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WAIT. BARBARIAN RECOGNIZE FLUMPH NOW.
AM PRETTY SURE BARBARIAN LAND ON FLUMPH ONCE WHEN BATTY BAT III LOST IN TORNADO TO CASTY THAT ONE TIME.
AM TOTALLY COOL WITH FLUMPS. AM SOFT AND GOOD FOR LANDING ON.
AM CENTAUR SEEN AM BARBARIAN PLUS AM DRUID IN FOREST SOMETIMES. LIKE WHAT HE SEE. WANT TO JOIN LOVE FEST WITH LONG SPEAR AND BOW THAT SHOOT HARD!
PLUS AM BACK END OF HORSE! ALL AMS KNOW WHAT THAT MEAN!
DRUID AM ECHO WHAT BARBARIAN SAY: NOT REALLY SWING THAT WAY.
DRUID AM LIKING ANIMALS, BUT ONLY IN PROFESSIONAL CAPACITY, SOMETIMES PLATONIC FRIENDSHIP. NOT "LOVE FEST" IN ANY SENSE OF WORD.
AND BESIDE, YOU AM NOT EVEN CENTAUR. YOU AM TROLL. DRUID AM HAVE FLAME BLADE FOR TROLL. AM LIKE BARBARIAN SUNDER, ONLY YOU AM NOT REGENERATE.
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That brings up a good question:
AM BARBARIAN, what do you do when a troll attacks you?
STEP 1: SMASH.
STEP 2: SMASH AGAIN, TO BE SURE. AM PUTTING TROLL AT LIKE -300.
STEP 3: POUR ALCHEMIST FIRE DOWN TROLL DIRTY THROAT.
STEP 4: IF TROLL AM NOT DEAD, POUR ACID FLASK DOWN THROAT.
STEP 5: IF TROLL STILL AM NOT DEAD, CUT TROLL INTO MULTIPLE PARTS, PLACE PARTS IN HAVERSACK, THROW HAVERSACK DOWN PIT NEAR TEST OF STARSTORM WHEN NOBODY AM LOOKING.
What is the best type of damage?
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What is the best type of damage?
PIERCING DAMAGE. AM LIKE DRILL THAT PIERCE HEAVENS.
Who IS Mr. Fishy?
MR FISHY AM ANCIENT LOVECRAFTIAN HORROR IN SHAPE OF FISH. AM ALSO SECRETLY ONE OF GRAND BARBARIANS OF OLD, ABLE TO REAP AND SOW ANY AND ALL SOULS AS NECESSARY WITH SINGLE BITE OF FISHY TEETH.
MR FISHY AM BARBARIAN ENGLISH TEACHER. AM WHY BARBARIAN SUPER-ELOQUENT. BARBARIAN PASS WITH FLYING COLORS.
Where do you find your best capes and/or sunglasses? They match so well, and go very nicely with your lance. I was contemplating going as you for Halloween this year.
AM GENERALLY LOOTING CASTYS FOR NICE CAPES. AM GENERALLY CARRYING LOTS OF SHINY THINGS FOR BARBARIAN TO STEAL FROM. BARBARIAN JUST HAVE TO FIND ONE THAT AM CORRECT COLOR.
SUNGLASSES PRESENT FROM BARBARIAN MENTOR. AM ONE-OF-A-KIND, BARBARIAN PRETTY SURE.
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Dear AM BARBARIAN,
I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.
The usual signs... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."
I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive, although I can hear a car setting off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi?
I once picked her cellphone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.
Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.
I decided I was going to park my Harley next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she comes home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley, that I noticed that the rocker boxes on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?
Thanks, Irontruth
Dear AM BARBARIAN,
I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.
The usual signs... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."
I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive, although I can hear a car setting off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi?
I once picked her cellphone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.
Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.
I decided I was going to park my Harley next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she comes home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley, that I noticed that the rocker boxes on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?
Thanks, Irontruth
THAT AM DEPENDING ENTIRELY ON LEVEL OF EXPERTISE IN FIXING MOTORCYCLE. BARBARIAN FIX HIMSELF THROUGH USE OF SUNDER AND ENGINEERING DEGREE. CASTYS AM GENERALLY USE MENDING ON MOTORCYCLE. IF NEITHER AM AVAILABLE, PROBABLE TAKE TO DEALER. STILL, AM PROBABLY NOT THAT HIGH A PROFESSION DC TO FIX. SMASH COUPLE CASTYS, GET TO LEVEL 6, AM DEFINITELY HAVE ENOUGH SKILL POINTS TO FIX MOTORCYCLE.
