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Really sorry for disappearing on everyone right there at the end — that's not the kind of PbPer I wanna be! Thanks all for a fun game and a great group... there wasn't even anyone I didn't like! :) And thanks for having me, DM. Hope to play with you all again sometime.
Zirt gasps at the bad man's actions, and particularly his disrespect toward the crypt and all the stories and lore that are represented here. With a big frown at him, she strides into the room and stands for a moment, hands on her hips as she glares at the situation. After just a few seconds, her spoons begin rattling even more loudly, pounding rhythmically even as she calls out, "Oh yeah? Well may the storm spare us, 'cuz at least we're humble! Err, I mean... may the storm spare us in our humility!" She pauses for a few beats, as if to see if anything happens, then continues, "By the way, you should know that you're a terrible shot! And you there — your choice of clothing is absolutely worse than the Great Clothier of Findoo, and everyone knows why he earned that moniker! You really ought to go change clothes right this minute! Imagine what your mother would say if she were here! Just imagine!" Her taunts don't always perfectly match the beat, but the spoons' rhythm seems to act almost as a counterpoint, accentuating her insults and adding a little extra sting. Mock:
... the creature is angered by the performance and seeks to harm the prankster. While the prankster maintains the mocking, the target takes a –2 penalty on all attack rolls and skill checks until it has successfully attacked the prankster with a melee or ranged attack, or has harmed the creature with a spell that deals damage. The invisible Benedict, meanwhile, continues toward the dais, climbing the stairs and chomping viciously at the red-clothed fellow's leg!
Zirt stands quietly, staring at the inscriptions and tilting her head this way and that, clearly deep in thought. Finally, after at least a full thirty seconds, the little gnome shakes her head. "These don't make any sense," she opines. "'May the lightning raze the lands of my enemies'? What does that even mean?! Was this some temple created after two warring lands were forced to make peace with each other, but neither one wanted to and so they left this as a permanent monument to their war? Or perhaps two brothers, sons of a great king who split his kingdom..."
"And so just when the inventor of slippers was about to succeed, why—" the gnome stops, frowning thoughtfully at the beams and timbers propping up various sections of the crypt. "Now, that's interesting, isn't it?" she asks rhetorically. "I mean the way those two beams are just a little bit redundant, like the Towers of Trindol. I think we could move one just a little bit, and... err, move one of the beams, I mean, not one of the Towers! Rinalt the Fool tried that once, and everyone knows how that turned out. But we wouldn't be like him. I think if we were to move the left beam just a hair..." Zirt frowns thoughtfully, her fine eyebrows drawing together, her head tilted as she pictures the new arrangement of the beams. After a moment, she nods as if to herself, and looks around at her companions as if to ask, Well?
Benedict tilts his head and narrows his eyes at Quang Chi as the man begins looking downright mouse-like... but a moment later he gives a shake of his head and seems to remind himself that the monk isn't actually a delicious mouse. He allows the man to pick him up for the ride down, though at the rough landing he emits a sound almost like a sniff of annoyance...
Zirt, meanwhile, accepts Denair's offer of a flying trip down, calling out "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" right when it will echo the most.
Zirt grins conspiratorially at Frankie's prank, then starts off on a long-winded description of the cookies and tea that her aunt Salnivarinoskrznurt—Aunt Var, for short—used to prepare. The tea, it turns out, had a secret ingredient that Zirt spent years trying to discover, only to learn that it was actually just a pinch of oregano. Normal, plain old, everyday oregano, mind you! And that launches the wee gnome into a tale of long ago, when there were fifty different types of oregano, and how at one point the son of the Oregano King became enamored of a girl named Rosemary...
Seeing the others retreating, the wee gnome glances around and nods once as if arriving at a decision. "Come on, Benedict, let's go!" she exclaims, backing a short distance and then beginning to twirl and spin toward the boggy pit. The wolverine blinks at her for a moment before lumbering along behind.
"Oh no!" exclaims Zirt as she takes in the scene. "You've got to go save them, Benedict! Save the man first! My aunt once told me that if you get sucked into a collapsing street, you never get to drink tea again! I suspect she meant that you die, but I'm not actually sure... she didn't say that..." The little gnome reaches over and pats Benedict on the head, imbuing him with the group's hopes as she strides forward, talking all the while of her aunt's tale... and tea... and somehow that leads to laundry... and a moment later she's pulled a pair of mismatched spoons from her pocket and is reciting a stirring tale to their rhythm. The wolverine shakes his head as if to clear it, then runs quickly forward and dives into the sinkhole.
