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Dear Aberzombie,
I am sure you must be a fan of the TV/Comic series "The Walking Dead", however even though I still have that human connection to the characters of the show I find myself rooting for the zombie horde. Let's face they are the real stars of the show..... hell they make the show what it is. Is it unnatural for me to feel this way? Plus is there any way you can ensure I get turned instead of eaten during the Zombieapocalypse?
It's perfectly natural to root for the zombies, especially when you see the living protagonists making choices that are silly, asinine, or both. It is human nature to instinctively fall into the pattern of survival of the fittest, and let's face it, those "survivors" on the show are portrayed as anything but.
As for being turned vice eaten, I could put in a good word for you with the horde. I tell you what, since you asked so nicely, I promise we'll eat you last.
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Dear Aberzombie,
What is you're response to this article?
I approve of any article that lulls you meatsacks into a false sense of security.
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Pretty good. In fact, I promise we'll eat you last.Dear Mr. Aberzombie,
What are my chances of surviving the zombie apocalypse?
Dear Aberzombie,
I have heard you promise several people that they will be eaten last. Yet it can only be so for one. How do you intend to deliver on these promises?
Yours,
Stymied in Stygia
I was wondering how long it would take someone to notice that. Congratulations. You win! Your prize - I promise we'll eat you last.
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zomb,
I'm writing a book about a good zombie, that just wants to be held. He ends up impregnating a human wench who he is in love with; the zomb's in my world are vegatarians, and they sparkle in the sunlight; they're pretty much just like people; good looking youthful brooding people that just happen to be dead.
There's also a weredikdik, who vies for the wench's affections, and I'm hoping to get Justin Bieber to play the part.Thinking about calling it Zone as an homage to Rod Serling. You like? Any pointers?
Just sit tight for a bit. As I type, several members of the horde are on their way to you to serve as....consultants...yeah, that's it....consultants on this abomin.....I mean book, that you're working on.
When the doorbell rings, just open right up.
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Dear Aberzombie,
I am curious if you might be interested in becoming the zombie spokesperson for my delicious seasoning blends. I know there are some zombies out there really concerned about their blood pressure and I want them to know there is an option other than salt when they crack open their next skull. Would you help me break into the zombie market?
Break into the zombie market? Sure, just hold out your arm and close your eyes.......
Dear Aberzombie,
I've noticed your frequent mentions of eating brains, but have seen this contrasted with The Walking Dead where very few brains are actually seen being eaten. Is this the result of poor writing, concern for TV graphic ratings, or a subtle ploy whereby meatbags...err, I mean humans believe they can live on after being eaten? Or, is it simply stating that most humans don't use their brains much these days? It could be that the zombies portrayed in the TV show are so new that they haven't figured out how to crack open a skull yet.
Would appreciate your insights.
Yours truly,
EMU
zomb,
I'm writing a book about a good zombie, that just wants to be held. He ends up impregnating a human wench who he is in love with; the zomb's in my world are vegatarians, and they sparkle in the sunlight; they're pretty much just like people; good looking youthful brooding people that just happen to be dead.
There's also a weredikdik, who vies for the wench's affections, and I'm hoping to get Justin Bieber to play the part.Thinking about calling it Zone as an homage to Rod Serling. You like? Any pointers?
Just sit tight for a bit. As I type, several members of the horde are on their way to you to serve as....consultants...yeah, that's it....consultants on this abomin.....I mean book, that you're working on.
When the doorbell rings, just open right up.
Well, if the zombie consultants don't get Ultravixen, the horde of Hollywood lawyers {shudder} definitely will for stealing their idea.
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Dear Aberzombie,
I've noticed your frequent mentions of eating brains, but have seen this contrasted with The Walking Dead where very few brains are actually seen being eaten. Is this the result of poor writing, concern for TV graphic ratings, or a subtle ploy whereby meatbags...err, I mean humans believe they can live on after being eaten? Or, is it simply stating that most humans don't use their brains much these days? It could be that the zombies portrayed in the TV show are so new that they haven't figured out how to crack open a skull yet.
Would appreciate your insights.
