{wakes up from very long nap, scratches fake Rip van Winkle beard} Wha-? Oh NO! I forgot Mistress Rysky's birthday! She's going to fondue me in molten caramel for sure.

Um... Happy Birthday, Rysky!

Feros wrote:

Just curious as to your opinion on Pathfinder Remastered. I see it as very similar to moving from 3rd to 3.5, but maybe that's just me. Your thoughts?

I agree with what you’re seeing, a super patch rather than an edition change. I’m hyped about a lot of though sad we’re losing some iconic monsters and alignment, but everyone else seems to be happy for the latter so I’ve come to terms with it.

I will miss rust monsters and otyughs though.

And Pugwampis, they I shall miss most of all.

Well I'll miss you too- wait, what?! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! {begins to turn transparent}

Excuse me, but pugwampis are not included in the SRD and as such can still be used by Paizo, thank you very much!!!

Oh, whew! {begins to turn opaque}

I feel like I can still hear them, as if they were still with us.

I know, I feel the same.

I can almost hear that little snicker when a trap went off.

Wumpums will always be with us in spite.

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! {begins to turn transparent again} Well fine, if I'm going to fade away, I'm first going to phase through the cabinet doors stoopid child-proof locks, I am not a child! and eat all of Mistress's cookies!

{runs headfirst into very solid cabinet door} *bonk!* Ow?

{contingency triggers Xanxost's silver bungee cord of Astral yoinking} ...and that's why a possum screams at own-

{blinks in the bright light} Where the fudge am I?

I wonder if hippies like caramel.

{spots Mistress} Um, hi? Please don't have Power Word: Caramelize memorized, oh please, oh please..

"Tumor" is that what he's calling me these days!

Interesting.

I am horrified by the idea of Master Pugwampi using you as an excuse to take the Scaramanga archetype of the gunslinger class.

Hunt, the PugWumpus wrote:

{rubs head lump} Ow! Wait... something is coming to me...

It's your birthday, isn't it MP?

Yes, it is! Or at least that now 53 year old lump of "conscience" Feros that I lug around, it's his birthday. I was born from his head, like Athena from the head of Zeus!

:)

Happy Birthday! May you survive many dunkings in Mistress's caramel vat! {dumps another bag of caramel in cauldren, starts stirring} Meh-heh-heh-heh!

{rubs head lump} Ow! Wait... something is coming to me...

It's your birthday, isn't it MP?

{plonks on smol fake horns, rolls Disguise check 1d20 + 0 - 4 ⇒ (5) + 0 - 4 = 1: FAIL} How do you do, fellow kobalds? Kobalds am so best at many things.

Yes! They bought it. I am invincible!

Lord Fyre wrote:

Wei Ji the Learner wrote:

Is eating the McRib on the 5th of November treason?

Has McDonald's made the McRib sauce too mild?

I remember when it was a spicy as an irritated Rysky, I tell you whut.

mumble mumble pocket sand mumble grumble propane mumble dogdiggity darn New York City I teh yuh whut

Limeylongears wrote:

"all natural" cheetos?

Yeah, he got me lost at it too.

{adjusts foil-lined "Hisstoree Teechur" hat} While many are aware of Indigenous Americans pioneering agricultural achievement of planting The Three Sisters crops, few are aware of the similar discovery by goblin agriengineers to simultaneously grow the complementary Three Gamer's crops: the stalky Cheetous dangerousi cheesus plant, the climbing Doritous tortillamus vines, and the mini-ground vegetable, Porkita rindus. These crops alone are the backbone of the US national agribusiness economy, with annual net profits of over $148 a year.

There is no truth to the rumor, however, that Cheetos are Shub-Niggurath tendrils summoned into this dimension by erecting specially-attuned natural stone sundials. None. So eat all you want. Eat. CONSUME OF HER DARK MAJESTY'S FLESH

I keep closing my eyes and opening them again, and yet you are still here. This observer effect is bull!

