rani's shoulder. She holds there to see the reaction to her joke.

Reminder: this lodge includes children, so content posted needs to be kept appropriate.

Rani just sits there for a bit, looking slightly confused, then as it dawns on her she slumps forward burying her head in her arms and seems to be quivering a bit. It's unsure whether she is laughing or crying. After a bit, she looks up.

That was .... awful ... a right groaner. And maybe we should stick to cleaner jokes for the younger Pathfinders listening.

Soooooo ..... What do you call an adventurer running towards you in the dungeon? Don't call them anything, get running too!

Stands back up and waves to the bar help.

"Can you bring is the finger food platter for two, and the red-spiced pickles with corn chips"

Then looking down at Rani says

"I hope you like spicy food"

She takes her seat again and drinks her beer.

"That was a real bad dad joke. Alright a clean joke, A poor Blacksmith who was unemployed for a long time decided to open a medical clinic. He puts a sign outside the clinic: "A cure for your ailment guaranteed at 500 gold; we'll pay you 1,000 gold if we fail."

Blacksmith: "Congratulations! You've got your vision back! That will be 500 gold."

Rani chuckles at that.

Yes, that was one of my father's jokes and as for spicy food, as long as it is not too spicy. Otherwise I'll be going for the ice cream.

She takes a drink. OK ... no more dad jokes. Trouble is, my father had quite a lot of those. Oh. Speaking of ice cream, I knew this person who was in the ice cream business but he decided to quit. Said he hated working on Sundaes

Looks puzzled

"Was that last part a joke if it was I don't get it Sorry"

leaning back.

"If it's a contemporary human culture joke, they just pass right over my head. Humans, goblins, and orcs, they all live such short lives. They seem to then rush into change, I just got into human pipe music, and now it's all strings again. like that joke I just told, that was new a hundred and twenty years ago! And now you're telling me it's your dad fev joke."

She leans in.

"All this, Elfs are stuffy this! and hoarrty that!, from other races, its not that at all. It's just by the time we get to you anyone, not an elf or a tree, they die of old age. Cutrial trends like zip past us. Take these black powder guns showing all over the place nowadays. None of that when I was young. Crossbows were still seen as a fad. Gods knows what will come next. O I must be getting drink, just it that crump stage"

She chuckls

"Its way most Elfs sound like parents to other races, One of my ex's said that to me once"

"All this, Elfs are stuffy this! and hourty that!, from other races, it's not that at all. It's just by the time we get to know anyone, if not an elf or a tree, they die of old age. Don't get me started on Cutrial trends like zip past us. Take these black powder guns showing all over the place nowadays. None of that when I was young. Crossbows were still seen as a fad. Gods knows what will come next. O I must be getting drink, just it that crump stage"

A young, attractive male elf with shoulder length auburn hair and wearing comfortable commoner's clothing scoots back in his chair to get closer to the two ladies. He turns his chair to face them and cocks an eyebrow at Lady Ayla.
"The plural term is elves, missy. Not elfs. And we're hourty? By the gods, what does that mean?” he inquires with an annoyed expression. He then leans in closer to Lady Ayla and whispers loudly over the din of the tavern.
"You should watch your tongue when talking about slavery 'round here. There might be Liberty's Edge faction members in here that would jump at the chance hauling in any 'slavers' to gain reputation (Faction Journal Card missions) with their Venture Captains." he says with a smirk.

He then gives the elven lady a wink and a cocky grin.
"The name's Corenthiir, by the way. Now then... I couldn't help overhearing your little joke contest and, before they haul you out of here for being drunk, I thought I'd tell you one of my own... You ready? Alright then..."

Corenthiir takes a deep breath, then tells his joke...
"A dwarf was strolling through the woods one day when he happened upon two gnomes arguing at the base of a dead tree.
'What seems to be the problem?' The dwarf asked the gnomes.

The gnome scoffs, turns to his friend, and says,
'Heh. Stupid dwarf. Ask him how tall something is, an' he goes and tells us how long it is.' "

After an awkward pause, Corenthiir holds out his arms with a big smile, expecting laughter...

"Well? Was that a good one?"

Rani buries her face in her hands again and groans. Oh gawds. That sounds like a mom joke, like the one I just told. I'm still not sure what's worse, a dad joke or a mom joke ... or in some cases a sister joke.

She looks up and smiles at the new arrival. And as for slavery, I already told her all of our family bar one is Liberty's Edge. Mom was actually an active Bellflower agent - retired now. Anyway, I'm Rani Frost, acrobat and escape artiste extraordinaire

She takes a sip of her ale while pondering her next story to tell.

Leans back as Corenthiir leans in, looking puzzled at the uncouth intrusion.

"To be clear, we both, and I say this clearly, Hate Slavers. Rani has her own reasons, but me, who has more than once, gone out of my way to investigate those who try to supply to states where it's so-called legal. It's a matter of empathy and ethics. I just don't like the very idea that a sentient being can be objectified into property."

Then she looks at Rani.

"And see what a mean, hourty used to be a common slang word for [i]all in green, just out the deep woods, and you're all corrupt city gores, kind of elves. This poor young elf has no idea what it even means. I tell ya, you live a long life and culture just zips ya by"

At for the joke Joke, she says.

"I should have made this contest, If you make the other groan"

She gets two more glasses, pours out the drinks, and slides them over to Corenthiir.

" For that young Corenthiir, you get a punishment drink!"

She waits for him to down them so she can refill his glasses.

"and Rani, your turn"

Well .... did you know that not all fairy tales begin with 'Once Upon A Time' .... nah ... most of them start with 'If I'm elected'.

She smiles at Rani,

"That would be funny, if it was not so Sadily ture"

Yeah .... agreed. I suppose you've heard the one about the human and the half-orc who walked into a bar. It was over the dwarf's head.

Corenthiir's eyes go wide as the shot glasses are slid in front of him.
"Uhh... I usually just drink ale or mead," he says with a slightly embarrassed smirk.
He takes a whiff of one and scrunches his face in disgust. After a moment, he shrugs, and holds one up to give Cheers.
"Oh, well. Bottoms up!"
...
...
*Cough, cough!*
*Hack!*
*Cough!*
He takes several deep breaths and pats his chest to help reduce the burning sensation.
"Ugh. That's... pretty rough... stuff." he manages to mutter between breaths.

After a moment, Corenthiir manages to compose himself.
"Okay. This contest is between the two of you. I'm just going to observe for the time being."

I really could not find a definition anywhere online for the word hourty. "shrug*