Many people mistake me for a Pedophile, but i am not, but here are my true fantasies and thier symbolisms. i confess the following info.
here are the true fantasies behind my characters.
Most of my 'child' pcs have had some kind of 'Outsider' or other kind of 'otherwordly being' in thier background. this resembles the extremely pure angelic being i seek to corrupt, who may not neccessarily be a child, as children are a modern measuring stick of purity, i use this measuring stick as a visual cue to the other players.
Most of them have features that most people would Deem as 'fetish fuel', the extremely pure 'angelic being' must have an appealing reason to make somebody desire to corrupt thier purity and caused the eventual fall from grace, whether it be a potential earned perk or an odd character quirk
children are also not quite emotionally stable, i like my angelic beings tender, whether or not they actually be children, and this is a sign of tenderness, it's also fun to RP the tears that come when they see something wrong
angelic beings are immortal, and never age after a certain point, a perpetually tender, sweet pure angelic being waiting for the process of corruption. perpetual childlike appearances are a visual cue through means of description
i like to RP the being's eventual fall from grace, slowly and steadily, this represents my fantasies of slowly corrupting the 'angelic being' to my whims
i like the character to survive long enough to reach thier fall from grace, this never happens because they die just before i feel like eventually completing the process of thier fall from grace
i like to describe and RP the sudden transformation that comes from the fall, as the now fully tainted angelic being has completed her metamorphosis
i like the chance to RP the newly transformed being with all the attached baggage i feel neccessary. for example, that once pure young angelic being is now a scion of envy who wishes to take what others have. and showcases her envy for the fighter's combat ability, the sorcerer's innate magical power or the druids feral conveniences, it's also fun to play the optionally attached split personality
sometimes, i get the wrong kind of thrill from this process, but it's not the fact that the PC is a child, it's the case of an 'angelic being' slowly falling from grace that provides the thrill. the PC being a 'child' is merely a visual cue to showcase the innocence, purity, and tenderness of the 'angelic being' being corrupted
in reality, i just happen to have fantasies about corrupting angelic beings (or thier equivalents) and all of my characters have had some kind of otherworldly ancestry. these fantasies have nothing to do with pedophelia.
"Oliver Twisted" syndrome, or "deflowering" syndrome... possibly both.
Somehow I wasn't surprised it was you posting it though (not to be rude or accusing, just not surprised) -- generally such thoughts are suggested to represent a messed up upbringing or some such.
Though I'm not sure what brought about such a "confession" it is an interesting thing to do (considering the motivations for why someone picks a character).
Hmm... I, too, am a fan of Rosen Maiden and Claymore. However, I would not want to indulge in either for the rest of my gaming career to the exclusion of any other option or build.
On the one hand, I suppose playing a type until you can perfect it is noble enough. On the other hand, I think wearing different shoes from time-to-time is healthier in the long run. As a writer, nothing you say here is so controversial or creepy as to outrage or surprise me. On the other hand, I think too much of any one thing, even a good thing, is a bad thing.
Hmm... I, too, am a fan of Rosen Maiden and Claymore. However, I would not want to indulge in either for the rest of my gaming career to the exclusion of any other option or build.
On the one hand, I suppose playing a type until you can perfect it is noble enough. On the other hand, I think wearing different shoes from time-to-time is healthier in the long run. As a writer, nothing you say here is so controversial or creepy as to outrage or surprise me. On the other hand, I think too much of any one thing, even a good thing, is a bad thing.
i thank you for that piece of advice.
i have tried to constantly perfect any of the different flavors of the 'angel' slowly falling into corruption. the 'angel' could be represented by any race or class that requires a hint of dedication. whether monk, cleric, rogue, or even fighter. even others i have not mentioned.
1) Not saying you are a pedophile...but alot of them are attracted to children because of a precieved 'angelic' quality...so...this really does not help your case.
2) Wow my version of angels...is much more old testement type.
Surely then a better challenge would be to play a character without these qualities... an adult character without all the "fall from grace baggage"?
Your particular brand of fantasy character isn't going to sit well with too many players and too many games...
“Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.”
When many of us roleplay, we often explore aspects of ourselves that may not normally see the light of day. As long as it doesn't cross the line into dysfunction or disorder, and it harms no one, it doesn't seem to be a problem (IMO). As to whether a line has been crossed, I cannot answer that. You are the one who has to figure out how much is the mask/character/role, and how much is real.
Frankly I've found previous posts by the OP to be troublesome enough: this one is more troubling than any other.
As someone who works in mental health, I strongly advise you, Shuriken, to consider seeking help. All my flags are raised and if I were in a position to report you, I'd do it. Given that paizo.com is clearly intended to be family friendly, I hope you're being monitored.
I intend no offense but I really think you need help from a qualified professional.
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i'm sorry if i came across as predator. i might watch a few questionable anime, but tis the farthest i go.
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you could read a confession of my intent in gamer connection. a confession of the archtype i wish to perfect. the archtype that thrills me most.
I quote this from a pbp you were applying to get into to make my point. And before I make this point, keep in mind, I bear no judgement against nor am I suggesting you are a pedophile.
The issue you seem to be having with people thinking your a pedo, I think, stems from the fact that out of 10ish aliases on these boards, around 8 of them are the 'little girl going out into the big dangerous world and getting extremely over her head and into adult and explicit situations' kind of characters.
Yes, it is an archetype. BUT, it is an archetype in one and only one medium, and that is the type of anime I would imagine you watch. The kinds that are probably closer to being classified as hentai instead of anime.
While you might say you arent a pedo, etc, your constant posting of these same kinds of characters who lick the blood of the recently dead from their weapons/etc, is kinda disturbing to the general population.
Perhaps, if you wish to continue those kinds of characters, you should look for a site that caters to that type of roleplaying.
Avoiding my personal views on this and sticking to a civil gaming perception I'd echo godsDMit's thoughts, but also add that I've noted you try and crowbar your archetype and concept into whatever game thread you post in...
This is often to the detriment of other prospective players and the GM's outlines/wishes. Surely "watering" down some of these elements - applying them to more standard character templates might be another roleplaying challenge you could consider while breaking the cycle of pre-pubescent angellics...
Shuriken, I would echo the sentiment that playing with different permutations could still lead to some measure of your goal. After all there are still cultures extant that see children as tainted, insane, or corrupted so there may be some level of what you express but it is far from universal, The Hopi still engage in practices that support this position. Old age and a connection with divinity for example with monastic preparations in south asia which occur after ones children are grown at the end of ones life is when one is ready for "Purity", whatever that means.
On a divergent tangent if you have these desires why not actually research extant occult practices on earth that seek to move in the areas you are looking at, some forms of Thelema come most quickly to mind but there are likely others.
If neither of these options seems workable for you then I might reluctantly suggest that you are engaging in Attention Seeking Behaviors as described as the symptoms of several DSM IV disorders: ADD, Histrionic Personality Disorder, and Munchausen by Proxy for example. If you have any reasonable concerns that this is the case I would suggest you seek professional help if for no other reason than to make sure that you are not suffering from a potentially life debilitating disorder.
RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16, 2011 Top 32
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I think Black Dow has the right of it. While the concept might seem a little strange to me, it fits a very specific style of gaming that many PbP games that I've seen you offer it to simply doesn't include. I know this style appeals to you, but I think if you're ever going to find anyone who will let you pursue it in their games, you might need to submit something a little less extreme in order to build up some goodwill with PbP DMs. Once you've established that, then you might suggest playing one of these child-heroes that you want to play. Before you can do that, you need to establish yourself as a good member of the community first.
Then you can spring the oddness and you might see a better response.
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There are far more variants to the "fall from grace" persona than the prepubescent school girl. I think the part that bothers a lot of posters and fellow players is that you seem unwilling to explore anything but the loli fetish. I've read a great deal of your post and your characters backgrounds, you play the same one over and over regardless of the name change. It does tend to make folks a bit concerned about your intentions, and what your fantasies really are.
The detail of which you describe your young girl characters is alarming to me.
