Hushfoot Bocan


Round 3: Create a Bestiary entry

RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32, 2012 Top 4 aka OamuTheMonk

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This bristly quadruped creeps silently along a cavern wall using long, dexterous forelimbs. Its grinning mouth is full of needle-like teeth, and ridged, oversized ears dominate its vulpine face.

Hushfoot Bocan CR 7
XP 3,200
CN Medium magical beast
Init +5; Senses darkvision 60 ft., blindsense 120 ft.;
Perception +15

----- Defense -----
AC 20, touch 16, flat-footed 14 (+5 Dex, +1 dodge, +4 natural)
hp 90 (10d10+40)
Fort +11, Ref +12, Will +7
Defensive Abilities Immune sonic; SR 17
Weaknesses light sensitivity

----- Offense -----
Speed 40 ft., climb 20 ft.
Melee bite +15 (1d8+3 plus bleed and numbing saliva), 2 claws +15 (1d6+1)
Space 5 ft.; Reach 5 ft.
Special Attacks bleed (1d6), numbing saliva, vertigo pulse

----- Statistics -----
Str 17, Dex 21, Con 18, Int 6, Wis 14, Cha 12
Base Atk +10; CMB +13; CMD 28 (32 vs.trip)
Feats Dodge, Iron Will, Mobility, Spring Attack, Weapon Finesse
SkillsClimb +19, Perception +15, Stealth +13; Racial Modifiers +8 Climb, +8 Stealth
Languages Aklo
SQ sonic shroud

----- Ecology -----
Environment any underground
Organization solitary, gang (2-5), or colony (6-15)
Treasure standard

----- Special Abilities -----
Sonic Shroud (Su) As a standard action, a hushfoot bocan can manipulate the vibrations within its body in order to conceal itself from non-visual senses. While shrouded, a hushfoot bocan makes no sound and cannot be detected using blindsense, blindsight, or tremorsense. It can maintain this effect as long as it takes only move actions.

Numbing Saliva (Ex) In addition to powerful anticoagulant properties, a hushfoot bocan's saliva contains a potent anesthetic. When an uninjured creature is bitten by a hushfoot bocan, he must make a DC 18 Fortitude save or fail to realize he has been injured (and is suffering bleed damage). Each round he is entitled to an additional save, in order to detect the subtle injury. An adjacent ally can detect the injury with a Perception check at the same DC. Suffering additional injury, from any source, also ends the effect. Once the effect has ended, he is immune to the effects of bocan numbing saliva for 24 hours. The save DC is Constitution-based.

Vertigo Pulse (Su) As a standard action, once every 1d4+1 rounds, a hushfoot bocan can project a 60' cone of disorienting sonic energy. Living creatures within the cone fall prone and are sickened for 1d6 rounds. DC 18 Fortitude save negates. A hushfoot bocan is immune to the vertigo pulses generated by other bocans. The save DC is Charisma-based, and includes a +2 racial bonus.

Hushfoot bocans are fecund Darklands predators that thrive near any sizable underground population, attacking travelers and invading poorly-guarded communities to prey on the unwary. Bocans are opportunistic hunters that favor humanoid meat, although any creature is a potential meal. They have strong familial bonds, and live closely packed in well-hidden warrens or crevices, where they accumulate a communal hoard. These spoils, collected from their prey, are treated as objects of fetish worship. In a typical bocan colony, a well-crafted sword is revered as an icon of martial prowess, a holy symbol represents deceased ancestors, and coinage is symbolic of fertility. A colony spends its leisure hours carefully sorting and rearranging its hoard, or quietly regarding individual pieces. While hushfoot bocans are deathly quiet while hunting, a well-fed bocan can be rambunctious and talkative within its family or among allies. A typical hushfoot bocan is about 6 feet long, 4 feet high at the shoulder, and weighs 170 pounds. Although they cannot be domesticated, enterprising svirfneblin have achieved short-term alliances with bocans, and sometimes use them as sentries or mounts.

Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

Hey, James...welcome to Round 3. This carousel doesn't end until you either fall out of the competition or win the whole thing. You've been chugging along through the competition just about how I'd expect from someone with prior experience in RPG Superstar. But last round I felt like you didn't go big enough. I wanted to see something more like the bold idea you introduced with your wondrous item. So, let's see what you've given us this time around.

Wall of Text:

Spoiler:

First off, going into monster design, a freelance designer has to recognize certain basic elements of the game...the give-and-take of all the variables upon which it's mechanically founded. The most important defining characteristic (which has a trickle down effect) in monster design is its Challenge Rating (CR). The rules for Round 3 already told you what that would be...i.e., CR 7. Thus, the "test" for this round isn't just determining if you can cook up a really great idea for a monster. It's also to see how well you can interpret what a CR 7 monster is meant to have, mechanically-speaking, that distinguishes it from a CR 6 or a CR 8 monster.

So, what are the trickle down effects you need to know for a CR 7 creature? In general, its AC should be around 20. Its hit points should be around 85. Its best saving throws should be around +10 and its weaker saving throws should still be around +6. The damage curve potential for a combat-focused CR 7 monster should be around a +13 attack inflicting an average of 22-30 points of damage per round if all its attacks manage to hit an opponent. Even a less combat-focused CR 7 monster should still have around a +10 attack and the DCs for any special abilities or SLAs should be a DC 17 for a primary power and a DC 12 for a lesser power. There's still wiggle room within these numbers, but typically, if you make one of those things higher or lower, you want to offset it with a variation in one of the other statistics above.

Additionally, monsters should be built around the non-standard array for their ability scores (i.e., 11, 11, 11, 10, 10, 10) before applying racial adjustments. These adjustments should always come in even-numbered increments (i.e., +2, +4, +6, etc.). That means for a basic monster design, you should end up with three odd-numbered ability score values and three even-numbered ability score values.

Okay. With all that serving as your baseline, let's see where you've taken us...

Creativity Factor:
I like that you've given us a magical beast. The game could use more of these types of creatures.

Good, initial read-aloud text to give us a description.

I like that it's a Darklands creature that relies on darkvision to see things within 60 feet and blindsense to detect creatures out to 120 feet.

I also like the concept of the "stealth-mode" sonic shroud ability and the additional sonic attack form with the vertigo pulse. Nice.

I didn't really care for the numbing saliva element. I get what you're going for...but the description of that ability just falls flat for me. Anaesthetics in general don't take effect so fast that you don't even recognize you've been injured at all. I can understand saying they don't realize they're suffering bleed damage as a result of such an injury. But that's not really how it's worded.

The fetish worship of objects taken from (presumably) humanoid victims felt kind of tacked on...or overly convenient...to me. And, the description of these creatures as "fecund" at CR 7 while picking off travelers or all the inhabitants of poorly-guarded communities in the Darklands seemed sort of at odds. Someone should notice them rather quickly if they're that prevalent. Likewise, having these creatures occasionally domesticated by deep gnomes felt out of sync, too. Almost as if those ideas would better fit a creature with a lower CR.

Lastly, with a base Int 6, how much of a culture are these quadrupeds really expected to have? I kept wavering between imagining them as intelligent, stealthy hunters vs. dumb, animalistic predators. And I think the design might have worked better if you'd settled on one of those things and stuck with enhancing that image alone.

Mechanical Considerations:
Just because I'm OCD, I did a very quick number crunching of your design using the spreadsheet Paizo provides us as freelancers. I thought it was important to do that just to give some kind of assessment on your technical skills. You were actually really solid here. I ran into just a couple of things that seemed off to me. You might want to go back and double-check the following:

- Magical beasts normally include low-light vision in addition to darkvision. It seemed a little odd to see that tossed out.

- Your hit point calculation is wrong. You settled for 5 points per Hit Die, when average hit points per die is actually 5.5. As such, the bocan should have 95 hit points as written.