Yours truly,
EMU
There's a great deal of confusion regarding the myth & lore of zombies versus fact - far too much for me to go into in any detail here in these boards. Besides, I like the confusion. Makes it easier to catch a meal.
What kind of cars do you like eating the brains of survivors out of?
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Any other suggestions for those we don't want to survive the event?
Tell them they can avoid the hordes by travelling only when the sun is rising or setting, that way the light is in our eyes blinding us. Also, let them know that zombies are afraid of gerbils, and anyone carrying a gerbil can just walk right through the horde without getting attacked.
Which kind of zombieapocalypse is your number 1 favorite.
A) The mysterious origin disease that affects a few people and is transmitted by bites only and thus slowly but steadily causes a pandemic
B) Government chemical weapon that gets loose by mistake and causes havoc and slowly becomes a pandemic
C) An insidious infection that secretly infects ever human globally and only becomes evident when a person dies and rises as an undead menace, thus creating a hopeless situation that gets out of control quickly.
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Which kind of zombieapocalypse is your number 1 favorite.
A) The mysterious origin disease that affects a few people and is transmitted by bites only and thus slowly but steadily causes a pandemic
B) Government chemical weapon that gets loose by mistake and causes havoc and slowly becomes a pandemic
C) An insidious infection that secretly infects ever human globally and only becomes evident when a person dies and rises as an undead menace, thus creating a hopeless situation that gets out of control quickly.
Yes.
Is that cheesy 70s music I hear?Dear Aberzombie,
A certain zombie has been hitting on me and wanting some drgon love. Should I shoot him in the head or just bludgeon him to death?
Thanks,
A concerned Dragon
No. It's porn music filtered through 8-bit.
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Do you have a favorite condiment you like served with brains?A mustard made from the spleens of badgers.
Odd. I would've thought it would be Worcestershire sauce, since it makes everything taste so...so English.
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Dear Aberzombie,
What are the odds of Ninja's being the cause of the zombpocalipse?
I'm told by a reliable source from Vegas that the odds are 50:1. If you would care to place a bet using these odds, send me your money and I'll make sure it get's taken care of.
Also, is it true that you are the real reason that they cancelled CSI: Miami?
They needed a reason?
Dear Aberzombie,
What are the odds of Ninja's being the cause of the zombpocalipse?
I'm told by a reliable source from Vegas that the odds are 50:1. If you would care to place a bet using these odds, send me your money and I'll make sure it get's taken care of.
Also, is it true that you are the real reason that they cancelled CSI: Miami?They needed a reason?
Do you want that money delivered in person.
Word is that Caruso is one of the heartbeat-challenged. The suits found out and canned the show as a result.
Whom else amongst the famous are possible candidates as causal to the inevitable zombpocalypse?
I heard from Warren Ellis that CarusoBot needed time off to resume its search for John Connor.
Is bacon good with brainz?
Oink?
Run, Mr. Oinkers! It's a trap!
RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN...........
Oink?
*eats*
Squee! Squee! Oink, oink, oink!!
<runs around the thread, avoiding the zombies, trying to escape the Grue>
Grunt oink oink,
Oink oink squee, oink grunt grunt. Squee oink oink oink? Grunt oink oink squee, squee oink oink?
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That depends on the state of decay of the eyeball and optic nerve. And, may I add, that's a lovely chartreuse scarf you're wearing.Dear Aberzombie, esq.
Are Zombies colorblind?
I question who you are looking at. I mean seriously, I'm not wearing a SCARF!! SCARF!! SCARF!! IT'S CHARTREUSE AND EVERYTHING!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you had wings you could sit on top of a perch and watch the zombie apocalypse just shamble on by...
Until one of your city-dwelling cousins nibbled on the wrong piece of garbage/discarded flesh and thus airborne zombies became a thing.
Dr Mr Aberzombie,
If pigeons became zombies, would they still poop on my car? If the answer is no, could you please start turning them?
Speaking of trolls, if you eat a troll brain, do they regenerate inside your stomach? Does that tickle?
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Do all people taste the same, or does the flavor vary from region to region?
And as a related question, when one turns into a zombie, how does that affect one's ability to taste? As one who enjoys a good meal and good drink, if my sense of taste went, I think that would really suck. Of course, then again, seeing what zombies eat ...