Vic Wertz wrote:
So, it's hard for me to tell who's had feedback and who hasn't (or who still cares). If you still want feedback, can you please just drop the name of your item in here? I'm not promising I'll get to them, though!
Thanks, Vic! I had the Incense of the Verdant Vale, and would still love the feedback. :)
Thanks a lot!
I think my biggest problem was that I had an awesome, perhaps Superstar idea and got too into the rules from the prerequisite spells; thus dumbing-down the item.
I do like the name, and it's perfect for what the item is and does, excepting the whole Golarion-fluff issue, on which I have no preference.
I doubt I need to mention the throat thing. :P
The first paragraph seems overwrought, but makes sense. To me, it doesn't feel flavorful, just a little tedious. Maybe it could have been structured differently: more about the bag and less about the possible contents.
The drawbacks to wearing the item are nice, in my opinion. They're not so bad I'd never use the item, and they keep the price in a nice low range, particularly nice because it is a bit more niche than that other item, which I think won on the speak with dead tangent (however flawed in its submitted form) and being less niche.
Hey Clark, if/when you get to this, thanks again for your time, I had a blast participating for my first year! I would really like to have feedback on my submission, so here goes:
INCENSE OF THE VERDANT VALE
When the incense of the verdant vale is set on solid ground and the proper command word is spoken, the bottle sprouts roots and the incense inside ignites. A haze of fragrant, sweet smoke immediately spreads from the bottle, filling a twenty-foot high, twenty-foot radius area. The haze spreads for eight rounds, increasing the radius ten feet per round. Creatures encountering the haze must make a Will save (DC 17) or be enchanted by a calming sensation of warm, peaceful fields, left unable to take any violent actions or do anything destructive (although they can defend themselves) for the duration of their exposure. Creatures with the scent ability take a -2 penalty to this Will save.
Any aggressive action against or damage dealt to an affected creature grants that creature another Will save.
The haze remains for five rounds after expanding and is stationary. Expansion ends if the bottle is destroyed. A moderate wind (11+ mph) disperses it in 4 rounds; a strong wind (21+ mph) disperses it in 1 round. When the effect ends, the incense is destroyed.
The haze suppresses (but does not dispel) the spell rage, and also negates a bard’s inspire courage ability and a barbarian’s rage ability. It also suppresses any fear effects. The haze does not significantly hamper vision.
Mindless, nonintelligent creatures are unaffected by the incense of the verdant vale.
Next time, I'll get you, and your little Orcus miniature, too!
Charles Evans 25 wrote:
I'm pretty certain that they had multiple sections, one for stats, one for story and another for the villain stats, but it was a dream, of course, because I don't have a new tag on my name!
Last night, I dreamed that my item made the top 32. A thin woman in a suit and sunglasses showed up at my place of work, confirmed my identity, and told me that, "We're going to make things a little harder on you this year. For the second round, you will design a 'fallen' relic, give it a short history in 100 words or less, and design an antagonist who uses it. Good luck!"
I've been brainstorming all day.
Callous Jack wrote:
Probably because putting your entry on the bills marks them; at least until the mint puts wondrous items onto money as an anti-counterfeiting scheme.
Wait a second....
OK, patent pending!
Thank you very much for taking the time to judge so, so many entries.
Even if they are better than mine. I mean, odds are that one has to be, right? Two if I'm unlucky? Three has to be too much; no way there were three better than mine. Four is just impossible, isn't it? Isn't it?
Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, yeah, may the best me win and thanks a metric ton for the chance and your time! :D
I put mine in the correct box, carefully edited the BBCode until I was sure my baby had everything I could give it and edited again. And again. And again. I used preview maybe six times and hit enter; so, of course, it posted to the forums.
Three seconds: delete, double-check deletion, re-enter, correct, confirm, triple-check deletion. I think I septuple-checked in case the deletion failed.
I'm not sure how it happened, but I made it work, thank binary!