Likelihood of experimenting on Schism if she doesn't comply: 100d1000 + 100d1000 + 100d1000 + 100d1000 + 100d1000 + 100d1000 + 0 ⇒ (396, 662, 351, 39, 648, 812, 38, 788, 835, 704, 806, 110, 314, 970, 973, 425, 929, 960, 999, 549, 993, 798, 240, 59, 530, 210, 967, 494, 552, 196, 200, 573, 77, 738, 942, 748, 179, 778, 986, 602, 108, 505, 125, 974, 656, 161, 39, 755, 626, 647, 569, 946, 608, 521, 109, 966, 157, 374, 847, 218, 628, 136, 120, 807, 363, 501, 208, 274, 82, 348, 397, 314, 150, 450, 404, 679, 823, 996, 163, 214, 290, 222, 344, 169, 875, 266, 338, 163, 795, 269, 938, 665, 410, 323, 69, 36, 914, 19, 929, 19) + (936, 484, 113, 294, 342, 207, 471, 637, 649, 767, 37, 806, 237, 131, 865, 694, 144, 932, 770, 119, 354, 153, 659, 247, 351, 832, 115, 41, 678, 79, 605, 125, 481, 88, 739, 50, 657, 931, 859, 996, 237, 590, 763, 313, 303, 944, 982, 893, 723, 123, 82, 421, 805, 959, 253, 424, 646, 211, 157, 497, 938, 278, 17, 866, 114, 628, 239, 507, 961, 820, 954, 128, 292, 958, 143, 544, 331, 594, 469, 794, 159, 475, 758, 810, 623, 939, 750, 288, 171, 624, 640, 777, 620, 316, 527, 768, 990, 266, 568, 653) + (819, 676, 457, 637, 957, 690, 870, 570, 759, 316, 760, 705, 800, 489, 306, 321, 974, 736, 914, 451, 235, 124, 559, 389, 742, 340, 717, 417, 505, 912, 459, 395, 227, 280, 997, 767, 449, 518, 211, 232, 685, 20, 885, 806, 475, 208, 889, 367, 532, 676, 435, 429, 233, 241, 335, 864, 670, 556, 942, 771, 32, 577, 123, 153, 84, 236, 49, 978, 86, 310, 939, 865, 523, 828, 399, 605, 915, 940, 608, 55, 758, 809, 638, 515, 826, 709, 964, 807, 678, 582, 462, 920, 31, 729, 741, 476, 972, 563, 833, 275) + (767, 335, 930, 71, 115, 825, 690, 954, 893, 585, 138, 854, 216, 732, 312, 903, 313, 780, 754, 517, 91, 375, 258, 814, 768, 533, 997, 152, 758, 475, 881, 532, 1, 628, 779, 462, 338, 87, 883, 929, 748, 4, 725, 847, 230, 440, 996, 14, 178, 41, 748, 646, 314, 603, 468, 567, 473, 560, 695, 176, 581, 190, 918, 450, 879, 938, 203, 171, 508, 378, 740, 734, 444, 232, 234, 687, 292, 955, 270, 196, 890, 480, 143, 616, 669, 469, 114, 489, 278, 262, 590, 625, 375, 528, 890, 857, 646, 659, 214, 793) + (621, 501, 891, 357, 794, 737, 512, 434, 918, 407, 330, 198, 164, 677, 630, 60, 617, 163, 30, 399, 706, 691, 487, 438, 462, 823, 315, 358, 273, 925, 503, 981, 65, 894, 403, 898, 377, 396, 89, 683, 384, 233, 564, 910, 133, 724, 439, 153, 465, 935, 606, 252, 953, 740, 661, 292, 991, 918, 476, 315, 924, 571, 419, 819, 148, 815, 608, 706, 926, 636, 250, 158, 670, 957, 824, 825, 384, 458, 243, 248, 531, 622, 565, 414, 304, 444, 789, 254, 206, 360, 289, 421, 724, 498, 966, 622, 394, 428, 942, 535) + (644, 597, 862, 608, 747, 727, 995, 636, 794, 994, 649, 352, 498, 979, 960, 288, 746, 823, 555, 601, 383, 978, 966, 729, 764, 724, 59, 690, 782, 75, 849, 814, 455, 332, 746, 37, 909, 906, 960, 913, 342, 225, 259, 203, 985, 460, 617, 894, 428, 66, 874, 344, 126, 999, 751, 897, 529, 487, 679, 837, 334, 246, 814, 227, 540, 203, 866, 592, 86, 955, 106, 806, 664, 449, 430, 349, 910, 27, 925, 44, 793, 840, 279, 512, 511, 501, 752, 91, 390, 271, 686, 400, 524, 642, 935, 811, 574, 384, 113, 974) + 0 = 321200
So, very likely.
