Land of the Everboor

[lucky7]

Alrighty! Now, players, this is only my third time behind the GM screen, so go a bit easy on me!

"Welcome to Land of the Ever..."*looks down confused? "boor? I have a bad feeling about this... Anyway, all your characters stand in front of an old, deserted fort. Backstory will be given in snippets to make it cinematic. What do you do?"

[The Lawful Stupid Paladin]

DETECT EVIL!

[Lobriathus Berwell]

What's the fort made of? Is it FLAMMABLE?

[Chaotic Stupid Loonie]

I flirt with the Paladin, hefting my non-existent bust at him.

[The Lawful Stupid Paladin]

Back, cretin, lest you tempt me! I may only take on Lawful Good Cohorts and Followers!

[lucky7]

The fort is made of stone, and you find a TON of evil stuff inside of it. You are dazzled for one round.

[Lobriathus Berwell]

I climb up on a rock to get a better look at the evil stuff inside. Is that FLAMMABLE?

[Old Man Henderson]

I ain't sayin' it's cultists, but it's cultists.

[Chaotic Stupid Loonie]

I look at the entrance before throwing a gold coin onto it.

[lucky7]

Loby: You see a massive wooden fort. They are excavating something inside.

OMH:You don't knwo if they're cultists.

[Terquem]

It's deserted...and full of evil, hmmmm, it's a Games Workshop Store in Dublin!

[Old Man Henderson]

Okay, we can downgrade t' a maybe. Still, better t' bomb the lot an' be done with it.

Nothin' th' nasties're more vuln'rable to than Point Blank Annihilation.

[Lobriathus Berwell]

I lob a bomb at the wood..., er obviously evil maybe-cultists.

"Fire in the hole!"

[lucky7]

We're level 1 and you're a hundred feet away, plus up a 50-ft cliff. Just TRY an attack roll.

[Chaotic Stupid Loonie]

I throw a gold coin!

1d20 ⇒ 11

[The Lawful Stupid Paladin]

CHAAAAAAARGE!!!

Also, SMITE EVIL!

[SnowJade]

I fire off Meatier...er, Magic Missiles (sorry. I'm starving).

[Lobriathus Berwell]

Well, fizzling fuses, too far away for a bomb.

I follow the meat shie... er, Paladin.

[Old Man Henderson]

Eyup.

[lucky7]

You guys go in the front door and see an array of slaves, being forced to dig by orcs. The biggest and scariest seems to be on a black throne in the center.

[Lobriathus Berwell]

Can I bomb the orcs without hitting any slaves?

[lucky7]

You can most certainly try.

[Chaotic Stupid Loonie]

I disguise myself as a slave and then flirt with the orc on the black throne!

[Darling Prettymonk]

I study the orcs carefully.

"MMMMMMMMG!"

[Lobriathus Berwell]

Aww, party members getting in the way.

Fine, I sneak around the edges of the room, looking for something to ignite.

Stealth: 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (4) + 6 = 10
Perception: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (1) + 5 = 6

[lucky7]

Lob: Two orcs see you and move in to attack! The inner structure of the fort is wooden, the outside is just stone.

CSL: The orc Chieftain punches you in the face for 1d4 + 1 ⇒ (4) + 1 = 5 damage.

Darling: Two are attacking Lobriathus, one has punched CSL in the face. The rest are overseeing the slaves, training, or near a communal eating area.

[Darling Prettymonk]

I am going to warn the orcs away.

"MMMMMMMMMMMMG!!!"

If this doesn't work, flurry of blows to the tusks of the orc that hit Loonie. Attack: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (15) + 3 = 18 Attack 2: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (9) + 3 = 12

[lucky7]

DP: Your first attack hits, all the orcs see the display and prepare to attack.

[Sissyl]

"MMMMMMMMMMMG!!! MMMMMMMG!!!"

[lucky7]

It is not working.

[Chaotic Stupid Loonie]

Undeterred by the Orc Chieftain playing hard-to-get, I use my masculine wiles to seduce all the orcs!

[Old Man Henderson]

Pull out m' shotgun n' let 'em have it wit' both barrels.

