...Bitter Thorn is a double undercover agent working with the Bilderberg Group. Do not believe his analogues of trying to subvert the system by posing as a minarchist. With a syncretism of the Necronomicon, Mein Kampf, The Art of War, and the Principa Discordia, the further the truth is stretched, the greater the chances are for us to be ensnared into his web of deceit and aberrant posturing. After cross-referencing Eliyahu Rips' work against statements made by Gene Ray, I was able to unveil this horrible masquerade.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
<scribbles into conspiracy journal>
There! Evil PURE AND SIMPLE by way of the Eighth Dimension!
Urizen, this is the last time your girlfriend is leaving you home alone for the weekend! :)
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Gene Ray
That's where I discovered you are a fraud. None can understand the mind that brought us Timecube. If you think you can, you are taught wrong, you are taught evil!
Oh my God! Oh my God! So Bitter Thorn IS to blame! I knew it! ~thinks and scratches my head~ So what is he to blame for again?
No one takes the parinoid seriously until TSHTF :)
I bet he's in league with the Lobster Men from Dimension X. They've been using Myspace to send subliminal messages to all the world's pets, in preparation for their coming invasion.
His multiple doppelganger minions were on my tail today. With these mirrored UV reflective sunglasses, they were unable to detect that I had them in my sights whilst I feigned ignorance during my errand across the city.
I drove out east to a comic book store that I had not been to previously. There were several older men in the establishment with a beard, pony tail, and a single tattoo. But I did not let them deter me, no sir, from picking up a discounted copy of a genuine mint condition of the Traveller D20 hardcover book. After making said purchase, I gave them the slip and scooted quickly out of that village.
I picked them up on my tail again when I was combing through the rack of a Half Priced Book store in a northeastern suburb. They couldn't fool me with their pink I <3 Obamacare shirts; I knew it was a ploy. I just happen to see through the guise out of the corner of my eye -- it said something to the effect of GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE; I DO on the shirt beneath. I barely escaped with my life with a Hieronymus Bosch coffee table book. Gene Ray told me something nice about it.
I think I saw them again while waiting through the drive-thru window of the KFC. Or maybe he was the guy that was handing me the Double Down sandwich I ordered. I sped off from the premises five dollars poorer when I decided at a moment's notice that it could contain rophynol and threw it back in his face.
I stopped by a gas station on the way home to pick up a two liter bottle of Coca Cola. While paying for my purchase, the clerk slipped me a lottery ticket. I told him I didn't purchase one, but he said it was on the house. Looking down at the ticket, I could see a pattern emerging. Using Rips' bible code formula, it was sending me a warning that the guy who was carting the cases of beer from the truck outside the premises was one of his doppelgangers. I made sure I slashed his tires as I got back into my car and sped off -- thanking the clerk for giving me the coded warning.
When I got home, I realized I was still hungry and decided that it would be Chef Boyardee tonight. But the bulldog keeps looking outside. I wonder...
Don't eat the Chef Boyardee! Anything but that! Don't you know what they make that stuff from?!?
...which is why I fed it to the dog. There's either Adderall or ephedrine in it; he's running around the house like a ... well ... mad dog.
Outside my window there's this bearded ponytailed single tattooed man. I can only see one of his hands. The other one ... is it holding ... a big rifle?
I must do something...
Oh my god.
It's full of pies.
:. :: :.
Yes. Yes I am.
Mein Kampf
First post. You're quite efficient, Urizen.
...now the charlies are after me. I thought I left 'em back in 'Nam. Bitter Thorn has something to do with it....I just know it.
...and Thule. Gene warned me about this....
<scribbles furiously in conspiracy journal>
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I need cheetos.
[puts on tinfoil hat and arms with flyswatter]
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*hides his illuminati tattoo* Ok Urizen lets reason this out. Reason will reveal all. Also lets remember the illuminati only have the worlds best interests at heart. So remember when our dictatorship takes over and our better life posters are all around. Just remember the slogan "Illuminati, evil geniuses for a better tomorrow".
You been drinking again Uri?
Charlies, Jeremies, and Bobbies .... they're everywhere. Gene warned me. But did I listen? NooooOoooooooOooo.
Must prepare home for siege warfare. Achieving slack will have to be postponed.
<looks outside> That guy looks like Bitter Thorn, too...
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Charlies, Jeremies, and Bobbies .... they're everywhere. Gene warned me. But did I listen? NooooOoooooooOooo.
Must prepare home for siege warfare. Achieving slack will have to be postponed.
<looks outside> That guy looks like Bitter Thorn, too...
