The dame whips the little pistol towards the ashy program. "Hey, what's the game here? Is this guy infected?" she snarls. She backs slowly from the kneeling man, eyes darting around the group.
Without thinking, Hunter moves to put himself inbetween the red-dressed dame and the fiery man, re-pocketing the cigarette case, his other arm swinging wide to shield her.
"Relax, doll, ain't no need for the guns...yet."
He cautiously moves closer to Uriel.
"Ya got somethin' ta let the rest of us in on there, Sparky?"
Uriel burst into flames, erupting from every pore and darken crack. The ash sloughs away leaving a brilliant fiery being of energy; "That is better, up-grade complete."
He turns to the rest of them; then to the dame "You wanted a light." his crisp voice crackles with vibrant energy.
"No, I am a self-refreshing upgrading programme. I re-install and using the data collected improve. The natural choice for the next MCP." he says arrogantly.
The fairy is suddenly in a fireman's hat and a flame-retardant minidress. She aims the hose that's suddenly in her hands at Uriel and douses him in fairy dust which comes out in a rainbow stream. Dropping the hose which then fades as all her sparkles do, she cocks her head and regards the newly upgraded Uriel.
"In my estimation, the only thing you need to improve is your ability to collect the data users most want. Efficiency and improvement is only as good as what the users are capable of understanding. We are beholden to the users, and if you become too complex, too complicated, they will simply write a new program and you will become obsolete and unused.
tinker.dll hovers before Uriel's fresh new face, wings glittering and throwing colored light all over. "I think you should focus your next improvement with integration into Friendspace. That way, you can give the users permission to allow me to feed you their data and preferences. You would indeed improve yourself then." tinker.dll's eyes sparkle mischievously.
Then with a laugh, tinker.dll zips over and alights on the barrel of IEFBR14's derringer. Shyly, she looks down while shuffling her feet and twisting with her hands behind her back. "False or not, I still think you're pretty... A pretty little blush effuses her features.
At hearing Uriel Pheonix's request for her opinion, Meowselsworth's ears flick slightly. "Well, if there are viruses among us, a quick way to be rid of them is to have them load the message. One way that we might do so is simple: The next person in alphabetical order from you should checked, if you are able to check, unless you know the next program in the list is safe, in which case you check the program after. Keep things orderly. I am considering other possibilities, but many of you are programmed just for problem solving, I am just a pop tart delivery lolcat. I will share any thoughts that occur to me, though."
"I'm pretty?" The moll looks at the pixie on her gun barrel and shimmers again, revealing a young boy in green holding a spyglass in one hand, the other resting cockily on his waist. "Why, you're the most prettiest thing I've ever seen!" the boy cries enthusiastically. "There are pirates around here. Want to help me find 'em?"
tinker.dll squees and zooms around the pirate hunting boy in green sprinkling a layer of dust all over him while humming a tune from an old Disney movie, You Can Fly.
Everyone can now see that her firegirl's outfit is gone and a short green dress made from a leaf is her current costume.
"Pirates?! I believe Mr Gorski is a pirate, all these anonymous account users generally are." Uriel shakes his head knowingly.
"Want to play a game?"
The little kid looks at the newcomer, still holding the spyglass with the perched pixie. "Sure! Games are fun!"
Whizzing from the fractal trees, and then sprinting from them after that, the tiny green goblin with a cup of coffee hoisted high rushes up to Wowbagger.
"gotstohavecoffetoplayagame itmakeseverygamebetterandyou'llhavelotsofenergy"
Plunking the cup down, the tiny green goblin rushes back into the woods, appearing a moment later with another fresh cup. Sprinting into the middle of the fray, it abruptly stops, drops the cup, and hops into, arms drapped out along the rim as the tiny green goblin relaxes in the warm liquid, it's actions slowing for the first time.
"Break time , say harr.e , spare a smoke for a hard working joe?" The tiny green goblin lazily looks toward the detective, one hand raising from the cup with two fingers extended, the universal sign for a coffin nail request.
Uriel crouches on his haunches to the little java app. "I have a light if you want one." he holds out a flaming hand. "If we get rid of the bugs in the programme Master Control Programme sounds like a good gig, for all of us to share."
Hunter nods to Uriel, then pulls his cigarette case out and shows it to the Java App, the cursive inscription "HLI" plain to see on it.
"Sorry, Joe, this ol' case got nothin' in it. It's jus' a reminder of cycles gone by."
He then tilts his head.
"I bet you've seen a bit in all yer runnin' around there, Java. Whatcha got for us besides the coffee?"
I'm bettin' this little guy is more than what he seems. All these programs are. I know I can't trust ol' Shady again, but it was always too sneaky to get caught by anything, virus or no. The cat and the fairy, I'm bettin' I'll be havin' my little chat with them next. The big 'un and the amazin' origami, they been too reticent by half, and ol' Sparky here's got the smell a death on 'im. This just keeps gettin' more interestin' by the second.
