Slorb announce to Licktoads, "For braving Rusty Earbiter, His Royal Girthness present Poog with use of great treasure! Poog, take great care of Chief's Personal Very Useful Robe That Is Useful! May it bring enough luck that you return it in one piece!"
Bonfire begins to die down, hour becomes late, many Licktoads intoxicated. At least two dead. Good bonfire. Licktoads turn in for night, knowing grand adventure in store in the morning.
In morning, Chief Gutwad call to Moot House for last minute meeting.
I should inspire these brave fellows to perform the great, risky deed of retrieving these mere trinkets. I ask much of them, and they have my thanks...
"Get fireworks and bring them here to me."
Yes... that inspiring...
Chief Gutwad present best Licktoads with remains of Scribbleface's stash: two fireflingers, four itty-bitty-bangs, and a birdboom.
Today, quest for fireworks begin!
Mogmurch takes careful note of the chief's exact words. At no point did he specifically state that the Licktoad champions were expected to bring back all of the fireworks...
"Oh mightly chief Gutwad," he says, silently berating himself for engaging in such Poogery, "we nabs fireworks or die trying!"
Mogmurch glances around at the other heroes to see if they might be as fat and succulent and tender as he feels. He frowns. In retrospect, he thinks, cleaning myself of vomit and coating my skin with grease and cider may not have been the best way to convince a cannibal that I am not, in fact, the most delicious goblin ever.
He sighs and begins stuffing the fireworks in his bag.
At least I've got some fun toys.
Best Licktoads make way into Brinestump, still a bit hungover from amazing bonfire last night. Trip not so long, but swamps make for slow going.
About halfway to fireworks, clearing seems to be quieter than everywhere else. Also, more webby. Before Licktoads can make sense of weird happenstance, a spider... no, the spider make appearance!
Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many see Licktoads coming from far away, and decide may upgrade name to "Lotslegs Eat Goblin Notbabies Four". Lotslegs spit web at closest Licktoad: Reta.
Reta covered and quite stuck in web.
Lotslegs spit more web before make approach, this time at Chuffy.
Chuffy stuck as well. Lotslegs make approach on Reta, hoping to make make her quick meal.
Reta wiggles and tries to free herself from the webbing.
Mogmurch racks his brain. He recalls examining the corpse of a scout that had barely made it back to Licktoad Village before succumbing to his wounds. Mogmurch had closely analyzed the effects of her venom, but was, sadly, unable to synthesize an adequate match in any useful quantity. With his dying breaths, the scout had also managed to corroborate other survivors' accounts of methods that seemed to almost hurt the beast.
Poog is startled to see the fearsome Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many so close up and in person. He swiftly rolls forward to get a line on the big scary spider. Shouting something incomprehensible even to the other goblins (is Poog trying to invent his own cussing again?) Poog raises his arms and summons Zarongel's holy fire to singe and ouchy the mighty arachnid.
If there's one useful thing I've learned about social interactions, it's that hitting Reta with a bomb, accidentally or otherwise, leads to negative repercussions for me, Mogmurch thinks. No matter! I have a cunning plan!
He giggles as he reaches into his sack, and steps to the left to get a clean shot. Time to turn the tables!
Chuffy certain he more likely to slip the accursed web than break free with strength!
Lotslegs done covered two Licktoads with web and decide to maybe make one tasty morsel.
Reta unlucky one to get covered. Manage to get free, but not before Lotslegs try to take bite out of her...
Lotslegs not as nimble as Reta!
Poog lines up shot and calls upon Zarongel for divine burnings! Reta complicates matters and an especially firey bolt of energy flied into woods (hope it catches something on fire!)
Mogmurch recall useful info about Lotslegs gathered from previous victims and relay to Licktoads that Lotslegs is mindless vermin with weak brain and Lotslegs can shoot web from mandibles and poison victims with needley bite. Mogmurch adjust position and throw tanglefoot bag, but stupid Reta's stupid head make shot difficult and bag go wide!
Chuffy wriggle free of webby confines, now ready to combat stupid spider!
Reta lifts her dogslicer high over her head and with a furious thwack, tries to hit the spider.
Mogmurch grumbles at Reta's interference. That was his only stickytrap! Oh well, he thinks. I still have a lot more toys.
He draws one of the tiny firecrackers, primes it, and tosses it as close to Lotslegs-Eat-Goblin-Babies-Many as he can.