*Surgically attaches various kinds of mouths to Pulg (somehow).*
There you are, now you have a mouth, several in fact. You're welcome.
Pets Schism in a reassuring manner: 100d350 + 100d350 ⇒ (27, 346, 178, 16, 163, 300, 90, 100, 152, 54, 229, 305, 300, 244, 103, 209, 137, 349, 148, 237, 135, 287, 46, 28, 234, 257, 227, 81, 81, 207, 256, 269, 218, 95, 110, 325, 268, 108, 349, 66, 214, 177, 205, 240, 207, 209, 162, 5, 30, 329, 291, 42, 311, 71, 40, 128, 267, 298, 283, 349, 187, 179, 45, 129, 12, 141, 158, 104, 196, 320, 77, 20, 203, 251, 123, 193, 67, 268, 301, 17, 174, 201, 262, 347, 299, 205, 328, 347, 61, 347, 90, 277, 16, 157, 27, 293, 203, 62, 138, 197) + (225, 252, 211, 79, 69, 93, 58, 222, 93, 211, 343, 162, 92, 105, 242, 266, 137, 220, 218, 126, 131, 125, 12, 280, 151, 245, 102, 11, 84, 158, 275, 16, 270, 294, 251, 26, 50, 322, 145, 232, 204, 260, 16, 313, 257, 230, 133, 146, 226, 348, 281, 154, 249, 232, 168, 224, 337, 172, 3, 218, 2, 207, 121, 311, 335, 338, 222, 119, 186, 58, 343, 83, 150, 147, 219, 319, 183, 343, 101, 3, 284, 21, 85, 228, 252, 162, 146, 155, 108, 144, 266, 6, 67, 270, 124, 296, 256, 224, 156, 95) = 36124
Telescopic sight 100d80 + 100d60 ⇒ (64, 21, 9, 59, 17, 15, 17, 52, 3, 4, 75, 42, 9, 48, 66, 75, 11, 28, 70, 25, 58, 55, 9, 69, 48, 64, 7, 9, 70, 77, 20, 17, 63, 11, 13, 7, 2, 67, 32, 75, 37, 37, 71, 59, 4, 4, 79, 4, 17, 62, 71, 69, 38, 38, 36, 13, 70, 47, 33, 17, 17, 7, 68, 43, 6, 77, 76, 17, 50, 1, 6, 17, 7, 23, 63, 55, 41, 40, 52, 59, 1, 21, 69, 10, 36, 56, 40, 79, 14, 9, 41, 61, 72, 73, 31, 76, 73, 63, 26, 45) + (31, 33, 17, 45, 35, 41, 15, 27, 29, 50, 6, 58, 57, 40, 6, 55, 3, 43, 14, 59, 4, 30, 11, 11, 15, 22, 13, 25, 15, 23, 26, 11, 25, 13, 3, 22, 60, 35, 17, 58, 41, 50, 13, 5, 14, 48, 47, 9, 23, 36, 22, 16, 35, 15, 4, 27, 33, 37, 6, 51, 2, 18, 19, 4, 40, 43, 54, 11, 34, 40, 14, 12, 23, 25, 25, 38, 45, 26, 37, 55, 22, 60, 40, 35, 29, 34, 60, 52, 19, 33, 50, 59, 34, 12, 51, 8, 60, 51, 60, 49) = 6928
*Scans The when with a specially made device to test awesomeness.*
Incredible, the reading is off the charts! How were you able to achieve such a high level of awesomeness? Where you born/created that way, or does it have something to do with GoatToucher? Because he has experimented on all of us (including you) with the only exception being Waterhammer... for now at least anyway. And no, the irony of being experimented on isn't lost on me.
