The LGBT Gamer Community Thread.

[John Napier 698]

I'm glad that you're feeling better, Vixie. Has your wife recovered as well?

[Rysky]

Friday morning, yay!

*channels positive feelings and offers hugs to anyone and everyone that wants or needs some*

[Rysky]

VixieMoondew wrote:

Bluh. Was super ill the past two days... but today I feel better, so it's back to work. x.x

*offers tummy wubs*

[VixieMoondew]

John Napier 698 wrote:

I'm glad that you're feeling better, Vixie. Has your wife recovered as well?

Won't know for sure until she wakes up! She tends to be a late sleeper, but when you're sick, that's always a good thing.

[VixieMoondew]

Rysky wrote:

VixieMoondew wrote:

Bluh. Was super ill the past two days... but today I feel better, so it's back to work. x.x

*offers tummy wubs*

Oooo

[Campfire Elemental]

*Cozying up the place for huggin' smiling, talking, gaming, keeping good company and merrymaking of all kind*
*Hot and cold beverages at your leisure*

[feytharn]

*offers hugs*
Good to hear you are feeling better, Vixie, I hope your wife has recovered, too!

[VixieMoondew]

She's awake now and seems to be doing much better <3 thank you all for the well-wishes!

[TerminalArtiste]

Hello all!

In about an hour I'm off to a social event held by my campus' LGBT society. Hoping that that goes well.

[John Napier 698]

That's very good news, Vixie.

[Rysky]

Yay, Vixie!

Hope everything goes well and good too, TerminalArtiste.

[TerminalArtiste]

Rysky wrote:

Yay, Vixie!

Hope everything goes well and good too, TerminalArtiste.

It went swimmingly! More populated than I thought it would be.

I had some nice conversations...I can't wait till the next meeting! I forgot how nice it is having a queer community around me.

[Rysky]

Yay! That's great to hear, I hope your next meeting is just as awesome!

[John Napier 698]

Good morning, everyone.

[Rysky]

Good morning, John. Hope you and everyone else are having a great weekend so far.

*channels positive feelings and offfers hugs to anyone and everyone that wants or needs some*

[John Napier 698]

Doing okay, so far. How's yours?

[Rysky]

So far so good.

[John Napier 698]

Great! :)

[John Napier 698]

Heading out to renew my transit pass and pick up a few things. See everyone later.

Edit: Actually putting a hold on that plan. My mother became slightly ill, and is resting foe a few hours.

[feytharn]

*sorry for the rant*
After about two weeks that seemed determined to prove the truthfulness of Murphy's law to me, this morning my sofa broke down beyond repair (it was old, it was time, but still...) - I am 7'/2,1m tall and after injury and operation a few years ago have the need to put up and rest my feet regularly, and that sofa was about the only piece of furniture I owned beside my bed that was good for that - and the only somewhat comfortable furniture for someone my size in my home - I had a pretty much complete breakdown including a short but hefty depressive episode right after that.

I am feeling a bit better now, but I am still pretty fed up with the last few weeks and this day - especially since I checked every store for used furniture I can easily reach for a replacement in vain.
*rant over*
I hope everybody else is doing well and you all have a great weekend!

[Berbanna]

Hi all. Sorry for the upcoming wall of text and me being a whiny emotional drain. I just feel kinda desperate and don't know where to turn; it was this or reddit. I used to have an account here several years ago, and this thread has stayed with me in my mind. Sorry also for being fuzzy on details, it's a combination of wanting to not out myself or others and also because it's a heavy thing to talk about.

So, as I said I'm getting kinda desperate, as I'm pretty far down. I have a partner since many years, and they're kind of my whole life, together with my birth family. I have no friends; due to my neurotype I'm not good with people, and most friends I've had have moved on for various reasons and we've kinda lost contact. I've been part of gaming groups of course, but I rarely get to know them personally.

Me and my partner moved in together a long time ago. The past year though, I've been in a prison. It was a low-security prison, and we could talk a lot on the phone and they visited me several times, but it was obviously a strain on the relationship.

Spoiler:

I won't go into the details of it, but a long time ago I did something inexcusably dumb and irresponsible. A few years back time caught up with me and I was sentenced. I'm not excusing my actions, but would rather not talk about the details.

