Reta pulls at the sword and almost has it out of Poog's grasp before he snatches it back and nearly rips it from her hands.
The contest continues! Reta manages to bring it back to neutral. Goblins look on in awe at the strength of their champions.
Again Reta appears to have the upper hand, nearly pulling it from Poog's grasp.
With finality, Reta steps on Poog's toes, elbows him in the gut, and sticks her bridal veil in his eye in a last ditch effort to wrangle the dogslicer from his iron grip.
Reta tugs it away, and holds in high. Goblins cheer, and Chief Gutwad nods his approval at the scene.
The last dare of the evening is the "Rusty Ear-biter", and the onlooking goblins, pleased with their evening full of pig rodeo, several people nearly vomiting over slugs, and wrestling for a magic sword, encourage the heroes to one final dare.
The infamous Rusty Ear-biter is a hollow coil of rusty wires, barrel hoops, bent swords, and thorny branches and vines. It's clear its name comes from the three goblin ears that were severed by the wire and still hang in various states of decomposition.
"Haha, Ring That Lets You Climb Real Good says you can't," retorts Chuffy. Headless of the danger (his face can't get any uglier) he dives into the new challenge.
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Retus, knowing how big his head is and already having proved himself on the pig, declines to participate.
"Retus already prove he best!" he says. "Other gobbies win stuff now!"
"NO, Mogmush proofsh he's da bestesht" screams a very-drunk Mogmurch before falling face-down into the dirt. Almost instantly he begins snoring loudly.
Chuffy crawls through the Earbiter as if he'd been greased, pausing only briefly to free his trousers, which were caught on a barb.
Poog moves through the earbiter in fits and starts, moving, and getting stuck, moving and getting stuck. The watching goblins jeer, and throw rotten fruit. (Pausing to eat a piece costs Poog a few more seconds. Unfortunatley, he puts his hand on a barb when he does so.)
By this point in the evening, most of the goblins are as drunk as Moggy. The Chief totters atop his teeter chair, and Slorb has to ad lib the award presentation without guidance. "Uh, you did good, I guess," he says. "Here be prize."
He rather unceremoniously hands Chuffy the Chief's Personal Very Useful Robe That is Useful.
The feasting goes on late into the evening, the goblin songs eventually slurring to a sameness as the drinking continues as well.
Eventually, Rempty (Moggy's mate) drags him in from the mud, so he gets a few sensible hours of sleep before his big adventure.
In the morning, the village gathers to wish the brave heroes farewell. Perhaps for the last time. The speeches are kept mercifully short (the Chief has a bit of a hangover), and Reta and Poog manage to keep from retching in front of the whole village.
You're sent off with much fanfare some wretched goblin songs. The chief reminds you under no uncertain terms that last night's awards were loans not gifts. He wants his stuff back when you return ("And if you don't give it back, you're dead!")
In the hope of getting more fireworks, the chief presents the heroes the last of his stash: two Desnan candles, four paper candles, and a skyrocket.
Rempty licks Moggy's face, and says she wishes she could be there when he explodes, because it would be fun to watch.
The Licktoad village sings their traditional battle song as the heroes march off into the swamp.
We be Licktoads! We make raid!
Put the longshanks to the blade!
Burn them up from feet to head,
Make them hurt, then make them dead!
Cut the parents into ham,
Smush the babies into jam,
All the rest in pot get stewed,
We be Licktoads — you be food!
Goblin heroes go on quest,
Licktoads strong, we are the best,
Come back home, but not too soon—
Kill and maim, make stuff go BOOM!
Your map is clear enough that you can't get lost: just follow the river. Unfortunately, this means not going around the hazards of the swamp. Anyone who can take 10 on a Knowledge Local (DC 10) realizes you're probably in Lotslegs' territory.
-----
Mogmurch clutches his head and curses loudly as the goblins sing their departing song. "Argh, no mores! It feelz like Mogmurch's skull is tearing open. And not the one he's wearing eithers..."
Mogmurch's moans of misery gradually turn into whimpers of terror as he begins to realize where they are. "Oh no, no, no's! Why you take us this ways!? This where Lotslegseatsgoblinbabiesmany lives! We's all gonna die now..."
Chuffy wakes the next morning feeling like a champ. A champ with a headache, but still. He runs a couple of laps through the village excitedly, only occasionally tripping over the hem of the battered robe that he won last night.