Based on my understanding of quantum mechanics, if you keep one eye open and close the other, you make everything only "half there": still visible but intangible.

...

BRB, going to go make a bank vault intangible so I can walk inside and loot the cash.

{whistles a jolly tune, empties another wheelbarrow of dry tinder}

>_>

<_<

I am invincible!

::Since this is NOT the Flame War, sees no reason not to declare Pugwampi victory::

Hunt, the PugWumpus wrote:

Master Pugwampi wrote:

Hunt, the PugWumpus wrote:

Lord Fyre wrote:

Just because I said that I was going to use the Pugwampi for target practice didn't mean that I was planning to do them harm. :)

{runs back in, wheezes:} He's really very short on charm.

That Lord Fyre, he can fuss.

Fuss, fuss... I think he like to 'pult 'wiches at us.

Wow, hunt, you have an astonishingly annoying gift for rhyme.

Yes, yes, some of the time.

<_<

{sings (horribly):} ♫♪ Jose Cuervo you are a friend of mine
I like to drink you with a little salt and lime
Did I kiss all the cowboys?
Did I shoot out the lights?
Did I dance on the bar?
Did I start any fights? ♫♪

Master Pugwampi wrote:

Now we're getting somewhere!

*looks at title of thread*

*Ahem*

Miss Selene, do you mind your thread becoming a pugwampi sandwich bar?

(I doubt your opinion will influence this one way or the other, but it never hurts to be polite!)

It depends on the intention I would say...

If the intent is to have fun than sure go ahead. Though I would like it to return to normal eventually.

If the intent is to upstage me...than that kind of sucks.

I don't want to upstage you or mock you. I'm kinda uncomfortable asking you most questions, feels like prying, especially when I don't know how your home and work life is going or if you've had a particularly crappy day.

Would you be interested in playing a Pathfinder campaign or adventure path where everyone in the party was some type of small, Redwall-type humanoid critter?

Would you be interested in playing a Pathfinder campaign or adventure path where everyone in the party was some type of fey, maybe protecting their home or even the First World itself from human interlopers?

Hunt, the PugWumpus wrote:

Lord Fyre wrote:

Just because I said that I was going to use the Pugwampi for target practice didn't mean that I was planning to do them harm. :)

{runs back in, wheezes:} He's really very short on charm.

That Lord Fyre, he can fuss.

Fuss, fuss... I think he like to 'pult 'wiches at us.

Just because I said that I was going to use the Pugwampi for target practice didn't mean that I was planning to do them harm. :)

{runs back in, wheezes:} He's really very short on charm.

Master Pugwampi wrote:

Think less formal documentation and more bitter acceptance.

:: Fires Catapult! ::

Ham & Swiss on Rye

Looks like Team Wampi's blasting off again!

...

{sighs, runs after MP}

Wait up, MP, you inconsiderate oaf! We're supposed to get flung into the next episode as a team! A team!

Lord Fyre wrote:

How do you make the number 7 even without addition, subtraction, multiplication, or division?

However, if you drop the "S" then "seven" becomes "seven."

Well, acktually, "dropping" a letter is subtraction. You have violated the rules of your own challenge, and should go stand in the corner.

...

Hey, has anyone seen my sandwich?

Newton *drops apple and leaves the stage*

Pfff. Newton gave up too soon. He's never seen what a rock hard Granny Smith launched from a slingshot at 130+ MPH can do.

The editors all threatened to volunteer for the Mars expedition.

Yeah, being submerged in frying oil by a Scottish chip shop does seem preferable.

Drejk wrote:

Fantasy Monsters: Sandlin Gremlin

Yes, I am running across desert in Assassin's Creed: Origins, why do you ask?

You have to appreciate their enthusiasm, but there is a line over which one descends into fanaticism.

I mean, they have completely left the joke out of it! If they keep it up, they could end up like mites!

*shudder*

So... is eating sandlin caviar (eggs + salt) cannibalism?

