Dear Mr. Aberzombie,
My girlfriend has always been a touchy feely kinda person, but recently her "love bites" have actually resulted in a loss of flesh. Could she be a zombie?
Also, if she is a zombie, what is the best way to disinfect these bite wounds?
Thanks!
Dear Zombie,
My friends have commented that I have, of late, developed a shambling gait. I find the remark insulting, but I do seem somewhat less coordinated.
I also seem to have a newfound taste for human flesh.
Should I be concerned?
Yours,
Pres. Harding
Have you heard of the boom on Mizar 5?
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Dear Mr. Aberzombie,
My girlfriend has always been a touchy feely kinda person, but recently her "love bites" have actually resulted in a loss of flesh. Could she be a zombie?
Also, if she is a zombie, what is the best way to disinfect these bite wounds?
Thanks!
There are any number of conditions that would result in someone biting to consume flesh - cannibalism, zombification, drug-induced belief that you're made of bacon, under the mental control of nanobots.....
You should always disinfect bite wounds, just to be safe. If she is a zombie, you're screwed anyway, since cleaning won't help.
Lastly, I'd like to show my appreciation to you for starting this thread. I'm touched. When the zombiepocalypse happens, if you're not already one of us, I promise we'll eat you last.
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Dear Zombie,
My friends have commented that I have, of late, developed a shambling gait. I find the remark insulting, but I do seem somewhat less coordinated.
I also seem to have a newfound taste for human flesh.
Should I be concerned?
Yours,
Pres. Harding
No concern is necessary. Welcome to the horde.
What are your benefits like?
Dear Zombie,
My friends have commented that I have, of late, developed a shambling gait. I find the remark insulting, but I do seem somewhat less coordinated.
I also seem to have a newfound taste for human flesh.
Should I be concerned?
Yours,
Pres. Harding
Loser.
Loser.Dear Zombie,
My friends have commented that I have, of late, developed a shambling gait. I find the remark insulting, but I do seem somewhat less coordinated.
I also seem to have a newfound taste for human flesh.
Should I be concerned?
Yours,
Pres. Harding
*eats brain*
So brains- boiled or fried?Baked.
Do you do, like, a casserole? Or is it more like a roast? Do brains produce adequate juices for basting, or do you have to add some? Have you tried encasing one in a pastry crust, like beef wellington?
Dear Aberzombie,
Is it too late for me to change my mind and become a Zombie instead of a Ghost?
I am hoping to be able to restart my acting career but I am finding it difficult to do so as a Ghost, we just don't show well on film.
That's a badass avatar, Greg! Although, personally, I think you look more live Clive Owens.
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Dear Aberzombie,
Is it too late for me to change my mind and become a Zombie instead of a Ghost?
I am hoping to be able to restart my acting career but I am finding it difficult to do so as a Ghost, we just don't show well on film.
If you've got enough of your rotting carcass left, then yes, you can become a zombie. It's not too late. Just possess a voodoo priestess and have her perform the necessary rituals over your moldering corpse.
As for not showing up on film well - I've heard of a formula that can be used on film to help your image show up better. I don't know the exact ingredients, but I do know some of them: Skittles, the sweat from a female emperor penguin, a strand of hair from a self-righteous douchebag, and two tablespoons of McDonald's coffee. If I recall correctly, there's a retired plumber living in New York City who knows the entire formula.
Dear Mr. Aberzombie,
What is the preferred caliber to use when fighting off the zombie horde?
Does the productivity of zombies go down over time?
What are your benefits like?That depends on how attached one is to breathing.
Let's say I'm good for going without, it opens up my options a bit.
I'm sorry, but these are all trade-marked secrets.Do you do, like, a casserole? Or is it more like a roast? Do brains produce adequate juices for basting, or do you have to add some? Have you tried encasing one in a pastry crust, like beef wellington?So brains- boiled or fried?Baked.
*sniff*
Back when I started the "Mmmm. Brains" thread I thought we could be friends...
Dear Aberzombie,
A certain zombie has been hitting on me and wanting some drgon love. Should I shoot him in the head or just bludgeon him to death?
Thanks,
A concerned Dragon
I'm sorry, but these are all trade-marked secrets.Do you do, like, a casserole? Or is it more like a roast? Do brains produce adequate juices for basting, or do you have to add some? Have you tried encasing one in a pastry crust, like beef wellington?So brains- boiled or fried?Baked.*sniff*
Back when I started the "Mmmm. Brains" thread I thought we could be friends...
*sign* "I miss that thread..."
*sign* "I miss that thread..."I'm sorry, but these are all trade-marked secrets.Do you do, like, a casserole? Or is it more like a roast? Do brains produce adequate juices for basting, or do you have to add some? Have you tried encasing one in a pastry crust, like beef wellington?So brains- boiled or fried?Baked.*sniff*
Back when I started the "Mmmm. Brains" thread I thought we could be friends...
Pfft! We're undead! Nothing keeps us down.
Dear Mr. Aberzombie,
Can Hippehs be zombies or do they get shot in de head first.
Yur's fathfully,
Skyrum
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Dear Aberzombie,
A certain zombie has been hitting on me and wanting some drgon love. Should I shoot him in the head or just bludgeon him to death?
Thanks,
A concerned Dragon
Is that cheesy 70s music I hear?
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Dear Mr. Aberzombie,
Can Hippehs be zombies or do they get shot in de head first.
Yur's fathfully,
Skyrum
Hippies can be zombies, but it's rare. Usually, they try to make peace with the horde and just get eaten. Occasionally one survives the bite long enough to turn, but these are the ones you usually find lagging behind everyone else or just staggering around aimlessly.
Dear Mr. Aberzombie,
What are my chances of surviving the zombie apocalypse?
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Dear Mr. Zombie:
Is there an undead equivalent to food poisoning? If you eat the brain of a horrible monster far removed from humanity, an Eagles fan for example, would you suffer ill-effects like decreased intelligence and increased tenedencies toward senseless violence?
Being around a lot of Eagles fans (unfortunately) let me just say - thank all that's unholy we heartbeat challenged don't have a Consitution score.
Dear Aberzombie,
I am sure you must be a fan of the TV/Comic series "The Walking Dead", however even though I still have that human connection to the characters of the show I find myself rooting for the zombie horde. Let's face they are the real stars of the show..... hell they make the show what it is. Is it unnatural for me to feel this way? Plus is there any way you can ensure I get turned instead of eaten during the Zombieapocalypse?
What is with the facination with malls?
Dear Aberzombie,
What is you're response to this article?
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Pretty good. In fact, I promise we'll eat you last.Dear Mr. Aberzombie,
What are my chances of surviving the zombie apocalypse?
Dear Aberzombie,
I have heard you promise several people that they will be eaten last. Yet it can only be so for one. How do you intend to deliver on these promises?
Yours,
Stymied in Stygia
zomb,
I'm writing a book about a good zombie, that just wants to be held. He ends up impregnating a human wench who he is in love with; the zomb's in my world are vegatarians, and they sparkle in the sunlight; they're pretty much just like people; good looking youthful brooding people that just happen to be dead.
There's also a weredikdik, who vies for the wench's affections, and I'm hoping to get Justin Bieber to play the part.
Thinking about calling it Zone as an homage to Rod Serling. You like? Any pointers?
Dear Aberzombie,
I am curious if you might be interested in becoming the zombie spokesperson for my delicious seasoning blends. I know there are some zombies out there really concerned about their blood pressure and I want them to know there is an option other than salt when they crack open their next skull. Would you help me break into the zombie market?