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Hunt, the PugWumpus's page

612 posts. Alias of Ambrosia Slaad.


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Gary Teter wrote:
This is how it’s always going to be, isn’t it?

Are you saying you're afraid your existence is always going to be at the current unwavering level? 'Cause I got a whole bunch of friends who excel at introducing Chaos everywhere...


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The most annoying song ever is the one currently trapped in your head. We here at This Old Pugwampi recommend a carbide tip 3/8" paddle drill bit chucked in a high-speed hand drill for self-trepanning. This will allow the song to escape from your skull. Remember, songs are rather dull-witted, so you should drill three or more escape holes to better allow it to find its way out.


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Future Roach wrote:

*emits communication pheromones*

please be cupcake falling under fridge please be cupcake falling under fridge please be cupcake falling under fridge

{eyes suddenly go blank, drops doughnut, kicks it under fridge}

<blink, blink> Hey, where'd my doughnut go?


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gran rey de los mono wrote:
I struggle with Roman numerals. Except for 159. It just CLIX.

{sticks "Romanes eunt domus" sign on Gran's back}


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Vidmaster7 wrote:
So I'm trying to think of some non-combat challenges for my party that can fit into my dungeon. Anyone know any good references?

You come to two doors, each with an identical guardian hamatula in front of it.

The one on the right is an independent contractor with a refrigerator-sized box full of loose paper receipts who will let you pass if you can help him prepare the last decade of his taxes for his upcoming audit in Dis.

The one on the left is a timeshare salesman for condos in Florida who wants you to sit through a "brief" sales presentation.


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Phillip Gastone wrote:
Long Live the Purple Foot!

We had to saw off the Purple foot when it turned Black from ganGreene.

No wait, I'm being informed it wasn't gangrene, it was actually Tom Green. Thankfully we amputated in time.


Master Pugwampi wrote:

Not sure. There are no reports coming in, so I wonder if Mimdel Boom tried wiring one of her bombs into the network.

I think that was secret plan #512,347,226. I'm not certain though. I'll check her notarized plans...

Be careful. She might have booby trapped her plans.


Wait, which one of you did that? I think we didn't exist for hours!


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Freehold DM wrote:
Woran wrote:
My offer to send you a whole lot of licorice is still open, if you're willing to PM me your adress.
YES!

He bought it 'wampis! I'll print out the shipping label.

Lawrence and Darrow: stuff the peanut can snake-springs in the bottom of that piano crate.

Other 'wampi Darryl Darrill: when they get the springs in, start pouring in the "licorice" Necco wafers. Fill it all the way to the top.

MP, scribe a symbol of mathēmatikē on the lid and set it for stun.

Hurry guys! If we hustle, we can get it out today!


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Selene Spires wrote:
I was romances by a beautiful trifling pirate captain...she swept me off my feet...

I see Mistress finally perfected her Tenser's Transformation Rysky's Triflemation spell.


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{freezes, stops eating latest printed message, attempts to fade into shadows (1d20 - 4 ⇒ (8) - 4 = 4: FAIL)} You can't seeeeeee me...


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Freehold DM wrote:

Nice long life.

And I dont think you're crazy.

But who's gonna drive you home, tonight? ;)


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Selene Spires wrote:

You were gone?

Huh. Then who was the bag we chucked into the portable hole?


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Could be worse. Instead of Conor MonkGregor, he could be fixated on Connor MonkLeod: The Monklander. {somewhere, Queen begins to play}


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Master Pugwampi wrote:
Oh crap...look I am not getting into that harness and we are not dropping me from a ventilation shaft!

Geez, are you still complaining about that?! Look, that harness's instructions said nothing -- nothing! -- about attaching a rope before I kicked you from lowered you gently from the shaft. And what was the problem? You didn't even splat! You bounced like 5 foot up off the fan's blade like a Simone Biles off a springboard, except screaming from terror & pain. You should be grateful Hubert was kicked out first volunteered to go first and jammed up the fan blades with his bones and tendons.

Master Pugwampi wrote:
...and stop humming the theme to Mission: Impossible!

Well, I'm not going to reenact scenes from Eyes Wide Shut or Far and Away. I have standards.


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Selene Spires wrote:
Hunt, the PugWumpus wrote:

Dear Selene,

Do you have any suggestions on how I could rob Thomas? Asking for a friend.

