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This conversation seems to focusing on the wrong thing.
The OP is asking about peace in the game.
Feelings are part of it, but most of that, is an outside of game issue.
Nobody has to have their feelings hurt, if nobody is bringing up the things that are creating these hurt feelings.
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I'm of the opinion that game time is game time. Personal problems are best discussed at the waffle house after game or a couple of minutes before.
Life sucks, that's why we play fantasy games.
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From what I gathered originally, is that Player T has become used to having a supporting group among the players and perhaps even DM about their problems whether it be their struggles coming out as transgender or life in general... yet Player A no longer wants to be supportive because their world view has shifted, telling the other to shut up about their problems.
My thoughts are that probably hurts Player T, because they have become so used to having support from friends in which to vent their frustrations and now one of these friends no longer want to offer support and has essentially said "your problems don't matter, handle it by yourself, and lets focus on the game".
Am I wrong in understanding the situation like this?
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On that note I hope A understands that T can't turn the trans off anymore than a black guy can turn white. At least not comfortably.
Technically speaking, T is getting pissy because A is announcing he's ignoring her. Actually ignoring would be staying quiet and, y'know, not paying attention. Which brings us back to "everyone's kinda stupid in this".
Yeah. I lied. Wanna fight about it?
*Fights Kobold*
But no, seriously, talk with each of them. Failing that, question who is the actor and who is the reactor in the conflict. Usually the actor is in the wrong (thought that is in no way saying the reactor is always in the right).
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Technically speaking, T is getting pissy because A is announcing he's ignoring her. Actually ignoring would be staying quiet and, y'know, not paying attention. Which brings us back to "everyone's kinda stupid in this".
Yeah. I lied. Wanna fight about it?
Actually ignoring someone is much more passive-aggressive and likely to cause bad blood than simply stating "I don't want to hear about your problems, I have enough of my own" in my experience.
I'm just pointing out that Player T was not objecting to being ignored as far as we know. Not going further than that, since, like I said, I'm out. :P
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Sounds like both people need to grow up. Or make out. Or both. Why not zoidberg both?
I don't see how any of this should have an influence on the game. If the players can't get along during the game, then they need to leave the table. Real world politics, problems and the like should not be an issue.
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Tell player A that while you appreciated delves into speculative fiction that Ayn rand lacks the reality and gravitas you expect in your average drizzt novel
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Tell player A that while you appreciated delves into speculative fiction that Ayn rand lacks the reality and gravitas you expect in your average drizzt novel
Kind of a leap there. :/
That said, I don't know who has the Cheryl Tunt alias, but I want them to show up and gush about the sex scenes in Rand's work. Maybe if I claim to be her supervisor...
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Kick them both out and let me and my girlfriend join you. We have no baggage and I can make delicious foods for you :)
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There is no one who is more "right" here.
Nobody is going to win.
Everyone will lose. Everyone.
The only way to have resolution, is for everyone to check there baggage at the door.
It's a nice thought. :)
What some consider baggage is others' vital identity, though. There probably needs to be time set aside outside the game for the boundaries to be drawn.
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There is no one who is more "right" here.
Nobody is going to win.
Everyone will lose. Everyone.
The only way to have resolution, is for everyone to check there baggage at the door.
It's a nice thought. :)
What some consider baggage is others' vital identity, though. There probably needs to be time set aside outside the game for the boundaries to be drawn.
Okay. Their vital identity is not relevant to the game. Maybe "baggage" is the wrong word, but there is no need to be an ever-present discussion in-game.
I game with trans people, and they feel no need to constantly bring it up in game. I also game with a rather obnoxiously conservative christian, and he also manages not to bring up his view in-game.Whatever you want to call it, it should be left at the doorstep.
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There is no one who is more "right" here.
Nobody is going to win.
Everyone will lose. Everyone.
The only way to have resolution, is for everyone to check there baggage at the door.
It's a nice thought. :)
What some consider baggage is others' vital identity, though. There probably needs to be time set aside outside the game for the boundaries to be drawn.
Okay. Their vital identity is not relevant to the game. Maybe "baggage" is the wrong word, but there is no need to be an ever-present discussion in-game.
I game with trans people, and they feel no need to constantly bring it up in game. I also game with a rather obnoxiously conservative christian, and he also manages not to bring up his view in-game.Whatever you want to call it, it should be left at the doorstep.
Good for them! (Not sarcasm; actual compliment.)
Some others might not be so eager to be accepting or conciliatory. Hence my suggestion: take a little time - once, not over and over - work out what's acceptable and what's not, and then game on.
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Speaking beyond "social justice" matters—It should be remembered that not all game groups run the same, and not just within the game itself. Some are very close-knit and are half just an excuse for friends to get together, while others are more "Wait, the GM's name is Kevin? That guy has a first name?"
Most fall somewhere in the middle, of course, but differing expectations (both from those posting here and, within the issue, possibly from T and A) can lead to chaos and misunderstandings.
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I don't have a problem!
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I can stop posting anytime I want!
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I'm not in denial, you're in denial!
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Lick both players A and T to establish dominance.
And tell them that their problems outside of the game should not interfere with the fact that the others want to play a fun game. If all goes well, the keep them. If not, a boot for a few sessions may be a good warning.