- There are some problems in the attack line of the stat-block. If you've got a claw/claw/bite beast, one set of those attacks is typically a secondary attack (and thus, takes a -5 penalty), assuming it makes all of the attacks at once (and most monsters in this vein do). If you want to offset that penalty, that's where the Multiattack feat comes into play. Also, three +15 attacks is actually a bit higher than you'd normally see in a CR 7 creature. And, your damage codes don't match up with a Medium size creature. You could upgrade them with Improved Natural Attack (once for each attack form), but there's nothing here to indicate that. Despite this, your damage curve potential with this monster is actually fairly low. On average, it'll mete out 15-16 points of damage per round, far lower than the 22-30 you'd normally expect from a CR 7 beast. Normally, you could make some exceptions here if there were offsetting elements...like, maybe this beast isn't meant to be a melee combatant. But, from its description, that does seem to be its design niche and I think you didn't quite do it enough justice in that regard. Still, you do have the bleed effect contributing to things and the numbing saliva...so maybe that helps offset some of that concern?

- Good job on the feat assignments and skill points. You even remembered to list those skills that benefit only from its racial modifiers and no actual skill ranks.

- I didn't care for the ongoing Fortitude save necessary to realize you've been bitten by the numbing bite of a hushfoot bocan. Especially considering anyone else can notice it with a Perception check. That just felt at odds to me. Additionally, the save DC (being Con-based) ought to be 1 point higher than DC 18, based on the creature's Hit Dice and everything.

Presentation:
A few missteps here. You don't need to list the Defensive Abilities tag when you've only got Immune and SR in play. Defensive Abilities doesn't actually include immunities and spell resistance. It's a separate category of stuff. You missed a space between Skills and Climb. And you make reference to 60' when it should be 60-ft. when describing the vertigo pulse. You really need to break that habit, as it's not how you should refer to game terms like that. Seeing as how you got it right in the range for the creature's darkvision and blindsense, it's clear you know how it should be done. Just be consistent with it.

Bottom Line:
I like where this design was headed. There are several individual things that bothered me, though, both in mechanical design, stat-block presentation, and the creative focus to it. I'd have liked to see more of that tightened down. And maybe the time constraints just didn't necessarily give you an opportunity to polish everything up as much as you wanted.

Given all that, I'm going to put myself ON THE FENCE for this monster. I'll leave it up to the voters and see what they think. If you make it through, I'd be interested in seeing what kind of encounter you can cook up for us by applying all the lessons you've learned so far.

Looking back across your earlier work, I liked your rajah's silhouette very much, but felt a little less enthusiastic about your organization with the Cold Hearth Lodge. I think you need find your stride by turning up the awesome factor on your creative ideas and then make sure you're as technically proficient with it as possible. The competition is tightening at this point in the game and you can't afford to take your foot off the gas. Keep your eye on the prize and best of luck in the voting.

Legendary Games, Necromancer Games

James, good job advancing to Round 3!

What I am looking for:I’m a big picture guy more than a minute details guy. I don’t think just seeing if you crunched out the rules properly is the right way to judge a good entry for this round. Of course you need to execute the stat block properly. Luckily, Sean, Neil and others are way more qualified than I am to talk about the nit picks and issues with the stat block so I will leave that to them. My comments to you will be more “big picture.” For me, I want to see a monster that is fun and playable—a monster that leaps of the page and makes me find a way to incorporate it at the game table. That, to me, is a superstar monster. So here we go…

Initial Impression: Sneaky numbing-saliva sonic monsters. Interesting, but are they superstar?

The Concept (name, overall design choices, design niche, playability/usability, challenge): B
Hmmmm. These are cool. But they are better as servitor creatures for other monsters, much like a warg is cool on its own but better as evil companions to nastier creatures. And the description should say that. Maybe you achieve that with the one-liner about deep gnomes, but I'm not sure. The strange item worship stuff is a bit too much for me. Seems like an overly metagame reason for a neat magic item in their hoard. I also have to admit I don’t care for the name. The words make sense, but they somehow fail to capture the essence of these things. I also marked you down a bit because while hit and run style skirmishers are cool, the “I can only ambush the solitary guard” monsters don’t really get much play (except as servants of other monsters). Yours could be either, but you didn’t firmly establish that. That is a monster concept issue. Don’t pick a type of monster (the solo ambusher) in a contest like this as that really limits its use and playability.

