His Mighty Girthness Chief Rendwattle Gutwad, has called you to the moot house at the centre of Licktoad Village. Slorb, an overdressed Pompous Goblin, greets you at the door pushing his lens-less glasses up his nose as he does "Chief Gutwad waits." He opens the door and you enter a large room filled with trophies of Licktoad heroics; Stolen Weapons, Shiny treasure and the pickled bodies of small furry animals adorn the walls and shelves of the large room. At the centre of the room you see him, Chief Rendwattle Gutwad. He has squeezed his wide girth into a six foot high teeter chair. His Throne!!! The chief never speaks to anyone but his advisor Slorb and then only in whispers due to the great power of his voice.
Slorb moves over to the side of the great chair and his nasally voice rings out "Sit on the dirt!!" As you sit in front of the chief he suddenly speaks, his voice booming into the room.
“You all be heroes. Each of you. You are best Licktoads but for me. And maybe but for Slorb. That you aren’t fleeing in terror from mighty sound of my voice is all the proof you should need. Yet soon, all Licktoad goblins will know your might, for I have picked you for a dangerous mission. You know about fireworks and map we found in Scribbleface’s hut. Fireworks were fun. But map is more fun. It shows a route to a place near the coast where Scribbleface found fireworks. And it says there are more fireworks there!"
“I want them for Licktoads. You all go get them tomorrow. Tonight we have big bonfire to burn bad luck away from you, and we play many games. Much fun. Tomorrow you fetch me fireworks. If you meet men, you make them dead. If you meet dogs, you make them dead. If you meet horses, you make them dead. If you meet Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many, you maybe should run. And if you not find fireworks, you not come back or we feed you to Squealy Nord!”
After he finishes speaking Slorb quickly leads you out of the hall giving you the map to the firework cache [/b]"Prepare for big fire now."[b] before returning to the chief.
"Me Slicy, me win, me burn fireworks" Slicy jumps up and down excited for a new challenge, she cannot wait for the big bonfire and looks at the other goblins and looks at her battleaxe, spits on it and wipes it on her dress to make it shinier... "Axe pretty, Slicy prettier, HAHAHAHAHAHA, don't you think so?" as she looks at the other goblins who left the Moot House.
The big sized Korg listened silently as the chief babbled away again. The Executioner snorted at the end of the speech, took the huuuge human cutlass he had with him -The Executioner's Blade- and checked if its clean and sharp enough. It seemed nice enough due to dragging it on the floor since two days back and forth, even the dried blood came down. He killed a wounded pirate at the shores a year ago and since then it became Korg's signature weapon. "Whatever, it just needs to be done with, right?" Another bothersome job for Korg, and this time he even had to go far away to do it, well, at least it isn't just him who gets annoyed with it this time.
Korg was no idiot, just damn easy to lose patience and usually hating to do any job because to him it looked as if most the work he gets are mundane things. He wasn't wrong with it most of the time.
The tribe often thought him to be a largest brute with a fearsome aura and a job which made getting him better avoided, but his main reason to isolate himself was that to his too high intelligence he knew how absurd and silly some things they did were.
Why fear written letters? Of course he wasn't able to read as no one taught it to him, but if humans didn't lose their souls for long-long time why would the tribe then? Not to mention the name of the tribe, Korg hated the name "Licktoad", it could have some much more awesome names, like "Kickdog" or "Dragons", no one ever thought about an unique name like Dragons.
Korg was more intelligent than even many humans but Korg didn't know it, he was more charismatic than about almost all goblins, but he thought it was just a result of his huge body and job that others acted scared near him. While mostly true it wasn't the only reason. He was usually patient with the Chieftain but it was just recently that he had to burn a hut down and kick one of the other more clever goblins so that the demands stop already. Korg's patience grew thin and he wanted to get this done with because the map he was drawing at home was almost finished, and the brown shit he used for the mountains will soon dry out. He wanted to avoid the shit to dry, as dire boar shit was hard to come by.
