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Subtlety has to go. You can't expect people to understand subtle. Seriously, people aren't mind readers, stop treating them as such. Tell them unambiguously. See if there is a way to get them to understand. If not, you have the information you need to decide on a course of action. You can either stay with it, and get more of the same, or you can seek greener pastures somewhere else.
You have to come to some sort of agreement with the other players and GM. Pick a start time that you all can live with and then set expectations that the game will begin at that time (note, this does not mean show up at that time). Determine as a group what happens if players don't show up on time and prepared (as an example, docking experience or treasure are possibilities). If everyone has buy-in on the start time then punishments shouldn't be necessary.
Some gamers can just be slackers. I've gamed with more than a few over the years. Some can shape up while others continue to be slackers. You rid your group of those as you are able and move on. Good luck!
P.S. I know you said you wanted to keep playing, but another possibility is to run your own game and invite the players you want. That takes a lot more time to do, obviously, so I understand if you are hesitant.
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Subtlety has to go. You can't expect people to understand subtle. Seriously, people aren't mind readers, stop treating them as such. Tell them unambiguously. See if there is a way to get them to understand. If not, you have the information you need to decide on a course of action. You can either stay with it, and get more of the same, or you can seek greener pastures somewhere else.
This. People have a tendency of avoiding any form of confrontation (addressing a problem openly is confronting it, not just a fight as too many seem to think) for fear of hurting feelings or what not, and all it does it let problems fester. Maybe other members of the group feel the same but are just as reluctant as you are to give them voice. Bring up the important stuff... punctuality, communication... and let them know that while you like the game, that you were hoping the group could (whatever exactly you hope to resolve). Don't count on people to pick up on subtlety, in fact a lot of folks will only pick up on enough subtlety to assume snark or worse, continual griping. Just come out and say it... social problems are like a dirty diaper, they stink and they do not get better if left unaddressed.
I feel the guys pain. My group acts a lot like this one. I tried confronting and nothing changed. If anything, I looked worse...like a troublemaker. Its a bad situation when this happens. For me, my DM and one other player, who happens to have a lot of pull with the group, plays in a lot of other games. Often I feel like our game isnt very important or much of a priority. I try not to let it eat at me or I would find myself not enjoying the game and in my case, I do not know anyone else who games in my area. The fact is that you cant make anyone do anything that they dont want to do. And if people dont want to be considerate, there isnt much you can do. Sadly, it is a matter of putting up with it or going elsewhere.
Sorry, I wish I had a better answer for you.
I've been in a similar situation for a while now, and for my part PFS has been fantastic. It's let me get that consistent, punctual gaming out of my system. Granted it's not the campaign play I was used to back "in the glory days" when I was the kid playing 6 games a week (yeah I had a ton of free time in college, lol), but it's a lot better than meeting once a month with a bunch of drunk kids, half of whom don't really care if we actually play as it's more of a social interaction than a hobby.
[ . . . ]I have tried bringing it up subtlety but nothing seems to really change.[ . . . ]
SUBtlety only works when people care about reading into your SUBtlety, and if they have dealt a lot of passive-aggressive people--not saying you are--they tend to just ignore SUBtlety because if you are trying to be SUBtle then evidently it isn't bothering you so much that it needs to change.
Note, I capitalized SUB in SUBtlety for a reason since subtlety is often the vehicle of someone who is disempowered in their current position, or, if you like, in a submissive position.
Quit being the omega of the group, and speak up. If they are doing something that is ruining your game for you to the degree that you are getting frustrated then bring it up in a very non-SUBtle way.
My favorite is:
"You had an ~ENTIRE~ week to do this. Why isn't it done? Do you have a good reason? No? Ok, fine, play it 'as is'."
<<But, I'm a wizard with neither my spells nor my equipment picked out!>>
"Yes, you are a glorified commoner."
Eventually said player started coming prepared after being completely useless. I'll give them some leeway, but when they have had 2 weeks to complete something I am merciless.
Your fellow players are wasting your time, and that is making you angry. You are so caught up on not offending them that you are taking it out on yourself, and the pain from that drove you to these fine forums searching for the miracle cure for your issue.
The answer, as you may dismay, is that you must step up and make your grievances known, but if you cannot do this then things will only get worse until you just withdraw from the game.