The friend is me.

Step 1: Break into his house...

Step 2: Give some tasty meat on a bone to his dog...

Step 3:....

Wait why am I telling a gremlins this!?!?!?

Oh... er, no. I meant how I could "rob Thomas" as in be the lead singer of a band like Matchbox Twenty.

Just a silly misunderstanding. Ha ha ha. Ha. Um. {kicks bag of burglary tools behind sofa}


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Dear Selene,

Do you have any suggestions on how I could rob Thomas? Asking for a friend.

The friend is me.


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Thomas Seitz wrote:
Right now all I know is Freehold and I might not be friends, but we're certainly not enemies. At most we're anime rivals.

Sure, you may be saying that now. But management has decided to go with the cheapest option for exporting The Adventures of Freehold & Thomas, and -- he he he -- us pugwampis had the lowest bid for translating. Your new voiceover actors (also pugwampis) will have you as mortal enemies from day one.

Episode 1's 'wampi-revised script has you getting made president of the Official Alton Brown Fan Club, and Freehold in a jealous rage eats your entire garden's crop of okra.


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Thomas Seitz wrote:
If text based communications have pitfalls, does that mean you can die from massive damage?

You just need to time it right so the pitfall closes as you run across the screen. Or grab the vine to swing over it. Or hop across on the teeny noggin portions of the crocodiles' heads.


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Gary Teter wrote:
What if you knew, for sure, that I could read your mind?

Well, when all you can sense is a blank void, would you then doubt that you could still reads? Checkmate.


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{lights candy cigar} Took long enough. Murdoch, Face, help me get her on the plane.


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♫♪ "His name is Leo and he edits with his hands
Just like that red pen slicing through a dusty man(uscript)
And as he works he really improves it all he can
Oh Leo, Leo snacks soon on caramel flan" ♫♪


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Gary Teter wrote:
What are you doing on October 9?

Magnetizing ducks.


Ms. Spires,

If you could be illustrated/painted by any of Paizo's artists, who would you choose?


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Oooo oooo ooooooo! Mistress! Oooo! Gnollies!


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Captain Killjoy wrote:
*Set cutlass to "liquify"*

Don't be embarrassed. A droopy cutlass is a fairly common problem for older goblins or goblins under stress. I know a good medusa doctor who will stiffen you right back up in a jiffy.


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The Masked Pugwampi wrote:
*Thrust, thrust, lunge!*

No, I'm pretty sure it goes: *Ho, Ha Ha, Guard, Turn, Perry, Dodge, Spin, Ha, Thrust!*


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Apparently "whammy arms" aren't some natural attack of zombie George Michael. And "wah wah pedals" aren't volume controls for Charlie Brown's teacher's weird voice.

The More You Know ミ☆


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You can still get a Cadillac Escapade, but GM cancelled the Pontiac Hijinx back in 2009.

In an unrelated sidenote, VW nearly went bankrupt after Ralph Nader was killed in a test drive of their new VW Shenanigan in '79, but they received a reprieve from Tom Baker in a time-traveling Reliant Bond Bug powered by two quarts of peyote tequila and a pound of Jelly Babies.

This has been Drunk Pugwampi History.


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Bob the Pugwampi wrote:
I IZ CYBERPUNK GREMZ NOW

Still a better story than Johnny Mnemonic. (Sorry, Keanu)


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I think Bob has his head stuck in the server gears and it's jamming them up.

HANG IN THERE BOB. THINK OBSTINATE THOUGHTS.


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{runs in wheezing} I... I... I tried to call- {collapses on floor} -tried to call you, but I spent a half-hour on the phone and almost got mazed by the phone menus...

Good News: I managed to arrange to have 40 tons of unripe avocados air-dropped in -- loose, no crates, no parachutes -- over the headquarters at 9:05AM Pacific time. I unfortunately couldn't find a baker who could produce enough Millennial artisanal toast on such short notice. Thankfully, I had a competing bid from Gerber, so we'll be also air-dropping 18 tons of their Petrified Zwieback toasts that were recalled 20 years ago for shattering teething toddlers' jaws.

Possibly Bad News: The airtransport is run by Air Gobmerica, and their chief pilot is someone named... let's see... one Captain H. M. "Howling Bonkers" Murdoch. Hopefully he's an orderly and punctual fellow.