Execution (quality of writing, organization, Golarion-specific, use of proper format, quality of content—description, summary of powers, rules execution, mechanics innovation): B
That said, I like the three abilities. The sonic shroud is a great power for a creature that would have to deal with tremorsense, etc. Not sure how the numbing saliva would work in game play, since even if numb most people would see the attack. But I like the idea. I think there are some holes in the execution, and not just related to stat block math. I need a bit more detail on the numbing saliva.

Tilt (did it grab me, do I want to use one in an adventure?, mojo, just plain fun factor): A
I have to admit I liked it. I could see these on the game table. I want to find a way to work them into an encounter, and that matters.

Overall: B+
Good, but needs a bit more spice.

Recommendation: I DO RECOMMEND voters consider this monster to advance to the Top 8.

Your silhouette was amazing though I thought you didn’t quite keep pace with the Lodge. This entry is more of the latter than the former. If you advance, you need to find the mojo from round 1 and really kick it up a notch.

You got a marginal recommend from me. If you make it, you better bring your “A-game” next round.

The competition is tight and I wish you the best of luck!

Contributor

Welcome to Round 3! I'm posting this little blurb at the top of my reply for everyone. FYI, I'm not going to crunch all the math in your stat block, for several reasons. One, I don't have an hour for each monster. :) Two, I'm sure you've been very diligent about this and if anything is wrong, it's probably only off by a little bit. Three, if you were writing this for publication in a Paizo book, you'd be using our stat block spreadsheet, which takes care of the math for you--your job is to understand the rules and bring the mojo. Four, Neil's going to scrutinize that stuff because he is a machine. :) My focus in this review is on the overall coolness and balance of your monster, with an eye on how efficiently you put it together and a spot-check of stat block elements that catch my eye.

Blindsense 120 feet is huge. It all but makes it impossible to sneak up on these things because they know you're coming from far away (120 feet is huge in terms of a dungeon map).

I'm not sure why immunity to sonic makes sense. Obviously they have sensitive hearing, but I'm not sure why that equates to protected sensitive hearing. Also, see my rant on the R3 pyrebloom about blanket energy immunities, particularly at this level. And, because bards are the one class that strongly relies on sonic damage rather than other types, this immunity really hoses the bard. If you gave it this just to make sure it's immune to vertigo pulse, stating that immunity in the description of vertigo pulse is sufficient.

I like the numbing saliva ability, though I think it needs a little more explanation or a suggestion about how the monster uses this ability (such as sneaking up, biting one creature, then retreating and letting the bleed effect do its work). It should also clarify that another numbed bite doesn't break the effect, otherwise the monster can only sneak-bite someone one time.

The problem with sonic shroud is not all creatures have sound- or vibration-based blindsight or blindsense, so your monster's ability has flavor text at odds with other rules in the game.

I guess my main problem with this creature is it's another sneaky Darklands predator. There's nothing that really jumps out at me that makes me want to use this thing instead of some other monster with a similar niche. The numbing saliva is cool but I'm not sure it's going to accomplish much against a party of multiple PCs... against solitary prey, sure, but if you have allies, it's mostly an annoyance because someone is going to notice you're injured and bleeding.


It's a big dog-shaped creature that will try to eat you if it can then worship your stuff.

Stats are OK for CR7 (lot of hp though).

This is a pretty basic monster chassis. SuperStar content will come from the special abilities.

Sonic Shroud is awesome. I'll be using this in my own campaign. It's a limited form of invisibility and it makes perfect sense.

Numbing Saliva. Not awesome. I've been bitten by a huge dog-thing. How do I not notice this? Maybe this makes sense for something like a mosquito that is supposed to be able to bite me and then get away before I slap it, but come on, this thing is man-sized!