RISE FROM THE GRAVE BEST THREAD EVER!!!!
AM BARBARIAN ,
I'm playing one of the rarest of all barbarians....the goblin. What advice can you give an upstart green ball of fury?
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RISE FROM THE GRAVE BEST THREAD EVER!!!!
AM BARBARIAN ,
I'm playing one of the rarest of all barbarians....the goblin. What advice can you give an upstart green ball of fury?
AS GOBLIN, ASPIRING BARBARIAN AM AT NATURAL DISADVANTAGE. AM SIZE SMALL, THUS AM NOT ABLE TO SUNDER QUITE AS WELL AS BARBARIAN, ALSO AM HAVING PENALTY TO STRENGTH, WHICH AM LIKE BARBARIAN MAIN STAT OR SOMETHING. STILL, NO NEED ABANDON ALL HOPE. BARBARIAN HAVE VERY VERY AWESOME IDEAS FOR ASPIRING GOBARIAN.
FIRST, RECCOMEND BEING GOBLARIAN OF SARENRAE. AM TRAIT THAT GIVES +1 FIRE DAMAGE ON CRITICAL HITS FOR SARENRAE. GOBLINS LIKE SETTING THINGS ON FIRE, RIGHT? NEXT, BARBARIAN RECCOMEND FORGET EVERYTHING GOBLIN EVER KNOW ABOUT USING STRENGTH AS MAIN STAT. AM GOING WITH URBAN BARBARIAN, FOR ADDITIONAL BOOST TO DEXTERITIES. GOBLINS GET MAD, AM MAKING THEM SNEAK BETTER. (BARBARIAN KNOW THIS FOR A FACT, AM ONCE POKING GOBLIN IN FACE GOING 'NEENER NEENER' UNTIL GOBLIN AM VANISHING SUDDENLY.) TREAT EVERY MISSION LIKE SNEAKING MISSION. USE OF STEALTH AM NOT ONLY REQUIRED BUT AWESOME. JUMP OUT, FLIP OUT, KILL PEOPLE, MOVE ON.
BARBARIAN RECCOMEND EITHER +1 AGILE FLAME BURST LANCE (THAT AM ON FIRE) AND MOUNT (WHICH AM PRETTY AWESOME TO BE TRUTHFUL, AM ABLE TO COMPLETELY IGNORE STRENGTH OUTSIDE CARRY THINGS, WHICH MOUNT AM DOING. ALSO LANCE AM ON FIRE) OR ELSE GOING INTO DANCE CLASSES AND TAKING WEAPON FINESSE INTO DERVISH DANCE. AM ABLE TO FALCHION WITH ONE HAND, AND HAVE FREE HAND FOR BOOZEOHOL. GOBLARIAN PROBABLY WANT TAKE GOOD FOR WHAT AILS YOU, AM LIKELY TO BE DRUNK OFF ARSE 89% OF TIME ANYWAYS.
SPELL SUNDER AM STILL OK, SINCE AM USING WEAPON, THIS MEANS FALCHION BONUS AM APPLYING TO PUNCHING SPELL OUT OF EXISTENCE, THUS STRENGTH AM UNIMPORTANT. MAYBE AGILE MANEUVERS IF AM PLANNING ON USING OTHER MANEUVERS.
THIS AM BARBARIAN'S THOUGHTS ON MATTER OF GOBLARIAN.
ALSO LOTS OF ALCHEMIST FIRE. LOTS AND LOTS OF ALCHEMIST FIRE. AM NEVER ENOUGH ALCHEMIST FIRE.
Yess another goblin!
..Would you describe yourself as "liberal?"
BARBARIAN PARTY ONLY HAVE FOUR PEOPLE. LIBERAL PARTY WAAAY MORE THAN FOUR PEOPLE. BARBARIAN AM THEREFORE NOT LIBERAL.
BESIDES, BARBARIAN AM STRONG ADVOCATE FOR NO WEAPON CONTROLS, AND FOR DEATH PENALTY.
WAIT. BARBARIAN RECOGNIZE FLUMPH NOW.
AM PRETTY SURE BARBARIAN LAND ON FLUMPH ONCE WHEN BATTY BAT III LOST IN TORNADO TO CASTY THAT ONE TIME.
