Kissing Cave Round 12
Ono (dusty, dirty, dutiful) regains his feet. The Elf lines up two quick shots at the irritating Grick!
Both arrows just miss the slick Grick!
Watanabe (reflecting on times much less stressful) decides to prove to himself that he is alive!
The Grick turns its red beady eyes in the direction of the resurrected wizard!
Deep in thought, the Grick takes out a three-sided coin, flips, it, catches, it, nods its head, and smiles at....
Vermicular Movement: When a grick takes a Stride action to move half its Speed or less, that movement doesn’t trigger reactions.
The Grick decides the Catfolk is on the menu!
The saliva slips down under Miss Canella's feet, causing her to land on her booster seat!
The Grick then takes a bite out of her!
Satisfaction clearly on its face, the Grick slithers toward the Wizard!
Miss Canella stands up. Looking for the Grick, she then moves 25' and raises her shield.
”It’s a slippery little thing, isn’t it?” Ono says as he releases another volley of arrows at the creature.
piercing
piercing
piercing
Kissing Cave Round 12
Ono steadies his bow carefully. The Elf lets loose a triple volley at the Grick, as it slithers closer to the tasty robe wearing Wizard!
The Grick screams in its final seconds; its eyes locked on Watanabe....
”It appears there is something of note at the bottom of the pit. If Father Emmitt would be so kind as to patch me up a bit, I can attempt to retrieve it.”
Watanabe suggests "I may have just the thing." He conjures a rather large magnet with a loop on the end. He ties his rope to the magnet and tosses it in the water. He fishes the soggy bracers out
The Pond and the Pit
Ono--a bit bloodied and bruised--peers down into the waters to see the glowing on the bottom. The Elf then begs for a band aide; while Watanabe--fresh from Death--wiggles a finger, speaks a word; and creates a solution to the diving problem.
It takes a few attempts; but, the Resurrected Wizard fishes out a beautifully crafted set of magical bracers and the source of the glow; an Everburning Torch.
Father Emmett gets to work with trying to patch up the team starting with Treat Wounds on Ono.
HP back to Ono.
He next calls upon his CPR skills to resurrect Watanabe.
HP back to Watanabe.
Dammerich guide my hand. Let Watanabe BREATHE!
Last, Father Emmett summons the healing spirit of Dammerich to heal the entire group.
HP for everybody.
Father Emmett lights a cigarette and sits down.
”Thank you, Father. You know what they say, ‘Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em’.”, the elf says with a genuine smile.
”So… anyone want those bracers? Seem like they could be useful.”
If the Edgewatch guards return to the station after rescuing the hostages, Sergeant Ollo listens eagerly to their story, especially the information gained by questioning the hostages and kobolds. He agrees that speaking to Hoff at the House of the Planes is the best move, reasoning that even if the labor boss doesn’t know anything, one of his associates must.
Entering the Undercity
Absalom’s famed Undercity is a warren of tunnels, from naturally occurring caverns to monster-excavated burrows and a palimpsest of old buildings and basements buried by centuries of new construction. The House of the Planes has taken advantage of the unregulated tunnels to construct an elite hangout for some of the city’s extralegal entrepreneurs. Located in Absalom’s quiet Eastgate district, the place’s heavily guarded main entrance is in the basement of a dive bar called Mulligan’s, not far from the Blue Tower. To reach the back door, however, the Edgewatch agents must start in a small neighborhood graveyard, a cemetery dubbed Raptor’s Rest for the stylized headstones of several Eagle Garrison members buried here.
Raptor’s Rest is a nondescript plot of land crammed between buildings in one of the less affluent sections of Eastgate, its graves packed so close together that there’s barely room for grass between them. The doors to the large mausoleum in the cemetery’s center are unlocked; inside, the Edgewatch agents find a nondescript sarcophagus with a hidden staircase leading down—the secret Undercity entryway mentioned by the Stonescales. Close examination of the sarcophagus’s lid reveals scratches in the stone around the lid’s edge, and characters who succeed at a DC 15 Survival check recognize them as coming from humanoid claws (these are from the ghouls in area D3). The 5-foot-wide staircase descends for several stories, periodically shallowing out into a narrow corridor running south, before ending in area D1 at the entrance to the mapped cavern system.
Back Door
The tunnel here ends in a door of iron-banded wood set in a frame of white brick, not quite thick enough to completely muffle the sounds of festivities of bacchanalian magnitude.
I will take the bracers. They go with my outfit.
After cleaning her outfit and herself off. She walks over to the door to check it out.
Why is it so dusty in here. Its messing with my beautiful mane.