No no no no you have it all wrong we aren't going to hurt you. Just bring you around to our way of thinking. We do that to everyone, we've been slowly shaping governments and world events for it to happen, and eventually you'll agree with everything we say and welcome us with open arms. See whats wrong with that........... of course if you don't you'll simply disappear and no one will be the wiser............
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Now calm down and have this nifty little pyramid with an eye on top pin. You can put it on your jacket lapel. All the cool kids are doing it.
You must ignore those that would decieve you, Urizen.
You must retrieve a copy of Grim Reapers 1984 release,
"I'll See You In Hell" (a vinyl copy, of course)
You must play tracks 1 and 4 backwards while re reading
page 12 of the Necronomicon up to the &*^ symbol.
All will be clarified in that moment.
Really.
<Drops sheet of tinfoil in the thread for Urizen>
I'm ashamed for getting every reference thus far. What does that really say about me?
Or rather... what are they saying about me?
Hey guys, for fun, pick up your phone and say "bomb bomb bomb bomb..." until Eschelon themselves call you up and beg you to stop because your red flags are eating up too much of their server space. <--but that ain't conspiracy theory, mind you.
Urizen, this is the last time your girlfriend is leaving you home alone for the weekend! :)
+1!
Damnit. I only have the cassette and the CD. The vinyl eludes me. I do not want to end up D.O.A.
<starts putting inverted crucifixes on the wall>
OM.
Must prepare home for siege warfare. Achieving slack will have to be postponed.
1. Thrumble.
2. Align Third Nostril.3. Excremeditate on the foolishness of the pinks opposing you.
4. Wipe.
5. YETIFY!
Whoah... How did I do that? (reviews the geometric alignments of the inverted crucifixes on the wall)
Waitasec...
Dear Paranoid in Paizoland,
S i m p l e C u b e D i v i n i t y i s t h e m o s t p e r f e c t a n d l i f e s u p p o r t i n g f o r m e x i s t i n g i n t h e u n i v e r s e a n d o n E a r t h - i n c l u d i n g E a r t h i t s e l f . D o y o u r e a l i z e t h a t a 4 c o r n e r s q u a r e r o t a t i n g 1 / 4 t u r n c r e a t e s a f u l l c i r c l e ? A f u l l r o t a t e d s q u a r e w i l l c r e a t e 1 6 c o r n e r s , 9 6 h o u r s a n d 4 s i m u l t a n e o u s 2 4 h o u r D a y c i r c l e s w i t h i n o n l y a s i n g l e i m a g i n a r y c u b e d E a r t h r o t a t i o n . T h i s a m o u n t s t o a s p i r a l i n g q u a d h e l i x o f E a r t h a s i t r e v o l v e s a r o u n d t h e S u n - r o t a t i n g a s i t r e v o l v e s a r o u n d t h e S u n , t o i n d u c e t h e v a l u e o f t h e S u n r e v o l v i n g a b o u t t h e E a r t h . T h i s a c t d e m o n s t r a t e s t h a t b o t h S u n a n d E a r t h r o t a t e a r o u n d e a c h o t h e r s i m u l t a n e o u s l y - t h u s c r e a t i n g O p p o s i t e s e x i s t i n g o n l y a s O p p o s i t e s w i t h a z e r o v a l u e e x i s t e n c e b e t w e e n t h e b i n a r y a n d c a n c e l l i n g t o n o t h i n g a s O n e o r G o d t h e i s m . A l l C r e a t i o n o c c u r s b e t w e e n O p p o s i t e s , a n d e x i s t s o n l y a s O p p o s i t e s - w i t h a z e r o v a l u e e x i s t e n c e . A s O n e o r a s a G o d i s m , a l l O p p o s i t e v a l u e s c a n c e l o u t t o n o t h i n g . T h e C i r c l e y o u s e e a r o u n d E a r t h d i v i d e s E a r t h i n t o O p p o s i t e v a l u e s e q u a l t o a z e r o e x i s t e n c e . A s O n e o r G o d , b o t h E a r t h a n d H u m a n c a n c e l t o n o t h i n g . T h e w h o l e o f t h e U n i v e r s e i s c o m p o s e d o f O p p o s i t e s - w i t h a z e r o v a l u e e x i s t e n c e - t h a t c a n c e l s t o n o t h i n g a s O n e o r a G o d . H u m a n s w o r s h i p O N E n e s s o f D E A T H , t h u s t h e y a r e d e s t r o y i n g t h e L I F E o f a l l O p p o s i t e s b y w h i c h a l l C r e a t i o n e x i s t s . I h a v e f o u n d E v i l l i e s i n t h e B i b l e t h a t w i l l r o c k r e l i g i o u s a n d a c a d e m i c v a l u e s t o t h e i r p r i m i t i v e o r i g i n . T h e r e i s n o H u m a n o r G o d w h o c a n m a t c h m y C u b e W i s d o m a s a C u b e P h e n o m e n o l i g i s t - T h e C u b e G o d M e a s u r e r . W h i l e t h e C i r c l e o f E a r t h r o t a t i o n i s a p e r p e t u a l e n b o d i m e n t a s i t i s v o i d o f t h e C o r n e r T i m e n o t c h e s t h a t a c c u m u l a t e a s a g i n g L i f e f o r t h e 4 c o r n e r r e s i d e n t s . H a v e y o u m e n t a l i t y t o k n o w 4 D a y s r o t a t i n g s i m u l t a n e o u s l y o n E a r t h ?