AM TOTALLY COOL WITH FLUMPS. AM SOFT AND GOOD FOR LANDING ON.
WOULD HAVE GOT AWAY WITH IT IF NOT FOR FLUMPH.
AM BACK TO DRAWING BOARD.
AM BARBARIAN:
Is anything more awesome than a halfling barbarian?
Have seen him use Strength Surge and Intimidate to make trolls shaken. Have seen towns put up slaves for him to choose from rather than have him loot them.
He wears necklace of severed ears of foes.
Without using rage his light encumbrance is greater than his body weight.
AM BARBARIAN:
Is anything more awesome than a halfling barbarian?
Have seen him use Strength Surge and Intimidate to make trolls shaken. Have seen towns put up slaves for him to choose from rather than have him loot them.
He wears necklace of severed ears of foes.
Without using rage his light encumbrance is greater than his body weight.
YES. BARBARIAN HAVE SEEN SOMETHING MORE AWESOME THAN HALFLING BARBARIAN.
GNOME BARBARIAN. AM SAME THING, ONLY GNOME BARBARIAN ALSO EASILY MISTAKABLE FOR SOME KIND OF COLLECTIBLE DOLL. BARBARIAN WANT COLLECT THEM ALL.
OOH. THIS ONE HAVE AQUA HAIR IN DOUBLE-SPIKY TOPKNOT. AM NEW BARBARIAN FOR SHELF.
okay, that last one really got me laughing. I'm picturing all those little troll dolls from a decade ago with multi colored hair...
==Aelryinth
okay, that last one really got me laughing. I'm picturing all those little troll dolls from a decade ago with multi colored hair...
==Aelryinth
MAKES SENSE. 80% OF GNOMES HAVE THOSE LITTLE JEWEL THINGYS IN BELLY-BUTTONS. AM DOING IT ON A WHIM BECAUSE GNOMES AM EASILY BORED.
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Yess another goblin!
..Would you describe yourself as "liberal?"
BARBARIAN PARTY ONLY HAVE FOUR PEOPLE. LIBERAL PARTY WAAAY MORE THAN FOUR PEOPLE. BARBARIAN AM THEREFORE NOT LIBERAL.
BESIDES, BARBARIAN AM STRONG ADVOCATE FOR NO WEAPON CONTROLS, AND FOR DEATH PENALTY.
Sorry, I meant the goblin! It is . . . for science!
Dear AM BARBARIAN
How do you sunder with a Lance? I though sunder requires a bludgeoning or slashing weapon?
Dear AM BARBARIAN
How do you sunder with a Lance? I though sunder requires a bludgeoning or slashing weapon?
THIS AM CERTAINLY NOT THE CASE. LANCE AM LIKE DRILL, AM ABLE TO DAMAGE WEAPON BY PUTTING GIANT HOLE IN WEAPON. IF GM SAYING OTHERWISE, AM DIRTY FIAT.
BESIDES, IF GOD NOT WANT ALLOW PIERCING WEAPONS TO DAMAGE OBJECTS, WHY AM GOD THEN INVENTING DRILL?
BARBARIAN REST BARBARIAN CASE.
Sorry, I meant the goblin! It is . . . for science!Yess another goblin!
..Would you describe yourself as "liberal?"
BARBARIAN PARTY ONLY HAVE FOUR PEOPLE. LIBERAL PARTY WAAAY MORE THAN FOUR PEOPLE. BARBARIAN AM THEREFORE NOT LIBERAL.
BESIDES, BARBARIAN AM STRONG ADVOCATE FOR NO WEAPON CONTROLS, AND FOR DEATH PENALTY.
I would say I am liberal with a few things. Fire for one. Very liberal with that stuff.
Edit - Also AM BARBARIAN , I picked up a goblin only feet called roll with it. It lets me roll acrobatics against the damage done to me. If my roll it equal to or greater I can convert that damage into movement on a 1 to 1 base.
GOBARIAN AM NOT BE DAMAGED EVER.
Can you spell sunder sufficiently advanced technology?
Can you spell sunder sufficiently advanced technology?
AM NOT SURE. PROBABLY. IF NOT, BARBARIAN DEFINITELY REGULAR SUNDER IT.
Where is the Guide to Breaking Faces. Maybe smash talky man and hire writey man. Much faster.
Where is the Guide to Breaking Faces. Maybe smash talky man and hire writey man. Much faster.