Vertigo Pulse: OK, this is a very very dangerous ability. Every couple of rounds, this thing goes off, and if members of the party fail a pretty high save (for CR7) they're in big, big trouble. This is likely to be the death of one or two PCs per encounter - especially wizards and sorcerers. If this thing manages to get the drop on the party (literally, like from the ceiling) it could take out a spellcaster before that PC even gets to act (surprise round + a good initiative roll). Being prone & sickened is a cumulative -6 penalty on melee attack rolls and being sickened also reduces your save. There's a good chance you could be hit by this effect multiple times.

Overall I think this is a serviceable entry. It has good flavor and it holds together mechanically. It's not whaoo, but its not boring either. Vertigo Pulse is really the determining factor here and I'd have to play test this to really get a sense for how dangerous (or not) it really is.

I'm giving this a B-.

I recommend that you vote for this designer.


@Neil: you are still thinking in 3.5 terms when it comes to secondary attacks, it was changed in Pathfinder so now unless noted otherwise any number of natural attacks can be primary - only specific types of natural attacks become secondary (Natural attacks table.

@James: It looks decent but during the first reading it hadn't captivated me much. Numbing saliva is meh. Sonic shroud should only work against sonic-based blindsense/blindsight (minor rewording of its description should be done: instead of claiming to protect from non-visual senses it should say it works against sonic-based senses. Scent, lifesense and a few other abilities are non-visual senses too).

RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32, 2012 Top 4 aka OamuTheMonk

Thank you for your thoughtful comments, judges. I hope everyone will read, comment on, and most of all vote for Hushfoot Bocan. Thanks for your time, everybody!

Dark Archive

This was one of the four I said 'yes' to immediately.

I like the sound/vibration theme going on, as it's not something I see a lot in monster design (compared to abilities related to fire or acid) and might have taken it a step further and made it eyeless (and yet still light sensitive) and given it scent.

Vertigo pulse suggests one set of tactics (sneak up on people and bowl them over and attack them while they're arse-over-teakettle) while numbing saliva suggests another (sneak up, take a nip, and retreat while bleed takes them out). Focusing on one set of tactics might have been better, and then developing a secondary ability that fit with those tactics, such as a dim mak vibration-death-touch ability similar to the old Monk to mix with the bleed effect, or a bonus to attack creatures that are prone (and AoO and reach to punish those nearby regaining their feet) for the vertigo pulse synergy.

Meshing the flavor of the two abilities, and having the Hushfoot's vibrational aura be the cause of the bleed effect, instead of anticoagulant saliva (which, granted, fits with the giant wingless underdark bat-dog appearance of the critter, by calling back to the vampire bat), could be funky, so that the creature instead creates an aura of subsonic vibrations that causes wounded people in the area to begin bleeding, while it remains stealthed, hoping to either lick up the spilled blood when they leave, or, ideally, eat them when they keel over from blood loss.

Still, cool idea here, and I like it better than the average darklands predator!

Owner - House of Books and Games LLC , Marathon Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

Neil Spicer wrote:
Additionally, monsters should be built around the non-standard array for their ability scores (i.e., 11, 11, 11, 10, 10, 10) before applying racial adjustments. These adjustments should always come in even-numbered increments (i.e., +2, +4, +6, etc.). That means for a basic monster design, you should end up with three odd-numbered ability score values and three even-numbered ability score values.

hah!

And people gave me crap for wondering where the heck the athach's stats came from.

[/threadjack] :-)

Star Voter Season 6

I'm on the fence with this one, to tell you the truth. I like the idea of it, though there is something lacking and not sure what.

Scarab Sages Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7

This is sort of a B vote for me, to tell the truth. The creature is ok, usable and fits a niche - unfortunatly that niche has quite a few contestants and nothing about your entry compells me to use it for an adventure. Still, I like it better then a few other entries and I try to give full votes every round. Also, I liked your Cold Hearth lodge so, after being on the fence for some time, I give you my vote.