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Selene Spires wrote:
So anymore questions, Comments, amusing anecdotal for me?

Did you know skittermander plushies are coming?


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Does Floyd snore?


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NobodysHome wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
The real question is: What kind of monster wires lights in series?

That's obvious: The monster who wants you alone and scared in the dark...

{scribbles note:} Dear Grue,

Hey, have you considered starting a business as an electrical contractor that specializes in home lighting systems?...

PS: Don't eat me.


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{pokes distracted slaad with a stick}


Phillip Gastone wrote:
If we subscribe to Bran warging throughout time and space, then it can potentially mean that he was tweaking minds all the way past season 1 and all the death and chaos was due to his prodding. Why?...

You might enjoy this: "Bran is the villain and a lot more"


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Keep Calm and Carrion wrote:
Was Bran a puppetmaster?

After all the chaos, he's what the Six Kingdoms need right now.

When future generations tell his story, they'll all agree that Bran's moral fiber returned them to regularity.


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Phillip Gastone wrote:
Nonsensical parts where Drogon didn't BBQ Jon or the Unsullied stab him to death. Otherwise eh..

Drogon figured out that the metal stabbity porcupine thing is actually the one who hurt Momma. Drogon knows Jon is dumber than a small pile of rocks and barely competent enough to not accidentally kill himself on a daily basis; there was no way Jon could protect Momma from the wily porcupine.


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Master Pugwampi wrote:
I never left...probably 'cuz I have no where to go...

{rocks back and forth} Can't sleep leave. Clown Cosmo will eat me.


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Twist: Doggo named himself Murtaugh, decided he's too old for this sh!t.


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I don't know. Naming a dog after one of us seems cruel; now could any pupwampi hope up to live up to our greatness?

{checks thread date} Hopefully original pupper has been named by now. I imagine it'd suck getting your official name after you're old enough in doggo years to be retired.


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Lord Fyre wrote:
What would you do with a mysterious glowing green sphere?

And now I know where Gwyneth Paltrow's jade eggs come from.


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Selene Spires wrote:
See Cosmo is not all bad.

{looks to heavens nervously, shouts:} SHE DIDN'T MEAN IT! THAT WASN'T A CHALLENGE!

{dons jar as helmet, hunkers down}


Selene Spires wrote:

So anymore more questions for me?

Is Emperor Floyd (King of All He Surveys, Protector of the Selene Spires, Khal of the Great Back Yard Sea, Lord of Catnip, and First of His Name) a standoff-ish/aloof kitty or a snuggler/lap-loveing kitty? Or somewhere in between?


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Ragadolf wrote:

Although, Baton Rouge IS the Capitol city of Lousy-anna,.... But everyone has heard of and seems to want to go to 'The Big Easy', So,...... yeah,...

;P

I used to date a mite named Louse-y Anna. Called her The Big Easy once too. When I woke up two days later, Doc Wampi said he'd never seen anyone mauled by a lice swarm before.

Drejk wrote:
If so, how do you like a moss lich?

A Moss Lich sounds like the Big Boss you'd find in the lowest dungeon level of the Tomb of Reynholm Industries IT Horrors.


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So... your former employer... youse mind if'n I ask Don Pugwampione if me and somma 'da Wampi Yutes pays 'em a visit? It sounds like their luck

(•_•)-

(-•_•)>⌐■-■-

(⌐■_■)

is about to run out.

Please don't cut yourself off entirely from all recreational outlets. And remember you'll always be welcome here. :)


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captain yesterday wrote:
Stupid g#*+&@n f@++ing rain.

I blame Cosmo that we never got a Stupid G#*+&@n F@++ing Rain album from Prince Ƭ̵̬̊.


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Rysky wrote:
Selene Spires wrote:

So anymore more questions for me?

Also...I need a hug... :(

*hug*

{pugpiles on the hug}


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{dangles paper-mâché Rysky marionette from the ceiling, calls down in completely unconvincing Rysky impression:} Mmm, I am totally Rysky and I hope everyone has a great Friday and weekend. Be sure to leave alms of misery for Cosmo and alms of snacks for wandering pugwampis.

*channels potato-y peelings and offers bugs to anyone and everyone that wants or needs some*

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