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I'm sorry- I see more women TODAY than usual, not that other day.I'll be honest, for a moment I thought you were just like "Wow, a bunch of people around here have come out as trans women lately and I'm just realizing how skewed the gender balance is getting because of it" XD
It was lesbian visibility day.
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Happy Star Wars Day!
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Soooo.... um, Hi!
I've been on the forums since well before this thread was started but pretty much always avoided it as "not my thing", originally for ... less than stellar moral reasons, then later because I didn't think it really applied to me.
Let's just say now that I've done a lot of growing up in the past fifteen-or-so years, and a big part of that was really taking a look at what I believed, why I believed it, if I actually still believed it, and what it said about me and meant for me. And in the aftermath of that, I'm definitely in a very different - and very much healthier, in a variety of ways - personal place than I was when I joined these forums in ... gods, 2008 feels like so long ago....
I want to start with a blanket apology to anyone I've spoken to over the years who I've insulted or hurt in those past days with my often arrogant, self-righteous statements born of stupidity and ignorance. Sadly the years are just too long and the posts too many to track them down individually, and thus a proper one-to-one acknowledgement of my mistakes is probably beyond my capabilities. That, and many of the people I had those old arguments and debates with are likely no longer among the community here, or those discussions are forgotten and I'd rather move on forward than dig up old wounds unnecessarily.
That said... one non-binary asexual better educated in reality and other people than I was in days gone by. Here's to a better future for all of us.
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I want to start with a blanket apology to anyone I've spoken to over the years who I've insulted or hurt in those past days with my often arrogant, self-righteous statements born of stupidity and ignorance. Sadly the years are just too long and the posts too many to track them down individually, and thus a proper one-to-one acknowledgement of my mistakes is probably beyond my capabilities. That, and many of the people I had those old arguments and debates with are likely no longer among the community here, or those discussions are forgotten and I'd rather move on forward than dig up old wounds unnecessarily.
That said... one non-binary asexual better educated in reality and other people than I was in days gone by. Here's to a better future for all of us.
I don't recall us ever having any beef, but if so, it's in the past. Welcome to our little club! We all have had to grow over time. I used to be homophobic, transphobic, racist, misogynistic, etc., but I've grown a lot. I came to realizr that I didn't know I was those things, and I'm a trans woman. I still make mistakes because I'm always growing. That's what makes us become better people in the end.
Welcome!
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Hi, Orthos! I was always perfect, so I can't relate to these acknowledgements of past faults*, but it's a normal journey to go through. Super awesome to have you, and Happy Pride! And Happy Gluttony, happy Wrath, etc, etc. You know, we need a New Thassilon festival involving a rainbow motif. Could be a Nocticulan/Prismatic Ray holiday?
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I want to start with a blanket apology to anyone I've spoken to over the years who I've insulted or hurt in those past days with my often arrogant, self-righteous statements born of stupidity and ignorance. Sadly the years are just too long and the posts too many to track them down individually, and thus a proper one-to-one acknowledgement of my mistakes is probably beyond my capabilities. That, and many of the people I had those old arguments and debates with are likely no longer among the community here, or those discussions are forgotten and I'd rather move on forward than dig up old wounds unnecessarily.
That said... one non-binary asexual better educated in reality and other people than I was in days gone by. Here's to a better future for all of us.
I don't recall us ever having any beef, but if so, it's in the past. Welcome to our little club! We all have had to grow over time. I used to be homophobic, transphobic, racist, misogynistic, etc., but I've grown a lot. I came to realizr that I didn't know I was those things, and I'm a trans woman. I still make mistakes because I'm always growing. That's what makes us become better people in the end.
Welcome!
I was in much the same position, coupled with being raised in a morality system that said I had to be those things to be a Good Persontm. It took a long while and a lot of exposure to other modes of thought to break that training and get a better understanding of how people and the world at large work, much less a better understanding of myself.
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HOLY S$%% ORTHOS IS HERE
Also
HAPPY PRIDE EVERYONE
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Happy Pride!!!!! EVERYONE!!!!