Darts sneered,flashing his filed flat teeth in his bright yellow face.He swaggered out of Moot House,beady red eyes scanning the map and taking in the details scrawled across it before tossing it contemptuously into the air.
The yellow gob stood at a height of 2'8",his lithe frame taut with wiry muscles and a straight spine with shoulders back,chest out,and head high. He wore clothing taken from a halfling male he'd stripped naked and ran off laughing at his flustered victim.
He ran his filed but sharp square nails through his thick mane of wiry black hair,tied in a topknot ponytail at the top of his wide skull.Several dull grey rings hung heavily in his oversized ears.A ragged blue-green vest with pockets that showed off the X-shaped scar across his pectorals.The tattered remains of a tunic wrapped around his waist over leather breeches he wore under his leather armor.
He snatched a bloated tick that was crawling along his arm and sliced into it with his nail,flicking the bloody pulp away.He scanned the other goblins standing with him with smoldering disdain.His clothing was noticeably cleaner than anything the other gobs wore.
A satchel slung around his waist that could have been a saddlebag.A fangfile was gripped firmly in one hand that he occasionally used as a punching dagger on any gob that chose to pester him whenever he was either filing his teeth or nails.A dogslicer was stuck thru the strap of the satchel,acting like a weapons belt.
He tossed his topknot back,which caught the attention of several passing gobs that stared at him in open admiration and envy.He ignored them.
Feh! Great Chief my bum! We get this over with.Darts got things to get done.
Darts studied the other three goblins shrewdly as he tried to remember anything significant about any of them.
Who are youse? Darts don't know youse.
Knowledge check(local)
He pointed to each in turn with the fangfile.Humph.You Slicy Nine-Toe,you Korg,and you Nuggle.Me Darts Torchfist.You all Licktoadies.Darts have no tribe.Darts only gob to be caught by Vorka and get aways.
After being ignored, "I talk to you" she picks up some dirt and throws it at Darts " Lady talk, boy listen, hahahaha you dirty"
Darts reacted to the thrown clod of dirt reflexively,performing a nimble forward flip casually so the dirt sailed harmlessly underneath him.He landed with a sneer,pointing his fangfile at her.
Darts no listen to dirty wenches.Darts clean gob.
She then touches Darts with her dirty hand. .
"Hahaha still dirty, you funny jump melikes..."
She then happy about that looks at Korg and Nuggles "me pretty yess? she then sees a cricket jumping down the path and grabs it and eats in one bite. "Marsh has yummy food, yes.... HAHAHAHAHA"
Darts recoiled from her after she reached out and smacked him in the chest,leaving a smear of dirt across his scarred pectorals.His ears dropped to hang past his collarbone in dissapointment.
Blech!
He heard her titter in amusement,simpering about how pretty she was to the other two males before snatching up a large cricket.Its loud chirping ended with a wet smunch as she happily devoured it. He scowled in irritation as he scraped away the mud clinging to his skin.
Muttering to himself,he turned to the other males.So we go into swamp find fireworks? You knows Vorka out theres huntings for any gob that go too far from village.She like Licktoadies---in bad way.
This pale goblin says nothing in the Chiefs presents nor during the little spat between the Slicy and Darts.
Decides to correct Darts. "I not Toadlick, I from Deep Dark." Pointing down at the ground. "Toadlick just let me stay."
The yellow gob squinted at the pale,greenish gray Nuggle curiously.You crawl from Deep Dark? Why you up here's? Me seen Deep Dark. Worse than swamp.
Darts picked his teeth with the spiked end of his fangfile,utterly absorbed in the task.Then he started sharpening them.
Korg just sits quietly for a while, then begins to grin when two of the goblins begin to argue that "Nooooes, they shuuure aren't part of this tribe!" and has to withstand the urge to laugh out laud on the idiocy to say these things before the two leaders of the tribe.