And is there an easy way to separate their "Spreading Desert" salt from the sand? Asking for a friend. The friend is the rim of this tequila glass.

I don't know how to play Bob Euchre. I'm terrible at baseball in general; the strike zone starts over a foot above the top of my head.

*looks up from playing pinochle with Hunt*

...

You were gone?

Wait, I thought we were playing Texas Hold'em Strip Uno?! {sticks another checker piece in ear}

Yay! Selene lost her cookies! :D

She got back on to Paizo, so she must have tossed her cookies. Yay!

Damn, now I want cookies. Specifically, non-ABC cookies.

*blowing on the receivers, modems, and other hardware*

Nut bunnies, everything seems to be working now...

*sees others in thread*

Whoops.

*flees*

Apparently, FaWtL works similar to classic NES cartridges. {makes notes for later server sabotage}

{finally comes up in initiative order... notices non-gremlins in thread}

ACK!

{flees}

I think Rupert and Doug helped channel the power of Sithrak for that too, so good job guys. Also, does anyone have suggestions on how to pull nails from eyeballs? Asking for Rupert and Doug.

No, Rupert, don't go near that, it's an empty elevator shaft.

Conspiracy_master7 wrote:

You when this time foul machine but I am watching you!

Ah autocorrect gremlin, is there nothing you can't do? :)

Are you sure it was a gremlin? CM7 might be a Gallifreyan Time Lord or another dang Kang or a Bill and/or Ted or something.

*scribble-scribble*

... executioner gremlin...

I'm kinda surprised they're isn't already a jinkin variant who can intangibly possess a weapon or device, and then manipulate/animate it or cause it to fail attack/damage/skill checks while wielded.

Master Pugwampi wrote:

Mark Hoover 330 wrote:

So what's a traditional Rysky New Years Eve look like?

*shuddering in a corner, holding his knees*

*Whispers* The horror, the horror!

Oh, Wumpums, it wasn't that bad, we still have Valentines Day coming up after all :3

{shuddering under couch} I'm still finding plastic Easter grass in places it shouldn't have gotten. It's almost like it's related to a glitter ooze.

Merry Christmas, Oh She-Who-Wields-Caramel-Blast-in-60'-Line!

Ahhh....I was going by size.

Gremlin merchants calculate the worth of a fruit by either 1) the amount of bludgeoning damage it does as a weapon, or b) the amount of comedic potential it offers as a weapon, whichever of the two is higher.

For example, gremlins know a banana is nearly worthless as a weapon, and comedically banana peels just aren't slippery. I mean they're pretty gross to step on barefoot if you didn't see it here, especially if it's gone moldy or still has a bit of banana mush in there, but HP-sapping slip & falls aren't in the dice. Sure, tarantulas like to hide in them, but that just makes tarantulas more expensive not bananas. And a banana takes forever to hammer and fold (re-hammer and re-fold, ad nauseam) into a Wootz blade. No, a banana's only real use is cramming one in the tailpipe of an adventurer's or commoner's horse or dog so the exhaust backpressure builds in the creature to critical levels. (I lived for two months in the garbage dumpster behind a veterinarian, so I naturally know such things.)

And as a corollary, you should probably not purchase any fruit or vegetable from a gremlin merchant if it could've fit within the natural openings of any living or undead creature.

{confused} I thought the horn was the point. Wait, which end of the mutant horsie are you calling the sharp pokey bit?

I mean, the name is already misleading. They don't taste like corn at all, and nothing on them looks like a unicycle.

♫ Me don't need no education ♫

Wait whose is Gollum?

I am far too handsome to be mistaken for Gollum. Fyre is a dwarf, which is basically just an uglier, hairier hobbit.

Hunt, the PugWumpus wrote:

{attempts to peek into Lord Fyre's pocketses}

Careful, Hunt! That's where people keep bear traps! I saw it in a cartoon once!

I thought bear traps were dentures that rabbits wore when they dressed up as lady Tasmanian devils?