I had a great day at a Big Gay Market (that's what it is called)
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Happy Pride!!!!! EVERYONE!!!!
I had a great day at a Big Gay Market (that's what it is called)
Was it a bear market?
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On Friday, June 21st, I have an appointment for a consultation for bottom surgery! I've been waiting more than a year for this! It's only the consultation, so I suspect it's still a year away for the actual surgery. This is such a great thing to happen during Pride month!
On Friday, June 21st, I have an appointment for a consultation for bottom surgery! I've been waiting more than a year for this! It's only the consultation, so I suspect it's still a year away for the actual surgery. This is such a great thing to happen during Pride month!
AWRIGHT!
Happy Pride!!!!! EVERYONE!!!!
I had a great day at a Big Gay Market (that's what it is called)
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I'm doing ok. I just celebrated my 53rd birthday! We planned on going to a water park, but the weather decided that we should do something indoors so we watched Deadpool & Wolverine instead.
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Back to the Paizo forums after seven years, and I
can't believe...
am surprised by the fact that...
am seeing that...
shouldn't be surprised that...
was certain that...
this thread is still going.
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I'm doing ok. I just celebrated my 53rd birthday! We planned on going to a water park, but the weather decided that we should do something indoors so we watched Deadpool & Wolverine instead.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Back to the Paizo forums after seven years, and I
can't believe...
am surprised by the fact that...
am seeing that...
shouldn't be surprised that...
was certain that...this thread is still going.
WELCOME BACK
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Happy Bisexual Awareness Month to all who celebrate! Remember that you have to have at least two parties this month!
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I apologize for this, but I need to yell loudly. I have had it up to my gills with the nonsense of the government of the state I live in: Florida.
"Don't say Gay" - Removal of all LGBT discussion in K-12 classrooms.
Book bannings - I can't even count how many
Government saying Pride is "inappropriate" for Florida
and now: acting as if Lawrance v. Texas had been overturned. Apparently Florida's Lewd and lascivious behavior law is still on the books and can be used to prosecute people who hooks up with someone of the same sex.
I feel like I'm living in Nazi Germany. How long before all of my friends are locked up?
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I apologize for this, but I need to yell loudly. I have had it up to my gills with the nonsense of the government of the state I live in: Florida.
"Don't say Gay" - Removal of all LGBT discussion in K-12 classrooms.
Book bannings - I can't even count how many
Government saying Pride is "inappropriate" for Florida
and now: acting as if Lawrance v. Texas had been overturned. Apparently Florida's Lewd and lascivious behavior law is still on the books and can be used to prosecute people who hooks up with someone of the same sex.I feel like I'm living in Nazi Germany. How long before all of my friends are locked up?
Seriously? They know that they are attacking people who can't afford to fight this. It's outrageous.
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That said... one non-binary asexual better educated in reality and other people than I was in days gone by. Here's to a better future for all of us.
SO UM MAY BE LESS ACCURATE THAN I THOUGHT
WARNING LONG AND RAMBLY
Starting a little before I made that post, I had started a few little personal experiments with stepping outside of the AMAB "space" I've spent most of my life in. Things like growing out my hair, wearing kilts and skirts, I've been wanting for almost a year now to get my ears pierced, things like that.
As a result, I'm pretty sure I'm closer to something like trans-female or demifeminine rather than agender as I've been leaning toward previously. The one thing I'm absolutely sure of is that I'm neither cis nor male, as ever since starting experimenting with other perceptions and presentations that's the one identity I'm outright uncomfortable with. What that means long-term, I can't say. For a large part I've spent time playing Neverwinter Nights - which while it's been a game I've played for over 20 years now, more recently has explicitly been an outlet for this for me, which is one of the main reasons I mostly play female or femme-presenting PCs almost exclusively.
