Recently I've been thinking about male-female interaction, and how often I've heard people say 'you [other gender] have such an easy time attracting sexual/romantic interest!' So really, who really has it the easiest? Here are my thoughts on the subject; feel free to speak up if you've had different experiences.
Women have the advantage [or disadvantage] of the fact that men tend to see women two-dimensionally, at least when it comes to attraction. As a generality when a man meets a woman, 95% of his romantic judgment is based on one thing: appearance. So a woman with a high Appearance score literally has to just walk down the street and most men are guaranteed to be interested in her. Yeah, except if the men are gay or involved, but you know what I mean! And yeah we're not all shallow shlubs with only one interest in women, and personal taste can affect attraction, but most men have a mostly two-dimensional attraction to women. So I think that good-looking women have the easiest time finding interested men.
On the other hand, a woman with an Appearance score of 7 or lower has the hardest time finding interested men. Even among men who are interested in traits other than looks, appearance still plays a big part. And let's be honest, looks are hard to get past because it's usually the first thing that two people know about each other. First impressions and all...
And then there's men. Good-look men definitely have an advantage over poor-looking men, but I don't think the gap is as wide as it is with women. I don't believe in that nauseatingly romantic concept of soul-mates, but as I understand things there is a woman for just about every kind of man. For example some women are attracted by looks, some are attracted by money, some by social grace, some by passion, etc... And then women are sometimes attracted to certain men for no apparent reason at all; I've heard it commented that women act on feelings much more often than men, in all aspects of life. Correct me if I'm wrong, ladies.
So if anyone is still reading here's my list of Who Has it Easiest Finding Sexual/Romantic Interest:
Women with Appearance scores of 14 or higher
Men with Appearance scores of 14 or higher
Men and women with Appearance scores of 8 to 13
Men with Appearance scores of 7 or lower
Women with Appearance scores of 7 or lower
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So if anyone is still reading here's my list of Who Has it Easiest Finding Sexual/Romantic Interest:
Women with Appearance scores of 14 or higher
Men with Appearance scores of 14 or higher
Men and women with Appearance scores of 8 to 13
Men with Appearance scores of 7 or lower
Women with Appearance scores of 7 or lower
Problem is, there are so many other external factors that can influence this. For instance, I went to a university that, at the time, had a ratio of 1 woman for every 3 men. That list looked like this:
Any woman
Men on the hockey team
All other men
What's the metric for scoring?
Sorry I don't follow...scoring Appearance?
Problem is, there are so many other external factors that can influence this. For instance, I went to a university that, at the time, had a ratio of 1 woman for every 3 men. That list looked like this:
Any woman
Men on the hockey team
All other men
Yeah the college I went to was skewed the other way; 1 part guys to 2 part girls. You'd think that would work out in the guys' favor, but half the girls were gay so the situation ended up just as depressing as the real world.
...Anyway yeah, circumstances can definitely skew the 'ease of attraction' factor.
TS
Guys that are total jack-holes have the easiest time attracting women. Yeah, I don't get it either.
Guys that are total jack-holes have the easiest time attracting women. Yeah, I don't get it either.
It's because they're confident. Most of us are naturally attracted to confident people; being self-centered is just a common and convenient focus for one's confidence. It is a shame how many women seem to be attracted to self-centered guys, or can't tell the difference between them and the good kind of confident guys.
Good looking women might have it "easier" to score with the guy of their choice, but then what? What happens when the morning comes, the guy has scored, and the attraction of the lucky lady suddenly becomes much less relevant? ("Thanks for the great time, I gotta go. I'll give you a call sometime, byebye").
I don't think either gender has it easier in that sense, but maybe my perception is skewed. I'm one of those guys who breaks the stereotype of just wanting a continuous series of one-night stands. Well, I'm not going to speculate on this one right now.
