Somebody called the evil clowns?
I hate you=)
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Well, that was amazingly tasteless.
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Oh, for those whom it may concern I have started asking people to refer to me by female pronouns. If you forget or don't care to do that it's cool, I won't get angry=)
The avatar picture helps. :)
Also: Congratulations!
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Well, that was amazingly tasteless.
Whether you find Cyanide And Happiness funny or not, "tasteful" is not something I've heard anyone use to describe it.
The avatar picture helps. :)
Also: Congratulations!
Thanks.
My original avatar I chose because it looked hilariously like my senior picture, what with the big hair covering half the face and the solemn glare.
Found my current avatar when making a character for a game and upon some thought I thought it reflected who I am much better.
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So i think I finally got through to my mother and father. It took a lot but I apologize I need to rant.
I asked her to just take away her preconceptions about my homosexuality (fundamentalist christian).
I asked her to think what if I grew up knowing I was gay. What if I grew up and and only had the input that I was going to hell, for something no matter how hard and how earnestly I prayed wouldn't go away. On top of that I couldn't dare let anyone in my life know. My family was all fundamentalist redneck christians. My friends were all fundamentalist christians. My community was mostly so in a rural farming area. So should anyone find out they wouldn't help me. The best i could hope for is to be disowned, shunned, and thrown out of the house.
Now lets pile on the fact I was bullied at school for being super quiet and not one of the normal boisterous guys. I played sports, I worked on the farm. But i wasn't one of the guys. I didn't belong. School was hell, home wasn't any better.
At home my step father I was emotionally and physically abused by my step father. My mother who for years protected the man finally stopped doing so. (he has passed away in 2003) As hard as I try I can't remember one positive word that man ever said to me. The best i could hope for from him was to be ignored. Because if I wasn't ignored I was insulted, yelled at hit, and punished. That was the extent of our relationship. I finally stopped her defence of him. She always maintained that he was majorly abused as a child and that he did care for us. I broke and yelled that even if that was the case he is an adult, I was a child. He had no right to abuse me. At his age he was responsible for his own actions and she should have stepped in. If any government employee found out my brother and I would have been removed.
I asked her if all that was true does my life long struggle with anxiety make sense? If it was all true does my desire to get away and never come back to that place make sense? If it was all true does it make sense why I haven't visited home in the past 10 years make sense?
As for my father he pretended he was father of the year material, and I put him in his place. He knew all the abuse was happening and did nothing about it. He is just a guilty as my mother.
The conversations ended on a very different note than ever before. My mother seemed almost depressed. And my father was silent for the first time I can remember. I hope they can begin to understand.
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Oh, for those whom it may concern I have started asking people to refer to me by female pronouns. If you forget or don't care to do that it's cool, I won't get angry=)
I thought about asking about the preferred pronouns when you started posting on FAWTL (and after coinciding avatar change). You beat me to it.
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So i think I finally got through to my mother and father. It took a lot but I apology I need to rant.
I asked her to just take away her preconceptions about my homosexuality (fundamentalist christian).
I asked her to think what if I grew up knowing I was gay. What if I grew up and and only had the input that I was going to hell, for something no matter how hard and how earnestly I prayed wouldn't go away. On top of that I couldn't dare let anyone in my life know. My family was all fundamentalist redneck christians. My friends were all fundamentalist christians. My community was mostly so in a rural farming area. So should anyone find out they wouldn't help me. The best i could hope for is to be disowned, shunned, and thrown out of the house.Now lets pile on the fact I was bullied at school for being super quiet and not one of the normal boisterous guys. I played sports, I worked on the farm. But i wasn't one of the guys. I didn't belong. School was hell, home wasn't any better.
At home my step father I was emotionally and physically abused by my step father. My mother who for years protected the man finally stopped doing so. (he has passed away in 2003) As hard as I try I can't remember one positive word that man ever said to me. The best i could hope for from him was to be ignored. Because if I wasn't ignored I was insulted, yelled at hit, and punished. That was the extent of our relationship. I finally stopped her defence of him. She always maintained that he was majorly abused as a child and that he did care for us. I broke and yelled that even if that was the case he is an adult, I was a child. He had no right to abuse me. At his age he was responsible for his own actions and she should have stepped in. If any government employee found out my brother and I would have been removed.
I asked her if all that was true does my life long struggle with anxiety make sense? If it was all true does my desire to get away and never come back to that place make sense? If it was all true does it make...
that sounds like the hardest thing you ever did. It also sounds like they heard. You did great today. You did great.
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@-Minis Maniac, As hard as it is I hope it works out for you and you get some closure. Getting closure, or even just a real acknowledgement of the abuse you suffered, is a rare thing in my experience.
I hope it is the beginning of something that leads to some real catharsis.
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So i think I finally got through to my mother and father. It took a lot but I apologize I need to rant.
No need to apologize at all. I was actually coming here ready to complain about something and right now it doesn't feel so important.
I pray things get better between you and your parents. At the very least, you're not having to carry that weight alone anymore.
Please just know that you're not alone.
I think I may have just found my new personal Theme Song , awesome!
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I think I may have just found my new personal Theme Song , awesome!
damn she can drink.
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Thanks for the support folks. I don't expect much to change between me parents and me. But I do think I gave them time to think. In the end however they would have to own up to some wrong doing, and I just don't see that in them. My mother is always full of excuses to pass off things like this. And my father is so bullheaded he is unlikely to change his views. I feel comfortable and happy for the first real time of my life and it only moving away from North America and never hoping to return. Having an ocean between me and my problems seems to have finally given me breathing room.
