Yet Another Pathetic Wretch's page

Thanks for your application. I do have a small request. Since you have an intelligent weapon, would you mind stating "Black Ice" up in your profile under a spoiler tab along with his personality? If chosen, as GM, I'll help it pick out its mission/goals to suit campaign needs.

I went ahead and added the Black Blade weapon under a spoiler. Please note that a Magus doesn't actually receive the sentient weapon until level 3, so until that point it is non-magical and a role-playing device (the stats are those for a level 3 Magus Black Blade). However, since I'm trying to 'unlock' the weapon's abilities by helping it accomplish its goals, it probably works great to have it growing in power.

If selected, I would hope that the blade has its own agenda, and would be happy if you played it as an NPC (to whatever extent you want).

I implied my purpose at the protest in my background, but I'm definitely: Tagging Along (with a sentient weapon).

For your consideration, Kiri Frostbrand, elf Magus. She has the Bladebound archetype, and has been researching a freedom-loving intelligent weapon that has brought her to the protest (see stats and complete background in profile).

She and the weapon are polar opposites, which could create some fun times. I'm open to making any changes that would fit better with the campaign.

On another note, if you are looking for consistent players, I have over 15,000 posts here over the last several years, and would love to join.

This sounds quite fun! Thanks for your consideration.

FYI, I had my character accepted in a campaign and am going to use my Egil Forkbeard alias for that campaign.

I'm going to continue along here using this alias instead (I'm not worried about the credit).

Fantastic, thanks so much!

I'm looking forward to this. :)

I'd like to throw my hat into the ring with Egil Forkbeard, level 1 Skald (all stats and background on my character page).

I've wanted to play this for a while. If you are looking for someone consistent, I have around 15000 posts over the past several years here.

Sounds fun!

Thanks so much for running that, DM Crucible! That was a fantastic gobliny group...loved it!

I'll be watching for anything you're running in the future. :)

Retus pats Chuffy on the head.

"Fire make everything better..." he says as he helps light the ship, along with anything else that is flammable.

"Goblins win! Retus prove he better than Reta! But Retus still like Reta and think she prettiest goblin, but Retus just glad he not Reta. Goblins go home now?" he says as they watch the ship burn.

I will be taking a Fall Break trip with my family to Grand Canyon and Mesa Verde.

I'll likely not be able to post from Thursday to Sunday, so feel free to bot me if I'm up!

Ouch! Sorry, the following is for RP purposes only...and has been building ever since I took off my wedding veil.

Retus chuckles as Reta falls. "Retus get out of shadow of Reta now! Retus show he best goblin warrior!"

He drinks the elixir he has been holding and moves forward to engage the cannibal.

I'll go ahead and draw my elixir...4d6 sounds pretty tasty compared to normal attacks, and I can't reach her this round, anyway...

Still trying to get out of Reta's shadow, but strangely tied to her almost as if they were siblings, Retus draws his fiery elixir and prepares to show her how a real goblin breathes fire.

Also drawing my elixir in the surprise round, will breathe it in the real round.

Retus poops his pants a little more before rushing through the door.

"Bad side effects!" he mourns, though his large muscles say otherwise.

I think area 6 sounds great...I'll position us. I open the door and rush in.

Retus runs up the gang plang, leading the way with his now-rippling pectorals.

"Hurry, gotta go fast!"

take 10 climb

Retus takes a moment to drink the two potions they had found earlier. Bull's strength and bear's endurance.

He immediately begins to grow stronger, his muscles visibly larger. As the others look on in envy, Retus remembers the warnings he had given them previously.

"Oh, right..."

The goblin begins to circle, crying and screaming and dry heaving.

"Wait...what just happen? Me not remember...what we doing here?" He falls to the ground and poops his pants with loud accompanying sound effects.

"These potions bad stuff..." he mourns, though he quickly stands up. "Hurry...we gotta go." he says as runs up the ramp.

bluff: 1d20 - 2 ⇒ (13) - 2 = 11

Still slipping in the mud, Retus swings wildly again at the dog.

dogslicer: 1d20 + 3 + 1 ⇒ (6) + 3 + 1 = 101d4 + 1 + 2 ⇒ (1) + 1 + 2 = 4

Now in a state of blood lust after helping to take the horse down, Retus charges toward the dog.

"Puppy stink! Retus slink!"

However, the mud is slippery.

dogslicer: 1d20 + 3 + 2 ⇒ (2) + 3 + 2 = 71d4 + 1 ⇒ (3) + 1 = 4

"Horsie gotta die! Horsie gotta die!" Retus yells as he stabs.

dogslicer: 1d20 + 3 + 2 ⇒ (15) + 3 + 2 = 201d4 + 1 ⇒ (3) + 1 = 4

"Retus not run, stupid balloon head!" the goblin fighter says, getting angry at Chuffy's insinuations.

