Land of the Everboor

[The Roc]

THE PEOPLE'S PERCEPTION: 1d20 + 15 ⇒ (1) + 15 = 16
THE PEOPLE'S BITE: 1d20 + 9 ⇒ (3) + 9 = 12
LAYING THE SMACKETH DOWN: 2d8 + 9 ⇒ (3, 1) + 9 = 13

[Chaotic Stupid Loonie]

I flash the remaining orcs to sway them onto our side!

Diplomacy: 1d20 ⇒ 1

[Old Man Henderson]

ROFL

[The Roc]

THE ROC SAYS THAT THE ONLY THING SWAYING IS THE ROC'S PANCAKES IN THE ROC'S STOMACH AFTER SEEING THAT

THE ROC SAYS THAT IF YOU ARE GOING TO ROLL 1'S, THEN
KNOW YOUR ROLE
AND SHUT YOUR MOUTH
JABRONI

[Darling Prettymonk]

That missed me too.

Attack 1: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (2) + 3 = 5 Damage 1: 1d6 + 4 ⇒ (4) + 4 = 8
Attack 2: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (11) + 3 = 14 Damage 2: 1d6 + 4 ⇒ (1) + 4 = 5

After thusly smashing tusks, I strike an awesome pose, wave at them to come at me with flat palm and stiff fingers (a la Matrix), then say:

"MMMMMMMMMG!"

[lucky7]

Another four are gone, that leaves 16.

CSL: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (20) + 3 = 23 1d4 + 2 ⇒ (4) + 2 = 6 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (4) + 3 = 7 1d4 + 2 ⇒ (4) + 2 = 6

The Roc: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (7) + 3 = 10 1d4 + 2 ⇒ (2) + 2 = 4=

Fans1d20 + 3 ⇒ (3) + 3 = 6 1d4 + 2 ⇒ (3) + 2 = 51d20 + 3 ⇒ (3) + 3 = 6 1d4 + 2 ⇒ (4) + 2 = 6

[Chaotic Stupid Loonie]

Oof! Leaving my pants undone, I become unconscious at -6 HP!

[Lobriathus Berwell]

"FLAMING DEATH!!"

I keep lobbing bombs at the orcs.

Lob: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (15) + 4 = 19
Boom: 1d6 + 4 ⇒ (4) + 4 = 8, splash 5

[Old Man Henderson]

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGHL

JUST: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (14) + 5 = 19
DIE: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (14) + 5 = 19
DAMN: 1d8 + 2 ⇒ (7) + 2 = 9
YOU: 1d8 + 2 ⇒ (6) + 2 = 8

Be sures ya leaves one o' th' namblies alive so's we can make him TALK

[The Roc]

THE ROC IS THE PEOPLE'S CHAMPION AND YOU DO
NOT
HARM THE PEOPLE IN THE ROC'S PRESENCE

HERE COME SOME BOOTS TO ASHES ON THREE ORCS

THE PEOPLE'S BITE: 1d20 + 17 ⇒ (3) + 17 = 20
THE SMACKETH: 2d8 + 9 ⇒ (6, 5) + 9 = 20

THE ROC BOTTOM: 1d20 + 18 ⇒ (2) + 18 = 20
THE DOWNETH: 2d6 + 9 ⇒ (1, 2) + 9 = 12

ANOTHER FOR YOUR MOTHER: 1d20 + 18 ⇒ (4) + 18 = 22
MORE DOWNETH: 2d6 + 9 ⇒ (5, 6) + 9 = 20

[lucky7]

9 left! They start running into the ruins they were excavating!

[Old Man Henderson]

HO NO YA DON'T

Goin' fer th' kneeshot.

1d20 + 5 ⇒ (15) + 5 = 20

[lucky7]

One gets it's leg blown off, and two others shoulder it as they keep running away!

[Old Man Henderson]

@*&#^@#*@!*&$*&(^@&#*!! AGIN!!!

1d20 + 5 ⇒ (7) + 5 = 12

[lucky7]

You hit another one in the back, killing him. This brings the legless one down, and the other stops to help him.

[Darling Prettymonk]

I make a running jumping spinning axe kick of neck-choking ultimate agony on one of the orcs.

Attack 1: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (20) + 3 = 23, Damage 1: 1d6 + 5 ⇒ (2) + 5 = 7
Attack 2: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (9) + 3 = 12, Damage 2: 1d6 + 5 ⇒ (3) + 5 = 8

After doing so, I make a perfect landing in front of the running orcs, and strike another awesome pose to scare them.

"MmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMG!!!"

[The Roc]

THE ROC CELEBRATES WITH THE PEOPLE, THE MILLIONS-

[The Roc's Fans]

AND MILLIONS

[The Roc]

OF THE ROC'S FANS

[Lobriathus Berwell]

"BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! BURN BABY BURN!!!!" *foams at the mouth a bit*

Lob: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (10) + 4 = 14
Boom: 1d6 + 3 ⇒ (4) + 3 = 7, splash 5

[SnowJade]

I beckon to one of the slaves. What race is he?

[lucky7]

DP: Another one bites the dust. They are already running.