{attempts to peek into Lord Fyre's pocketses}

Hunt, the PugWumpus wrote:

Lord Fyre wrote:

How will does Pathfinder 2e address the “linear fighters/quadratic wizards” problem?

All dice rolling is now instead resolved by players answering word problems with a slide rule?

Math Hurts Brain!

;)

That's my problem with math. It makes your brain work extra hard for minimal appreciable results, and afterward you're left tired and confused and some degree of nauseated. It's like getting drunk except with none of the fun parts.

How will does Pathfinder 2e address the “linear fighters/quadratic wizards” problem?

All dice rolling is now instead resolved by players answering word problems with a slide rule?

But the free frogurt is still cursed.

Fantasy Monster: Chemix Gremlin, infester of hospitals and laboratories.

This dude is the worst bartender ever! He mixed up a pitcher of margaritas for a bunch of us grems after work last week and only half of us made our saves vs poison. Chuck is permanently fluorescent green now, Larry was baleful polymorph-ed into some sort of nougat ooze, and Huey still thinks he's a chicken.

>_>

<_<

{punts Huey across the road}

＼(＾ω＾)／

I wonder if there's an Advanced version that can Dr. Jekyll/Mr. (or Ms.) Hyde itself similar to the PF1 alchemist's mutagen effect? Or maybe bestow a mutagenic moonstruck effect as a touch attack?

Wait they’re making a what?

I blame Cosmo that Mistress did not know about the Lord of the Rings TV series. Or that it will be smutty.

Fantasy Monster: Gargyle Gremlin.

Ohhhhhh, no wonder Gary was so mad at me. Gargyle gremlin. I misheard him and kept calling him an argyle gremlin.

Golarion was just a giant gazebo to contain Rovagug?!

So... Golarion is missing in the future (Starfinder) because either it was eaten by miniature giant space termites or it burned down in some parent deities' gender reveal party for their new kid.

Hey, what would you say to the announcement of Legendary Games "forking the kernel" with Pathfinder 1.5 Corefinder? It's still really early yet, but does this sound more interesting to you than Pathfinder 2ed?

{munching:} Anybody want a peanut?

Hunt, the PugWumpus wrote:

Hey! Someone left a small pile of free mice here. {wrestles with fear of potentially zombie mice vs easy free meal}

SQUEAK. <reaps souls, leaves bodies>

Ha! Nuts to you, my soul was already owned by a succubus. I'll probably end up as some caramel- or nougat-based form of dretch.

Hey! Someone left a small pile of free mice here. {wrestles with fear of potentially zombie mice vs easy free meal}

Vanykrye wrote:

More CenturyLink f!ckery

Oh, so that's why the internet was down for like...half a day...for everyone in my neighborhood.

Um, yeeeeaaaah? Let's go with that, sure. {goes back to backhoe-ing deeper toward VE's neighborhood's water main}

And if the bikini top had bullet points, and she Fell on baby goblin orphans, would she have to stand up before immediately Falling again?

Also, when her bullet top rolls for attack vs the goblins, does it roll against normal AC or only against touch AC?

* pulls up stool, sits down for front row seat to massive implosion *

Hunt, the PugWumpus wrote:

captain yesterday wrote:

For the record, I pick that page at random, I just picked a number off the top of my head.

Numbers just appear on the top of your head? ⊙‸⊙

I think there's a topical ointment for that...

It sounds like having a built-into-your-noggin phrenology-braille ouija board for talking to deceased mathematicians.

Which now that I think about it, sounds like a specifically perfect curse to inflict on one of FreeholdDM's PFRPG PCs.

For the record, I pick that page at random, I just picked a number off the top of my head.

Numbers just appear on the top of your head? ⊙‸⊙

Zirk'kth The Feybane, a fey-eating dragon.

{rolls DC10 Clue check 1d20 - 4 ⇒ (1) - 4 = -3, FAILS} Ha ha, stoopid fey! Get eaten!