My advice to you is that triangles are better than squares, since triangles observe the 'Rule of Three', are simpler, and are much more customisable with regard to inflicting things on other people. Seriously, squares are boring and full of predictable ninety degree angles and equilength sides (unless you involve certain 'Old One' architects, but frankly at that point squares really cease to be squares), whereas triangles are much more exciting and varied. Squares are like bureaucrats - things which are occasionally amusing, but which should never be over-indulged in.
Hope that this advice helps you in your hour of desolation.
And try using star-metal for that hat. Regular foil does not keep telepathic outsiders from reading your thoughts, or even most pseudonatural creatures.
Yours,
Ask a Succubus.
And try using star-metal for that hat. Regular foil does not keep telepathic outsiders from reading your thoughts, or even most pseudonatural creatures.
*snaps fingers with a frustrated grumble* Back to the drawing board, yessssss....
I have it on no authority that good authority is merely a cutout for 'the Man' working in collusion with the iron fist inside the velvet glove for the nefarious purpose of inserting more cliches into the average post...
Yes... the silence IS deafening.
Whoah. For a moment I thought my hearing aid batteries went dead.
<resumes jotting down extensive notes, some which includes Bitter Thorn>
Bitter Thorn had something to do with it. He buried the story, but you found it, my friend. His double agent covert operation is crumbling as I type. MUAHAHAHA!
RPG Superstar 2015 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16
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Right under our noses since 1997.
Awesome! I'm not only the 2003 Time Magazine Person of the Year, I'm also the 1997 Onion Man of the Year!
I'm a middle-class white Protestant Southern American male member of the military-industrial complex. In short, I'm the one who's keeping you down. ;)
Should've gotten you charlies back in the war, but Johnson done screwed that all up. <scribbles in journal>
Should've gotten you charlies back in the war, but Johnson done screwed that all up. <scribbles in journal>
Is this a dubble entendre?
<mumbles about some guy looking like a steampunked nazi while continuing to scribble away....>
<mumbles about some guy looking like a steampunked nazi while continuing to scribble away....>
Clearly I am S&M, not steampunk!
<mumbles about some guy looking like a steampunked nazi while continuing to scribble away....>Clearly I am S&M, not steampunk!
A/S/L?
A/S/L?<mumbles about some guy looking like a steampunked nazi while continuing to scribble away....>Clearly I am S&M, not steampunk!
The counting of age is meaningless, as it shows you how close to death you are.
Sex is irrelevant, a meaningless gesture to continue our species miserable existance... but yes I'd love some.
I am but a stones throw away from certain death and endless pleasure.
*Cough*
What happens when I spin it backwards.....whoah!
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What happens when I spin it backwards.....whoah!
Do Not Click on the Spoiler Button.......
To the tune of Zappas "valley girl".........
Valley Elf,
He's a Valley Elf,
Valley Elf,
He's a Valley Elf . . .
He's a super Valley Elf,
So chaotic, sure of self,
Tall and thin and fair of face,
His brain is lost in outer space.
"Oh, super, like I live in the
good part of the Valley,
y'know, where we're all into, like,
real ethereal things, like
I got a set of designer ring mail
for my birthday, I was totally
freaked out, like, my old set was getting
full of wrinkles and it had
blood on it from where I cut myself
with my short sword, yeah, really, like
agony, man, I was in total agony
for an hour. Really,
but now I'm together, like,
fer sure, no problem.
That was close, man,
like I was so sure I was gonna
pass out fer sure,
I lucked out totally.
Good thing."
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What happens when I spin it backwards.....whoah!
Do Not Click on the Spoiler Button.......
** spoiler omitted **
How can he possibly resist the maddening urge to erradicate history at the mere push of a single button? The beautiful, shiny button? The jolly, candy-like button? Will he hold out, folks? Can he hold out?
No I can't! Yeagh!
[Pushes button]