*Descends to the ground (by way of a tractor beam), along with two large crates.*
Greetings Pulg, I have learnt of your predicament and have come to help.
*Uses a handheld device to move the crates, placing them in front of Pulg.*
In one crate, a million eggs and in the other specially made rhubarb/crab hybrids.
*Teleports away, taking the next poster with him, to experiment on.*
*Uses specially designed plasma gun to change Pineapple back into a clown.*
There we are, you're welcome everyone.
Thank you, unlike most greys, I find manners just as important as technology.
Although, some similarities still linger. Which is rather unfortunate.
Please help your daughter, I am too tempted to "investigate" right now.
On a slightly different note, Count Reiner Heydrich still needs help.
*Uses a handheld tractor beam to stop Lady Blackmoor from hitting the floor.*
Please regain your conscious mind, as you are a vulnerable target right now.
Pursuing Schism: 80d60 + 40d30 + 50 ⇒ (56, 31, 31, 18, 15, 45, 30, 23, 27, 34, 45, 41, 16, 18, 50, 13, 21, 43, 15, 48, 32, 46, 38, 57, 3, 45, 24, 40, 29, 42, 15, 53, 2, 60, 10, 32, 50, 9, 29, 16, 43, 5, 53, 26, 22, 14, 57, 53, 31, 1, 52, 8, 53, 49, 43, 57, 15, 27, 12, 25, 14, 26, 16, 13, 13, 53, 46, 4, 34, 19, 33, 3, 44, 19, 20, 22, 30, 16, 38, 47) + (9, 27, 10, 28, 2, 28, 16, 22, 9, 8, 14, 20, 15, 22, 7, 9, 16, 6, 17, 25, 19, 25, 19, 25, 7, 27, 2, 24, 30, 30, 3, 10, 21, 26, 18, 26, 22, 3, 18, 3) + 50 = 3126
*Zaps William McGonagall with a disintegration pistol.*
You're welcome everyone.
Fnord is the opposite of a dronf, which is in turn is a worm/donkey hybrid.
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Amulet of attention seeking: by donning this amulet, the wearer is immediately compelled to always seek out attention (normally from hazardous sources). This cursed item is unable to be removed from the wearer, be it either physically or magically, but it can be taken from them once they are deceased.
Oh, goodness me, no! Electrodes stopped being in use years ago! Now, we use photontrodes.
Perhaps, I can convince you otherwise...
I baked a pie for everyone, so try it, please.
The flavour is: heart's blood and monkey sneeze!
(Sour cherry and crabapple, respectively, I'm not that disgusting!).
Mind scan: 8d102 ⇒ (33, 19, 91, 26, 11, 84, 1, 83) = 348
Locate and pursue: 80d1001 ⇒ (133, 772, 966, 522, 172, 797, 614, 932, 536, 37, 247, 212, 463, 283, 672, 233, 588, 821, 74, 377, 709, 426, 629, 899, 647, 599, 299, 935, 644, 465, 590, 822, 9, 881, 232, 934, 273, 352, 836, 92, 217, 813, 426, 592, 294, 828, 172, 106, 929, 736, 474, 212, 824, 534, 767, 793, 205, 202, 95, 13, 803, 515, 221, 876, 33, 245, 839, 848, 3, 780, 603, 300, 9, 585, 538, 320, 680, 977, 984, 427) = 40542
Detection: 3d80 ⇒ (3, 28, 80) = 111
And I personally prefer instruments that make others do all of the "singing".
*Smiles a cheeky little smile.*
I'm a grey, what'd you expect? Still, it was always worth it!
And yeah, whatever did happen to the other guy? Oh well, probably not that important!
*Becomes overjoyed at seeing Old Doc Flumph.*
Well I'll be, it's my old college roommate! How you been?
*Experiments on an egg and a severed head.*
I can confirm that there is no difference between the two objects.
Dissecting.
I see no reason to shout.
Excellent! I just knew that I was correct! Still, just to be sure...
*Dissects Caught in a Landslide to see all the vital organs it has.*
There is indeed no heart in this being, but they still live.
*Cuts into the head of Caught in a Landslide and examines the contents.*
You don't need this particular vital organ (then again, no-one does).
*Removes the vital organ (aka the brain) and throws it away.*
*Looks up from the test subject that I'm operating on.*
I'm terribly sorry, but what did you just say right now?
