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Each poster is tasked with finding a website with a noun that falls under the umbrella of a certain category ("Hindu deities," "power tools," "candy," would all work, but "deities," "tools," and "food" would all be too broad), and retrieves for our enjoyment the first existing and functional website specifically by that name they can find that fits (shiva.com, powerdrill.com, and meringue.com, for example). Then, you make a similar demand of the next poster. Oh yeah, and we're all genie-binders or somesuch who've summoned the next poster in order to demand they fetch these things for us!
Example of play:
#1: "Next poster, I command thee: Fetch me a lawn ornament!
#2: "Master, behold, for I have brought you gnome.org!" - "Next poster, by my power, I compel you to bring me an emotion!"
etc.
What we want here is the first success you fish up with a link, but not if it's something that will get the mods upset or carries viruses or whatever. Report what you find without an active link if that's what you wind up with. I'm not going to patronize anyone with an Inspector Gadget-like sermon on websurfing safety; you're smart, use your judgement.
Now, to begin:
Next poster, I demand amusement! Fetch me a character from a 19th-Century novel!
Behold, Dread Lord, for I have brought you darcy.co.uk!
Next poster, by my loins, I compel you to bring me a mental infirmity!
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Master, for your pleasure I present ocd.com!
Next poster, I summon thee, that you might procure me a planet in the Sol system!
Your Turgidity, I bring you neptune.com!
Next poster, I command you to bring me furniture! :claps briskly:
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Master, behold! Table.org!!!
Next poster, by my power, I compel thee to bring me a Discworld character!
Your enormity, behold! Teatimemagazine.com!!!
Next poster, in the name of my father and my father's fathers, I would have you bring unto me a circus animal!
Oh hircus loving master, behold, I bring unto you your desire...Bear.org!
Next poster, in the name of Ancient Ninshabur, I command thee. Bring forth an entity of the Dark Tapestry, for I must know the unknowable...
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O Mighty One, those beings are beyond mortal kenning and restraint, so I brought before you their child in our world: Madness! May it give you the insights you need.
Next poster, by my troth, I demand that you bring me a surreal or abstract painter.
I present to your, o master, a painter who makes men into cubes!
Jinn, Jinn, if you can,
I bid thou bring me a tricked-out van!
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Tall one, might I sate your deepest desires with turkishvan.com?
Next poster, I demand one of the 8 varieties of specialist Wizard!
Aye, my lord! I bring you a master of that most foul variety of magic, Necrodancy!
Jinn, Jinn, burning bright,
I wish to see unlikely foes fight!
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Large one, I return to you with applesandoranges.com!
Next poster, pay me tribute in the form of a classical element!
Master, I present this goblet of purest water.org. *deep bow*
Servitor! Fetch me a poisonous Australian creature!
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Behold and rejoice - platypus.com!
By all that is great about me, I must be fetched one of the 72 entities named by the Ars Goetia!
Master, I have found the gateway behind which mighty and dread Belial.org dwells, but the way is blocked by powerful enchantments.
By the blood of a seventh son, the next poster is bound to retrieve for me one of the signs of the zodiac!
My lord, I bring you the sign of Gemini! And bitcoins are involved, apparently.
Jinn, Jinn, I command,
Bring me a feature of the land!
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Master, it pleases me to present you with waterfall.com!
Next poster, you must find and bring me the name of a color of the rainbow in a major Eurasian language other than English!
Behold, from the city of lights! Red rouge.
Now enlighten me as to what bunnies have in common with rodents besides their front teeth.
For your pleasure, your toothiness: they are warm blooded.
Now, by thralls, bring me a denizen of the arctic! :clap clap:
But of course, my lord! I hope an arctic fox will suffice?
Jinn, Jinn, by the sun's rays,
Bring me a most unusual maze!
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Cool one, it is my honor to present you with winchestermysteryhouse.com!
To me, my servitors! Present me with an Indigenous American tribe!
For your pleasure, your eminence, the mighty Sioux!
Underlings, bring me a noble of the feminine persuasion.
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I cannot defy your wishes, indefatigable one (being magically bound and all) - how can I do other than present you with princess.com?
By the power of the mystic talisman, I compel the next poster to fetch me a type of pastry!
O Master that Hideth in Mine Closet:
I hath retrieved for you not one, but several such things!
Now, dearest jinn, I'm in a bit of a bind.
If you could bring me a creature that can be found living in the arctic, that would greatly help :)
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My master truly desires a repeat performance? So be it, and I do so with luster - behold crab.org!
Next poster, you WILL obey me! I demand one of the murder weapons from Cluedo!
Your ebullience, I humbly bring you a dagger!
Unwitting thralls, bring unto me a warrior for my entertainment, lest the whippings begin anew.