"I think that cooperation sounds rather appealing... it seems like a difficult thing to do all on one's lonesome..." says Meowselsworth, "And frankly I kind of don't want too strenuous an existence: a life without naps is not worth living!" A caption appears as Meowselsworth freeze frames laying down in a digital sunbeam: "SLEEPY CAT IS SLEEPY"
"You're right there harr.e," drawls the tiny green goblin, "Serving coffee gets you close to people, they share things, you see, not the kind of stuff a regular joe should be telling just anyone, but they do. It's a weakness, but ain't flesh ever so. I's got some ideas 'bout folks, but a wise guy don't spill no beans easy like." With a wink the tiny green goblin shuts his trap.
A few bubbles float up in the coffee, with a wide eyed shifty glance the tiny green goblin hops out of the cup.
"backtoworkcan'tbeslackingmastercontrolalwayswatching cupofcoffeeforyouUrielcallitcivetvariety"
The tiny green goblin sprints back into the fractal woods, appearing a moment later with a cup of coffee in one hand and cheeseburger plate in the other. Rushing up to Meowselsworth, it plops down the cheeseburger plate.
"yesyesitcanhazacheezeburger"
Then rushing over to Peter Pan it holds up the fresh cup of coffee.
"eventheeternallyyoungneedcoffee maybeevenmoresothantheaverageperson"
"How about global thermonuclear war?"
The boy takes the cup of coffee and squints critically at it. "Will it make me grow up? I never want to grow up. And global thermonuclear war sounds like a fun new game. Are there pirates in it?"
tinker.dll giggles. "Well there aren't any pirates at the end of it!"
Her watches the sleepy cat, as it's delivered a cheeseburger. "Interesting, pirates? Lets see what this upgrade can do..." He extends a hand to the opposite side from where the Java App rushed from the forest. A crackle of flames and the smell of burnt solder; stretching out to one side is a lake, rolling mists come from nearby.
In the mists there are the occasional strange light; "There amongst that should be your pirates, upon the water." he says with a slight flare of light. The flames flicker and lower as if that took more power than he thought.
"A refreshing beverage if I may Mr Java App." Uriel looks to the tired but enthusiastic programme in askance. "Thermonuclear War? Wouldn't you rather a nice simple game of tic-tac-toe? Or Carcassone?" he says to the group.
Meowselsworth snaps awake at the delivered cheeseburger that she can haz. "Oh, thank you!" The feline eats the burger quite enthusiastically. Nomnomnomnom.
"I hope I am not interrupting," Answerer starts abruptly, its voice dripping with sarcasm, "But I would like to point out that this cycle is nearing its end. While you all have been bickering and indulging in irrelevancies, I have been busy decrypting my portion of the message; I would like to think that you have all been doing the same. The matter of choosing who to load the message is now at hand."
The paper avatar faces harr.e.hunter, nodding curtly.
"Clearly, given the lack of available daten, if we must resort to a method as crude as Process of Elimination, then the subject had might as well be random."
"My process has determined that program designate 'Meowselsworth' should load the message. Its impending success/failure will provide useful data."
"But somebody else is here, somebody who's not talking!" the boy blurts suddenly, pointing at a silent swirl of flashing bits, like a swarm of tiny bugs, "Maybe they want to decrypt it!"
tinker.dll wrinkles her nose at the Answerer's announcement.
"Naw, I much more inclined to go with the program who wants to blow up the world."
Is this little bug for real?
"I gotta tell ya, I don't think he's so much sayin' he wants ta blow up the world as much as he jus' wants ta play a game. I'm thinkin', any program here gets infected by a virus, it's prob'ly the program that spends all her time playin' in social networks. No tellin' what you're catchin' hangin' around in those cesspools. Sorry, honey."
"Really, Mr Detective. I guess your reasoning is sound, then if it's the one with the greatest number of competent users. It'll be you Mr Gorski." Uriel says looking from the dark detective to the Heavy-set man.
Wowbagger's spouts, "That does not compute. The purpose of PLAYING global tnuclear war is to learn neither side can win. Tinker does not understand and has limited information. Programming must be corrupted."
"I suspect the program that refuses to complete its loading. Its only motivation is to avoid being derezzed." The boy's shape becomes more blocky and forms a 16-bit image. "I vote for the shifty new guy."
Uriels flames dwindle until he is a pure white figure. "Tiny sprite are you corrupt? A virus!" he picks her up accusingly before she flies away leaving pale cream prints on his hands.
tinker.dll flutters away from Uriel with an admonishing look.
Looking at harr.e.hunter, tinker.dll says, "Virus? Me?" Peals of laughter echo from the small program. "I am much too small, and my files are much too useful. I am merely the gatekeeper. The users themselves have to give me permission to allow access. What would anyone gain from infecting me?"
Turning to Wowbagger, the fairy icon looks at him quizzically. "Games are for fun. They are pointless and time consuming, but posting their accomplishments and when they eventually win makes the users feel good!" She vigorously shakes her head. "Nobody wants to play a game they can't win."
The tiny green goblin rushes back to the group, coffee splashing everywhere.
"thevotemustbefortheslow whoeverdoesn'tdrinkcoffeeshouldbetheone whowantsacup"
tinker.dll looks confused. But then raises her hand and says in a small voice. "Me?"
Uriel looks concerned; "Is that mine?"