*The test subject let's out a pained gasp before he dies.*
Not another one! Honestly, people are just so rude sometimes!
*Everyone looks on in complete and utter confusion at that statement.*
Putting it simply, I'm convinced that the body can live without a heart.
Intriguing, but a scan of the entire solar system shows no signs of this 'Imizun Achu'. Please refresh your databases or, if you would prefer, I can manually rewrite your neural networks.
People detected by sonar radar:
100d1000 ⇒ (32, 379, 810, 867, 667, 516, 59, 609, 593, 472, 389, 665, 118, 133, 119, 236, 535, 149, 154, 216, 529, 387, 282, 988, 445, 535, 765, 352, 521, 30, 785, 759, 697, 177, 747, 482, 980, 967, 81, 106, 932, 194, 360, 449, 165, 435, 929, 261, 758, 35, 551, 666, 557, 464, 316, 59, 405, 640, 273, 285, 483, 884, 772, 160, 191, 356, 500, 395, 725, 91, 920, 99, 530, 47, 861, 23, 388, 415, 606, 827, 619, 121, 550, 991, 812, 127, 993, 804, 403, 269, 424, 490, 160, 330, 363, 673, 227, 529, 369, 514) = 46108
Oh, he has, as have we all. In fact, I experimented on him recently. Do you wish to know the results?
You make a persuasive argument, livestock do make better conversationalists.
They also don't complain about having unneeded vital organs removed.
Actually, I have no interest in the living dead. My observation was about the rest of you.
Fun fact: I'm came to this planet looking for intelligent life... I made a mistake.
Someone was just talking about me, yes?
*Observes that Schism is trembling.*
Are you alright, Schism, or have you been stricken by a most foul ailment?
*Prepares examination/operation table.*
I have recently finished my research on Comte de Malodor. If you would please lay here, I'll begin immediately.
*After having successfully dissected Pulg's Wives, I notice Comte de Malodor.*
Interesting, I was informed that you and your patriarch were sent to place worse than hell fifteen centuries from now. I must learn how you were able to get back, but please don't tell me, I wish to find out for myself. Please lay down on here.
*Comte de Malodor lays down on a medical table and gives a bizarre look (a cross between worry and joy).*
Please get those awful thoughts out of your head, if possible. My people use psychic powers to perform a mind probe, whereas the kind of probing that you are thinking about is what humans have done to my kind. Thankfully, I never had that happen to me. Now, please remain motionless.
*Begins dissecting Comte de Malodor.*
Subjects I have dissected:
20d500 ⇒ (359, 207, 295, 270, 160, 56, 87, 289, 477, 299, 67, 308, 187, 181, 219, 317, 140, 451, 228, 105) = 4702
*Reviews the findings of the experimentations on Waterhammer and Vidmaster7.*
Tests have proven to be most fruitful as the subjects' anatomy appears to be more akin to manically infused amorphous blobs than any other living thing. Though it has made the procedures longer and more intensive, the results have been extraordinary in compensation. As an added note, subject known as "Vidmaster7" appears to contain properties for substantial facial hair growth which exceeds the normal parameters of nature.
*Goes to find new lifeforms to experiment on, leaving Pulg on the medical table (and still halfway being experimented on).*
We have come along way in our evaluation of the universe to focus solely on a planet's livestock (particularly those of a bovine nature). However, we've yet to study creatures such as yourselves. I would theorise that you are a species of fey with the ability to infect others by a simple mention of the species name. To make sure of my theory, I will need to run a series of simple (yet lengthy) diagnostics.
*Leaves Pulg (who is still halfway being experimented on) on the medical table he was placed on, to acquire Vidmaster7 and Waterhammer in their transformed state and conducts more experimental research on them.*
*While unsure what to do with Schism, turns to Pulg.*
Fascinating, let us see what you do have.
*Begins extensive (and intensive) medical research and examination on Pulg.*
*Appears via a phasing sequence.*
Greetings, terrestrial lifeforms, I come in peace. I have travelled from my home planet on an important mission to study and catalogue the universe. Please allow me to dissect your bodies and harvest your vital organs and bone structure to help complete my research.
*Readies a high tech, scary looking handheld device.*
Do not be alarmed. The procedure is completely painless.
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