TS
double post
well, I dont know who has it easier; I think at my age; mid fourties; guys have it pretty easy; women are down right aggressive. Sheesh; is bit overwhelming to me since I havent dated in like a decade and a half. Finding the right person is pretty much a crap shoot for anyone, but finding dates is really easy; I sometimes dated 5 or 6 woman a week; sometimes three different in one day; one for each meal and am much dating and variety of dating partners as I could want until I found some girl that really captured my heart and started going steady with her.
just my five cents...
and by the way; I dont really do clubbing; though I do dance a bit; and I hardly drink at all. I dont think I am all this or that; there are just a whole lot of available women so once you throw your name out there that your dating; they just appear for meals; movies; coffee; whatever.
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Anyone read the recent articles about the lack of mating/breeding going on in some countries?
If some of the newswires can be believed, Japanese and French men have largely lost interest and the women are getting frustrated/aggressive.
Not that much of this matters to me, I was tranquilized and moved to an enclosure ten years ago...
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I don't think either gender has it easier in that sense, but maybe my perception is skewed. I'm one of those guys who breaks the stereotype of just wanting a continuous series of one-night stands. Well, I'm not going to speculate on this one right now.TS
I'm not saying that all men are uncontrollable nymphomaniacs. Rather, that those men who are interested only in sex would be well served by being physically attractive. By the same token, women who prefer casual sex are also behooved by being hot. Sharon Stone in Fatal Attraction comes to mind as a fine example...
So who scores easier, a hot man or a hot women? In Western society, where the men traditionally "chase" the women, I think a good looking gal has the advantage. It's an entirely cultural thing though. Were the roles reversed, and it was the woman who needed to woo the man, then attractive men would have an edge over attractive women.
Again, just my opinion. No research to back me up, just my (occasionally flawed) common sense.
I kind of agree except that a horribly ugly woman can manage to have casual sex much more often then an ugly guy. If she's willing to open up shop she will get shoppers. A regular guy has a harder time having casual sex than an ugly woman. IMO. I don't know if that speaks to women usually being more selective of potential mates or what, but I have seen some real messes that hooked up with some decent looking guys regularly. All they need to do is start a minor chat and express some sexual interest and the dude is like 'wow I can end my 6 month dry-spell'.
Now I haven't really had much problems in these departments except for my penchant to pick mentally deficit women. I am a good-looking (so I'm told) guy who dated a few models and usually had a hot babe on my arm. My wife is an ex-model who was in the Miss Delaware competition and had her face on some billboards.I always felt that I had to work harder than a woman who would be considered a couple points below my potential 'rank' on the attractiveness scale. Guys are always willing to do the deed and overlook some beauty flaws, and it seems that women benefit from that by not needing to work as hard for a casual fling or when dating for further potential.
Maybe this is just the environment around my area of the country, and I am sure this varies by region (like Alaska seems to have a much larger ratio of males to females), but that is what I see in my area.
So who scores easier, a hot man or a hot women? In Western society, where the men traditionally "chase" the women, I think a good looking gal has the advantage. It's an entirely cultural thing though. Were the roles reversed, and it was the woman who needed to woo the man, then attractive men would have an edge over attractive women.
I'm skeptical the roles really could reverse. In reality I'm doubtful about the statement "It's entirely cultural..." In fact I think that there is a heck of a lot going on thats not really cultural at all but biological and genetic. Now I'm not a complete biological determinist but I don't buy Rousseau's 'blank slate' either.
One of the interesting things one can do is compare what men and woman want in a mate when we are talking about a one night stand versus a long term relationship. If one does look at that research you'll find that men and women have very comparable lists of desired qualities and rank them pretty closely in a long term mate but that the list of desired qualities diverge significantly in a one night stand.
But what if it's two gay men instead of a man and a woman? Logically, since men are a randy bunch, you would expect to find the life of a gay man to be one hookup after another, with very little work needed, since both partners "want it". And indeed, there are plenty of gay guys who fit this mold.However. From my experience, the majority of gay men are not so promiscuous. In fact, being "easy" in the gay community is often a stigma, as much as it is for a straight woman.
If you get gay (male) and straight couples to answer questionnaire's on how often they have sex with their significant other you'll find that gay (male) couples have sex (or at least report that they do) significantly more often then straight couples. I think this essentially accounts for the libido.