Most recently, though, I recognized that one of my characters I almost never played because of how uncomfortable I'd become with playing male characters, especially this one as they were so closely tied to me personally by sharing my screen name in that community. As a part of their story and as a result of this discomfort, I had the character willingly transitioned from male to female, and among other things noticed when rewriting her description and altering some backstory stuff how many things I'd put in that now feel in retrospect like signifiers of dysphoria, such as unkempt appearance, frumpy and concealing clothing, lack of general self-care, and the like. I have this character transition, and suddenly I'm in love with playing her again.
I don't know precisely what that means, but it certainly has to mean something. So it's probably about time I start working on figuring that out, and I suppose trying to find a specialist is the best first step I can take.
So I've decided I'm going to ask my therapist to recommend me to a specialist in the near future, specifically a gender/identity therapy specialist. He's been a great help to my mental state over the past year and change, to the point I'm feeling comfortable moving on to a more specific set of my issues to address. My next therapy appointment is this Wednesday; here's crossing fingers and hoping it goes well, and/or that I don't have to suddenly backpedal if the political situation goes further haywire.
If nothing else, this has been extremely motivating for losing weight in a way NOTHING before ever has >.>
I'll be 40 next June, so ... better late than never? (Also my phobic family would be screaming "MIDLIFE CRISIS!" if we still talked, I guarantee it...)
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That's all great news (except your transphobic family)! Remember that we don't need labels for ourselves. They are to help others. I'm still working on figuring out which labels apply to me, but I've learned to accept myself for myself without them. It's been so much easier for me.
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While true, sadly labels also tend to be helpful to get things like actual medical treatments if that's where this leads >.>
I don't think that it's as simple as [insert trans thing here]. I know a lot of cis people who enjoy exploring their gender, but they are still very much cis. They may wear skirts sometimes, but they still identify as male or they may wear makeup, but are still male. They may be AFAB, but wear mostly men's clothing because it's more comfortable and they dislike makeup, and work on cars, etc, but are still very much women.
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At the same time, if you catch yourself feeling disappointed by the possibility that you might not be transfem, boy have I got good news for you.
while you don't have to rush to a label, it's also like. It's okay to rush to a label! you can try the label out in safe spaces, nobody worthwhile's going to call you a fake gaymer and nobody worthwhile is going to penalize you if you later change the answer. Most of the time, I think people figure out their exact gender identity by trial and error.
Anyways I'm on my phone so my grammar is lazy but I'm super super excited for you, Orthos!!
(These are things people told me, for what it's worth. In my case, turns out they were what I needed to hear!)
(They also told me to be careful about admitting any confused feelings to doctors, because we have a super cool health care system that definitely doesn't punish us for acknowledging nuance.)
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At the same time, if you catch yourself feeling disappointed by the possibility that you might not be transfem, boy have I got good news for you.
This kinda feels like where I am, but more "disappointed I might not be able to do anything about it". Does that make more sense? Something more like, "sure I can call myself whatever, but that doesn't fix the problem". I know there are trans people who are comfortable just with altering their personal identity and some of their clothing/presentation and leaving it at that, but I'm guessing I'm not one of them, because that's basically what I've done for the past five-ish years and it feels... insufficient, for lack of a better word.
I am absolutely fumbling my way through this and wishing I had a how-to guide. So I apologize again if I've said something insulting or offensive while trying to make words work.
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You haven't at all! These are super normal concerns and worries, I feel like. I wish I had a how-to guide to offer you! I guess just keep looking into those medical options, looking for ways to keep transitioning socially, maybe get your ears pierced since it sounds like something you really want, and start thinking about names if you want to change yours.
There's no right or wrong way to transition, but long hair, changed name, t-blockers and pretty skirts are very common ways that often seem to work for people.
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Well, I've got half of those - been growing my hair out all year and have a name loosely in mind. I've a couple kilts I wear often because they were "socially acceptable" ways for a "guy" to go around in a skirt, so I suppose that counts as well. Also thinking of starting shaving - my disdain for shorts all my life I think in hindsight is more of a dysphoria thing because of body hair than just "long pants are more comfortable".
We'll give changing pronouns here and on Discord a try and see how it feels for a while :D
Crossing fingers things go well with the therapist tomorrow. We've spent most of the last year focused on family- and religious-based trauma, so this'll be opening a new can of worms comparatively.