Now I've been home for a few months; I'm still serving time, but in a house arrest/parole setup. But my relationship with my partner is bad. I don't even know if we're partners anymore; it's not like we ever officially started being partners, we just kinda grew together because we were in love and living together and we fit well together in many ways. Maybe they're not in love anymore and we've grown apart and I'm still in denial. I've never met anyone I can relate to as well, and I know at least before that my partner had a similar experience. We've both had bad relationships, but this has been an altogether good, so far. We've had heavy times, of course; two queer, disabled people are unlikely not have those, but so far we've helped each other and worked through them.

Now, we haven't slept in the same bed for over a year, I can't remember last time they said they love me, and I think they've only initiated a hug once since I got home, and the past month we've barely see each other anymore. They've got a very professional life, and what spare time they have is usually put into social activities; game clubs, their RPG group, et cetera. When they're finally home, they're irritable and just want to sleep.

last time we spent time together:

Last week we talked about it quickly, and I said that I kinda feel lonely and it'd be nice if we could put some time aside to hang out. We agreed on hanging out friday (yesterday) after work. They were home by 4pm and went to bed to sleep, listen to music and zap on the phone, wanting to rest and be left alone. By 7:30 they went up and we could finally hang out, which was watching a one-hour episode of twin peaks, then them going back to bed by 10 pm.

I don't blame them for being tired, and I love that they have a social life; they've been isolated at times, and I've tried to get them to meet some people, and now they have a vibrant social life with board game groups and a D&D group and several other people. It just feels as if hanging out with me is a chore that needs to be done before going to sleep.

I knew things weren't going to be the same as before, at least not for the foreseeable future, but our relationship has honestly gotten worse since I got home and I don't know what to do. I've tried talking to them about it, but we see each other so rarely and when we do they're so often too tired to do anything, so when I actually get time to hang out with them I feel like I gotta take the chance.

Last time we had a more serious talk about us was maybe a week or so before I got home, when we talked about worries. I know they're ashamed of me, and worry that their friends will know my background and think worse of my partner for it. I know they've thought about us moving apart because of this, but stay partners/friends/whatever we are. That if we live apart, it'll be easier to spend time without the shame thing. And when I asked, they said they still have feelings for me. At the end of the talk, I felt kinda hopeful; we'd agreed not to do anything until after parole had ended, to talk to each other more, and that we would see relationship counceling. I'm still hunting for some relationship therapeut that can deal with queer people without making a big fuzz about it.

I get why they'd want to move apart but I feel like if we do, they'll just not have time for me at all. I'm not funny or interesting or whatever, especially not alone. The good qualities I have, the thing I feel I add to the relationship, is that I'm caring, supportive, and at least previously, they've enjoyed essentially doing nothing with me. I feel if we live apart, I can't do much.

At this point of rambling, I don't even remember what I've written, so I guess I'll have to stop soon. Right now, I just feel sad, I guess. I feel like I want to ask them if they have any romantic feelings for me left at all, but I'm afraid of the answer. I guess I should accept that it's over and grieve, but I don't know for sure and I guess in a way I just don't want to know because I don't know if I could handle it. I don't know where I'd go mentally if they left me, it's unbearable to even think about.

I'm sorry for whining, I just didn't know where to go. I know I brought this on myself and I don't blame anyone else; it's more self-hate and shame than self-pity. I can't talk with my biological family as it'd feel like backtalking my partner since they know each other so well by now. I have no friends or real social circle. I just feel so lonely. And I want to just go to sleep and never wake up. Not suicidal or anything, just sleep forever.

[John Napier 698]

Heading out to renew my transit pass and pick up a few things. See everyone later.

Edit: Actually putting a hold on that plan. My mother became slightly ill, and is resting for a few hours.

Edit #2: fixed typo.

[CrystalSeas]

Berbanna wrote:

Hi all. Sorry for the upcoming wall of text and me being a whiny emotional drain. I just feel kinda desperate and don't know where to turn;

You're in the right place! Welcome back.

I know the feeling of just being so drained you don't want to do anything but go to sleep and not wake up. From what I've read, there are bunches of folks in this thread who have been through the same downer.

With that being said, that's pretty far along to path to 'suicidal thought" even if you aren't contemplating how to do it. Could you find it in yourself to talk to people on a hotline? Even if it's just a short chat they may be able to suggest local resources for places you can meet with someone to talk through these feelings.