That horselicker is going to be pretty surprised once that baby blows!
Chuffy take up flanking position with Reta, using Acrobatics to do so safely if necessary, and then . . .
SNEAK ATTACK!!!
Poog runs to the east side of Lotslegs. When he arrives, he glares at Reta and draws his dogslicer.
Lotslegs has tasty in front of her, so decides to take bite at Reta.
Still can't quite bite Reta.
Reta attempt to retaliate, but swing no where close!
Poog draw weapon and close in on Lotslegs.
Mogmurch light itty-bitty-bang and throw at Lotslegs... land right below body!
Chuffy take long way round, but manage to sneak behind Lotslegs and sneaky-cut a leg!
Chuffy know good thing when he see it, and he see good thing in flanking Lotsleg. This time Chuffy not have to sneak around Lotsleg, so instead devote his time to adding stylistic flourish to his swing!
Mogmurch observes that the others are forming the most historically and traditionally important Licktoad battle formation: the Bloodthirsty Mob. He gleefully draws his club and moves into position, hemming Lotslegs into a four-point triangle (whatever you call those things) of melee aggression.
Poog grasps his dogslicer with two hands, raising it high above the wide grinning crevice that is his mouth. Poog jumps up in the air as high as he can and returns to the ground with every ounce of his strength, force, faith, and bad intention.
Reta says "Sorry gobbos I have big head, aim better next time, me try aim better too."
Lotslegs still sufficiently enamored with Reta and attempt to bite...
Doing worse and worse.
Reta swing, but Lotslegs still too nimble.
Poog stab with righteous fury, but only make minor connection.
Mogmurch approach bloodthirsty mob, hoping to be pivotal fourth member. Itty-Bitty-Bang explode underneath Lotslegs, to shock and awe of all privy to event.
Lotslegs not seem affected, but only just.
Chuffy continue stabbing-poking at Lotslegs' blindside, finding juicy bit of abdomen.
Lotslegs in dire straits and decide to run away, but bloodthirst mob formation prove potentially be Lotslegs' undoing...
With a final slash from Chuffy and Reta, Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many eat goblin babies no more.
Best Licktoads examine area for any valuables.
Reta no find valuables, but find Lotslegs tracks, likely back to hideout.
Hideout not far away; maybe two minutes. Bunch of dead bodies in lair -- lots of goblins, but some longshanks.
Chuffy and Poog, not above defiling dead bodies, find hoard of goodies: 24 gold pieces, a very nice gobo-crossbow with 11 bolts, a pearl, 4 potions labeled in strange language, and...
Chewy sugartreats!
Sugartreats smell strong. Six pieces total wrapped in paper -- not even muddy yet!
Item 1
Potion 1
Potion 2
Potion 3
Potion 4
Chewy Sugartreat
Poog grabs all of the sugartreats.
"These chewies important to Poog. Poog keep safe for Licktoads. Other Licktoads can petition Poog for chewies. If ask nice, maybe you get."
Poog keep all chewies to self. Then Poog eat as many slugs and bugs and cider apples as Poog want. Poog no get sick!
Poog immediately unwraps a chewy and... well.... chews.
Poog chew... and chew... and chew... and chew...
...and chew... and suddenly Poog look like he have more spring in step!
Chuffy celebrate death of Lotslegs.
Now goblin babies . . . not safe, but less not safe than before.
Chuffy humbly petition Poog for chewy:
Give me chewy, Frog-Head!
Sorry Reta's head got in way Poogy. No be mad at Reta, please."
Mogmurch, grinning sadistically, searches the lair for larvae.
"Come help justicemaking!" he calls out. "Lotslegs eat Licktoad babies, Licktoads eat Lotslegs babies. Karma!"
He then notices Poog gnawing on . . . something. Maybe the same kind of treats that Slorb said made him sick? If so: chemically potent and vaguely edible. Mogmurch's two favorite qualities!
"POOG!" he shouts surreptitiously, so as not to draw attention from Chuffy or Reta, "Mogmurch demand chewy-chews for testing and tasting! Maybe trade for fireworks if Poog wanna be greedy about it."
Poog closes his eyes and shakes his head in frustration.
"None of yous is good petitionizers. Right answer is: Oh Poog of Zarongel, burniest of burninators, holiest of hot flame, a chewy treat would be good for me and be gooder for all Licktoads, and be goodest for Poog in sharing.'