After waiting for a bit, assuming the Chief may ask him to kick some butt or cut some heads, he stands up and moves towards the entrance of the hut. "If tis is all I go home, will go to see bonfire later." He leaves the "building" and scratches his eggs as he thinks about how he just got into another crazy mess. Sure those fireworks were fun but making normal fire seems more effective, and not worth the loss of tribals over it.
Well, maybe something good may come out of it after all, someone here may be able to learn how to make those things on their own if enough is taken home with them.
Looks at the yellow goblin and answers, "Tribe warriors beat Nuggle all time. When Nuggle........fight back, Tribe make flee." *rubs his left shoulder unconsciously.
Hope kill Lotslegs. Useful could it be.
Darts watched the stout Korg warily out the corner of his eye,noticing the thoughtful expression that crossed his squashed face as he stuck a thick hand down his trousers to scratch himself.When the big gob started off from the direction of Moot House,dragging the ungainly large cutlass in the dirt behind him,Darts watched him go.
Korg be smart gob.Not stupid like rest.Keep eyes on him.Maybe...
Then he glanced sidelong at Nuggle.Nuggle be dangerous like poisonteeth snake.He leave Darts be,Darts leave him be! Watch back for knifes...
Then he regarded the female Slicy Nine-Toe.She posed and flaunted herself,twirling her axe and skirt of her filthy dress.......Meh.
Darts listened to Nuggle's reply,a knowing sly look creeping across his face.Bullies always thinking they right.When youse fights backs they acts all surprised...Keh heh heh! Bet youse showed thems you wrong gob to beats on,eh?
"Deep Dark no good food,no?"
She then answers Darts comment. "Bully think right but wrong, but Slicy teach all dead. Slicy no like bully, no like alligator, no like Vorka. Slicy like pretty, is pretty. No baby factory....aaahhhhhhhahahahahah" she gets worked up into a dander and fells a tree in one swing.
Knowledge check
Hmph.Darts already know about stupid Brinestump swamp.Lots of places to hide---and things hiding waitings for you.Like sneaky gators. Darts find out gator can't open mouth if you close it with hands. He rubbed at a ragged scar on his side with a wry grin.
Then he frowned.Me never seens Lotslegs but seen big webs.Saw stuntie stuck in one.It must be biggun bug.
He eyed Slicy as the female commented on his conversation with Nuggle,dissolving into a giggling fit that ended with her taking up her axe and swinging it at a thin,stunted tree that was barely five feet high. His ears flapped back as her blow made the skinny trunk burst into splinters,the gnarled branches and thorny leaves toppling to the ground.
A random goblin hurried over and hauled it away to add to the bonfire the rest of the tribe were building.
Coolly,Darts brushed away stray splinters that landed in his hair.Yes,Slicy pretty fe-gob.
Pretty crazy...
Clears his throat after Slicy's display, "We better ready for fire, getting late."
Slicy laughs at her morose counterparts and skips her way home to get ready for the fire. She makes her way to her home and sees her father, Hammy, working on their home.
The house is the best constructed house of all the regular Licktoads except the Moot House.
"Papa, I meet chief, he have me go mission just like mammy did"
Her father with a big green wrinkly face, scratches his melony head and says Slicy, you careful, you go swamp, watch out, dangers be there like Alligator, Vorka, Goblin baby eater"
After talking with her father and sharpening her axe, she makes her way to the fire.
As night falls there are several Goblins speeding around the camp piling sticks twigs and virtually anything flammable in a heap so that they can light The Greatest Bonfire. The smell of raw fish wafts by you as the biggest and best fishies are brought out. A great feast has been planned; snails, snakes, fish, Halfling fingers, Human nuggets and much more is spread across a huge makeshift table. A hush comes over the camp as a huge keg of apple cider is rolled across the ground it comes to rest at the table. Preparations are over and the Goblins silently stand and wait in awe as their chief is carried out on his Teeter Chair by four struggling Goblins. They place him near the fire and he lifts up a strange looking candle.
He lights a match, eliciting an audible gasp and suddenly shooting fireworks fly from the candle, they blast into the Bonfire engulfing it in flame. Screams and squeals break the silence.