BARBARIAN BLAME CONSERVATIVES FOR DELAY. AM NOT ABLE TO LET TALKY MAN RITE WITHOUT TELLING TALKY MAN AM GOING TO HELL FOR BEING AWESOME AT PATHFINDER.
ALSO BLAME MASS MEDIA. BARBARIAN REALLY NEED SMASH MASS MEDIA, AM REALLY PAST 50 SECOND POINT BY NOW.
Shatter: What's up with that?
SHATTER HAPPEN AFTER CASTYS AM HEARING ABOUT BARBARIAN SMASH EVERYTHING IN SITE. AM POOR SUBSTITUTE, BARBARIAN ABLE TO RELIABLY SMASH ANY ITEM IN ONE ROUND WITH ANY DISTANCE. MORE REASON FOR PILE OF REASONS WHY CASTYS AM NOT GOOD AS BARBARIAN.
AM REALLY BIG PILE.
Dear AM BARBARIAN,
Diet or regular? Along those same notes, Regular or Decaf?
Dear AM BARBARIAN,
Diet or regular? Along those same notes, Regular or Decaf?
BARBARIAN NOT KNOW MEANING OF WORD DIET OR DECAF.
AM THOSE OTHER KIND OF CASTYS? IF AM, BARBARIAN SMASH DECAF AND DIET.
Dear Dr. Barbarian,
Can you in your infinate power and wisdom create a wall so strong that not even your RAGELANCEPOUNCE can destroy it?
Also How many different meats do you put on your pizza/sandwich?
Dear Dr. Barbarian,
Can you in your infinate power and wisdom create a wall so strong that not even your RAGELANCEPOUNCE can destroy it?
Also How many different meats do you put on your pizza/sandwich?
NO.
ON SANDWICH, BARBARIAN PREFER SALAMI, BOLOGNA, AND HAM. LARGE AMOUNT OF HAM.
What about fungus?
BARBARIAN NOT LIKE FUNGUS ON SANDWICHES.
Boxers or Briefs and why?
Boxers or Briefs and why?
BARBARIAN AM BEST AT GOING COMMANDO. UNDERPANTS AM UNNECESSARY. ALSO, BREEZE AM ABLE TO KEEP BARBARIAN FRESH.
What are your thoughts on Alchemists? Although they are pseudo-castys, they can also hulk out.
ALCHEMIST AM LIKE CHEMICALLY DEPENDANT BARBARIAN. BARBARIAN FEEL PAIN, BARBARIAN NURSING SEVERE ALLNIGHT ADDICTION UNTIL 17TH LEVEL. STILL, BARBARIAN NOT TRADE BARBARIAN LEVELS FOR GIMPED BARBARIAN WITH COUPLE OF SPELL SLOTS. BARBARIAN RECOMMEND AA, LEARN TAP INNER DEMONS WITHOUT RELYING ON BOTTLE.
STILL, AM COOLER THAN MOST CASTYS. AT LEAST ALCHEMIST AM TRYING TO BE AWESOME LIKE BARBARIAN.
Hey there, Barbarian.
I like a nice strong barely-dressed savage. Wanna smoosh?
Hey there, Barbarian.
I like a nice strong barely-dressed savage. Wanna smoosh?
SMOOSH AM WAY TOO NONCOMMITTAL. BARBARIAN PREFER SMASH OR SUNDER. AM SIMPLE, AM TO POINT, AM FINAL. CASTY WHO AM SMOOSHED ABLE TO RECOVER. BARBARIAN SMASH CASTYS, NOT LEAVE INTACT.
Dear AM BARBARIAN
How do you sunder with a Lance? I though sunder requires a bludgeoning or slashing weapon?
THIS AM CERTAINLY NOT THE CASE. LANCE AM LIKE DRILL, AM ABLE TO DAMAGE WEAPON BY PUTTING GIANT HOLE IN WEAPON. IF GM SAYING OTHERWISE, AM DIRTY FIAT.
BESIDES, IF GOD NOT WANT ALLOW PIERCING WEAPONS TO DAMAGE OBJECTS, WHY AM GOD THEN INVENTING DRILL?
BARBARIAN REST BARBARIAN CASE.
Ah, OK. Must've changed from 3.5. This is why you have a PHD.
Why is it that shellfish try to mate with barns?
Why is it that shellfish try to mate with barns?
OTHERWISE BARNACLE AM NOT EXIST.