The material comparing 'hunting' partners for short term mating opportunities or defining what constitutes acceptable and whats 'easy' are to broad to really analyze so far as I am aware. One might be able to get some kind of data in this regards if one tightened up the definitions but I think the area is far to murky in terms of differing cultures to really come to any conclusive statements about human nature. Many many cultures practise arranged marriages after all so 'hunting' for short term mating opportunities is hardly universal.
Guys that are total jack-holes have the easiest time attracting women. Yeah, I don't get it either.Really interesting phenomenon, isn't it. The world may never know.
-DM Jeff
Self-confidence? That is attractive...in short term.
Indeed a lot depends what one is looking for. Good looks are great for casual sex, but then there are people who frankly are good for nothing else except casual sex...
And some say that being too beautiful doesn't work that well either, as that scares most potentially interested people away (nobody wants to get rejected). Except those self-confident jack-holes.
I am not convinced that one sex has it easier than the other. Both sexes want what they do not have (casual sex for men, commitment for women) and therefore feel they have it worse. Of course, as mentioned earlier, humans are far more complex than ‘men just want casual sex’.
Trying to find a median for one sex’s level of desire and object of desire is probably as easy as herding cats.
To put it another way, would hunting be any fun if the deer threw itself at your feet? Okay, I'm done. Sorry for the long, dry post. Heh.
Am I the only one who would just love to have a deer walk up to me and ask "do you like dark meat or white meat?"?! Honestly, the so called dating 'chase' is a total turn off to me, and the possibility that that's how most women select their partners makes me physically nauseous. Luckily, I'm a believer that there are plenty of women like me who just want to find a long term boyfriend without going through some aggravating, undefinable and ultimately wasteful social ritual. But some days, I really wonder what the heck women are thinking.
and by the way; I dont really do clubbing; though I do dance a bit; and I hardly drink at all. I dont think I am all this or that; there are just a whole lot of available women so once you throw your name out there that your dating; they just appear for meals; movies; coffee; whatever.
Where do you live and who exactly do you 'throw your name out there' to?
TS
yet another
Guys that are total jack-holes have the easiest time attracting women. Yeah, I don't get it either.
Personally I'm very rarely attracted to any woman who is attracted to said "jack-holes" so I see it as no great loss.
On a more personal basis I object to the "appearance = attraction" arguement. I would never consider dating a girl before I knew enough about her for her to be a long-term friend. I can appreciate the aesthetic value of the female form without being interested on the romantic or sexual level at all.
I guess what I'm saying is that I'm attracted to personalities and intellect, not physical form.
Personally I'm very rarely attracted to any woman who is attracted to said "jack-holes" so I see it as no great loss.
On a more personal basis I object to the "appearance = attraction" arguement. I would never consider dating a girl before I knew enough about her for her to be a long-term friend. I can appreciate the aesthetic value of the female form without being interested on the romantic or sexual level at all.
I guess what I'm saying is that I'm attracted to personalities and intellect, not physical form.
Well, I mentioned that self-confidence which is an attractive thing and I admit of having fallen for it too...though most realize pretty soon that the guy is a jack-hole...that's part of the reaosn why they always get a new girl, long term relationships don't work. Unless they have loads of money and the girl is a gold-digger.
Of the inner beauty thing...the problem is that how many bother to spend the time and find out about that inner beauty if outer one is lacking?
TS; I live in Albuquerque; I dont know how it is other places; but I have a GF; and several backups waiting for a chance at me if we break up; over the past several months we have broken up several times and there is always someone wanting to be with me; if flattering and nice and all that, I am just myself; dont do anything special or like that; I am actually shocked how easy all of this is and how many girls out there are anxious to be with someone. I get offers from women 30 to 60+; enough to be really choosy. Problem is the heart gets involved and it gets really hard to tell someone that you are going to make a go at a relationship with someone else and then the inevitable but why not me questions; so; finding dates and interesting lovers easy is a mixed blessing. I wish in hind sight that I would have moved a lot slower. Live and learn.