Watanabe fusses and preens over his robes. He makes sure the bloodstains are magically removed and that his companion's soiled undergarments are properly refreshed. He summons a minor spirit to do the work, not something he would personally attend to. The matter of his mangled flesh would be something someone else would have to fix and he began to dread the implications.
Ono inspects his clothing and nods at Watanabe, clearly approving of his meticulous approach in clothes cleaning. Knowing he looks pretty fly for an elf guy, Ono says, ”Watanabe, you may have missed your calling! Perhaps if we survive all of this, you could open an upscale dry cleaning service.”
Thank you Watanabe. My clothes look great.
Watanabe blushes at the praise, not used to being appreciated, "Thank you, perhaps when I'm ready to retire." He ventures, "And you look great in them miss Canella."
He heads to the back door, "Do we knock?"
House of the Planes
Among criminal circles, the House of the Planes is one of the trendiest new watering holes in Absalom. Jeremin Hoff’s subterranean speakeasy is half kink club, half carnival fun house, with each room on the main floor themed around a different plane of the Outer Sphere. Attendees are invited to wander between the rooms as they please, or they can be “judged” in the central Boneyard chamber by a staff member dressed as Pharasma, the goddess of death, and sent to a particular area. The judgment takes the form of a light, humorous roasting inspired by whatever clues the Pharasma impersonator can glean from a guest’s appearance.
Boneyard
The walls of this room have been painted with an endless field of gravestones under a black sky. Open archways along the walls lead to numerous other rooms. A tall, black-robed woman with long white hair and ash-colored makeup perches on a spiral-marked headstone in the room’s center next to an oversized stone sarcophagus filled with dirt.
As soon as the Agents enter the room, the white-haired host—obviously dressed as Pharasma—swans over to meet them. She’s a bombastic, campy performer with a decidedly irreverent take on the goddess of life and death, winking at the characters and loudly asking:
“All right now, honey babies, are you ready for some judgment?”
“Pharasma” is an excellent cold reader and can tell right away that the Agents are there to talk to some big shots—she lets them know that in each room (including this one) is a powerful figure holding court, and that the best way to impress these patrons is to show off their talents and bravery by completing the challenge in their room. (She illustrates this by pointing out the Boneyard’s patron, who is eagerly watching someone lose their nerve partway through the burial challenge.)
Father Emmett's eyes grow wide at the "half kink" aspects of the House of the Planes.
I will DEFINITELY be coming back here after work
He smiles and nods to no one in particular.
Remembering that he is in a conversation with foxy Pharasma, he speaks.
Pharasma, baby, you're "killing" me with that groovy outfit! I'd spend a year on the River of Souls just to get to YOUR Boneyard. We have a little bit of business before pleasure, though. We're trying to find a Jeremin Hoff. Would you know what plane he likes to frequent?
Deity-themed flirtation is definitely one of Father Emmett's specialties.
Miss Canella walks in surprised at everything she sees. Looking at all the lights and the people. She wonders about the planes.
Miss Canella walks over to Pharasma.
I'm Miss Canella. I like your outfit. Who made it for you?
Miss Canella then smiles.
Who is the person holding court in here?
”Aaaah, yeah! This is what I’m talking about!” Ono says as he struts in like he owns the place.
”Damn near 300 years old… how is this the first time I’ve seen this place?!?”
“So, Pharasma, honey, what kind of challenges are we talking about? You’ve… aroused my interest.”
Bone Yard
Pharasma's green colored eyes turn to Father Emmett. The smile on her painted face growing wider, as he speaks.
Oh my! How forward of you my good...welll...that remains to be seen!
She winks at Father Emmett with a promise of more to follow!
Her smiling face then turns to Miss Canella.
Honey! You look marvelous! Why, you know I actually don't know who made it for me. Weird!
Pharasma then looks at Ono.
Someone needs to get this one a cocktail!
She then addresses all of you.
Remember where you are. This is The House of Planes. Each room is a different Plane with a Patron. Impress the Patron; get more information.
She points to a halfling woman.
Patron Leila Scandrabar is this room's Patron. She has a fondness for watching folks being buried alive.
She proceeds to tell you about her.
Pharasma does whisper to Father Emmett.
Or, you can go straight to Hell to find who you are looking for; but, where's the fun in that!
Father Emmett steps forward to take the challenge. He climbs into the sarcophagus and allows himself to be buried. Calling out to Dammerich, he casts Guidance on himself to allow his body to be physically strong and calm.
Father Emmett smiles carefully to avoid getting dirt in his mouth.
Miss Canella walks over to Liela Scandrabar. She looks over at Father Emmett being buried alive and chuckles. She curtseys.
Good day Miss Scandrabar. My name is Miss Canella. So a little birdy told me to talk to you about fences. Do you know of any people that have gone missing lately?
