Here we shall discuss all the inane battles that never were.
I shall start by asking what would happen if the Tick and Freakazoid were to battle.
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Heathy vs. Fakey
Both are kick/banned by Cosmo for starting a flame war on the Paizo Messageboards.
Then Gary casually vaporizes Cosmo in mid-power-mad cackle for his shameful abuse of power.
...and the Tick would win. He's indestructable. But, as it's Freakazoid who's losing, it would be a very funny win.
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Heathy vs. FakeyBoth are kick/banned by Cosmo for starting a flame war on the Paizo Messageboards.
Then Gary casually vaporizes Cosmo in mid-power-mad cackle for his shameful abuse of power.
...and the Tick would win. He's indestructable. But, as it's Freakazoid who's losing, it would be a very funny win.
So. We'll have to have our epic battle through our cronies, whilst we keep our hands clean. It will be a shadow flame war, a cold flame war, of smoke and mirrors type skullduggery.
Ninja squirrel minions! Heed your dark liege! Chii-ckchik ckchick! Chicki chik chik chikow!
i'd go for dr. doom. if i remember right, lobo can go a round or two with superman; but the doctor is no slouch on physical power either, and he is second in line for sorcerer supreme behind (i think) dr. strange.
Lobo, but only because Dr. Doom doesn't deal well with the unpredictable, and Lobo is definately unpredictable.
Stephen Stange vs. Mordenkainen
Strange would win. All he has to do is think of somthing to rhyme with mordinkainen.
who would win: Lemmy or God?
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Not real familiar with the different flavours of Captain Marvel - is it this guy you are talking about?
I still think Tiamat would win, but I am uncertain - I seem to recall that the 5-headed dragon in the D&D cartoons (vaguely remembered from my distant youth) never managed to deal with a bunch of little kids... But Tiamat is a god, which must count for something.
Circle of Eight versus FR's Seven Sisters?
well, he is the "captain" of thunder and lightning, which i think basically translates to him being the god of thunder, or the mortal embodiment thereof... or maybe it was that his powers were given to him by said god. not exactly up on my DC mythology outside of Kingdom Come. still a great comic by the way. if anyone actually hasn't read it, i highly recommend it. SHAZAM!
I realize that is not actually an opinion on who would win. so here goes: If cartoon tiamat has trouble dealing with kids then captain marvel will be a nightmare for her, as captain marvel's alter ego is in fact billy batson. a kid.
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Not real familiar with the different flavours of Captain Marvel - is it this guy you are talking about?
I still think Tiamat would win, but I am uncertain - I seem to recall that the 5-headed dragon in the D&D cartoons (vaguely remembered from my distant youth) never managed to deal with a bunch of little kids... But Tiamat is a god, which must count for something.
Circle of Eight versus FR's Seven Sisters?
That's him.
Circle of Eight vs. Seven Sisters, I would say Circle of Eight. Greater experience and the fact that all of them get by without divine intervention or being chosen by a deity.
Master Blaster from Beyond Thunderdome vs. a little person dressed as a baby flying a miniature helicopter and wielding a garrote in order to strangle his or her foes.
Who'd win: Drizzt Do Urden OR a THOUSAND orcs? (the answer might look extremely unbeliaveble but...)
Who'd win: Drizzt Do Urden OR a THOUSAND orcs? (the answer might look extremely unbeliaveble but...)
This is one of those questions where, if you don't already know the answer from reading the books or just knowing that the character is from adolescent power fantasy land, you can have an infinite regress to the point of your head exploding.
"Well, they expect me to say Drizzt, but HELLFINGER said that the answer is extremely unbelievable, so maybe the thousand orcs win. But if the thousand orcs win, that's a believable response, because Drizzt is just one guy and the law of odds is in their favor. So maybe Drizzt would win. But that's also kind of believable because he's THE Drizzt Do'Urden, so maybe it is the thousand orcs. But mayOH MY GOD MY PUPILS ARE DILATING MY TONGUE IS SWELLING OH SWEET JESUS PLEASE DON'T LET ME CHOKE ON MY OWN TONGUE I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE AND I DON'T WANT TO HAVE THE LAST THOUGHT IN MY MIND BE ABOUT FREAKING DRIZZT."
Sometimes reason is the greatest booby trap of them all.
First off, Circle of Eight versus Seven Sisters . . . you know, I'm not sure I would call this one one way or the other, but I would like to point out that the Circle of Eight definitely doesn't have more experience. Most of the sisters probably traveled the planes and babysat these guys when they were younger . . .
As far as Drizzt and the Thousand Orcs . . . well, Drizzt never actually fought a thousand orcs. I may have my problems with RAS books from time to time, but I hate having wildly incorrect implications hovering out there. The thousand orcs referred to the orcs that attacked and sacked a town in the Savage Frontier under the command of King Obould's son.
Finally, on a lighter note: Marv versus Batman
Depends on the Batman . . .
Marv versus Adam West Batman . . . Marv, but Marv would hesitate because he'd wonder if Batman is some kind of mental patient.
Marv versus Denny O'Neil 70s Batman . . . Batman all the way. Denny O'Neil's take on Batman is awesome.