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Darts swaggered off to one of the furthermost corners of the village,to his home--an abandoned animal burrow dug into the base of a huge old willow tree that extended further up into the swollen trunk itself with a peephole and several thorny branches carefully woven into a door.Entering it was still difficult for anyone that wasn't him,and the fact it had several nasty traps to punishment anything trying to get in.
The yellow gob rummaged through his belongings,careful to select anything he might need without overburdening himself.He held up a pair of bolas he'd made himself--a pair of goblin skulls connected with a length of rawhide and hung them from his ouch strap.
Resetting his traps,the yellow gob paused to caress the stone fetish he kept on his person at all times.A forlorn expression made his ears sag as he hugged it.
Darts missings Goat...Darts finds Goat soon.First he findings fireworks for Gutwad.
Then Darts made a comically disgusted face.Gutwad and Licktoadies can suck Darts bawbles!
Shoving the fetish back down his breeches,the yellow gob squeezed out of a narrow hole in the tree's trunk that resembled a distorted mouth and scurried back to the village.
He made sure to avoid eating any humie and halfie bits offered at the feast,shoving juicy barbequed snake,snail,fish,and frog into his maw greedily.At least one thing the Licktoads knew how to do was party!
He let out a gleeful chortle at at the fireworks that scattered sparks into the night sky and sent up the pile of kindling into a blaze.
If he was going for anything,it was definitely for the fireworks!
Slicy excited walks to the bonfire. She plops down and awaits for the ceremony to begin. She elbows an older goblin "This big day for Slicy, big day for Licktoads, HAHAHAHAHA"
She then eats all of the succulent morsels and has some stout Goblin Brew to wash it down. She looks around the fire for her comrades and sees them after a short while.
Every time a firework explodes a huge grin of delight crosses her face and she cannot stop smiling...
Having not been with the Toadlick very long, Nuggle goes to his 'hovel' between two huts. He makes sure everything is in order, then heads to the bonfire site.
After the ceremony begins, Nuggle makes his way to the table to view the delicacies. Most were quite familiar, but he was unfamiliar with the fingers or bits of meat. "What these?" indicating the two items to Slicy.
Slicy looks down at the pieces, grins and says..."Miniman Fingers and Longshanks' arm chunks. Tasty, try one?"
Slicy grabs two of each and gives one of the fingers to Nuggle. She holds the other finger by the nail and sucks all the meat off the bone in one pull and then throws the human nugget in the air and catches it on the edge of her tongue, takes two bites and swallows.
"You try, yummy!"
Darts struggled to hide his disgust at Slicy's display.He simply snorted and fished a swollen appear floating in the barrel and ate it with relish,tongue swiping at the juice that dribbled down his chin.
Bad goblins eats peoples.Darts be good goblin.Goat taught Darts good.
He skewered another boiled frog with his fangfile and tore into the pale,plump flesh.He also plucked a handful of alligator eyes pickled in brine from a bowl.
Korg almost missed the beginning of the party, not that he would have minded that, but he would have certainly mind the anger of the Chief if he would do that. Korg finished up his map just before the dire boar stuff dried out. He knew that making maps is not considered writing, but it was borderline enough to avoid speaking of his hobby, not that anyone would have cared to hear about it anyway.
As he silently watched the fire and the other goblins from a corner he noticed Slicy and the others, discussing the food. Then the reaction of Darts to it. Korg wasn't that picky an eater, but he had this rule of his that if a creature could talk while alive, he would not eat it.
"Leave 'em be Slicy, there is enough food to choose for all of 'em. If you like it and they do not, just take it yourself." Korg suddenly broke the silence to speak to them. Not because he wanted some "friendly converzathiun" or because he wanted to help Darts, but because he wanted to avoid them suddenly killing each other over the difference in tastes, and because that would mean more work for Korg in a way or another.
After seeing the way Slicy ate the finger, Nuggle takes a quick sniff of the one she gave him. He pushed it away and held his nose, "No thank, smell bad." Grabs a couple of snakes and walks off into the crowd of other goblins.