LB: Another one, and eight more are near-dead.

SnowJade: The person is human, and has clearly been beaten somewhat. He says that he was captured while serving as a caravan guard, and they are being made to excavate what they called "Legacy."

his description:

Black hair, brown, determined eyes, a face used to scowling, well muscled. Somewhat attractive.

[SnowJade]

I look to see if the slaves are chained.

[Chaotic Stupid Loonie]

I make my Fort save to become stable!

Fortitude 10: 1d20 - 6 ⇒ (6) - 6 = 0

There is no stabilizing going on and I lose another hit point!

Current HP: -7/8

[Old Man Henderson]

I caut'rize th' goof's wounds wit' th' hot end o' my irons. Stop yer bleedin' ev'rywhere, we gots cultists t' 'terrorgate.

[lucky7]

SJ: They are not.

CSL: You feel a burning sensation.

OMH: It worked. Also, they're not cultists.

[Old Man Henderson]

Tha's what they WANT you t' think.

[lucky7]

Look. I am God. I control the very nature of their existence, and I can tell you right here, right now, they are not, never were, and never will be, cultists!

[Darling Prettymonk]

Damn right they won't be.

Attack 1: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (7) + 3 = 10Damage 1: 1d6 + 5 ⇒ (4) + 5 = 9
Attack 2: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (6) + 3 = 9Damage 2: 1d6 + 5 ⇒ (1) + 5 = 6

Going to keep in front of the runners to take them ALL down. I need to tell the others of my plan.

"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMG!"

[lucky7]

DP: Can you not talk? Also, two misses.

1d20 + 5 ⇒ (8) + 5 = 13 1d42 ⇒ 12

[SnowJade]

I ask what they know about "Legacy", if the orcs ever let anything slip.

[lucky7]

Something about reclaiming the empire for the Kraator.

[Darling Prettymonk]

They hit me with a d42???

*points to her sewn shut mouth*

More orcs?

[lucky7]

They're running.

[Old Man Henderson]

lucky7 wrote:

Something about reclaiming the empire for the Kraator.

There y' 'ave it! Them's gone 'n' summ'nin' up some kinda evil poodle 'r summat. Let's go put holes in 'er heads.

[Lobriathus Berwell]

"Die in a fire, d'orcs!!"

Another lob, in the middle of the near-dead ones.

Lob: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (9) + 4 = 13
Boom: 1d6 + 3 ⇒ (4) + 3 = 7, splash 5

[Darling Prettymonk]

"MMMMMMMMMMMG!!!"

Spinning neck-breaking scissor kick of death for some orcs!

Attack 1: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (17) + 3 = 20Damage 1: 1d6 + 5 ⇒ (6) + 5 = 11
Attack 2: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (11) + 3 = 14Damage 2: 1d6 + 5 ⇒ (2) + 5 = 7

[lucky7]

3 more. At this point, you hear them surrendering.

Congratulations. You have officially created unnecessary casualties I would have given you XP for anyways.

@OMH: The slave says it is NOT a poodle.

[Old Man Henderson]

Poodle's a g'neric term. Means "@#%@&in' ugly sum'@6#!*# ain't meant fer this world" in layman speak.

[lucky7]

It still is not a poodle.

[Old Man Henderson]

Yer like arguin' don'cha.

[lucky7]

You're the belligerent one.

[Darling Prettymonk]

I am all about unnecessary casualties! Three more, you said? Hmmm, probably best to let the crazy with the shotgun interrorgate them before I smash them.

"Mmmmmmg."

[Old Man Henderson]

Oreght.

Place a boot square on one o' 'em's sullur plekkss an' press jus' a little, an level m' barrels at 'er's head. "Now, yer gonna tell us ev'rythin' y' know about what yer muckle damred cult 'r whatever yer runnin' down here n' callin' 'er be doin' up to, or's gonna paint th' walls a bit an' move on t' th' next 'un. Wha'cher sayin'?"

[Lobriathus Berwell]

"Burn 'em all, let Pharasma sort 'em out!!!"

Another lob at the fleeing orcs.

Lob: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (6) + 4 = 10
Boom: 1d6 + 3 ⇒ (4) + 3 = 7, splash 4

Oops:

Been finding and slowly correcting some errors with bomb damage.

[lucky7]

LB: They already surrendered.

OMH: The Orc looks at you and says "I shall tell you nothing!" with steel in her eyes.

[Chaotic Stupid Loonie]

I remain unconscious, lying on the ground with my pants around my ankles!

Current HP: -7/8 (Stable)

[lucky7]

Have fun with that?

[The Roc]

FINALLY
THE ROC
HAS COME BACK
TO POST IN THIS THREAD!

THE ROC LANDS HARD AND FAST, SOME JABRONI WITH HIS PANTS DOWN PROVIDES A GOOD CUSHION FROM THE IMPACT OF THE ROC THUDDING TO EARTH

THE ROC APOLOGIZES THAT THE ROC HAS NOT BEEN AROUND, BUT THE ROC WAS UP IN THE AERIE, CLANGIN AND BANGIN

[lucky7]

Interesting.