Marv versus Frank Miller's All Star Batman and Robin Batman . . . "Don't you know who I am? I'm the . . . " ::lound snap, Marv walks away shaking his head:: "I can't believe the same guy writes both of our comics . . . "
Iuz or Captain America: well, Captain america has no power besides throwing his shield real well and being team leader all the time, so I'd say Iuz
Lex Luthor or the Joker: Lex, because he can arrange the Joker's downfall without landing a punch
Shazam Captain Marvel or Tiamat: Tiamat has minions, Captain Marvel does not, so I'm gonna go with tiamat
Circle of Eight or FR's Seven Sisters: dunno
Phyllis Diller or Joan Rivers: Phyllis, no question
Master Blaster from Beyond Thunderdome vs. a little person dressed as a baby flying a miniature helicopter and wielding a garrote in order to strangle his or her foes: I'm gonna go with the small person
Marv or Batman: Marv, batman doesn't fight to the death with thugs usually, but marv does.
Hm, I don't know who half of these characters are...
How about Elton John versus Tasslehoff Burfoot?
Is Elton allowed to use hired muscle? I'll bet he could afford Chuck Norris.Hm, I don't know who half of these characters are...
How about Elton John versus Tasslehoff Burfoot?
Yes, Elton can hire Chuck but Tasslehoff is allowed to tell any and all of his highly captivating and improbable tales.
I am not touching any of the Drizzt 1000 orcs debate. I am actually a fan of the character(although, yes, the last many books have not been great and artemis/ jarlaxle are far more interesting), but i don't see why most people who don't like him (which is fine, that is why it is "your" opinion) have to dump on anyone that does.
ok, didn't really mean to turn that into a small rant. sorry. anyway...
I would pick the Circle of 8 over the sisters. yes the sister are the chosen and all that, but despite having 20-30+ lvls not one of them can cast an epic spell that I have seen. (If I am wrong in placing Mordankainen with the Circle I apologize, Greyhawk is not my strong area, but I thought there was some organization that he led.) And not that it technically counts for much, but half the spells the girls cast were invented/named by those Circle members.
NEW BATTLE!: Stewie (stewart gilligan griffin of family guy fame) vs. Brain (of Pinky an the Brain)
FIGHT!
Guy with a polearm in one hand and a longsword in the other fighting defensively with the polearm and normally with the longsword - versus conventional sword an shield - or just sword - or...dammit wrong thread.
Vlad Taltos (and friends) versus the Avengers (the X-Men would win cause you just can't beat the X-Men)
or "The Kings Blades" versus GRR Martins waterdancers
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Guy with a polearm in one hand and a longsword in the other fighting defensively with the polearm and normally with the longsword - versus conventional sword an shield - or just sword - or...dammit wrong thread.
The Guy with the Polearm and Sword would win because somebody pretends to use that style for pretend fighting and it really, really DOES work. Idiots......
Me vs. Heathy. Never gonna happen. I like the dude too much to rend his soul from his mortal coil.
How about Wolfgang Puck and Lilith the Demon-Queen of Victuals in an Ultimate Cook Off! I think we would all win as judges.
FH
Artemis Entrri VERSUS Ganondorf
Drizzt Do'Urden VERSUS Link
Gwhenhyvar VERSUS Epona (LOL)
Kaiju Rust Monster vs. Mecha-Godzilla. GO!
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Guy with a polearm in one hand and a longsword in the other fighting defensively with the polearm and normally with the longsword - versus conventional sword an shield - or just sword - or...dammit wrong thread.The Guy with the Polearm and Sword would win because somebody pretends to use that style for pretend fighting and it really, really DOES work. Idiots......
Me vs. Heathy. Never gonna happen. I like the dude too much to rend his soul from his mortal coil.
How about Wolfgang Puck and Lilith the Demon-Queen of Victuals in an Ultimate Cook Off! I think we would all win as judges.
FH
I couldn't even figure that thread out.
My best rule-of-thumb is to look back historically and ask: did actual guys (swiss halbardiers) who did this crap in real life fight with a pole arm in one hand and a long sword in the other hand? I doubt it. Because they didn't want to die, and it's just silly. If it worked, they would have done it. Stuff that actually works and keeps you alive gets handed down to the next generation of soldiers by old guys who lived.Heath vs. fakey? The whole world would lose.
How about Wolfgang Puck and Lilith the Demon-Queen of Victuals in an Ultimate Cook Off! I think we would all win as judges.
Depends on the locale of the battle. Out in the woods with a campfire, and all I got is a cast-iron skillet and tinfoil, then I would kick the truffles out of that pansy chef. ;)
Kaiju Rust Monster vs. Mecha-Godzilla. GO!
Rust Monster. See also - Rust Monster vs. Terrible Iron Golem
Artemis Entrri VERSUS Ganondorf
Drizzt Do'Urden VERSUS Link
Gwhenhyvar VERSUS Epona (LOL)
Too many versions of Zelda to answer that definitively.
But I will note that Epona doesn't take damage...
Simon Snowlock vs. Simon Belmont
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How about Wolfgang Puck and Lilith the Demon-Queen of Victuals in an Ultimate Cook Off! I think we would all win as judges.Depends on the locale of the battle. Out in the woods with a campfire, and all I got is a cast-iron skillet and tinfoil, then I would kick the truffles out of that pansy chef. ;)
And I would be happy to be a Judge!
FH