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Your Grand Magnanimousness, I bring unto thee, warrior.com ... though their garb be strange and their weapons odd, their battles are said to be most entertaining ...
I hereby summon you, next poster, to bring unto me an effervescent beverage. Chilled, but not cold, you dog!
Tempestuous one, you humble servant bring you a poor offering. Merely a chill soda. I will accept my flogging with contrition.
Man-animal! Bring me bread, or I will lay your bloodline low unto the fifth generation!
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Have mercy, Swingin' One! Kindly accept thecroissant.com.
Next poster, per our contract mutually signed in molten gold and our own lymph, I wish for an X-Man, or one of their allies or foes, but at all costs it MUST be a mutant!
Dread master, I bring the most famous mutant of all!
Jinn, Jinn, I implore,
Bring me a mighty dinosaur!
Mighty indeed, but lacking in content, here is your dinosaur, O-summoner-mine.
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DJINN!
BRING ME A SHADE OF HAIR!
AND BE SNAPPY!
TOO MANY ZOMBIES, NOT ENOUGH HAIR!
You asked for it master, Simply Red..
I summon you, all knowing flying spaghetti monster, to tell me where to send those who wish to play a pencil and paper game without levels.
But of course, master! I can think of no game that needs more pen and paper nor requires levels than the old classic of tic tac toe!
Jinn, Jinn, by the cold void's grace,
Bring me an object from outer space!
For you to have many enjoys, yes? Look now to Venus!
Have a tree bathed and brought to my tent at once!
Dread master, I bring you no less than the judger of the dead, Osiris!
Jinn, Jinn, near and far,
Bring me a specific type of star!
Your Quivvering Majesty, I tread down to the very gates of the underworld and up to the high heavens to being you Osiris!
I require a diversion from the troubles of rulership. Bring me a singer of note at once, lest you be sent to the Pit of Flaying.
My power drives you to ever greater heights! You can and must fetch me nothing less than an Egyptian deity!
Off topic, broadcasting the site topic would have ruined the gag entirely.
Also, it was about a hair color, which was mentioned in the actual subtopic, ginger jokes. Why don't you just claim it will cost me some points, which is funny because there are no points. Now I'm going to cross post this in topic derails.
Your Quivvering Majesty, I tread down to the very gates of the underworld and up to the high heavens to being you Osiris!
I require a diversion from the troubles of rulership. Bring me a singer of note at once, lest you be sent to the Pit of Flaying.
I am sorry, dread master, but all I could find was Cher. I hope you are not displeased?
Jinn, Jinn, by sun and moon,
Find a monster to become my goon!
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Ticklish One, I have searched high and low to bring you nothing less than beholder.com!
Oh yes, and where that other flummox hath failed thee, I shall not! "A specific type of star" you'd previously desired? Allow me to astound you with the enigmas of blackdwarf.org!
Next poster, cower in fealty as I voice my demand: I wish for a 20th Century world leader!
Your omnipotence, it is a poor gift, but I bring you Churchill!
Motes floating in the light I radiate, bring unto me a high performance automobile!
Dreadful Master, Causer of a thousand calamities, I have found for you nothing less than a lamborghini!
Jinn, jinn, by night and day,
Bring me a very famous play!
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Master, think not that I have forgotten thee, for at last I bring you Macbeth.com!
Next poster, I send the solar winds at thine back that thee may best fetch me a character, large or small, from Star Trek: The Next Generation!
Mein Fuhrer, our forces have secured Barclay for your celebration.
My plans for world domination are almost complete. Bring me an NFL linebacker! This, I command!
Oh my dark master! I have traveled all the way to San Francisco and back to bring you Dave Wilcox!
Jinn, Jinn, the stars align!
Bring me a jewel with sparkle and shine!
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Only the best for you, Peckish One! I give you none other than diamond.com!
Next poster, tarry no further! I wish for a Muslim holiday other than Ramadan!
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...Upon re-examination, it would appear that Islam actually doesn't seem to be that big on holidays...soooooooooo, that one's on me.
But SPIRITS FROM YONDER, OF ABOVE AND BELOW, OF SUN AND SEA, OF PAST AND FUTURE, I conjure thee once again, and this time (per our original covenant, lest I remind you) I demand...a variety of warrior from historical antiquity!
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My esteemed lord. First off, forgive the tardiness of your request. And please forgive the quality in which I have provided the answer, I accept your choice of punishment. But, here was what you asked for: www.oldest.org.
Next poster, I charge thee in the first shop to sell tabletop miniatures!
Remember, speed is of the essence, it is imperative you succeed where I failed!
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Rennaissant One!!! Please accept this meager offering as befits thy request, for that would have to be none other than tinsmith.com!
Next poster, by the Eye of Azz'Quakalath and the Silver Cutlery-Set of Dostronamus, I compel thee fetch me an 18th-Century philosopher!