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I try to get in the good graces of the nice art school girls...i know college was along time ago for me, but i seem to recall the art school girls WERE the crazy ones...
Yeah, but they're good crazy. Keep in mind, I live in a small, backwater town. When it gets weird, it gets really f%%*ing weird. My first girlfriend (who I kept for a near record of three months) did ecstasy on a regular basis, chain-smoked by age 13, drank her own blood, and left me for a 22-year-old Goth druggie. We were fourteen at the time.
Yeah, but they're good crazy. Keep in mind, I live in a small, backwater town. When it gets weird, it gets really f~!%ing weird.I try to get in the good graces of the nice art school girls...i know college was along time ago for me, but i seem to recall the art school girls WERE the crazy ones...
There is no such thing as "good crazy". Sooner or later, you'll wake up to her standing over you staring at you with that frightening crazy look in her eye asking you why you never let her do the things you used to .... even if you just did them yesterday.
The true crazy always rises to the top.
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Yeah, but they're good crazy. Keep in mind, I live in a small, backwater town. When it gets weird, it gets really f~!%ing weird.I try to get in the good graces of the nice art school girls...i know college was along time ago for me, but i seem to recall the art school girls WERE the crazy ones...There is no such thing as "good crazy". Sooner or later, you'll wake up to her standing over you staring at you with that frightening crazy look in her eye asking you why you never let her do the things you used to .... even if you just did them yesterday.
The true crazy always rises to the top.
You may have a point there... You just accurately described my last girlfriend.
Of course, she could have just told me that she was leaving me because I'm a half-broke, sporadically employed, mentally unstable loser. But no, it was because "You're just not the same anymore, and I can't live with that." What the hell?
TS; I live in Albuquerque; I dont know how it is other places; but I have a GF; and several backups waiting for a chance at me if we break up; over the past several months we have broken up several times and there is always someone wanting to be with me; if flattering and nice and all that, I am just myself; dont do anything special or like that; I am actually shocked how easy all of this is and how many girls out there are anxious to be with someone.
You're a talker, aren't you? Me, I usually have to seriously concentrate on someone to have a conversation with them. I'm trying to get myself in the habit of talking to strangers just to talk, because it looks like it makes life easier all around. Old habits die hard though.
TS
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You're a talker, aren't you? Me, I usually have to seriously concentrate on someone to have a conversation with them. I'm trying to get myself in the habit of talking to strangers just to talk, because it looks like it makes life easier all around. Old habits die hard though.
TS
Yeah, I'm trying, too. It's working about as well as the proverbial screen-door submarine.
Yeah, I'm trying, too. It's working about as well as the proverbial screen-door submarine.You're a talker, aren't you? Me, I usually have to seriously concentrate on someone to have a conversation with them. I'm trying to get myself in the habit of talking to strangers just to talk, because it looks like it makes life easier all around. Old habits die hard though.
TS
How so? It's working out for me about as well as a 50 year old submarine; gets the job done but needs improvement to be efficient and elegant.
TS
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Yeah, I'm trying, too. It's working about as well as the proverbial screen-door submarine.You're a talker, aren't you? Me, I usually have to seriously concentrate on someone to have a conversation with them. I'm trying to get myself in the habit of talking to strangers just to talk, because it looks like it makes life easier all around. Old habits die hard though.
TS
How so? It's working out for me about as well as a 50 year old submarine; gets the job done but needs improvement to be efficient and elegant.
TS
(A dramatization)
*walks up to stranger*Me - "Uh, hey, uh, hmmm... Yeah, don't you hate all those F$+%ING *gak* TOURISTS!" *twitch*
Them - "I'm from New Jersey."
Me - *twitch* "Well, hm... F%## YOU!"
I don't get along well with people I don't know. They don't get along well with me, either.
(Based on true events)
*walking down the street*
Them - "NAZI PUNK!"
Me - "Nnnh *gk* GO F~!$ YOURSELF, YOU NAZI B*~*&! ... Sorry... F*~* YOU" *twitch*
(rolls through)