"Chuffy’s face might make you sick,
But Chuffy’s knife is awful quick.
And if you are his stabby pick—
Then knife goes in you, stick stick stick!
Spider's bite and poison's sting,
Chuffy's wish, death doth bring.
I will bring despair and doom,
I also likes to bring the BOOM!
I'm not strong, but I am fast,
My skill for pain is deep and vast.
My face not pretty, my pimples thick,
but I will kill you, quick quick quick!"
"Doth? Dispare? Such pretty wordies Chuffy. Too pretty for your ugly mouth. Mogmurch breaks out in mad laughter almost dropping a bomb but, snatching it at the last moment.
"Hahahah! Youz be right Mogmurch... Now, can weezn esplode sumptin'?"
Naaa, Chuffy i telld ya before, we onlz explode things that needin explodin.... aktuallly wot am i talkin about lodz things ned explodin, cum on mogmurch letz go burn sumthin'
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Being a chieftain is boring. Adventures are interesting. As goblin chieftains, you have quite reasonably decided that your minions in the Birdcruncher tribe should either entertain you or bring you an adventure to quell your boredom — otherwise, there’ll be trouble! A great feast has been prepared in your honor, and goblins are scattering every which way to get things ready. While the others try to keep you satisfied, a few even went with Squealy Nord to hunt for your favorite truffles.
A bunch of the Birdcruncher goblins have worked hard to delight their grumpy chieftains. The goblins raided secret stores to come up with treasure to fulfill their chieftains’ demands; they plan to give these items out as prizes for succeeding at the amusements.
As the tribe gathers for the celebrations, two goblins—Plunger and Reg Runtweed — wheel out a massive thing covered in a tattered and patched blanket. They claim they have a secret treat that will make all the chieftains happy — a treat they will reveal later during the feast. However, it turns out that goblins aren’t good at keeping secrets. A couple of Birdcrunchers, hoping to curry favor, already ruined the surprise and told the four goblins that Reg and Plunger built a statue to honor the chieftains’ past accomplishments.
First, however, the chieftains need to be entertained!
Goblins soak up stories, and Mothmangler Munge is no different. The goblins built up a stage in front of the birdcrunchers cave and Munge approaches the stage dressed as the Green Goblin King, and with a flourish, he slowly walks toward you, dragging with him an oversized dwarven waraxe. As he reaches the lowest step of the platform and gathers his breath, he presents his challenge in the most flowery and poetic way a goblin can. "Me is going to present the story of Green Goblin King!" Munge announces.
His offer is simple: one of the chieftains gets one blow at his neck with the waraxe (and no other weapon), but afterward, Munge gets the chance to return the blow on the striker’s neck. "I promise to not flinch away or move as blow is struck. Who wants first strike?"
You recall that after his head is taken off, the Green Goblin King gets up, puts his head back on... then the tale got boring and the character can’t remember the rest of it.
"Me haza perfect idea... bring meza the Goblins that tolds us'ns about Plunger and Reg's surprise... they will play!"
"Reta Bigbad will take the first swing!"
Striding forward, Reta (with difficulty) hefts the heavy waraxe, and glares at Munge.
"Kneel!"
"What supposed to happen now?"
"Ha ha Swing Swing Chop Chop. Take his head off off off!" Mogmurch chants maniacally.
Yooz hit 'im, now he hitz you!
Poog jumps up and down clapping his hands. Maybeez he'll get his head chopped off n den dere'll be free goblin chiefs - more power for mee!
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While Chuffy sends a goblin to look for the goblin who was stupid enough to reveal the surprise, Reta hefts the heavy axe and orders Mumge to kneel. The goblin does so and Reta swings the axe. The goblins of the tribe stop to cheer and wait for Munge's reaction.
The swing was strong, but not strong enough to chop Munge's head off so the entertainer simply drops to the ground, bleeding und unconscious. The crowd cheers again, but they expected a head flying through the air.
Reta continues to look puzzled.
"Silly. What he going to do now?"
Fingering his blade, Dogslicer...
"Wezuns cud finish te job? Suposen' we could esplode it off too!" Chuffy exclaims looking at Mog.
"Whatz tha thing the biggun pinkies say in der stage storiez. The head must go off?" Mogmurch seems puzzled but, excited that he might get to blow something up.
Chuffy will stroll up to the downed and bleeding Munge, and with no hesitation, he will bring down his blade on what was remaining of the stupid goblins neck...
Then he will kick the head into the crowd... singing/yelling,
"Oléééé, olé, olé, olé!"
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Chuffy decapitates the stupid goblin and kicks the head into the crowd. Some goblins try to catch the head or make faces like the dead Munge. They crowd cheers, singing songs for the chieftains. After a minute they realize that Munge does not get up to pick up his head and they get bored.
Unfortunately, as the chieftains are likely to find out, this amusement grants no treasure, and is therefore rubbish. The tribe goes quiet in shame. Fortunately, goblins can’t stay quiet for long, and it is only a short time before the second amusement appears.
Following Munge’s failed attempt at adventure, Munkle Pupsquash leads four goblin dogs* out of their rickety pen and brings them to the platform in the middle of the clearing. There she regales the assemblage with the goblin folktale called "The Charge of the Most Powerful Goblins." This story tells of a group of goblin heroes who made a brave rush at the walls of a human city. The goblins leapt the moat, scaled the walls, and burned the whole place to the ground before riding off with all of the town’s pickles. In her storytelling, Munkle compares each of you to a great goblin hero from the old folktale in hopes of currying favor with you.