It's a giant flightless vampire bat by the sounds of it. The vertigo pulse is a bit overpowered, and the fact that they can hunt in packs means the players could be hit by this attack every round.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9

There's some disconnect with their ecological niche and CR, but really that's my biggest concern with this monster. I love how they fit really well into their environment, with their sonic-invisibility, and I love vertigo pulse...

Okay, numbing saliva is a little silly, because if a man-sized dog bites you you're going to see and hear it in addition to feeling it. but, it could probably be cut and not change the monster in any way.

I'm probably going to vote for this.


My criteria for deeming a monster voteworthy:

1. Can I drop this into my home campaign and still do something interesting with it outside of Golarion? Absolutely. This guy works well in any underground area.

2. Does this monster inspire me to design an encounter just for the purpose of featuring it? Yes. I like the package of special abilities you've assembled, especially the numbing saliva and sonic shroud (though I do think that tremorsense should still detect a creature that becomes invisible due to vibration).

3. Will my players think the monster's physical description is cool, or will they laugh it off of the table? They will dig how this creature looks, and so do I.

Additional Thoughts: I missed this one on the first pass through the entries, but on giving it a second look, I think it's quite voteworthy.

RPG Superstar 2014 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 6 aka Evil Paul

I'm voting for this because it is well put together and well designed. I like the idea of designing "the worg" for svirfneblin - I agree with Clark, this is a good goal, and I think you were aiming for that even if it wasn't as explicit as it could have been.

My only problem is it's the sort of monster that DMs who are jerks get a kick out of using. You know the sort of DM who would lord it over the "you don't feel the bite" ability and then when you finally do detect the creature and you all start the fight on 1/2 HP, he would cackle with glee as he screws you over with the vertigo pulse in the surprise round. It's probably not a monster I would use as DM, nor one I would enjoy as a player, but that doesn't mean it isn't put together well.

Liberty's Edge

This monster reminds me of a cross between a giant vampire bat and a Defel, a shadowy alien species from Star Wars.

I find it hard to believe that a creature won't notice when it's taken the equivalent of a longsword strike to wherever it's been bit.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 8 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7 aka Demiurge 1138

There's a lot to like with this monster. The subterranean bat-dog niche is an interesting one, and I love the mental images that crop up with this thing slinking along cavern walls behind prey. Unlike some of the judges, I like the idea of them having communities where they worship the trinkets of humanoid races--it seems appropriate for their cunning-but-not-bright mental abilities.

The various sonic abilities are well-crafted and tightly themed. But then there's that numbing bite thing. I can understand the appeal of it; it's a vampire bat thing. But when a big wolf-monster is taking a chunk out of your thigh and you're bleeding everywhere, it shouldn't be that difficult to notice. Maybe for you, if it's in Stealth mode and you're hopped up on drugged spit, but for your party members? It should take less than a DC 18 Perception check to notice that you're missing half your leg and trailing blood everywhere.

Also, a 3.5ism snuck in here. Its claws should do full Str bonus to damage.

This entry has a few flaws, but I like it anyway. The monster is flavorful, and I'd gladly use one. You have my vote. Good luck with the rest of the voters!


This is an interesting monster. I don't have an issue with the Numbing Saliva ability given that it is a monster that hunts from Stealth, and being able to take out your targets silently can be to your advantage. that said, it would have been nice to have a bit more details in how these types of creatures typically hunt so we would know how you wanted all the abilities to work together.


casiel wrote:

This monster reminds me of a cross between a giant vampire bat and a Defel, a shadowy alien species from Star Wars.

I find it hard to believe that a creature won't notice when it's taken the equivalent of a longsword strike to wherever it's been bit.

My take is it seems to be an ability to ambush single creatures (like some others have mentioned), mainly like getting shot or stabbed suddenly. You might not notice you've been injured in those cases, and if you didn't seek medical attention you might bleed out. If something sneakily bodychecks you in the Darklands, you might not notice you're bleeding out, and the beast can then track and finish you off in your weakened state. This won't be as effective in a group, true, but I can totally see a Darklands predator developing something like this.

I like it. I like the cultural bits too, I think it adds a flavor and would help keep the beasts from being just straight up combat fodder. It presents an avenue for RP contact other than just 'Let's kill 'em!'


