Pirate Pete's page

flash_cxxi wrote:

Oh Ten Foot... we have a surprise for you... ;)

I so want one of them. More grog!

ARR, I LOVE ME GROG!

Check out the lyrics from the Sex Pistols song "Friggen in the Riggen" for some offensive pirate limericks.

The Tossers and Captain Tractor do slammin' covers of that one, too.

Gaharr...

The Eldritch Mr. Shiny wrote:

Because, so I've heard, God works in mysteeeeerious ways...

So does his noodly goodness, the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Arrr...

Well, I used to be a farmer and I made a living fine,
I had a little stretch of land along the C-P line.
But times went by, and though I tried, the money wasn't there,
So the bankers came and took my land and told me fair is fair.
I looked for every kind of job, the answer always 'no'.
"Hire you now?" they'd always laugh, "we just let twenty go!"
The government, they promised me a measly little sum,
But I've got too much pride to end up just another bum...
Then, I thought "who gives a damn if all the jobs are gone?"
I'm gonna be a pirate on the river Saskatchewan...

And it's a heave-ho!
Hi-ho!
Comin' down the plains,
Stealin' wheat and barley and all the other grains,
And it's a heave-ho!
Hi-ho!
Farmers, bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Roger on Regina's mighty shores.

Well, you'd think the local farmers would know that I'm at large,
But just the other day we found an unprotected barge.
We snuck up right behind them, they were none the wiser-
We rammed the ship and sank it and we stole the fertilizer.
Bridge outside of Moose Jaw spans a mighty river,
Farmers are in so much fear, their stomachs are aquiver!
'Cause they know that Captain Tractor's hiding in the bay,
We'll scale the bridge and knock 'em cold and sail off with the hay...

And it's a heave-ho!
Hi-ho!
Comin' down the plains,
Stealin' wheat and barley and all the other grains,
And it's a heave-ho!
Hi-ho!
Farmers, bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Roger on Regina's mighty shores.

Well, Mountie Bobby chased me, he was always at my throat.
He followed on the shoreline 'cause he didn't own a boat.
But the cutbacks were a-comin' and the Mountie lost his job,
And now he's sailin' with me and we call him SALTY BOB!
A-swingin' swords and drinkin' beer with pleasant company,
We never pay our income tax and screw the GST (SCREW IT!)
Sailin' down the Saskatoon, the terror of the sea,
If you wanna reach the co-op, boy, you gotta get by me...
HAHARR!

And it's a heave-ho!
Hi-ho!
Comin' down the plains,
Stealin' wheat and barley and all the other grains,
And it's a heave-ho!
Hi-ho!
Farmers, bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Roger on Regina's mighty shores.

Well, the pirate life's appealing, but you won't just find it here-
I hear in north Alberta, there's a band of buccaneers.
They roam the Athabasca from Smith to Port McKay,
And you're gonna lose your Stetson if you have to pass their way.
But winter is a-comin' and a chill is in the breeze,
My pirate days are over once the river starts to freeze.
I'll be back in springtime, but now I have to go-
I hear there's lots of plunderin' down in New Mexico...

And it's a heave-ho!
Hi-ho!
Comin' down the plains,
Stealin' wheat and barley and all the other grains,
And it's a heave-ho!
Hi-ho!
Farmers, bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Roger on Regina's mighty shores.
And it's a heave-ho!
Hi-ho!
Comin' down the plains,
Stealin' wheat and barley and all the other grains,
And it's a heave-ho!
Hi-ho!
Farmers, bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Roger on Regina's mighty shores.
And it's a heave-ho!
Hi-ho!
Comin' down the plains,
Stealin' wheat and barley and all the other grains,
And it's a heave-ho!
Hi-ho!
Farmers, bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Roger on Regina's mighty shores.
When you see the Jolly Roger on Regina's mighty shores.
When you see the Jolly Roger on Regina's mighty shores.
Hahaharrr...

Arr, it be "The Last Saskatchewan Pirate" by Captain Tractor, coverin' the Arrogan Worms, mateys...

Arrr! Shivver me timbers! Swab the poopdeck or ye walk the plank! Haharrr! Arr, matey! Rum! Pirates, arr! Dead men tell no lies, arr! BLOODY PIRATES!

Arr... There be no sea to be sailin' on...

Arrr...

Arr. Haharr, yar.

Yar?

RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE, ARR.

I'M A SAILOR WIT' A PEG!
AND I LOST MY LEG!
'A CLIMBIN' UP THE TOPSAILS,
I LOST MY LEG!

I'M SHIPPIN' UP TO BOSTON!
I'M SHIPPIN' UP TO BOSTON!
I'M SHIPPIN' UP TO BOSTON!
TO FIND MY WOODEN LEG!

I'M A SAILOR WIT' A PEG!
AND I LOST MY LEG!
'A CLIMBIN' UP THE TOPSAILS,
I LOST MY LEG!

I'M SHIPPIN' UP TO BOSTON!
I'M SHIPPIN' UP TO BOSTON!
I'M SHIPPIN' UP TO BOSTON!
TO FIND MY WOODEN LEG!