Becoming almost a blur as it moves, the tiny green goblin rushes to the fractal woods and back repeatedly, plunking a cup of coffee down in front of everyone, including itself at the last.
"therenoweveryonehassome wecandecryptourpartsquickly lastonedonegetstoassembleandloadtheprogram"
The tiny green goblin quickly drinks down the cup in front of it.
"Ahhthatsagoodcupofjoe"
Then it turns the cup upside down and shoves it to the center of the group.
"thereismydecryptedpart whowantsit"
"Personally, I would abstain until we have further information... wait to actually load the program based on any functions other programs display," says Meowselsworth mildly, "I have my part of the decryption finished, but I'd rather not have an innocent program face deletion. That is the other option, Answerer: perhaps it is better than process of elimination."
Caption: "LAZEE CAT: NO WANT TO COMMIT MURDERZ."
The Answerer gives the closest approximation to a shrug that it can muster as the others suggest their own candidates.
"Making decisions based on intuitions is the very basis of faulty logic. Your solitary 'hunches' are meaningless without data to accompany them."
It then turns to Meowselsworth, a brief stream of code running across its body.
"This is not a question of innocence. It is one of appropriate function. There is no logical imperative for abstinence."
"If we would prefer a virus load the file, then we should proceed in such a way that forces a virus to load the file, ensuring a more powerful force of us to collaborate," offers Meowselsworth, "And if you do not think it is a priority to eliminate a virus, then I question your nature."
"Words!!!
The master control program watches, and remains silent.
"Well, if we have to kick someone from the raid, I'll do Answerer's approach. Let's see who wins the loot?"
"Looks like IEFBR14 is getting my vote kick!"
"I suspect the program that refuses to complete its loading. Its only motivation is to avoid being derezzed." The boy's shape becomes more blocky and forms a 16-bit image. "I vote for the shifty new guy."
More Words!
Angry Words!
"Haha! Silly man. 'H' comes before 'I'. Your vote is really for harr.e because 'Hamish' was not on that list. And there are ten of us, not nine. I haven't been to school in ages, and even I can count that high!" the boy in green crows.
1-Answerer
2-Eldon Gorski
3-Hamish Cunningham
4-harr.e.hunter
5-IEFBR14
6-Java App
7-Meowselsworth
8-tinker.dll
9-Uriel Phoenix
10-Wowbagger tIP
"So your votes are really for Java App and harr.e, not for Meowselsworth and me. How are you going to grow up to be MCP when you can't even count? And you exempted Wowbagger tIP. You people using Answerer's algorithm need to vote again!"
Let's try again!
The boy gives the warrior a big grin and a thumbs-up. "Good going, mister! We'll find those pirates yet!" He raises a cup of coffee, toasts the group, and drinks it down in one gulp, setting the empty cup upside-down before him. "There! My part is done, Hamish. Help yourself."
The Answerer shifts uncomfortably, looking rather embarrassed with itself.
"Hmph! Well, it would appear that I overlooked one of you. My apologies, Meowselsworth."
"Imagine that. I will adjust my vote to program designate 'Eldon Gorski'. Now, unless any more programs are floating about unaccounted for, I suggest we get a move on."
tinker.dll blows out a huff. A cloud of sparkles puffs out before fading away. "Fine, then if you are insistent on the random rolling, let's really make it interesting!"
tinker.dll pulls out a black orb with the number "8" painted in a white circle. She shakes it happily like moving it from one side of her head to the other with both hands like she is making a cocktail.
- 1. = Java App
- 2. = Hamish Cunningham
- 3. = tinker.dll
- 4. = harr.e.hunter
- 5. = IEFBR14
- 6. = Uriel Phoenix
- 7. = Wowbagger tIP
- 8. = Java App
- 9. = Hamish Cunningham
- 10. = Wowbagger tIP
- 1. = Java App
- 2. = Wowbagger tIP
- 3. = Hamish Cunningham
"'Reply hazy, try again'!" The fairy bursts out in irritation. She stamps her foot on nothing and then vigorously shakes the orb again.
- 1. = Wowbagger tIP
- 2. = Wowbagger tIP
- 3. = Java App
"Magic 8-Ball says, 'Without a doubt'." tinker.dll nods her head in satisfaction. "See? I told you. The one who wants to blow up the world." She then lifts one hand and rolls her eyes. "Since blowing up the world to prove no one wins is such a great idea as a game."
"Interestin', very interestin', Wowbagger, that ya didn't determine your vote randomly. Instead, you were pretty quick to jump on the first opportunity. I wasn't tryin' ta drive no bandwagon, but I'm bettin' that a virus, he'd be pretty quick ta jump on one, given the chance. Sorry, bub, but I'm thinkin' you're playin'for the wrong team."
tinker.dll picks up the new espresso cup left by the Java App and drinks it down.
"Global thermonuclear war sounds like a bad game, even if nobody wins. It's not fun."
"Well, once again I have a special role, but it is not an infected one. Voting for me will help the infected programs."
"Well, if he says he's special, maybe we should believe him. Nobody else has said so. Besides, the big man looks strong. I don't think a little decryption will derezz him!" the boy chirps.