"Lotslegs? Really?" he asks, suddenly feeling a lot less secure. Then he seems to remember something useful. "Reta lead," he says while pointing a finger at her. "You go first! I sneak, Chuffy best sneak, 'member?" Chuffy then slinks into a nearby bush, after prodding it with his dogslicer to make sure there's nothing scary in it.
|
Grumble grumble. Poog was good at all the tests. Well, most of the tests. Kind of. But Poog didn't even win one. Gonna need extra praying to Zarongel before the big trip.
At the end of the day, Poog heals up his wounds, rallying his strength for the coming adventure.
As they head into the swamp, and Mogmurch complains about his headache, Poog pulls out his trusty wooden flute and starts puffing away, in a surprisingly competent rendition of some of the Licktoads' favorite tunes. The splinters in his gums were a small price to pay for annoying a comrade.
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The morning's travel is largely uneventful. Goblins are a sneaky lot, and the creatures they don't scare they hide from. Around midday, the woods turn to swampland. You occasionally see a large web in the trees above.
Reta, Retus, Poog and Mogmurch (everyone but Chuffy) see a giant spider lurking in the trees up ahead, preparing to pounce.
"We're gonna DI...DI-stroy this lotsalegs!" he exclaims.
Retus draws his shortbow and fires.
Mogmurch shuffles forward to hide behind Reta, trying not to drop his bomb as he trembles in fear.
Chuffy walks along with a big grin, dreaming dreams of grandeur. The fireworks are on top of a mountain, and only Chuffy can reach them with his Ring That Makes You Climb Real Good. The fireworks are guarded by a mysterious Longshank, who will only trade them for a three-legged turtle. The fireworks are guarded by a troll with warts all over his face, who gives them to Chuffy because he too is ugly.
Chuffy doesn't lack imagination, and in all scenarios he returns to the village with a huge bundle of fireworks. In none of the scenarios is he paying attention to his surroundings... At the first scream of Poog, he starts looking around disoriented. "What, where, wh...?"
Poog's fire passes some distance from the giant spider.
Retus and Reta both draws shortbows.
Chuffy stands there, startled, while Mogmurch scoots forward slightly.
The spider shoots webbing at the closest target (Chuffy).
Chuffy is hit by the ball of gooey web stuff, and struggles to break free.
Having only had time to draw his bow, Retus now takes careful aim and fires.
Chuffy lets out a high-pitched squeal as he's hit with the web before realizing what's going on. "Eep!"
Once he's got his bearing, he tries to slip out of the goo. He draws a dart and throws it at the cowardly Lotslegs, hiding in the tree.
Mogmurch moves forward and shakily tosses the bomb at the spider.
Poog singes the spider, barely. Zarongel's holy flame is a bit sputtery.
Chuffy wriggles free, and launches a dart at the spider, biting like a little gnat.
Retus and Reta display surprisingly similar tactics, yet again, but only Retus' shot connects.
Finally, Moggy steps up and fires a bomb, doing real damage.
The spider screams, and charges down the tree at the nearest target (again, Chuffy), biting at him, but missing.
"Ayeeeeeee!!!" Retus shouts. "Retus best goblin archer!" he says as he launches another arrow at the spider.
Poog's throw with the javelin is so spectacularly bad that the javelin hits the tree behind him, butt first, braining an unfortunate squirrel.
Retus fires past Chuffy, trying—even if only a little bit—to hit the spider instead of him. Unfortunately, the adjustment threw off his aim.
Chuffy cheers as his dart hits the Lotslegs, but his victorious cry is cut off when the monster comes his way. Still to the ground, he barely manages to evade the attack. He draws his dogslicers and waves it in front of him to ward off his attack. GetitoffGetitoffGetitOff!"
Desperately, he tries again to slide out of the sticky web, but it seems to evade his tugging, leaving poor Chuffy facing the Lotslegs.
Seeing the spider scream in pain causes Mogmurch to pause. "Waits, we can hurt it!? You mean it can die!?". With that, the goblin pulls his club and charges.
Chuffy swings, misses, but is able to reposition.
Reta's shot fails pretty spectacularly. But not as sepctacularly as Poog's did.
Bolstered by his newfound revelation that the spider isn't some mythical creature but is in-fact just a plain ordinary spider that can be killed, Mogmurch continues to bash it's skull in, screaming "Die, die, diez! I killz you! I killz you 'til you's dead! Then Mogmurch be the bestest!"
Moggy's club connects, but does little damage.
The spider retaliates, biting at Mogmurch in return. The bite is shallow, but poisonous.