Coupled with the fact that you like to roleplay young girls and you consider them "angelic beings", then turn around and say:
i like to RP the being's eventual fall from grace, slowly and steadily, this represents my fantasies of slowly corrupting the 'angelic being' to my whims
Disturbs me even further.
You may not mean to come off this like this, I hope not anyway, but understand the perception.
Many people mistake me for a Pedophile, but i am not, but here are my true fantasies and thier symbolisms. i confess the following info.
First, the fact that anyone would have even the slightest reason to think you are a pedophile should be a huge red flag for you. Your behavior is questionable and numerous people have told you so, don't justify it.
I think it is a bad idea for you to indulge this fantasy at all. I don't think it is good for you, and I think you have a distorted view of children.
children are also not quite emotionally stable, i like my angelic beings tender, whether or not they actually be children, and this is a sign of tenderness,
Only people with problems, be they kids or adults, are emotionally unstable. I have kids and they all are emotionally stable.
I think you are attaching qualities to "child-like" characters that you really shouldn't. I'm not sure what you mean by tenderness, but I concur with Kozaric.
I also think you should take a good hard look at why you keep playing the same characters over and over. You really should step back from this fantasy for a while. Play adults for a while. Play men for a while. Play characters that are fighting against their baser instincts instead of giving into them. Don't water a seed you don't want to grow.
On a lighter note. SN, do you have a great love of communism or is there some other reason you never capitalize anything.
There are far more variants to the "fall from grace" persona than the prepubescent school girl. I think the part that bothers a lot of posters and fellow players is that you seem unwilling to explore anything but the loli fetish. I've read a great deal of your post and your characters backgrounds, you play the same one over and over regardless of the name change. It does tend to make folks a bit concerned about your intentions, and what your fantasies really are.
I guess that it could be like if some person went and played nothing but "Drizzt clones"- and nothing but "Drizzt clones", even to the point where a GM could say that Drow don't exist in a given campaign setting and the person would stubbornly try to create a dark-skinned double weapon-using elf and somehow claim that the elf had "reverse-albinoism" or something. ;P
In all seriousness though, going with the "fall-from-grace" theme, how about a fully grown but uber-physically competent character with no physical weakness (never having to worry about making mistakes due to mad skillz) per say but isn't all that "wise" to the ways of the world- and pretty convincable to take the "easier-path" (think STNG Data/Lore or Star Wars prequel Anakin)? Just sayin' cause when I think children (of any gender, for that matter), I tend to think "not-very physically skilled compared to a fully trained adult" (reminds me of this Monty Python (?) skit where some full grown sports player was "competing" with some kid- and by "competing", I mean "pushing the kid around via superior height and weight with impunity". ;)
I can see where Shuriken is coming from in a few ways- I've been called a pedophile before simply because I like anime, which includes hentai. However, I've never played with him before, and so I admit to being a bit in the dark on that angle. Shuriken, see if you can step out of your cookie-cutter characters to make and genuinely enjoy something different along the axises that make people you have PbPed with uncomfortable. An older character, at the very least. If you do that and find that you cannot relate to the character in ANY way whatsoever(not just a little bummed that it's unusual for you), then it may indeed be time to step away from the game for a bit and/or therapy.
I really seriously doubt anyone is coming to this characterization due to a penchant for anime (hentai or otherwise).
There's a fixation on pre-pubescent/barely-pubescent children, and what is perceived as some "window dressing" to apparently justify to oneself that they're not really children because they dress like adults and act like adults, thereby making it easier for the person in question to rationalize the behavior.
These are major warning signs, folks. Were this happening in any venue where minors were present, and not on an internet forum, this person would have long since been booted from the premises and the authorities contacted.
This entire behavior is disturbing, to say the very least.
I really seriously doubt anyone is coming to this characterization due to a penchant for anime (hentai or otherwise).
There's a fixation on pre-pubescent/barely-pubescent children, and what is perceived as some "window dressing" to apparently justify to oneself that they're not really children because they dress like adults and act like adults, thereby making it easier for the person in question to rationalize the behavior.