I like these guys. The sonic shroud is a really fun power. The vertigo pulse is fun as well.

The numbing bite doesn't quite make sense to me. It seems odd, anesthetics aren't going to make you fail to notice a scary critter biting you. I think I'd rather see a slowing poison with an anesthetic flavor, or something similar that seems more plausible and still goes with their tactics.

I liked the intro text, I like them 'creeping silently' it adds something to the place where you find out just HOW silently. I might have liked something like spider climb for 'em and not just climb ability, based on those visuals.

They definitely got a spot in my imagination.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Phloid

I don't really care for the quadrupedal predator type of creature. The game has a ton of them. Basically I have to ask myself if I would choose an encounter with this over a barghest or a goblin dog or a akata or a aurumvorax or a hellcat or a howler or a krenshar or a leucrotta or a worg or any of the others I'm missing. This one gives me a reason in the Numbing Saliva ability. I like it, though I think it could be done better mechanically. One of the judges thought it was silly, but there are many a fight in real life where a person doesn't realize that they are stabbed or shot and that bullet or knife wasn't coated in anesthetic saliva. As long as these things move with some speed I can buy it. And I love the "dude, your bleeding, you better wrap that up" character interaction. I wish it could easily be hidden from the player as well as his character.

"The fight's over and oh, guess what. You've been bleeding for the past 5 rounds. Take 17 more damage."
"I'm dead!"

I really don't like the name, but I liked the creature enough to vote for it.

Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7

This thing got one of my three votes that round.

Your monster is imaginative and conceptually sound. I very much like the invisibility like effect against darkvision - makes a lot of sense and could lead to some fun encounters with a group that depends on these to escape notice.

That said, I advise you to get a better grip on the mechanics if you make it to the next round.

Secondary attacks not getting a malus without Multiattack feat is a glaring mistake as is giving out only 5 HP per die instead of 5.5. This suggests that you have problems with fundamental rules.

Still I think you've got something here and I very much like to see what you can do next round.


As a monster designer, I look forward to this phase of the contest most..so lets see..
I really like this one..except for the name. Ouch.
I like all the abilities on this one, even if the sonic shroud makes the GM think on their feet a bit. The numbing bite is tricky, just from the sheer size of the bite. 1d8 damage is a lot not to notice..this may have been better as a sting or something small that then bleeds them out.
In the end..I really see this as a useful tribe of creatures in my home games. I have not decided on my votes yet, but this may well be one of them.

Scarab Sages RPG Superstar 2009 Top 4 , Star Voter Season 6 aka raidou

James, this is an interesting take on the "underdark predator" monster type. Uses sonic energy in some new ways, too. Good Luck!

Here's what I like:
- Well-described, very vicious, very monstrous.
- both sonic shroud and vertigo pulse are cool abilities that feel mechanically new.
- I could easily use a monster like this; it's not too specialized to just drop into a home game.

Here's what I don't like:
- Numbing saliva is kind of awkward. I see what you're going for but I don't think this will really work well in practice.
- few stats errors that are slightly off. SR is non-standard for this CR, claws add full STR bonus to damage, etc.
- not enamored with the monster's name. "Hushfoot Bocan" doesn't evoke the kind of menace I hope for with a creature like this.


Eric Bailey wrote:
- not enamored with the monster's name. "Hushfoot Bocan" doesn't evoke the kind of menace I hope for with a creature like this.

I keep reading "Hushfoot Bacon" and picturing a pig on tiptoes.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka Epic Meepo

Note: I'm only giving a full review to finalists that requested one in the Top 32 Guildhall.

Though numbing saliva could be worded better, I'm nevertheless giving this monster the Epic Meepo Seal of Approval.

Scarab Sages RPG Superstar 2013 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Steven T. Helt

This won't be the most popular comment, but I struggle with the notion that intelligent creatures that favor the meat of other humanoids can be neutral and not evil. Give them an Int of 2 and a harsh climate, and I'm okay with neutral. Give them enough personality to count their stash and choose one type of prey over another and I see evil.