I'M SHIPPIN' UP TO BOSTON!
I'M SHIPPIN' UP TO BOSTON!
I'M SHIPPIN' UP TO BOSTON!
TO FIND MY WOODEN LEG!

One of my favorite camp songs about three very easily distracted pirates:

Three pirates went to London town yo ho, yo ho.
Three pirates went to London town yo ho, yo ho!
Three pirates went to London town to see the king put on his crooowwwwnnn!
Yo ho ye lubbers, yo ho ye lubbers, yo ho, yo ho, yo ho.

Three pirates stopped at a wayside inn, yo ho, yo ho.
Three pirates stopped at a wayside inn, yo ho, yo ho!
Three pirates stopped at a wayside inn and said "good landlord let us iiiiiiinnnnnnn!"
Yo ho ye lubbers, yo ho ye lubbers, yo ho, yo ho, yo ho.

Good landlord have ye good red meat yo ho, yo ho.
Good landlord have ye good red meat yo ho, yo ho.
Good landlord have ye good red meat, enough to fill up even PETE!
Yo ho ye lubbers, yo ho ye lubbers, yo ho, yo ho, yo ho.

Good landlord have ye maidens fair, yo ho, yo ho.
Good landlord have ye maidens fair, yo ho, yo ho!
Good landlord have ye maidens fair with pearly smiles and golden haiiiiirrr!
Yo ho ye lubbers, yo ho ye lubbers, yo ho, yo ho, yo ho.

Good landlord have ye bags of gold, yo ho, yo ho.
Good landlord have ye bags of gold, yo ho, yo ho.
Good landlord have ye bags of gold, enough to fill the afterhooooooolllldd!
Yo ho ye lubbers, yo ho ye lubbers, yo ho, yo ho, yo ho.

Three pirates went to London town yo ho, yo ho.
Three pirates went to London town yo ho, yo ho!
Three pirates went to London town to see the king put on his crooowwwwnnn!
Yo ho ye lubbers, yo ho ye lubbers, yo ho, yo ho, yo ho.

Wuddya shoot a white whale with?

Arr, rocket-propelled harpoons, matey. And laser beams. Lasers, arr.

Arrr, I've sailed the seven seas, and seen strange MONSTERS, ha harr. But YE BE WARNED for if ye be huntin' the white whale, ye be huntin' DEATH ITSELF! I watched me own Cap'n go MAD from the hunt, and go down into the blackest depths. Arr, me mateys, shivver me timbers...

I think that someone is trying to kill me
Infecting my blood and destroying my mind
No man of the flesh could ever stop me
The fight for this fish is a fight to the death

White whale - holy grail

What remorseless emperor commands me
I no longer govern my soul
I am completely immersed in darkness
As I turn my body away from the sun

White whale - holy grail

Split your lungs with blood and thunder
When you see the white whale
Break your backs and crack your oars men
If you wish to prevail

This ivory leg is what propels me
Harpoons thrust in the sky
Aim directly for his crooked brow
And look him straight in the eye

White whale - holy grail

T.V .........NOW!

Calm yerself, lest ye wake the dead. Arrr, ye be a strange cabin boy...

Yarr! I say, follow the trail o' gold an' ye shall find th' treasure me mates! In this here case, ye treasure be made o' paper. It be a paper trail, mateys! Yarr! Follow th' paper!

Arrr, Mr. Shiny cannae be postin' righ' now. He be snarlin' an' cussin' in his impotent rage, he be. Arrr... I be wantin' to join 'im.

Cor, I miss ol' Mal... We was jist like best pals, we was...

COME BACK TO OL' PETE, SERENITY! COME BACK!

Seriously though, observation is the only way we'd be able to suggest a pattern because we can't electrocute kids (legally).

But electrocutin' liddle kiddies would be so FUN!

Arrr! I be angry, mateys! I was shippin' some illicit goods past Port Royal and got meself pinched by the Navy! They not only took all the rum, but they called me words I didn't know and wrote "your mother is a tavern wench" on me mizzenmanst. The second bit I can't understand, because a.)I can't read, and b.) me mother IS a tavern wench, but it does make me angry all the same! Arr, me rum's gone...

(You mean, arr, that be why I'm blue fontin' m'way to satirical victory!)

ARRR! Argh rar arrGH raAAAH RABBLE rabble rabble. Shiver me timbers, matey! ARRRRR!

(If you're going to interrupt an ongoing collaborate creative process, use thirteen words ;)

Arr, that be why I'm talkin' out of context.

Pirate Pete wrote:

Shiver me timbers, not another one...

I know, right? I swear the damn word games are breeding.

Arrr, matey. Methings they be takin' over the boards. They be like a virus, just takin' and takin' wit'out givin' back, I say.

YE ALL BE WARNED! HERE BE MONSTERS!

Shiver me timbers, not another one...

ARRRRR! Shiver me timbers! Swab the poopdeck! Rabble rabble rabble, mateys! I be Pirate Pete, scourge of the messageboards! Haharr!