Edit:
And check your PMs

[Freehold DM]

Thank you for sharing, berbanna. That was a long story that took a lot of guts to tell.

Spoiler:

Please don't hate yourself. Forgiving oneself can take some time, but self hatred is actively destructive and should be avoided.

I know how scary it can be to ask someone how they feel. The romantic in me wants to urge you to push past the fear and ask, but you are in a delicate place right now, physically and otherwise. Sometimes the hope that someone feels the same way we do is enough to keep us going, sometimes it's the ONLY thing that keeps us going, but ask only when you think you might be able to handle knowing that they may not feel the same way. It is so very very hard to go from one day to another on a wing and a prayer in that sense, but if you can't take another hit on your rear deflector screen, then you can't handle another hit on the rear deflector screen, and that's that. We can't have you shifting out and crashing into the wall of the trench or into a snow drift or anything. Hope for the best for now, prepare for the worst when you can, and discover the truth of it all when you know for sure you can handle it. It may be more than you ever dreamed, or something less.

It's okay if that day never comes. It's okay to not want to know something, and keep operating on a theory, so long as you KNOW it is a theory.

Sleep and rest are important. But you need to stay awake in order to see some things through, like self care, which can be a drag when you're depressed, but is still important. You don't have to do everything in one day. Some days you can just told the laundry and leave it at that. Other days are for eating ice cream and watching Netflix. But you need to be and stay awake for those things. Sleep will come in time, and some days it may actually be restful.

I'm glad you came here instead of reddit. We are all here if you need to talk.

[CrystalSeas]

Freehold DM wrote:

Thank you for sharing, berbanna. That was a long story that took a lot of guts to tell.

There is (was?) a website called "Chore Wars". On it you can set up XP for kids (or roommates) doing various things and getting various rewards.

At one point I was giving myself XP points for brushing my teeth and combing my hair. Yep, silly game points were sometimes what it took to handle basic hygiene.

@berbanna
You're not stuck, and you're not alone. Those of us who have been there can give you a hand in getting out of this particular hole.

[Berbanna]

Thanks a lot for the responses. Just knowing that someone read means a lot. I'll check PM later, right now I need to rest.

Just had to clarify, in regards to suicide, that I'm not at all suicidal. I've been there before a few times and I know my signs and am watchful. Thanks for the thought though.

[Rysky]

*channels positive feelings and offers hugs to anyone and everyone that wants or needs soem*

[Campfire Elemental]

*Offering a bright and cozy place for all kinds of merryment, for talking, smiling, hugging and keeping each other company*
*Warm and cold beverages at your leisure*

[Klorox]

Hi folks, *sends hugs and good feelings around* I hope you had a great weekend and are ready for the new week, special wishes for any poster from the gulf coast area.

[doctor_wu]

Gmed another pfs table at lgbt center I should have 9 tables credit although not all reported correctly. so I have my own event code now.1 more table and I am almost a 1 star gm with 1 more table. Too bad the local con is at a place I do not think is the best place as it has much worse food options than my local lgbt center expensive parking and I almost lost this desktop there at a linux convention.

[CrystalSeas]

Your first star!! How awesome to be so close!

[John Napier 698]

Good morning, everyone.

[VixieMoondew]

Sorry for my radio silence over the weekend! With the way my weeks have been going, my weekends have mostly been filled with much-needed sleep and some old PS1 games. Haven't even been attending PFS. x.x

Berbanna: People are complex, so it's hard for me to speak with certainty as to motivations and whatnot. My impression is that they want to hang out with you, but the way their life currently is, it's hard to make time between all of their other obligations.

That said, none of this is a reflection on your worth. But you coming back is a big-- even if expected-- change, and it makes sense that things are having a hard time settling back to the way they were, and it definitely sounds like finding a queer-positive relationship counselor will help things progress. Best of luck to you finding one that works for you-- and don't hesitate to "sample" around a bit. Good counselors/therapists/etc. will not be against having something like a short interview to make sure they're a good fit.

[John Napier 698]

What games? Also, it's okay to drop out for the weekend, considering how tired that bout of food poisoning made you. How are things today?

[VixieMoondew]

Mostly good! Only one problem remaining, but it's on the TMI side.