Ono sips on his cocktail as he watches Father Emmett being buried alive, then steps forward and announces, "Passable, but I think I can do better!"
He then volunteers for the next 'buried alive' challenge.
Watanabe looks uncomfortable in his own skin. He's drawn to the area but is also repulsed by it, as he becomes buried he mutters to himself, "I'm nauseous, I'm nauseous, I'm nauseous." But he manages to get through.
Bone Yard
Without a word, a mysteriously, silently; but, extremely weirdly dressed man steps inside the sarcophagus. He mutters some gibberish about Deodorant before being buried alive....
The trolling party-goers clap and cheer for the boy in pinstriping. The cheers grow faint with dirt and fear building in Father Emmett's head! He isn't going to make it! The walls are closing in! Well, not the walls, but being in a sarcophagus does indeed inflate ones claustrophobia. The weirdo survives the burial with but a small amount of dirt sticking to his pants....
Miss Canella arrives to the Patron's attention. She politely approaches the Patron; but unfortunately, her eyes never leave the burial performances.
Ono (feeling the affects of peer pressure) peers downs at his recommended shot chart; closes his eyes, and points at one, before climbing into the sarcophagus after the shaking cleric.
Is this dirt a bit wet?
The stoic elf (trying to keep his 5th random shot down and his mouth closed!) is buried with so much dirt! He resists both urges!
Watanabe watches both Father Emmett and Ono be buried alive. His heart flutters fast! His pulse races through his veins like a goblin being chased by dogs! The Wizard breathes his final breath, before advancing bravely to his repeating death!
Patron Liela Scandrabar is absolutely overjoyed to answer any questions offered for her pleasure!
Ono excitedly claps Watanabe on the back and let’s out a hearty laugh.
”Excellent show, my friend! It seems you have many callings! Odd for one so short lived, but a welcome sight none the less!”
Despite not wearing glasses Watanabe still makes the motion of pushing them up, "Well actually, anyone can become immortal, its just a matter of applying yourself to the task. There are several methods and it depends on if you want to give up eating, breathing, and other bodily functions as well."
Pen quietly takes out her violin and starts playing softly, going through various melodic death metal melodies that she knows. She spares a wink for "Pharasma" if the Lady of Graves notices, but otherwise lets her companions try to one up each other in getting buried.
"Shall we head to the Nirvana room then? After the sewers, grunge certainly seems apropos."
Nirvana
The walls of this room are painted with rolling hills, pastoral forests, and floating temples. The tables, bar, and seats in the room are mostly carved to look like tree stumps and other natural phenomena, save for a raised stone dais in the center which has a squared-off surface inset with lit torches.
Demonstrate mastery of your physical and mental self by wrestling the burly bartender in a round of Phoenix Wrestling. To add spice to the game, wrestlers compete atop the dais, where the burning torches deal 2d6 fire damage to anyone who’s pinned to the ground. The twist, of course, is that the grinning bartender is a tiefling with fire resistance. The participating agent attempts a grappling contest with the bartender (Athletics +7, Fortitude +10), with the agent going first. If the agent successfully Grapples the bartender, they pin him to the floor and win the challenge. If the bartender successfully Grapples them, they take the fire damage but can attempt a DC 16 Will save to maintain their composure as they burn—if they succeed, they still receive the +4 circumstance bonus to Diplomacy checks.
Cass Hamish (female human) is a member of the Garrote Sisterhood, a local gang of female assassins recognizable by their stylized garrote necklaces. Easygoing and friendly—especially if you buy her a drink—Cass maintains that holding grudges is poison to the soul... which is why you should hire her to realize your vengeance for you, so that you may move on.
Full of liquid courage, Ono struts into the room. He turns to a group of patrons, flexes his lean elven muscles, and says, “You’re going to tell me what this room is all about.”
Watanabe comments, "Needs more steampunk."
”Alright! This seems like my kinda room!” Ono cheers boisterously!
He strides up to the bartender and says, ”I hear you’re looking for some Phoenix Wrestling! I’m up for a challenge!”
After an outstanding physical spectacle of pinning the confident Tiefling to the burning floor, Ono douses the small fire on his shirt between his fingers, and orders up a couple of drinks. A drink in each hand, he approaches Cass, handing her one.
”How you doin’? Enjoy the show?”
Miss Canella walks in and starts looking around at the room. She walks over to Cass.
I like what you've done with the place.
I would like to do the challenge.
She looks the bartender in the eyes and grabs him. She then throws him to the ground.
Miss Canella then stays with 15' of her companion's.
I WAS BURIED ALIVE...RIGHT OVER IN THAT ROOM Father Emmett mutters to the strangers nearby. He shakes off some of the dirt clinging to him to the annoyance of others.