It sounds like you said what you needed to say, TMM. Sometimes, that is all you can hope for. It's a very big step to admit you were at fault, knowingly, for a very, very long time, and never listened to criticism. Many, probably even most, people can't deal with that. But you are who you are no matter what they think.
I think I may have just found my new personal Theme Song , awesome!damn she can drink.
Definitely liking her newer album, just got around to listening to it.
Thanks for the support folks. I don't expect much to change between me parents and me. But I do think I gave them time to think. In the end however they would have to own up to some wrong doing, and I just don't see that in them. My mother is always full of excuses to pass off things like this. And my father is so bullheaded he is unlikely to change his views. I feel comfortable and happy for the first real time of my life and it only moving away from North America and never hoping to return. Having an ocean between me and my problems seems to have finally given me breathing room.
While I always say you can never simply leave what's been done to you behind (because the pain is in you and where ever you go, there you are) There is something to be said for leaving the circumstances in which you where abused so far behind nothing remains to remind you of them.
If your mom is like many parents who stand by and let abuse happen one the reasons she is dead set on pushing off any responsibility is because she actually does feel guilty as hell and letting those feelings creep into her consciousness isn't something she can stand.
If that's her case at least she cares for you even if she never saved you. Cold comfort, but it's more than some people get in this world.
I'm glad you are happy now, leaving the past unresolved can be biting but it is always good when you can manage to enjoy the present and anticipate a joyous future.
"Doesn't matter where you've been, It only matters where you are going." Is an idea I find much comfort in.
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Have you ever read Julia Serano's Whipping Girl? That's one of the central ideas. (The subtitle is: "A Transsexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity.") Worth a read if you haven't yet.
I'm sure the conversation has moved far beyond this, but I just wanted to second this: I *highly* recommend Whipping Girl.
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Music I find inspirational for dealing with being transgender in our society.
Because I too have thick skin and an elastic heart.
And because, if nothing else, I always try.
These days I just go straight to Janelle Monae. Q.U.E.E.N. is more topical, but Many Moons may be the best music video I've every seen.
Did I mention I've been wanting to make an Android Bard/Evangelist of Shelyn for quite a while now...
EDIT: I actually have a playlist I listened to *constantly* for about a year and a half before and during transition. I might have to dig that up and post it.
Thanks for the support folks. I don't expect much to change between me parents and me. But I do think I gave them time to think. In the end however they would have to own up to some wrong doing, and I just don't see that in them. My mother is always full of excuses to pass off things like this. And my father is so bullheaded he is unlikely to change his views. I feel comfortable and happy for the first real time of my life and it only moving away from North America and never hoping to return. Having an ocean between me and my problems seems to have finally given me breathing room.
Increasing distance between me and my parents definitely helped with our relations. Hopefully the extra distance will help you too - maybe if not improving the actual relations then at least with cutting down the stress of bad relations.
And for a change I read quite heartwarming interview with Maks Zaleski - a Polish teenager that publicly came out as transsexual. His parents were mostly supportive, especially mother, and both teachers and students in high school are accepting his transition.
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EDIT: I actually have a playlist I listened to *constantly* for about a year and a half before and during transition. I might have to dig that up and post it.
Here it is. They're even mostly the right versions.
I'm kind of stunned that I was able to find *some* version of everything on Youtube -- even a couple of years ago that wasn't the case. (Although, the fact that Little Jack Melody never become an international recording superstar, and now most of his music can only be found on the internet as poorly recorded snippets of live shows could be used as part of a proof of the non-existence of god.)
Enjoy!
Song - Artist - Album
Calling All Angels - Jane Siberry - When I Was a Boy
On the Steps of the Palace - Kim Crosby - Into the Woods (Broadway)
Pretty Pink Ribbon - Cake - Comfort Eagle
Who Killed Tangerine? - Tears for Fears - iTunes Originals
Extraordinary Machine - Fiona Apple - iTunes Originals
My Own Home - The Jungle Book - Classic Disney V5
The Last Words of Sigmund Freud - Little Jack Melody & His Young Turks - World of Fireworks
Downtown Venus - PM Dawn - Jesus Wept
If I Were the Man You Wanted - Lyle Lovett - Cowboy Man
Landslide - Fleetwood Mac - Fleetwood Mac
You Should Be Hated Here - Carissa's Wierd - Songs About Leaving
Brian Wilson Said - Tears for Fears - Elemental
Born, Never Asked - Laurie Anderson - Big Science
I Will Survive - Cake - Fashion Nugget
All I Want - Toad the Wet Sprocket - Fear
Mysterious Woman - Christine Lavin - Good Thing He Can't Read My Mind
Spooky - Joan Osbourne - On the Mountain 5
Narcisissima - Don McLean - Don McLean
Better Version of Me - Fiona Apple - Extraordinary Machine
If I could just pick one off of there, by the way, it would be Landslide. Says it all.
Nice list pH unbalanced.
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Should Mom-And-Pops That Forgo Gay Weddings Be Destroyed?
destroyed? No. Face serious loss of business ultimately resulting in them closing down? Yes.
Such bigotry cannot be mollycoddled. That's just me though.
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Should Mom-And-Pops That Forgo Gay Weddings Be Destroyed?
About as readily as Mom and Pops that won't cater to a mixed-race wedding should be. Being small does not mean you get to be a racist dickbag to people, so why should it mean you get to be a homophobic one?
I think this crap storm was caused by borderline journalism. She went fishing for businesses outside of South Bend that would fit her narative.
No one had ever asked them to cater anything and were refused.
They said in the interview if someone that was gay came in there to eat they would not be refused, they would just choose not to cater a gay wedding for religious reasons.
I think this is 100% an over reaction, and doesn't do anyone on either side any favors.