[Darling Prettymonk]

Hmmm, Loonie seems to be doing all right seducing the orcs. I'll just keep handing out McFlurries.

Attack 1: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (18) + 3 = 21
Attack 2: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (8) + 3 = 11

"Mmmmg, mmmg mmmmmmmg mg."

[lucky7]

DP: Another attack hits.

CSL: Make a diplomacy check.

OMH: I'm gonna need an attack roll.

[Old Man Henderson]

Barrel: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (16) + 5 = 21
Nother Barrel: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (12) + 5 = 17

Hurt: 1d8 + 2 ⇒ (7) + 2 = 9
More Hurt: 1d8 + 2 ⇒ (8) + 2 = 10

[Lobriathus Berwell]

"Sparking cinders!"

I lob a bomb at the orcs approaching me, then scamper back behind prettyface.

"Catch, losers!"
Lob: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (15) + 4 = 19
Boom: 1d6 + 4 ⇒ (5) + 4 = 9

Edit: Identity crisis.

[The Roc]

FINALLY
THE ROC
HAS COME BACK
TO THE LAND OF THE EVERBOOR
!!!

THE MOST ELECTRIFYING ANIMAL COMPANION IN GOLARION SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT IS HERE TO LAYETH THE SMACKETH DOWN AND EAT

PIE

[lucky7]

five orcs are dead now, but the other 20 or so move in to attack

Lob: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (6) + 3 = 9 for 1d4 + 1 ⇒ (3) + 1 = 4 damage, 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (8) + 3 = 11 for 1d4 + 1 ⇒ (3) + 1 = 4 damage

DP: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (8) + 3 = 11 for 1d4 + 1 ⇒ (2) + 1 = 3 damage

OMH: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (17) + 3 = 20 for 1d4 + 1 ⇒ (3) + 1 = 4 damage

CSL:1d20 + 3 ⇒ (20) + 3 = 23 for 1d4 + 1 ⇒ (3) + 1 = 4 damage

LSP:1d20 + 3 ⇒ (7) + 3 = 10 for 1d4 + 1 ⇒ (3) + 1 = 4 damage

[Lobriathus Berwell]

"Ha, missed, ashface!"

[The Roc]

THE ROC IS ABOUT TO LAY THE SMACK DOWN ON SOME RUDY POO CANDYASH ORCS
BUT FIRST
HE NEEDS THE MILLIONS-

[The Roc's Fans]

AND MILLIONS

[The Roc]

-OF THE ROC'S FANS TO CHANT HIS NAME...

[The Roc's Fans]

ROC-EE!!
ROC-EE!!
ROC-EE!!
ROC-EE!!

[lucky7]

So do you attacK? I presume you're flying. A few ready javelins for once you get in throwing range.

[Old Man Henderson]

"MUCKLE DAMRED CULTI 'AIR EH NAMBLIES BE KEEPIN' ME WEE MEN!?!?"

BLAM!!! BLAM!!!!

Shootin': 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (9) + 5 = 14
Shootin': 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (12) + 5 = 17

Pain: 1d8 + 2 ⇒ (7) + 2 = 9
'n' Simple: 1d8 + 2 ⇒ (3) + 2 = 5

[lucky7]

Two more bite the dest.

[lucky7]

Two more bite the dust.

[The Roc]

THE ROC ATE HIS PANCAKES TODAY SO THE ROC IS FEELING
*takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, opens them*
GARGANTUAN

THE ROC SWOOPS DOWN, TELLING THOSE JABRONI ORCS TO TAKE THEIR JAVELINS, TURN THEM SIDEWAYS, AND STICK THEM STRAIGHT UP THEIR CANDYASHES

THE ROC THEN STARTS PUTTING BOOTS TO ASHES WITH A BITE ATTACK ON THE FIRST ORC

[Old Man Henderson]

♪ And another one bites the dust ♫
♫ And another one gone ♪
♪ And another one gone ♫
♫ Another one bites the dust, yeah... ♪

[Lobriathus Berwell]

"Bombs away!" I cry, as I lob another one at the orcs, as close to the chieftain as I can get.

Lob: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (7) + 4 = 11
Boom: 1d6 + 4 ⇒ (1) + 4 = 5