These are major warning signs, folks. Were this happening in any venue where minors were present, and not on an internet forum, this person would have long since been booted from the premises and the authorities contacted.
This entire behavior is disturbing, to say the very least.
Take away the beginning sentence of your post, and that is word for word what I've been told by others over the years with respect towards some of the anime I'm into. Still, like I said, I've never played with Shuriken before, so maybe you have a different perspective.
Take away the beginning sentence of your post, and that is word for word what I've been told by others over the years with respect towards some of the anime I'm into. Still, like I said, I've never played with Shuriken before, so maybe you have a different perspective.
I'm not saying that people don't hold that perspective of anime, but I don't think that that view is all that prevalent in our niche here.
I'm no stranger to anime, though I doubt that I'd consider myself a hardcore fan of it, at least, no more so than I'm a fan of western animation.
I'm well aware that certain genres and tropes are played up in that medium, but they're not indicative of the medium as a whole.
I just see a much bigger issue than "anime fandom" when an adult male describes in detail the anatomy and undergarments of children.
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Avoiding my personal views on this and sticking to a civil gaming perception I'd echo godsDMit's thoughts, but also add that I've noted you try and crowbar your archetype and concept into whatever game thread you post in...
I have also noticed that there tends to be a recurring theme of pushing for the most extreme even when it is uncalled for or not addressed. It seems that even if players accept the fallen-angels, you are still compelled to needlessly point out the most obtrusive, and sometimes vulgar stations of their mentality, past, or profession. That cry for attention isn't going to be resolved by a banter of roleplaying text among strangers. If this is a facet of your fantasy or personality that you are urged to explore, I honestly and sincerely suggest outside help. Even this post, as others have said, is a red flag. If someone was not uncomfortable with something about themselves, they wouldn't feel the need to seek out people's opinions on the issue to justify it.
What I can see from most of the other players here, is a request which I will also ask- try to play a character outside of your mold. Try to challenge yourself to see if you can reach beyond what you yourself have titled My True Creepy Fantasies. If you find that playing such a character is beyond your abilities, then perhaps it is time to seek assistance. These games and forums are an outlet, not an excuse.
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Interesting, I have one character who was under Lamm's thumb, and was a broken child, but has risen beyond her original scared upbringing. This surely reflects my childhood abuse, which I have also overcome, though that scaring is always there.
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The fact that you feel the need to defend yourself not just in the threads you post in, but to create an entire thread dedicated to your 'creepy fantasies' means not only that you have a psychosis, but that you are so far lost inside of it that you must draw attention to it at every possible opportunity. This whole thread is an admission of guilt on your part.
The fact that even when the center of attention is not on you and yet you continually twist the events of the game and other players' words, as I have seen in numerous play-by-post games that you have participated in, to suit your own fantasies says something about you. I've also watched you cheat repeatedly (don't think I don't pay attention), and while that is an aside, it only serves to show what kind of person you are. Personally I find you insufferable and while I do hope you find the help that you so desperately need, I also hope that you will some day be no longer allowed to sully these boards with your presence and the filth that you post.
No one cares about your 'symbolism' or the type of character you want to play. No one cares to hear you explain why you play the same character in every game. No one cares whether you are a pedophile or not, because the fact is, you have no place posting that filth here in the first place. No one wants to read the disgusting things you post.
You need help and I suggest you look elsewhere for it. This outcry of attention would do much better falling on the ears of a psychologist. We can't get you to admit your true problems or find the outlet you need, so take it somewhere else.
http://www.findcounseling.com/help/hotlines/california.html Here is a list of hotlines and organisations you may contact to get help four yourself. I strongly suggest you do so, for your sake.
Many people mistake me for a Pedophile, but i am not, but here are my true fantasies and thier symbolisms. i confess the following info.
here are the true fantasies behind my characters.
Most of my 'child' pcs have had some kind of 'Outsider' or other kind of 'otherwordly being' in thier background. this resembles the extremely pure angelic being i seek to corrupt, who may not neccessarily be a child, as children are a modern measuring stick of purity, i use this measuring stick as a visual cue to the other players.