His anger makes him slip in the mud as he attempts to slice at the horse.

dogslicer, flank: 1d20 + 3 + 2 ⇒ (6) + 3 + 2 = 111d4 + 1 ⇒ (2) + 1 = 3

Not being able to reach the horse quickly, Retus draws his bow and fires at it.

"Here, horsie horsie!"

shortbow atk: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (10) + 5 = 151d4 ⇒ 2

Heh...awesome. :)

Did you turn that in, GM? If so, thanks!

"Horsie...must die!" Retus suggests.

Like any good goblin, he proceeds toward the ship without any plan whatsoever.

stealth: 1d20 + 11 ⇒ (9) + 11 = 20

Anyone can take any of these potions I have...

"Hmmm...this one cause crying, screaming, and projectile vomiting," Retus says as he holds up the red one.

"Blue is amnesia, spine loss, embarrassing accidents."

"And last one uncontrollable gas and explosive diarrhea...who want?" he asks.

Retus unstoppers each of the potions. He sniffs them, sticks his tongue in them, and puts his eye very close to the liquid. In the end he has drooled all over the opening of each potion.

"Retus can see what potions do!" he says.

perception: 1d20 + 9 ⇒ (18) + 9 = 27 DC 15 + caster level
perception: 1d20 + 9 ⇒ (19) + 9 = 28
perception: 1d20 + 9 ⇒ (17) + 9 = 26
perception: 1d20 + 9 ⇒ (12) + 9 = 21

If he doesn't know, he makes something up.

"Lotslegs not dead yet!" Retus yells as one of its legs twitch. He jumps on top of it and stabs it perhaps another twenty times.

Once he has completed his gleeful work, he sticks his tongue out at Chuffy.

"Retus kill it, not Chuffy..." he lies.

"AyeeeeeAAAA!" Retus yells as he draws his dogslicer and runs in to attack the spider while its attention is on Poog.

dogslicer, flank: 1d20 + 4 + 2 ⇒ (5) + 4 + 2 = 111d4 + 2 ⇒ (4) + 2 = 6

"Ayeeeeeee!!!" Retus shouts. "Retus best goblin archer!" he says as he launches another arrow at the spider.

shortbow atk: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (10) + 5 = 151d4 ⇒ 2

Having only had time to draw his bow, Retus now takes careful aim and fires.

shortbow atk: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (15) + 5 = 201d4 ⇒ 1

"We're gonna DI...DI-stroy this lotsalegs!" he exclaims.

Retus draws his shortbow and fires.

shortbow atk: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (6) + 5 = 111d4 ⇒ 2

Retus, knowing how big his head is and already having proved himself on the pig, declines to participate.

"Retus already prove he best!" he says. "Other gobbies win stuff now!"

fort saves: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (1) + 4 = 5
fort saves: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (17) + 4 = 21
fort saves: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (1) + 4 = 5
fort saves: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (4) + 4 = 8
fort saves: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (10) + 4 = 14
fort saves: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (19) + 4 = 23

Having already completed one of the challenges, Retus pokes at the slugs carefully and removes their bladders before eating them.

He has mixed success in keeping them down.

fort save: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (3) + 4 = 7
fort save: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (9) + 4 = 13
fort save: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (2) + 4 = 6
fort save: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (12) + 4 = 16
fort save: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (14) + 4 = 18

"Retus ride real rood!" Retus says, still wearing the false teeth but now without the veil and corset.

The goblin quickly jumps on the pig's back and rides around in circles for quite a few seconds, then jumps off. His false teeth fall off in the mud and pig droppings, but he quickly picks them up and puts them back in his mouth.

"Reat that, rest of rou!!!"

Recognizing that the first step to getting out of Reta's shadow is to stop wearing a veil and corset, Retus promptly tears them off and throws them in the fire. He also puts in a set of false teeth he has acquired, just to differentiate himself even more.

After drinking the last half of the lady's perfume he has, he thinks he looks much less like Reta.

When he talks, his false teeth rattle and make him difficult to understand.

"Reta rot rin any rames. Retus rin rem all!"

Once again upset that Reta had beat him to the punch, Retus says "No no no no no! Retus kill everything Reta kill, then one more!"

Retus listens to the chants and adds his own:

"Retus chop and Retus bite...more than Reta!
Retus slay and Retus fight...more than Reta!
Retus stab and Retus smite...more than Reta!
retus kills it all just righter than Reta!"

He had always hated having a name close to Reta's.

I'll add a hotbar before we start...