Darts took notice of how neither Korg nor Nuggle ate the people-flesh and grunted with approval.He carefully took up a large shell stuffed with spicy relish and sucked the baked snail out of it.The sensation of heat and taste of brine made him snigger.
Hmm.Korg and Nuggle might be differents.Slicy no know no betters--mebbies.
He washed it down with another sodden cider-apple that burst into delicious spiced mush in his mouth.
Taking in the sight of the flickering tongues of flame that licked at the night sky,the flurry of cinders that scattered like fairy dust across the ground,even the cool swamp air made him content. And a full belly of good food certainly helped to lift the yellow goblin's spirits.
He performed a simple yet clumsy cartwheeled around the bonfire,giggling.
Darts started to dance with enthusiasm.
Several fawning females and younger males watched his performance and cheered.Many followed him around the bonfire,their shadows careening about.
Even Chief Gutwad seemed to enjoy his display.His corpulent daughter,dressed in the finest bits of piecemeal and cobbled items,drooped and clapped appreciatively.
A song started that nearly every gob pitched their voice into.
"
Goblins chew and goblins bite,
Goblins cut and goblins fight,
Stab the dog and cut the horse,
Goblins eat and take by force!
Goblins race and goblins jump,
Goblins slash and goblins bump,
Burn the skin and mash the head,
Goblins here and you be dead!
Chase the baby, catch the pup,
Bonk the head to shut it up!
Bones be cracked, flesh be stewed
Goblins shout and goblins cheat!
Goblins burn and goblins eat!
Torch the house and slay the beast,
Goblins kill and then they feast!
Goblins push and goblins grab!
Goblins steal and goblins stab!
Take their things and tell them lies,
Goblins knife you in the eyes!
Hack the women, gut the men!
Drag their bodies to the den!
Rend the fat and tear the skin,
Boil the pots and toss them in!
"
Darts tried not to sing the worst bits but found it to be irresistibly catchy.
Slicy really gets into the party and starts to sing along with the rest of the Licktoads. She then finds Slorb.
Hello Mr. Slorbie, wanna dance wit me?
Slorb stares at Slicy and her offer to dance, he gulps AHHHHH.
before holding out his hands Yes...Dance. he lets himself be led during the dance.
Afterwards he is quite smitten with Slicy and follows her everywhere, "Me like you Slicy!!!"
Later as the night carries on and after the dancing the Goblins get more and more drunk. Some of the female Goblins formed a gang and chased the males around screaming at them for "Nug nug for baby."
Several of the Goblins round the 4 of you into a corner awe is written across their faces at been given the chance to speak with great champions "You are great warriors, you bring more fireworks for even bigger party." Slorb is with them and tries to hold Slicy "You great warriors, will you dance with..." Suddenly the party goes quiet at his words, everyone is staring.
Here is a picture of the ferocious beast.
Slicy looks at Slorb and laughs "All mens like Slicy, you be chief then I like you too..." then she slaps him on the rump in a very heavy handed motion, Slorb stumbles but doesn't fall.
After Slorb says ride Squealy Nord, she grabs Slorb, pretends like she is going to kiss him and ties him to the pig with her rope. Slorbly, you ride nord first!!!! HAHAHAHA as she broadsides the pig's rear end with her battle axe. The pig runs and everyone laughs....
As Slorb is dragged, kicking and screaming by Squealy Nord he shouts through a mouthful full of dirt "Chief offer big prize to one who ride Squealy Nord and NOO Fall off!!!" He manages to release himself from the pig but as he does it turns, oinks and charges. Slorb screams and runs jumping over the fence and back to the chief, he stands their shaking and muck drips from his face.
Darts,more drunk than sober,cackled with glee as poor Slorb was tied to the pig and carried away on a dizzying ride.As soon as he managed to free himself,he declared a prize for an
The yellow goblin did a flip over into the pen and onto the grunting pig's back.Immediately it exploded into motion,turning round and round in an effort to sling him off.
