Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
If I could walk that way I wouldn't need the hernia operation.
Sorry, closest I can give you is:
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Igor, help me with the bags.
Igor: Soitenly. You take the blonde, I'll take the one in the turban.
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Did I ever tell you about the time I shot an elephant in my pajamas? How it got in my pajamas, I will never know.
And if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
The other day I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
Perhaps overdone, but classic nonetheless.
<3 Marx Brothers!
[Woman with many children]
I love my husband!
[Groucho]
I love my cigar, too, but sometimes I take it out of my mouth!
I told my doctor how worried I was about my friend;
"He thinks he's a chicken," I said.The doctor asked me why I don't have him commited.
"I would," I said, "but I need the eggs."
** spoiler omitted **
Annie Hall ftw!
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
To a woman he's schmoozing
"It'll just be you, me, and the moon. Wear a scarf so I know who's who."
RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8
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Well Groucho was as, blunt, in real life as on the tube.
"If you have to use profanity to be funny, you're not funny." - Attributed by his daughter.
"My daughter's only half Jewish, can she go in up to her knees?" - on reading a 'No Jews in the pool' sign at a country club.
"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it."
For W E Ray: "They say Allen got something from the Marx Brothers. He got nothing. Maybe twenty years ago, he might have been inspired. Today he's an original. The best, the funniest."
"I did a bond tour during the Second World War... We were raising money, and we played Boston and Philadelphia and most of the big cities. And we got to Minneapolis. There wasn't any big theater to play there, so we did our show in a railroad station. Then I told the audience that I knew a girl in Minneapolis. She was also known in St.Paul, she used to come over to visit me. She was known as "The Tail Of Two Cities." I didn't sell any more bonds, but eh... they didn't allow me to appear anymore. "
Also for W E Ray: "Some years back, after a childhood of preoccupation with comedy that led me to observing the styles of all the great comedians, I came to the conclusion that Groucho Marx was the best comedian this country ever produced. Now I am more convinced than ever that I was right. I can't think of a comedian who combined a totally original physical conception that was hilarious with a matchless verbal delivery. I believe there is a natural inborn greatness in Groucho that defies close analysis as it does with any genuine artist. He is simply unique in the same way that Picasso or Stravinsky are, and I believe his outrageous unsentimental disregard for order will be equally as funny a thousand years from now.
In addition to all this, he makes me laugh. " - Woody Allen
I actually got to use the entire 'Elephant in my Pajammas' monologue on a phone call at work once. Fortunately the person I was helping was an ideal Margaret Dumont, even if she had no idea who that was.
From Duck Soup, to Margaret Dumont:
"I can just see you now, bending over a hot stove. But I can't see the stove..."
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Today (Allen's) an original. The best, the funniest."
The first upper division Undergrad course I ever taught (that I designed) was titled, "Woody Allen." And I taught that course three times at the university before I left to work in college prep. (I taught Vicky Christina Barcelona a couple years ago to an AP class, though.)
So you're preaching to the choir, here.
....FYI, Mark Moreland is another big Woody Allen fan on the Boards.
Woody Allen Threadjack!
I would happily join a Pathfinder Players' Woody Allen Appreciation Society.
@W.E. Ray
Please, what was the syllabus from the first course?
I've seen everything from What's Up, Tiger Lily? to Hollywood Ending. What would you recommend since then?
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RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8
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PROFESSOR: Why, Mr. President, what a pleasant surprise. What brings you here?
GROUCHO: A bicycle, but I left it out in the hall.
I'll remember this one. I do torment my coworkers with something similar.
"May I ask you a question?"
"I believe you just did."
I've actually trained a couple they now say "May I ask you another question after this one?"
"If you have to use profanity to be funny, you're not funny." - Attributed by his daughter.
What the hell man. Don't bring that rude noise here. Profanity is the f+@&in shiznit. Screw you, a~%$@+~.
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Doodlebug,
We did a Thread, I dunno, I think a couple years ago in the Movies Forum where we listed our top 10 greatest Woody Allen movies; check it out in the Archives.
As for my classes back in the day, I started with some prereq Ingmar Bergman films, Van Gogh and Madame Bovary -- all Hugely important to Allen. Then I played a bit of early Allen stand-up.
For the general coursework I started with Radio Days -- it seemed at the time a good "first Allen" movie for people to see to get a good feel for his work. Then the opening scene from Bananas (Howard Cosell doing the play-by-play of a South American coup & assassination!) Then we just did thematically linked films that they could do their own critcal writing on. Some of the films I've taught when I did the course included Hannah and Her Sisters with Interiors; Manhattan with Annie Hall; Deconstructing Harry with Bullets Over Broadway; The Purple Rose of Cairo with Alice; Stardust Memories with Hollywood Endings and Husbands and Wives with Mighty Aphrodite.
If I taught the course today I'd start with Whaatever Works -- the movie that folks today would love and is a SUPERB intro to Allen.
Personally, my favorites are
and, if we include ones he didn't write or direct,
and, if we include ones he didn't write or direct,
Hee hee!
My whole "going-to-Occupy New Hampshire-meetings-to-meet-hot-socialist-chicks" shtick in one of the other threads was mostly inspired by Zero Mostel in that film!
Thanks for the reply and I'll go look up that thread.
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Funny tidbit about Zero Mostel and Woody Allen (and Larry David):
Allen wrote the majority of Whatever Works around the time he and Mostel were doing The Front in '76 and Allen wanted Mostel to play the part of Boris in his new movie.
Unfortunetly, Zero Mostel died in '77 before Allen was able to really finalize the script and begin production. Allen's super-smash hit, Annie Hall was done instead and he got his Oscar for it.
Meanwhile, Whatever Works was put on the shelf because there was no lead-role actor since Zero Mostel died.
Then in 2009 Allen finished it, rewriting some parts, and got Larry David to play the lead role. I remember watching it in the theater with my friends and talking afterwords how that movie, one of Allen's greatest ALL TIME, would have been different had it been done in '78 or '79 with Zero Mostel instead of 20 years later with Larry David.
"You've got the brain of a four year old boy, and I'll bet he was glad to get rid of it."
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Since it has been two weeks.
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
Go, and never darken my towels again.
Humor is reason gone mad.
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
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I intend to live forever, or die trying.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something.
My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
Room service? Send up a larger room.
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths.
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
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There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it.
Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
Women should be obscene and not heard.
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He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you: He really is an idiot.