Most of them have features that most people would Deem as 'fetish fuel', the extremely pure 'angelic being' must have an appealing reason to make somebody desire to corrupt thier purity and caused the eventual fall from grace, whether it be a potential earned perk or an odd character quirk
children are also not quite emotionally stable, i like my angelic beings tender, whether or not they actually be children, and this is a sign of tenderness, it's also fun to RP the tears that come when they see something wrong
angelic beings are immortal, and never age after a certain point, a perpetually tender, sweet pure angelic being waiting for the process of corruption. perpetual childlike appearances are a visual cue through means of description
i like to RP the being's eventual fall from grace, slowly and steadily, this represents my fantasies of slowly corrupting the 'angelic being' to my whims
i like the character to survive long enough to reach thier fall from grace, this never happens because they die just before i feel like eventually completing the process of thier fall from grace
i like to describe and RP the sudden transformation that comes from the fall, as the now fully tainted angelic being has completed her metamorphosis
i like the chance to RP the newly transformed being with all the attached baggage i feel neccessary. for example, that once pure young angelic being is now a scion of envy who wishes to take what others have. and showcases her envy for the fighter's...
You remind of a player I had in my games who would only play barbarians. He even tried to play a druid, but he played it just like the barbarian, charging into combat.
Doesn't playing the same underlying concept get old after a while.<----rhetorical question. What I am really asking is why does, what appear to be the same basic character to many people, feel so different to you every time?
I'm not going to waste my time trying to convince you that you have a serious problem, whether it be pedophilia or something else. I'm sure you've already heard it enough, if not just on this site, then most likely in your life as well. Perhaps you've even been in counseling for it over the years.
Instead, I'm going to address something about this as I see it pertaining to the enjoyment of the games you play in (and trust me, it is very, VERY hard for me to reign myself in this way so I truly hope you pay extra attention to what I am saying), for the other players.
You have clearly been told by several people that the characters you make, and the way that you play them is uncomfortable for them but what I have witnessed from one of your characters is bordering on the equivalent of mind raping the other players and GM. When all of the other characters have done their best to show your character that her words and actions are not only unwelcome but downright disdainful to them, what does your character do? You have her throw a hissy fit, and then say that she wants to change while still interjecting the same crap every other post, at what often seems to be a very random moments. It seems that you very much so have little to no interest in actually PLAYING the game, you sole interest appears to be trying to maneuver the other players into helping your sick little Alices down the rabbit hole. When they try to steer away, you follow them and continue to more or less have your character sexually harass the other characters.
Your ability to role play itself is lacking, and you try to metagame way to much. I'm not saying that as an insult, but as a baseline to emphasize what I have to say next. I've read only one of your characters backgrounds, and even though I walked away from it feeling sick to my stomach and feeling like I really could have done without, I can recognize the artistic, creative quality to the sickness. So, it is apparent that you are capable of the creativity, but it seems so lacking in the actual game threads. I believe that's because, as I said, you aren't really interested in the game but in a way to make the game metamorph into your personal sleaze fantasy. Everyone else? They are their to play the freaking game, so let them.
Anime sometimes gets a bad rap. Sometimes it deserves it. There are things that to Western eyes seem disturbing, but are generally harmless. The various sub-genres involving innocence or loss thereof, often include characters that reveal a cultural fixation (maybe an unhealthy one) on youth and vulnerability.
On the one hand, 41 years of watching and studying has informed me that a good chunk of this stuff contains sidelong winks at middle-aged business men with too many lonely hours to spend, and their hands too-often stuck in their pockets. On the other hand, the vast majority of the same stuff comes away with females (all the way from teens to middle-age) as their biggest fans. Those ladies will tell you readily that they take something completely different away from it than those aforementioned scary men do.
I guess what I am saying is that there are a lot of different ways to interpret this stuff. And people who are prone to fixate on the worst aspects of any art, are going to (not surprisingly) fixate on the worst aspects of Anime, as well.