Darts held on each time the furious pig switched directions before leaping off and onto the side of the fence.He pumped a knobby yellow fist,eyes shining.
Where Darts' prize?! He danced with Squealy More and wins!
You here one Goblin shout out in awe "You big hero, you ride Squealy Nord with no fear." another screams "He no hero, he just Vorka's b***h!!!" A fight quickly breaks out which ends up with both Goblin's unconscious. After the fight the chief kicks Slorb in the head, who quickly picks up a strange circular object. He runs over with it and hands it over. You see that it is a glass bottle filled with a strange liquid that bubbles and froths, the glass feels warm to the touch. "This gove you dragon breath. BURN BURN!!!"
Darts waved his prize triumphantly,slapping his chest with a hard clap.Darts be best,he beat test! Now Squealy Nord need to rest!
Slicy looks and cannot take anything Slorb says serious anyway and laughs incessantly and secretly hopes that Slorb kills Gutwad or vice versa. dance be dance, love not dance, bleh
Nuggle sits quietly watching the antics of his group and the tribe. When Darts rode the pig, he turned a bit paler than he usually is. "Rest time. Big thing next day, need rest." And heads to his, 'hovel.'
As Nuggle is about to walk away Slorb suddenly shouts out "Wait me have more Dares for you all to do." He clears his throat and pulls out a strange wriggling bag from one of his pockets You must eat Bull Slugs in one minute!!! You know that these slugs are nasty to eat even for Goblins. He pulls one out to show the ever gathering crowd, the slug is huge, deep black and incredibly slimy. Large blobs of slime drip from the slug as Slorb wiggles it in the air. He holds it their for a while before dropping it back in the bag. "Which big hero accept big challenge."
Is that alright? :D
Nuggle stops and turns around, "They poisony?"
Slorb smiles "They taste of rotten fish, and burst with a little squeal when chewed. Yeh they are a little poisony sometimes but sometimes best to just eat whole!!!"
Darts,although buzzed from his indulgence of fermented cider apples,wasn't nearly drunk enough to even consider eating bull slugs. He'd rather eat pines needles.
Or even hay like some farm animal.
Blech.Yucky!!
Maybe Nuggle can use. "Let Nuggle try."
Takes the bag and plops the first one in his mouth.
Eats the slimey thing without issue. Eats the next.
Begins choking and coughs the slug up. Then tries again.
"Down two." Takes out the third.
Eats the third without issue. Pulls out the fourth
Down it went and Nuggle pops the final one into his mouth.
Nearly gags and spits it out, then tries again.
Starts choking but coughs it up, and tries again.
After eating the last slug, Nuggle looks at Slorb and says, "Satisfied?" And again begins to walk back to his 'hovel'.
Slicy who has been drinking a lot,just couldn't pay any attention to what Slorb said and by the time she realized that there where dares, had already missed two. Sort of.
As you finish off the final Slug, Slorb turns away his sick spilling onto the ground. He recovers quickly and even though he is pale he quickly retrieves your prize. "Chief let you Borrow his favourite weapon, Gorge of Gluttons. Chief killed many horses with this weapon. You must bring back to chief after victory or your head will pop!!!"
Roll me one final Fort save.
When he hands over the Dogslicer, Slorb is flanked by several mean looking Goblins carrying Clubs. One of the meanest ones growls We play Hide or Get Clubbed. Slorb expands One of you hide, they try to find...if they do you get clubbed. If no you win great prize.
Korg looks up. "I can do the clubbing, or just use my blade if that is easier." He hoped a bit of help may make the whole procedure quicker so he can go to sleep already.
The large goblin stands up, and looks for an easy enough opponent who may be easy and quick to find.
Nuggle stops as Korg speaks up. yipe. He thinks.
"Slicy, why don't you run and hide? You did already have fun with the Chief and the pig, let the Chief and us look for you now, if Chief finds he can mabbe get bonus prize from you too." Korg grins.