Been playing Final Fantasy Tactics when the wife is busy, and Tomb Raider 2 when she's not. :P She's a huge Lara Croft fan, so at this point I've played... uh, maybe seven TR games?? Wait, no, nine... I think...

We're also interspersing with a bit of Lara Croft and the Temple of Osiris, Final Fantasy XIII-2 (which has been... choppy), and the FFXV episodes.

[John Napier 698]

Been playing a lot of Civilization II: Test of time (PC) and Halo Wars on the 360.

[VixieMoondew]

Nice! Our roomie's been playing a bunch of Civ lately. He made a point to play as the Aztecs and conquer Western Europe ASAP.

[The Raven Black]

Berbanna, what VixieMoondew said above.

Also, your description of your partner's behaviour made me think they might actually be in a depression and likely for reasons that are not directly linked to you (maybe work issues / burnout).

Maybe the best is to give them again the same attention and care you enjoy giving. Of course, you should take good care of yourself first and foremost, as Freehold DM and others said before.

You are a welcome addition to the great people who post on this thread, so do not hesitate if you need anything.

Lots of posts and things that happened since I last checked (crowded RL saw to that). Happy Birthdays to all those concerned :-)

And lot of love and joyous positive energies to all who read this

[John Napier 698]

VixieMoondew wrote:

Nice! Our roomie's been playing a bunch of Civ lately. He made a point to play as the Aztecs and conquer Western Europe ASAP.

In my current Civ II game ( the one I'm playing right now ), I got Gunpowder before 1 A.D., just got Railroad ( somewhere around 1,000 A.D. ), and the Japanese just declared war on me. Building forces to deal some smackdown. They aren't connected to my landmass, so I have time. Besides, they're preoccupied with the Germans.

Edit: And now, the Romans want a piece of me. FINE! Bring it!

Edit #2: And now, the Egyptians. [sarcasm]My, aren't I popular? [/sarcasm]

[Freehold DM]

VixieMoondew wrote:

Mostly good! Only one problem remaining, but it's on the TMI side.

Been playing Final Fantasy Tactics when the wife is busy, and Tomb Raider 2 when she's not. :P She's a huge Lara Croft fan, so at this point I've played... uh, maybe seven TR games?? Wait, no, nine... I think...

We're also interspersing with a bit of Lara Croft and the Temple of Osiris, Final Fantasy XIII-2 (which has been... choppy), and the FFXV episodes.

TACTICS FOREVER GRAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH SAGITTARIUS FOR LIFE

[Rysky]

The Raven Black wrote:

Berbanna, what VixieMoondew said above.

Also, your description of your partner's behaviour made me think they might actually be in a depression and likely for reasons that are not directly linked to you (maybe work issues / burnout).

Maybe the best is to give them again the same attention and care you enjoy giving. Of course, you should take good care of yourself first and foremost, as Freehold DM and others said before.

You are a welcome addition to the great people who post on this thread, so do not hesitate if you need anything.

Lots of posts and things that happened since I last checked (crowded RL saw to that). Happy Birthdays to all those concerned :-)

And lot of love and joyous positive energies to all who read this

Um, this sounds good, I think. Sorry, I'm not really good at giving advice for this sort of thing.

You would think I would but, *shrugs*

*offers more hugs*

[VixieMoondew]

Freehold DM wrote:

VixieMoondew wrote:

Mostly good! Only one problem remaining, but it's on the TMI side.

Been playing Final Fantasy Tactics when the wife is busy, and Tomb Raider 2 when she's not. :P She's a huge Lara Croft fan, so at this point I've played... uh, maybe seven TR games?? Wait, no, nine... I think...

We're also interspersing with a bit of Lara Croft and the Temple of Osiris, Final Fantasy XIII-2 (which has been... choppy), and the FFXV episodes.

TACTICS FOREVER GRAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH SAGITTARIUS FOR LIFE

I've never actually finished Tactics, mostly due to lack of access and a tendency to get stuck in the middle of a multi-stage level. This time, I'm going in with TWO save files!

[Rysky]

Rysky wrote:

After reading tumblr I have a new character prompt.