Benedict takes his time cleaning his fur from the battle, for all the world as if he can't understand a word of what's being discussed above him. Just as Vosk reaches out his hand, however, a gleam enters the wolverine's eye and he bares one tooth... almost as if he's grinning. Standing up on his hind legs, he noses the big man's hand in acceptance of the offer. At Quang Chi's whisper, he snorts contemptuously, almost as if to say, Pfft... who'd miss a chance to have that fellow as manservant? I can't wait to catch his scent when he loses... Zirt giggles softly as she watches the byplay, but doesn't interfere.
Benedict endures Frankie's hug with only a mild glare at Denair, as if blaming her for giving the boy the idea. As soon as he can do so in a dignified manner, however, he escapes their grasping arms and walks sedately over to where Zirt is standing. Only the smallest curl of his lip lets Denair and Frankie know that their rude action would have been met with quite a different reception under other circumstances.
Zirt frowns viciously at the plant-thing for a moment before sighing. "Wait a minute, Benedict," she murmurs, patting the wolverine tenderly before turning her attention back to the vine-cat. Tilting her head ever so slightly to the left, she studies its planty shape as she offers, "Mae'n debyg mai dim ond ceisio amddiffyn y siop ydych chi, onid ydych chi? Wel, rydyn ni'n ceisio helpu i ddarganfod pwy ddaeth i mewn yma yn gynharach. Nid ydym am eich brifo." Sylvan:
"I suppose you're just trying to defend the shop, aren't you? Well, we're trying to help figure out who came in here earlier. We don't want to hurt you."
"It's doing what? Why would a plant... but..." Zirt is left talking to Benedict as the others rush out of the room. She blinks in confusion for a moment before rushing after them, calling, "Benedict! Go see what's going on! Go help them!" The wolverine gives a soft grunt and runs into the room, where he pauses and sniffs the air in confusion for a moment as he tries to identify a threat. Seeing the plant move and smelling Denair's injury, however, Benedict growls and surges forward!
"But who would want to bother a lovely plant?!" exclaims Zirt, just entering the room from her extensive study of the security vine. "I suppose if you could talk to them, they would have some great stories! Do you think the thief wanted to steal them to hear their stories?"
Benedict tilts his head ever so slightly at Quang Chi, then drops his nose to the ground and begins sniffing intently. Zirt beams at the gnome-sized human, though her eyes widen as he refers to her friends as "pets". "Be careful!" she exclaims, "they aren't pets!!" As the boy charges in his direction, Jadrek the massive grizzly raises himself on his hind legs and makes a very loud blowing noise, then clacks his teeth together equally loudly! When the boy continues forward, the big bear turns and runs headlong down the street, stopping four buildings down and huffing loudly. The big fluffy dog wags its tail wildly and runs over to Frankie, giving him a sloppy lick right across his face and then leaning into the boy . The short-haired dog's ears stand up straight and its hackles rise, but Frankie's gentle approach soothes it and it finally lets him scratch its chest, giving a sedate, dignified wag of its tail in response.
"Oh, hello!" replies the gnome, smiling happily to meet someone else. Seeing Meredith's companion, Zirt's eyes light up. "Hello! You must be Meredith the Boss! I'm Zirt! Well, really my name is... well, never mind, Zirt is fine actually. Most people have a hard time pronouncing my name. Why, even my Aunt Sally sometimes has trouble. She usually just calls me Zirt, too. And this is Benedict, and the ones outside are Jadrek, Gregarious, and Tseka." "Oh, and this is Yrishi," she adds with a gesture at the tiny fox-headed snake-thing peering out from behind her ear. At the woman's question, the gnome shakes her head wryly. "Not really," she replies, "but I could look at him, I suppose..." The gnome's hesitation is clearly unpracticed.
Zirt claps her hands gleefully at the wooden-armed talking fox-thing, nearly forgetting to accept its proffered hand. "Oh my! Will you tell me the story of you and this Meredith Boss? I've never seen anyone like you! Though, there was one time my aunt's sister—" She breaks off as the door opens onto the shop and she spots the disarray within. "Oh dear..." she whispers, her eyes wide as saucers. "Poor Mister Chert. So many beautiful plants! Why would anyone want to hurt someone who grows plants? Why, look, he even has Bordik root! I didn't even know that grew here! It makes a lovely tea, you know, and it's even better if you mix it with Snurkin's Fist in not-quite-equal proportions." Busily talking of tea, the gnome nods politely, if a bit distractedly, at Quang Chi's bow. The wolverine, however, raises its head from sniffing the floor and gives the monk a long look. It might be coincidence... except that a moment later it raises its head and bares one sharp fang at the Baronet when excluded from his greeting. Zirt, meanwhile, trails off and glances between Vosk and Quang Chi in confusion. "Er. Hello!" Seeming to catch her balance, she smiles at both of them, then directs her curiosity at Vosk. "I do hope you'll pardon me if I ask you what an Onet is! And you'll have to say hello to my friend Jadrek outside, because I guess you're cousins! Do you turn into a bear all the way, or only partially? And can you control it? Do you find that having "Bear" in your title... oh dear. Oh dear me, I'm being very rude. My mother used to warn me about being rude..." Putting one dainty hand up to her mouth, she glances around the room in consternation, as if not sure whether she should run away.
