Hi all. It's been a while. First off, I want to apologize for a disappearing act I pulled November of last year. That's the "why I left" of this post. At it's heart, I left because I was breaking down personally, spiritually, and it had a lot to do with this game I love (sometimes too much). Short version, as I don't want to labor on and I'm not looking for a pity-party--my family has struggled with addiction for generations. I have thankfully been able to avoid the substance and alcohol abuse inherent in my family, but I do tend to obsess to a level nearing addiction on certain things. D&D is such a vice, and the major one really for decades now. At times it's just a hobby and I'm really just another dedicated fan. But at other times I take it too far. I realized this was happening in November when it became apparent that my spiritual life, attention to family, and work habits were all seriously suffering due to obsession that was triggered by one key thing--would Paizo go 4e. I know that sounds strange, it even took me some time in the October 2006 time frame to realize it was true. But I poured over forums for hours trying to find every scrap of information I could. When it finally hit me, I struggled for a few days on what to do, how to wean myself back down to a reasonable level of attention to a hobby rather than the destructive addiction. Over time, the struggle became simply not posting, not checking the forums, spending time rebuilding my spiritual and family life. Before I knew it, it had been months. It seemed too long to just pop back in, so I kept from posting, though slowly coming back into at least reading up on discussions. I saw new folks join the Paizo crowd, watched the growing heated debate over edition support, but the desire was no longer there for me to check every fact, browse every forum. I'd just pop into Paizo, browse a few points of interest, then leave.
So, that's the "why I left" and I'm drifting into "where I've been" so I figured I needed a paragraph break...My initial break was from RPGs entirely. I not only stopped posting here, but also on the various PbP forums I was on (another part of my addiction--for those here that were in PbPs with me, my apologies for this as well). During that time, I reflected a lot on what exactly it was about RPGs that I loved so much, and what it was that drove this from a positive hobby to a negative obsession. I discerned several things. In addition to some inherent predilection toward addiction, I also have OCD traits (not the full-blown diagnosis, but enough for folks close to me to notice certain things). This extended into my RPG hobby where I had to have everything in a series--I bought nearly ever WotC product up until 2006, had every DDM from Harbinger on in multiples, etc. The realization I came to was that I needed to break that cycle. I needed to focus my hobby on quality, not quantity, in order to deny that slavish trait. As a marker for this, I sold a large portion of my DDM collection and have ear-marked the money for missions/charity.
To go with the quality focus, I realized I needed to broaden my view beyond d20, like I used to do before 2000. I needed to see what truly inspiring and innovative material was being produced for my hobby and sample that, rather than just buying on brand name. So I checked out True20, Castles and Crusades, etc. All interesting in their own right and I purchased a few products to support obviously good companies. But I realized this was just different flavors of the same concept. Luckily, I had a great conversation with some folks in my local D&D Meet-Up (including Shane Ivey, with Arc Dream Publishing--I'm fortunate enough to live in the same city; check there stuff out) about the higher concepts of role playing, why we game, what we truly like in a game versus what we accept, etc. And they mentioned a little rule set called Savage Worlds. I checked it out--skeptical at first that a $10 print book could really be that great--and found some really nifty things. A greater focus on the story versus the mechanics, interesting uses for skills (the Tricks mechanic), a classless system that allowed very free character creation/development, etc. It wasn't the be-all-end-all of RPGs, but it did inspire some really good stories and support some really good work. I noticed a lot of things that were claimed to be innovations in the new D&D. And they'd been around for years.
Savage Worlds led me to a setting called Shaintar--a work by Sean Patrick Fannon that RPG die-hards will likely recognize. It was a beautiful book, first off. He cared enough about the work to interact on a daily basis with fans and incorporate suggestions. He offered a huge amount of world-info for free to inspire a Creator-User dynamic that he feels really drives good RPG development. He tweaked the Savage World rules just so to mesh perfectly with the setting. Through interaction with the Shaintar forums, I also came to see the same traits in SPF's publisher, Talisman Studios. It took me a while to pick up their flagship product, Suzerain, but I am so glad I did. I again saw innovation, inspiration, and a true love for the game that reminded me why I can be passionate about this hobby. It is an entirely different feel from d20, and D&D in general, stripping characters down to truly just nature (ability scores) and nurture (learned/acquired/racial features), using cards instead of dice, implementing a "slow-mo" real-time system for combat, and implementing a very nice stepping procedure to translate success in something like a melee attack directly into damage (rather than tacking on another randomization that might minimize a previous success). And again as with Shaintar, the book is just gorgeous. Go and buy this system now. Even if you will never play it, it's worth $8.00 to support such a company.
But off my advertisement for Shaintar/Suzerain and back to here, I realized in Shaintar and Talisman/Suzerain what it was about the Paizo/4e issue that first set me off. Paizo is, as a company, very much like SPF and the folks at Talisman. They show genuine concern for their customers, listen, interact, and offer uncompromising quality. It's obvious they love the game. Over the years it became obvious to me that WotC wasn't necessarily such a company. I am not delving into personal, or even corporate, attacks, but their handling of 4e in general bore out my concerns that as a company WotC practiced business in a way I could not support (obfuscating their plans for 4e in a way that borders on outright deception). I have no doubt that there are people at WotC that love the game, but they aren't in the drivers seat in too many ways for me to feel comfortable with them any more. To see Paizo potentially going down that road was the trigger...