Nirvana
The Agents enter Nirvana with wide eyes and wonderment. The serenity surrounding them seems to just pour off of those nearby.
That is until Ono and Father Emmett come stumbling in yelling and bellowing!
One customer actually just points to the Bartender.
Miss Canella comes swanning around the room. She engages a few locals about before being directed to the Patron of the Room.
Watanabe seems to be still recovering from his death experience; suggesting some redecorative strategies.
Both Ono and Miss Canella accept the wrestling challenge. Ono seems to be about to go down; when his last special shot kicks in and the brutish elf slams the bartender down!
Miss Canella approaches the challenge, but before the bartender can even begin to chuckle; the catfolk has him pinned!
Patron Cass Hamish laughs, claps, and invites them both for shots and gossip!
Cass, can you tell us more about this missing mark? Is there a plane to which he would be drawn? Perhaps if we can find out what happened to this individual, it will resolve your situation with Alzuna.
Father Emmett overcompensates for the background noise, shouting this suggestion unpleasantly into Cass’ face.
”Thanks, Cass! You’re good people!” Ono says to the assassin for hire.
He then turns to his companions and with a boyish grin on his face says, ”Where’s the next stop in this wild party? Can’t wait to see what’s next!”
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Watanabe gives an impromptu lecture on the nature of the multiverse and it's general accepted cosmology. He also notes how wrong all those theories are and how he intends to prove it, once he figures out how to plane shift.
Watanabe mutters, "Let's go to Hell."
Miss Canella walks over to Watanabe and shakes her head.
Of course you would want to go to hell. According to Father Emmett, you just got back from there.
She looks at the screaming father with doubt.
Cass, Can you tell us anything about the Planes of Hell?
This is what Miss Canella knows about HELL.
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Watanabe looks wounded by Canella's remark and redirects his feelings to Emmett, "Father Emmett doesn't know his weenus from his knee."
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”It is interesting that you say that, Watanabe, because this place sure seems to excite Father Emmett’s knee…”, Ono says with a hearty laugh.
Hell
Red lanterns drench this room in bloody light, illuminating walls painted with fiery pits and rocky crags. All of the tables here are inset into waist-high pits in the floor, and the bartender stands in their own bottle-lined pit in the center, sporting either a tiefling’s brow-horns or a set of remarkable fakes. Elaborate torture devices stand at the ready all around the room.
The fearless(?) Agents enter the dominion of Hell! There are dozens of customers dressed in odd costumes; depicting devils, monsters, and a few Emos.
Walking about the room, the Agents talk and mingle to find out how to proceed.....
Father Emmett distractedly looks back and forth from down his pants to his knee and back again. Not seeing the answers he seeks, he looks up in time to see his teammates leave the room and hustles to catch up with them.
Entering Hell, Emmett scans the room and cries in delight Butterfly boots!
Practically jumping into the boots, Father Emmett casts Guidance on himself and excitedly waits for the fun to begin.
Aaaaaggghhhhh TOO PAINFUL!
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Miss Canella starts walking around looking for Huff. When she finds him, she offers to do the challenge.
Miss Canella puts the boots on and starts walking around.
These boots are made for walking!
Taking off the boots, Miss Canella asks Mr. Huff about any missing persons around town.
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Hell
Father Emmett and Miss Canella enter the domain of Hell, as if they owned it.
Father Emmett (filled with bluster and a bit of blather) immediately, before even asking a question, or getting an answer; steps boldly to the Challenge.
He smirks at the Man in Charge, takes the Boots from a perspective challenger, pops them on, and screams like a little girl at an Exorcist movie!
Miss Canella does the complete opposite technique than our poor Father Emmett.
She easily slides about the room, enjoying the ambience, gathering intelligence, fawning over the decorum, patrons, and finally, the Patron of Hell himself: Jeremin Hoff!
Hoff smiles at the delightful Catfolk, invites her to take his challenge, and he even orders her a drink.
Miss Canella smiles back, downs the drink in an easy shallow; while she puts on the boots and walks about giggling.
Hoff tell her whatever she wants to know!
With his feet too swollen to put his shoes back on, Father Emmett groans and hobbles his way to Heaven, hoping for some heavenly kindness and a break from this debilitating kink.
Watanabe congratulates Canella on her smooth operation and then suggests, ”We would make our way to this hotel as soon as possible,” but is then interrupted by Emmett hobbling his way to more sights in this den in iniquity.
Seeing no one following him, Father Emmett turns to his colleagues.
Are we done here?
”I do not believe we’ve been to all of the rooms here. Perhaps there are more sights to see?… I mean, more information to gather?” Ono says, still grinning and pleasantly buzzed.