Just as the groups disappear into the home and shop, there's a high-pitched yell from down the street: Anyone who happens to look out sees a massive grizzly bear making its lumbering way down the street as passersby scatter left and right. Riding atop the bear is a smiling (and slightly anxious-looking) gnome, patting the bear's head with one hand while trying to use the other to urge it to greater speed. A few paces away from the bear, a large, fluffy dog trots next to a vicious-looking wolverine and an even larger short-haired dog which ripples with muscle as it moves. A tiny serpent peers out from behind the gnome curiously, beady black eyes glittering with intelligence in its fox-like head. As the menagerie reaches the doors, the gnome hops gracefully down from the bear's shoulders and smiles at everyone—and anyone—who happens to be watching. Taking in the situation with big innocent eyes, the gnome claps her hands together and smiles at the landlady. "Oh, hello! I'm so sorry I'm late, I came as quickly as I could, but Jadrek here"—she pats the bear on its foot fondly—"decided to eat an entire cauldron of stew last night and four biscuits, even though I told him it wasn't a good idea. Bears are such silly creatures! And Gregarious and Tseka were arguing about which of them I'd ride over here, and so I couldn't ride either, you know how dogs are. I am glad you heard me before you got inside and closed the door! These houses have such thick walls, I don't know if you would have ever heard me knocking, and poor Tseka has very sensitive hearing, you know." The gnome's eyes light momentarily on the doorframe, and she shakes her head. "Oh dear, Jadrek, you'll never fit in there. And you two—no, no, I think Benedict had better come with me. Tseka, Gregarious, Jadrek, you stay outside and guard dear old Mister Chert, so nothing else happens to him!" So saying, the small gnome motions to the wolverine and moves inside, looking all around as though she's never seen a shop before. DM:
Zirt glares at Pamari. "You should probably surrender now," she intones solemnly. "If you don't, well, you've already seen what these..." The gnome trails off and turns to Dirch. "What did you call these skeletons? I mean the name you used — they're clearly skeletons, of course, but I didn't quite catch the specific type, and I'll bet there's a fascinating story behind it. Oh, do tell us!"
Benedict's nose wiggles and twitches as the wolverine scents his prey and evaluates the extent of the wound Mordenaar inflicted upon it. Growing low in his throat, he tears into Jathune's leg with viciously sharp teeth and claws!
Zirt, meanwhile, prepares a witty and derogative remark for the moment Pamari's eyes clear and the gnome's prior words settle in.
Benedict finishes clambering up the wall and trundles over to the big smelly man, growling ferociously. After throwing a glance over at Jathune and frowning slightly, Zirt turns her attention to Pamari. "Hey! Your ugly boyfriend needs some help over there!" she calls, rolling her eyes offensively at the woman. Mock:
"Oh!" exclaims Zirt, surprised by the definitely-genuine offer of liquid refreshment. "Do you have tea?" she asks, riding forward upon her trusty canine. "Tea is lovely. Do tell me though, what do you use to make tea down here? Does this plane even have tea? Don't tell me you make it out of rocks and stuff... or different kinds of fire! Ha! Do you import it? Who brings it to you? You can't be that bad if you like tea, my uncle always said!"
Zirt watches Ebonwolf's prayer in fascination, noting the various magical effects it effects. "Ooh," she murmurs, as a blue glow suffuses the orc's axes. Finally with a smile, she reaches out both hands and maneuvers to *boop* both Riki and Benedict on the nose at once. Each one feels a glowing sense of wellness as the First World magicks take hold.
Benedict continues to glance around with narrowed eyes as he tries to determine the threat that has everyone so tense... and a few people bloody. Zirt, meanwhile, is rather busy trying to figure out the mechanism, and spares only a moment to wave Benedict in the direction of the mechanical things before returning her attention to the task before her. The wolverine, very clever fellow that he is, trundles over and begins sniffing cautiously at one of the mechanical monsters.
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