Poog looks from one Licktoad to another to see if his lesson has sunk in at all.
"But Poog tired of playing petitionizing game. Poog want to burn things now."
Poog lackadaisically drops 3 of the chewies at his feet and walks over to the dead bodies to re-search them for tindertwigs.
Mogmurch snatches up a taffy and as many larvae as he can find. Traveling is hard work! He chomps through the larvae, half out of hunger, half out of spite, then starts in on the chewy treat.
Huh.
Over a lifetime of the most hands-on study imaginable of substances that may be edible, toxic, or otherwise useful in his trade, Mogmurch has eaten, among other things: musk glands from a two-week-dead skunk, Krub's foot scrapings, Nord slop (both pre- and post-digestion), numerous small rocks, pickled potatoes, and the tip of his own ring finger.
He would rather eat any or all of that rather than subject himself to licorice taffy ever again.
Chuffy find his petition quite successful as he snag a chewy.
YECH!!! This stuff work by making Chuffy so sick he can't stay sick!
Fortunately Chuffy remember his nom de Gobbo. Chuffy cleanse taste of nasty chewy by licking wound.
Best Licktoads take Poog's offering and chew chew chew, with varying degree of pleasure. In spite of taste, tummy-tum issues seem to go away.
Continue on path for little while and approach a ship! Well, wrecked ship. And not in water... far away from water. This ship stuck in mud. Entire ship and mire surrounded by fence... pitiful fence that won't stop Licktoads from their bounty!
Neeeeigh
Bark! Bark bark! Bark bark!
Unless dogs and horses around...
Poog gets excited when he sees the pitiful fence.
That fence look pitiful!
Poog turns to the other Licktoads to fill them in on his discovery.
"That fence look pitiful!"
Poog think maybe that fence burn real good... burn real nice.
"Hey! Smarty Mask One. You got firework that burn fence good with hot flame? Let us see that fence burn. Maybe ship catch fire and roast dog or horse also too."
Fence have opening to North, making even more pitiful.
"FIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRE!"
Horse raises head for moment, ears flick smelling for sounds, and goes back to drinking...
Poog, short attention span exhausted waiting for Mogmurch to help set the fence on fire, rifles through his pickle sack. Finally, Poog finds his query. He triumphantly raises his flint and tinder above his head, a champion's pose struck by a miscreant with a purpose.
Poog looks at the fire-starting tools with relish. A single hanging globule of drool escapes his wide maw. His eyes form into wide flaming gashes in the front of his face.
Poog whispers quietly to himself, "No fire started by them, then fire started by Poog."
Poog take out holy implements, though find quickly fence been desecrated by moisture.
Chuffy repeat plan. "Chuffy sneak chop, Reta charge, Poog and Mogmurch throw fires!"
Poog looks at Chuffy exasperated.
"Help Poog set fence on fire!"
Reta nod at Chuffy in agreement; this plan seem to play to strengths of everyone.
Poog watches in disgust as Chuffy sneaks away.
"Want thing burn right, Poog burn self."
Poog takes a knee beside the pitiful looking fence and draws his dogslicer. He readys the tinder next to a splintered portion of the fence, laying his dogslicer edge up next to the tinder. He carefully examines his flint.
Poog find part of pitiful fence not entirely wet and work on starting fire. Rest of Licktoads regard horse with malice. Confident in sneakiness, they approach quietly.
Chuffy advance first ahead of other Licktoads. Ground very muddy... like it been churned up by massive creature. Make funny noise when gobo-feet sink in, but now not time for noises! Chuffy make some progress -- horse not react, so other Licktoads join on pursuit.
Reta's feet find unfortunate bit of mud that make make walking hard, but she keep her balance. Poog get kindling started; experience with firestarting taught him that now not time to celebrate -- this babyember need delicate touch if it to grow up into firestorm.
Sneaky Licktoads get ever closer. Chuffy definitely in range to sneaky-stab-slice! Reta figure she just close enough to charge beast if need be. Mogmurch been calculating trajectories for a while now for targeting solution.
Poog blow-blow-blow on babyember. Poog get idea and produce torch from pack. Poog light torch and stick in mud in such way that flamey-bit touches dry-bits. Moisture no match for Zarongel's gift.
Mogmurch creeps ever closer to the horse, caressing a bomb. If that abomination dares perk up its stupid ears, it'll learn the meaning of BOOM.
Chuffy wait for allies to outnumber horse.