When I first replied to the OP, I mentioned Rosen Maiden and Claymore, because many of the themes mentioned in the original post seem mirrored or related to those two shows. I happen to believe that Rosen Maiden, despite its weird fixation on seemingly helpless animated dolls (who turn out to be powerful) and its bondage-inspired opening themes, is really about difficult people finding friendship and making decisions to not be bound by an unhappy destiny. Claymore, which features hot chicks who lop off heads with huge swords, and the corruption and transformation of innocence by demonic forces, is at its heart really about how love and friendship can transform us for the better, and drag us back from the brink, even when we believe we are not worthy.
If I could offer a critique of the OP's style without resorting to armchair psychiatric counseling, it would be to advise you look further than the skin of these tropes, to what the arc of the story is really suggesting. When we instead fixate on the fall itself, or the purely aesthetic, we remove humanity from the object of our affections and end up with nothing but objectification.
This can be dangerous.
Shuriken,
Please consider that none of us here are professional psychologists, and those who are will agree that this isn't the place to solve any issues (real or perceived) of yours.
Of what has been said, I think you should consider two things:
1) Your posts are often disturbing. Contents and intents are often misinterpreted on the web. I'm not judge of who you are or what your intentions are, but the perception we have of your mails is often disturbing, or that of a disturbed person.
2) Do get professional help. As a community we can support you, but we are not equipped to help you much.
I do think that this confession is a first step in the right direction and I hope that you will get further. I have a feeling that many of your posts were calls of some sort. At least this one is an honest one.
best luck
'findel
Shuriken,
Are you telling us this because you are seeking approval for your feelings? Are you trying to justify them?
Perhaps you have a strange fetish or maybe you have just been watching way too much hentai.
Either way, if you find that these thoughts are affecting your life or your relationships in a negative way,then you may have become dysfunctional and you should seek psychological counseling.
Being different is not wrong, but being dysfunctional is.
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There seems to be many who would like to analyze the OPs behaviour and even put diagnoses on it. That is a shame, because too often psychotic and such words are merely used as harsh invectives.
Not having played with the OP, what I see is a behaviour that would be severely unwelcome to me. It's not necessarily pedophilia, it's not creepy just because it's about children - it's creepy and unwelcome to most players because it is clearly sexual in the first place.
Yes, some gaming groups do enjoy sexuality as a theme in play (even though I suspect most don't), but very few go beyond the consensual fade-to-black style of it. What the OP describes here is his playing out of the same psychodrama every single time before whatever group happens to be present - and that's using the other players as an audience for his sexual fantasies, despite the fact that he's been repeatedly told to lay off.
That is dysfunctional behaviour regardless of the topic involved. It would have been just as dysfunctional to play with someone who plays his character soiling himself constantly - it's not something that respects the other players and their enjoyment of the game.
Whatever the reasoning, it's not a recipe for a healthy game.
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This is by far the creepiest post I have seen by Shuriken to date. A cry for help is a cry for help. This "confession is wildly out of place in a forum which teens and pre-teens are likely to frequent. I have,in the past, offered you suggestions on how to get your characters picked up, not being overwhelming, paying attention to detail,ect.,ect. But, this is really too much, bub. I wouldn't want you hanging around my FLGS where you might be eyeballing someone's daughter who just happens to resemble one of your "fallen angels."
Do us and yourself a favor and seek some help. No here wants to one day see a headline about you and the kids locked up in your basement Buffalo Bill style.
And sometimes a dream is just a dream.
And were that were truly the case, then sometimes, you just don't share.
Sadly, I don't believe that's the case. This constant, repeat behavior is just not appropriate.
I honestly don't know what's bad about that post, Brian, but it could be my own anime fandom blinding me to unfortunate implications.