Munkle then explains the terms of her amusement — the goblin dog sprint. Mounted on fidgety goblin dogs, you must race into the forest and jump over a fresh mud pit, climb a steep ridge, break a squash painted to look like a stupid gnome, rush back down the ridge, and jump over a clump of brambles before returning to the clearing. The dogs don't have saddles.
"Please mount se dogs. They nixa bite."
Reta narrows her brows, walks up to Lil'Flaky, grabs it by the scruff of its neck, and looks it straight in the eyes.
"If you throw me off, I'll do to you what Chuffy did to Munge!"
She then climbs on the giant rat's back.
Mogmurch cackles wildly and grabs snortlick. He forces the goblin dog to eat some of his pickled leeches. Eat lots of leeches. This will give him extra strength!
"Never gonna beat me. Mogmurch has the most brains and least fats."
"Mesa takes Chub Chub!"
-Posted with Wayfinder
"Chop,Chop, Chop I make you a flop.
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You mount the dogs and the signal rings. You kick and slam the dogs and they rush to the first obstacle. Reta, Mogmurch and Chuffy get across without any problems. Poog's dog is not fast enough and it lands in the mud pit, covering Poogs legs and but with mud. The three dogs in front race towards the ridge racer obstacle.
Mud Jumper DC15
Poog
Ridge Racer DC5
Reta
Mogmurch
Chuffy
Gnome Smasher DC5/AC10
Bramble Bounder DC5/DC15
Reta easily spurs her mount up the ridge.
"Chub Chub, run, run, run!"
Chuffy now sees that what he mistook for heartiness in a name like Chub Chub might just be laziness as the dog just barely keeps going!
"Faster dumb animal. Faster!"
GNOME SMASHER
"Stupid Gnome! Heads goz splat!"
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Poot tries to get out of the mud, his pathetic movements causes him to sink deeper into the pit. The poor dog is covered with mud, only Poog's head is visible. Reta, Mogmurch and Chuffy are able to increase the distance to Poog while racing up the steep slope. Chuffy is the first to hit the gnome's head.
Mud Jumper DC15
Poog
Ridge Racer DC5
Gnome Smasher DC5/AC10
Reta
Mogmurch
Bramble Bounder DC5/DC15
Chuffy
GNOME SMASHER:
Reta spurs her goblin dog forward, and chops the gnome in half.
BRAMBLE BOUNDER:
She then races back down the hill, whipping her mount into a frenzy, leaps over the bramble patch, and skids to a halt just over the finish line.
"Yay! Reta bestest rider eva!"
"Stupids ugly gnomies go boom!"
"If you don't wins I mma gonna eats you!" Mogmurch yells at the goblin dogs as he pushes for the finish.
BRAMBLE BOUNDER:
"Mesa the fastist, run Chub Chub "
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Poog still deals with the mud, the dog seems to be the reason why he can't get out of the pit so he unmounts and stomps out of the pit.
After destroying the gnome squashes, the other three goblin chieftains charge down the ridge and leap over a cluster of brambles and finally Reta, Mog and Chuffy race across the finish line. Unfortunately nobody falls down and breaks his or her neck so the goblins watching the spectacle get bored, but they still laugh at Poog who is covered in mud up to his ears.
Munkle already awaits you at the finish line. He looks worried. "I'm afraid you have to share the prize. It's a jar of restorative ointment that tastes like bacon."
"SHARE! I DON'T SHARE! Go get me morez or nord gets to see if youz taste like bacons." Mogmurch is most displeased at the single item.
Groveling, that he lost, Poog tries to snatch it, but leaves it bee and tortures heavely his latest frog, because it brought him bad bad luck.
Chuffy will approach from Munkle's blindside and attempt to swipe the jar and quickly sneak away.
Sleight of Hand:
DC: Task
10: Palm a coin-sized object, make a coin disappear
20: Lift a small object from a person
Tick tock goes the clock, you cross me you'll nee a Doc!
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The next amusement is called Burn the Dogs! Burn the Horses!
The goblins made a number of straw effigies representing some of the goblin chieftains’ conquests. Six of these crude dummies are fashioned into dog shapes, three of them into horse shapes, and one particularly lumbering creation somewhat resembles an ogre (meant to represent Pa Munchmeat, the ogre the chieftains defeated to become the leaders of the Birdcruncher tribe). The straw figures are arranged in the clearing 10 feet from the front of the low platform, and each of the goblin heroes is handed a single star candle firework.
After the fireworks are distributed, Trimple Rotmouth, a recent convert to Zarongel under Poog’s tutelage, explains that the goal of this “adventure” is to shoot the fireworks into the straw effigies, preferably setting them on fire.
1x Pa Munchmeat 1Pt. AC10
6x Dogs 2Pt. AC13
3x Horses 1Pt. AC10
Poog
Reta
Mogmurch
Chuffy
"Ha burn the biggest of them. Burn it goods!"
Shooting at a dog Poog tries his luck.
"Da bigger day iz, da bigger day BURN!"