The next time I make a Skinwalker (Witchwolf) I'll give them a shirt that reads #knotallmen

Hope everyone is having a good Saturday so far :3

*channels positive feelings and offers hugs to anyone and everyone that wants or needs some*

I commissioned a thing :3 (mostly SFW)

Hope everyone is having a good day so far.

*channels positive feelings and offers hugs to anyone and everyone that wants or needs some*

[Freehold DM]

VixieMoondew wrote:

Freehold DM wrote:

VixieMoondew wrote:

Mostly good! Only one problem remaining, but it's on the TMI side.

Been playing Final Fantasy Tactics when the wife is busy, and Tomb Raider 2 when she's not. :P She's a huge Lara Croft fan, so at this point I've played... uh, maybe seven TR games?? Wait, no, nine... I think...

We're also interspersing with a bit of Lara Croft and the Temple of Osiris, Final Fantasy XIII-2 (which has been... choppy), and the FFXV episodes.

TACTICS FOREVER GRAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH SAGITTARIUS FOR LIFE

I've never actually finished Tactics, mostly due to lack of access and a tendency to get stuck in the middle of a multi-stage level. This time, I'm going in with TWO save files!

foams at mouth

[Freehold DM]

Rysky wrote:

Rysky wrote:

After reading tumblr I have a new character prompt.

The next time I make a Skinwalker (Witchwolf) I'll give them a shirt that reads #knotallmen

Hope everyone is having a good Saturday so far :3

*channels positive feelings and offers hugs to anyone and everyone that wants or needs some*

I commissioned a thing :3 (mostly SFW)

Hope everyone is having a good day so far.

*channels positive feelings and offers hugs to anyone and everyone that wants or needs some*

looks at shirt

verifies own gender identity

Uh oh.

[VixieMoondew]

Rysky wrote:

Rysky wrote:

After reading tumblr I have a new character prompt.

The next time I make a Skinwalker (Witchwolf) I'll give them a shirt that reads #knotallmen

Hope everyone is having a good Saturday so far :3

*channels positive feelings and offers hugs to anyone and everyone that wants or needs some*

I commissioned a thing :3 (mostly SFW)

Hope everyone is having a good day so far.

*channels positive feelings and offers hugs to anyone and everyone that wants or needs some*

IM SCREAMIMNG

[Rysky]

VixieMoondew wrote:

Rysky wrote:

Rysky wrote:

After reading tumblr I have a new character prompt.

The next time I make a Skinwalker (Witchwolf) I'll give them a shirt that reads #knotallmen

Hope everyone is having a good Saturday so far :3

*channels positive feelings and offers hugs to anyone and everyone that wants or needs some*

I commissioned a thing :3 (mostly SFW)

Hope everyone is having a good day so far.

*channels positive feelings and offers hugs to anyone and everyone that wants or needs some*

IM SCREAMIMNG

Hopefully good screams :3

[VixieMoondew]

Rysky wrote:

VixieMoondew wrote:

Rysky wrote:

Rysky wrote:

After reading tumblr I have a new character prompt.

The next time I make a Skinwalker (Witchwolf) I'll give them a shirt that reads #knotallmen

Hope everyone is having a good Saturday so far :3

*channels positive feelings and offers hugs to anyone and everyone that wants or needs some*

I commissioned a thing :3 (mostly SFW)

Hope everyone is having a good day so far.

*channels positive feelings and offers hugs to anyone and everyone that wants or needs some*

IM SCREAMIMNG

Hopefully good screams :3

It's simply the best hashtag I've ever seen, is all

[Rysky]

VixieMoondew wrote:

Rysky wrote:

VixieMoondew wrote:

Rysky wrote:

Rysky wrote:

After reading tumblr I have a new character prompt.

The next time I make a Skinwalker (Witchwolf) I'll give them a shirt that reads #knotallmen

Hope everyone is having a good Saturday so far :3

*channels positive feelings and offers hugs to anyone and everyone that wants or needs some*

I commissioned a thing :3 (mostly SFW)

Hope everyone is having a good day so far.

*channels positive feelings and offers hugs to anyone and everyone that wants or needs some*

IM SCREAMIMNG

Hopefully good screams :3

It's simply the best hashtag I've ever seen, is all

Yay!

[John Napier 698]

Civ II: Flight at 1792 A.D. Also, Germany beaten.

Edit: Japanese beaten 1820 A.D.