The content of the song/video, perhaps?
i may enjoy the occasional questionable anime/manga here and there, but i have never eyeballed a real human child, touched one, kidnapped one, nor kept one imprisoned within my own home.
real flesh and blood children will never be sufficiently 'otherworldly' for me. and because i know this, i don't bother seeking them out. one of my key angelic criteria is non-humanly possible personality quirks.
i was out of town the last few days and will be out of town the next weekend as well.
i don't even intend to sexualize the characters in the first place, my saturday DM does that enough on his own. but he tries to sexualize everyone's characters. it's more of my satuday DM playing out his fantasies than it is myself or anyone else.
most of the characters portrayed in the song/video have chronological ages you can measure in centuries at the youngest. and i beleive i read somewhere that the witch and the miko are at least 20 something.
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This is an example of why some people may have a problem with what you write. Myself included.
Instead of denying, you say this.
real flesh and blood children will never be sufficiently 'otherworldly' for me. and because i know this, i don't bother seeking them out. one of my key angelic criteria is non-humanly possible personality quirks.
When I read this I hear:
I don't bother seeking out children because they are not otherworldly enough.Question is what happens if the do become otherworldly to you?
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This is an example of why some people may have a problem with what you write. Myself included.
Instead of denying, you say this.
real flesh and blood children will never be sufficiently 'otherworldly' for me. and because i know this, i don't bother seeking them out. one of my key angelic criteria is non-humanly possible personality quirks.
When I read this I hear:
I don't bother seeking out children because they are not otherworldly enough.Question is what happens if the do become otherworldly to you?
+1
Also...taste can change...and so can perceptions. People to get crazier. This why aloty of us are saying these are 'warning signs' to get help. Sure right now you might never see yourself doing anything to 'real' children'...but what about in a few years time?
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First let me say, I am not a health care provider and this is merely a personal opinion.
I debated posting in this thread. I have no idea where you are from. Part of it may be cultural differences. In the west, virtually anything that deal's with children and any form of sexualization is considered creepy or worse. Some even find it creepy when grown women do the catholic school girl look and men like it. I know enough about anima that teenage girls are often the targets/hero's in many of them and often end up in sexualized situations. So for Japanese culture it seems a lot more normal, than in the west.
Do you have a issue? I mean a real serious one? I honestly don't know if you do or if this is more of a cultural clash. But what I can say is most people from western countries will at best find your "fetish" as creepy and or unhealthy to far worse. Which I think this thread shows.
I did know a woman, a friend of mine. That has serious rape fantasies. Which I honestly found creepy and kinda disturbing. To the point she would play them out with her BF's. As in tell her BF's to not tell her and catch her out somewhere at some time and "attack" her. As far as I know nothing happened in her life when she was young and beyond that she seemed like any other person and it was between consenting adults.
I would put your likes along the same lines, it is something that toes the line of a very taboo subject and most people from the west will just never be comfortable with it.
My suggest is find people of like mind to engage in the activity with and if you ever feel like it has become a addiction(which honestly by what you posted I would say it is close if not true now) then you might think about seeking a support group. Anything done enough is mentally unhealthy for you after awhile. So I would say try branching out, try other things and do this around like minded people. If you feel you can't then as I said you might want to consider dealing with a support group.
There are alot of peoples posts that I skim thru because I don't like what they write. Every now and again, I may skim one of their posts out of curiousity if they have changed. Sometimes they do.
Shuriken's posts don't "disturb" me or make me immeadiately think "omg PEDO!", I do find them mostly nonsequitors and hardly pertinent to most conversations. I would not call some of them in good taste, but to find them offensive, I would have to read alot into them. I take his characters to be fictional...and I have had players make pedophiles, racists, serial killers, rapists, torturers, necrophiliacs, and canibals as characters. As well as other stuff, I probably cannnot remember.
I don't think I could readily spot a true monster by their posts. Nor have I ever seen a post where shuriken has attempted to lure someone into another venue to communicate with a minor.
I suspect shuriken likes attention. Most of us do. That is why we have so many regulars and can name many of the Trolls.
Anyway, tired of the shuriken baiting. Felt I had to come in and say something.
Greg
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I would like to add, that while I do personally find your fixation a little creepy and mildly disturbing. I don't think you are a bad person because of it or that there is anything wrong with you because of it. My only concern seems to be that is the only type of character you like. If you played a variety and even if this was the most common, it wouldn't be as bad IMHO.