So why am I back, and what's this have to do with Pathfinder? I saw Paizo today take a stride I had lost hope that they could or would take. They stepped out to show a love for the game and their customers that, frankly, not many companies would have done. It has inspired me to rejoin the community because you folks truly are my friends, though I've never met any of you, and I know now that I should be looking to you for support rather than running away and hiding in shame for my own issues. I will support Paizo in whatever way I can, so long as they remain true to the game and to those that love the game. I hope that, if they haven't already, some of the fine folks at Paizo will check out what Talisman is doing and see if there is any inspiration for the Pathfinder RPG there. I intend to raise some of the items I really like from both Savage Worlds and Suzerain for consideration in Pathfinder. I don't suspect they'll be going Savage! (though I might work up some conversions) or will start using cards vs. dice, but there are some nuggets in there that could make Pathfinder RPG more than just another d20 knock-off. My home group will be play testing the alpha releases as we round out our Savage Tides campaign. And I'll be talking with the FLGS that hosts our D&D Meet-up tomorrow about supporting Pathfinder Society games. I just bit the final bullet on my subscriptions and added the modules today; I'll probably buy every Gamemastery accessory with my tax returns just to show support (though I better watch myself and that OCD/obsession thing again...)
You guys inspire me. I have missed you. And I'm glad to be back.
Sincerely,
Eric
Welcome back and we are glad to have you here with us!
Thanks Sharoth and TOZ! You know, one of the odd things is that I might not even stick with the d20-esque system ultimately (a lot will depend on my player feedback). I'm going to start two separate threads, one for Savage Worlds and one for Suzerain, to discuss the benefits of both systems, what Pathfinder might "learn" from these, etc. And ultimately I might stick with one of these other systems but use the Golarion setting material (perhaps mixed with Shaintar). Best of all worlds, I say!
You guys inspire me. I have missed you. And I'm glad to be back.
Eric,
You were missed here as well. Your founding of and input into the "Civil Religious Discussion" was of great benefit to us all, and to myself in particular. Your insights elsewhere have been almost without exception keen, insightful, and uniquely valuable.
Hopefully, you can find some measure of comfort in connecting with the people here, more than with the ideas. Any help I can give, please ask.
Welcome back,
--Erik
I don't think you know me, and I am not one of the most popular posters, but let me welcome you back as well. I am glad you were able to work through your "demons," some aren't so lucky.
I know nothing about the systems you mention, but if you want discussion on other non-D20 systems I like, I'd be happy to point you in their direction. Although, if you are as excited about the two you mentioned as it seems, I got nothing for you. ;-)
CEO
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Eric:
Welcome back! Having an addictive personality myself and having dealt with parents and siblings and their addictions to alcohol, I can really sympathize with where you are at. I am glad that you took the time to take a step back and take care of yourself. And I am glad that our little announcement got you to come back. :) Btw, I have taken a look at Shaintar myself (btw, we do sell it here on paizo.com) and Sean Patrick Fannon is a friend of mine in the industry. Very passionate over what he is doing. In any case, welcome back to the fold!
-Lisa
Welcome back Eric - I am glad to hear that things are better now.
You offered some great insight for me when I was starting out on my Savage Tide AP, and I am glad you are back with us. I hope we can bounce ideas off each other again soon, sirrah!
Your Friendly Neighborhood Dalesman
"Bringing Big D**n Justice to the Bad Guys Since 1369 DR"
Oh man... I wasted my Welcome Back theme on Don earlier this week, and he was only gone a day!
Well, great seeing you around again, and sincere respect for baring your private feelings. Such trust is proof of friendship and it won't be forgotten.
Welcome back! *hugs, cookies, tea*
Eric,
Welcome Back! It is truly great to hear from you. I was worried when you left. You were missed. I am glad that you are back and on track with your life again.
If you need to chat, e-mail me anytime. I have dealt with family addiction also and have turned it into a career, so feel free to drop a line.
Again, really great to hear from you and to know that you're doing all right.
Take Care My Friend and Excellent Cartographer,
Cheers,
Jerry
Thanks all, I definitely appreciate the warm welcome back! For the old-time friends from games and discussions, and the new folks I look forward to renewed conversations! Now I just have to curb my craziness in light off all the goodness that is Pathfinder!
Eric:
Welcome back! Having an addictive personality myself and having dealt with parents and siblings and their addictions to alcohol, I can really sympathize with where you are at. I am glad that you took the time to take a step back and take care of yourself. And I am glad that our little announcement got you to come back. :) Btw, I have taken a look at Shaintar myself (btw, we do sell it here on paizo.com) and Sean Patrick Fannon is a friend of mine in the industry. Very passionate over what he is doing. In any case, welcome back to the fold!
-Lisa
Thanks Lisa--I wanted to pull this one out in particular as an illustration of what it is about Paizo that draws me to Pathfinder...the CEO will actually respond personally to emails, which demonstrates the dedication/support from Paizo folks top to bottom.
And for Shaintar, I actually bought the player's guide from this very site, so Paizo actually had a hand there in my "saga" over the last few months. I bought everything else direct from Talisman to give them some love (and also since the PG looked like the only product Paizo has currently).
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I realized this was happening in November when it became apparent that my spiritual life, attention to family, and work habits were all seriously suffering due to obsession that was triggered by one key thing--would Paizo go 4e.
Eric,
First, welcome back! Second, I know how you feel. I was nearly in a similar position just last week. This news came along at the right time to spring me out of it! There may be more of us that you think!
-DM Jeff