As promised - Goblin Bazooka - 281 Words - although some are debatable :p

[Template Fu]

Goblin Bazooka
Aura strong evocation; CL 15th
Slot none; Price 16,500 gp; Weight —
Description
A large funnel is attached to the side of this oversized bazooka. The funnel, formed of interlocking claws and skeletal hands, links with the loading chamber of the bazooka firing mechanism.

Any goblin within 60 feet that is directly in line with the front of the bazooka’s funnel must make a DC 16 Reflex save or be sucked off their feet and pushed into the funnel mouth.

The funnel hands animate, squeezing and pushing the goblin until it cowers in a fetal ball stance and is able to be fed through the narrow end of the funnel into the bazooka firing chamber. The bazooka is now loaded. It may hold one goblin in the chamber and a second in the funnel at any one time.
As a ranged attack, the bazooka fires a goblin up to 200 feet. The goblin, strange creatures that they are, sing “I flyz like the birdz, ohhhh meee ohhh myyyy, weeeely high” as they hurtle to their impact point. On reaching the target, the goblin explodes into a mass of gore and flying bones.

A creature impacted hit by the goblin takes 4d6 bludgeoning damage from the impact. The target and all creatures within 20 feet of the impact take 3d6 piercing damage from all the goblin bone shards, save DC 16 Reflex for half.

The bazooka cannot be fired in the same round that a goblin is being loaded into the firing chamber, they do struggle so.

A goblin can only be fired from the bazooka once.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, grasping hand, hydraulic push; Cost 8,500 gp

[Donald Robinson]

Ahh, a little blood and guts in the morning. Goes great with my coffee (some of which may or may not have come out my nose and got on my work shirt).

XD

[Mikko Kallio]

Is template fu feeding itself? So much passive voice has been used by the author. ;-)

[Anthony Adam]

Yup - it was just 5 minutes of lunchtime brain dump and hasn't gone through any checking with fellow gamers, or my word macros that search for cans, shoulds, woulds, mays, etc ;)

[The black raven]

I think the price is all wrong. Unless there is a heavy discount because Goblins.

[Anthony Adam]

Yeah, they sell so many they don't need to overcharge ;)

[Jarrett Sigler]

Last year we had a side book got published filled with aspergillum's, and only aspergillums.

This year, maybe we could have that same guy publish a book of our "Bonker's Items reject pile." I nominate the Goblin Bazooka to be the headlining Item.

[Anthony Adam]

Tothric wrote:

Last year we had a side book got published filled with aspergillum's, and only aspergillums.

This year, maybe we could have that same guy publish a book of our "Bonker's Items reject pile." I nominate the Goblin Bazooka to be the headlining Item.

If that's the case, I reserve the right to rework the description to remove passivity, doing it properly :p ....

and to perform a proper pricing calculation.

[Jarrett Sigler]

I have no actual power to publish anything. I was using the "We" as in the collective "we" of the folks of the RPG Superstar.

It arose from a similarly humorous Forum post: Here for Aspergilligoons.

Here's the book.
Aspergillman's Armory

[The black raven]

This definitely should be a book of apparatuses.

Come to think of it, the Goblin Bazooka should be rewritten as an apparatus.

[Rose Stack]

Tothric wrote:

I have no actual power to publish anything. I was using the "We" as in the collective "we" of the folks of the RPG Superstar.

It arose from a similarly humorous Forum post: Here for Aspergilligoons.

Here's the book.
Aspergillman's Armory

I was reminded of that when I saw that, to my surprise, there is actually a named magic battle aspergillum on the PRD.

[Robert Thomson]

Anything goblins implies fire to me. The fact that we have a bazooka that shoots goblins with no reference to fire or flames in anyway makes this a bit of a letdown. The lack of flaming goblins is unfortunately going to be cause for me to have to downvote this.

[Thomas LeBlanc]

This sounds fun, here is a 2 hour attempt:

Goblin Fire Belcher
Aura moderate evocation and transmutation; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 40,000 gp; Weight 6 lbs.
Description
This +1 brass fire lance is covered in doodles of goblins, fire, and explosions. The goblin fire belcher can also be used as a +1 brass quarterstaff. Three times per day, when the wielder of the goblin fire belcher strikes a Small to Medium sized creature with a melee attack, the creature must make a DC 18 Fortitude save. If the saves fails, the creature is shrunken and polymorphed into a Tiny sized goblin wedged inside the fire lance's tube.

The wielder may fire the goblin from the fire lance that deals 3d6 bludgeoning damage and 6d6 fire damage with a 30 foot range increment. Every creature within 5 feet of the point where the goblin hits takes 2d6 point of fire damage from the splash. Creatures in the line of the attack take 3d6 fire damage, Reflex DC 18 for half. The fired goblin takes 3d6 bludgeoning damage and reverts to it's original shape in the nearest empty square adjacent to the target.

When the goblin fire belcher fires a goblin, on the opposite side of the wielder and inline with the line of the fired goblin, a 15-foot cone of flames shoots from the rear of the fire lance. Any creature in the area of the flames takes 3d6 points of fire damage, Reflex DC 18 for half.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, alter self, dragon's breath, reduce person; Cost 20,000 gp

EDIT: Forgot the masterwork fire lance in cost/price. So just add 325 to each. Noob mistake... :(