Thank you so much for your support and advice. I'm probably going to ask a lot more stupid questions.
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Oh, also, striped tights became a stereotype for a reason--tights and leggings in general can be very flattering for trans girls (we tend to have nice legs) and they also cover leg hair and make skirts/kilts a bit more forgiving when sitting down. That's obviously much more blatantly on the fem-presenting side of things.
Anyways, good luck!!
I would love to be more fem-presenting, which is a huge part of the problem LMAO. Because I currently very much am not. >.>
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I will probably be gone for quite some time. Today's election has shown me that my own country doesn't want me around. I need to figure things out.
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Chose a hell of a time to come out, I did. -_-
I can't really words right now.
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I'm so sorry for staying away from this thread for a couple years now.
Cindy, Orthos, and others: This morning, I'm still more than a bit stunned myself after last night's results. I'm coming up empty on anything even mildly reassuring. All I can offer right now is that I hope you can all find safe paths through what will be very challenging years ahead, and don't feel bad in the slightest in doing whatever you need to do to keep yourself safe, whole, and true. You are all important, you each effect the people & world in positive ways. You matter.
My health care and disability income are going to be taken away.
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In slightly better news, apparently PP in KS does do telehealth for gender-affirming therapy and treatment, so I won't have to drive for two hours to visit them in person. I'll need to see about picking up a webcam while I'm out at therapy tonight.
In slightly better news, apparently PP in KS does do telehealth for gender-affirming therapy and treatment, so I won't have to drive for two hours to visit them in person. I'll need to see about picking up a webcam while I'm out at therapy tonight.
If you are on Facebook, there's a group you can join called Buy Nothing. Someone might have a webcam to gift you.
I do not use Facebook, no.
My health care and disability income are going to be taken away.
I am so sorry. I'm sure you had to fight like hell to get even that assistance.
I don't know the details of your current housing and employment situations, but is there any possibility of you relocating to a state with shield laws*? I know it would be far from ideal and would likely be a difficult undertaking (especially financially), but is there a possibility?
* Edit: Looks like their web server is overloaded right now.
Edit 2: Couple other sites are getting hammered too. A lot of worried folks out there. I did find Erin Reed's current map; at the bottom of the article is a map with the states that have the strongest state protections for LGBTIQ+ folk. Maybe a place to start researching.
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My health care and disability income are going to be taken away.I am so sorry. I'm sure you had to fight like hell to get even that assistance.
I don't know the details of your current housing and employment situations, but is there any possibility of you relocating to a state with shield laws*? I know it would be far from ideal and would likely be a difficult undertaking (especially financially), but is there a possibility?
* Edit: Looks like their web server is overloaded right now.
Edit 2: Couple other sites are getting hammered too. A lot of worried folks out there. I did find Erin Reed's current map; at the bottom of the article is a map with the states that have the strongest state protections for LGBTIQ+ folk. Maybe a place to start researching.
I live in Washington state. We have a lot of protections, until the Supreme Court decides that we don't. I fully expect them to make things worse. My medical care and disability are federally funded so my health care can be taken away by the next administration. He did it before. This time, I expect Congress to enshrine it into law.
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Set for my first telehealth appointment at the end of the month. No openings between now and then.
Now we wait.
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Scint is looking into possibilities of teaching English abroad. Recommended some contacts in Spain by one of our gaming friends.
Spain is amazing for trans people apparently. Fingers crossed!!
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It's nice having a supporting partner, but I never expected it would mean transitioning would come with homework. "If you're gonna be a girl you need to read these books, just trust me."
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Orthos, I am very, very happy and proud of/for you.
This is the only good news that I have to share with you at the moment, due to...well, everything.
Keep exploring, doing, learning, and being.
I, and others, will support your eventual decision.
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Hey everyone!
Sorry this isn't a more positive time, but it's great to see some old friends!
[Clenched Fist Salute]
I feel like it's 2004 all over again. Barf!
In the good news dept.:
NY passed prop 1 which adds may protections to the state constitution