I don't se anything about these guys that ties them to Golarion instead of any other underdark-ish setting. That's not the most important thing, I know, But the contest requires a Golarion monster. Some entries have Nexian alchemists and the like, your is just 'anywhere underground'.

Some of these new mechanics are great, though. You could use better language and be more clear about numbing saliva, but the idea that the party doesn't know one of its members is suffering bleed damage is GREAT. Likely not catastrophic - mostly players hear the hp they lose and then heal up after combat, which would take care of the bleed damage. But sometimes, players assume they're fine until a bigger challenge comes along, and that makes this encounter exciting.

Sonic shroud is good, though the creature now lives in the same space as the destrachan, an awesome and underutilized, social, villainous race. You give great glimpses into the society of this race, I'd have liked to see that destrachans either use them or hate them based on the creature's abilities.

Weapon Finesse semms arbitrary to me. The beast has a decent bite attack using its Strength score. Power Attack, Alertness, Stealthy - these sorts of feats fit into that design better.

Decent idea. If you pass to next round, mechanical risks like sonic shroud and numbing saliva are the thinking that will inspire players. But go for a bigger idea than you did here. Another Darklands menace doesn't feel Superstar.

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9

Like a lot of other people, I may not like the Numbing Saliva, but I like the Vertigo Pulse, and I love the Sonic Shroud. The way you describe Sonic Shroud is just cool and makes sense. If nothing else, I would pull that special ability out of your entry to tack on to something in my game. Good job!

Dedicated Voter Season 8

Congratulations on top 8! Sorry I didn't make it here earlier. Your entry has some really good ideas, though I'll have to admit it felt too unfocused for a vote to me.

Best of luck in the next round!


James Olchak wrote:

This bristly quadruped creeps silently along a cavern wall using long, dexterous forelimbs. Its grinning mouth is full of needle-like teeth, and ridged, oversized ears dominate its vulpine face.

Hushfoot Bocan CR 7

Disclaimer:

You should know the drill by now, but in case you (somehow) missed it so far, Ask A RPGSupersuccubus is posting from the point of view of a (very advanced) CE aligned succubus:
Spoiler:
Fairness means both the mortals falling off the plank into the lava at the same time, balance is an essential feature in a good diet (let’s not look too closely at the use of the word ‘good’ in that context), and logic means that it’s never the succubus at fault – always the incompetent idiot of a second-rate hairdresser who is incapable of living up to a succubus’ expectations. Oh: And always remember it’s a succubus’ privilege to change her mind without any warning…
;)

Maths is Important. How many points is the name worth, and does it successfully ‘Scrabble’ around for extra points?
The name rates 26 points, but no bonuses since it's a run-of-the-mill 'it is what is does' name.

Would a specimen of this creature look good on the cream and scarlet paisley pattern sofa I have in my Druman villa?
Unclear. No indication is given as to skin colouration or texture. 'Bristly' could mean anything from stubbly green hair to soft pink (porcupine-like) quills.

What place does this have at a dinner party?
I'm tempted to say rug, but there is insufficient data on the nature of its hide. I'll give it the benefit of the doubt and allow it as security, patrolling the grounds for unwanted visitors.

Other comments?
I have serious concerns about the fertility obsession these creatures have; it leads me to believe that they may be associated with Lamashtu, and are a bunch of dim-witted religious nutcases.

Rating:
If this creature were a crime, what sort of crime would it be (expressed in the time honoured culprit/implement/location format)?
Sorya the high-priestess of Lamashtu, with the bag of roasted chestnuts, in the garden shed.

Ask A RPGSupersuccubus – turning hope to ruin, victory to despair, and asking the important questions which really matter since whenever.

RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32, 2012 Top 4 aka OamuTheMonk

Ask A RPGSupersuccubus wrote:

Other comments?
I have serious concerns about the fertility obsession these creatures have; it leads me to believe that they may be associated with Lamashtu, and are a bunch of dim-witted religious nutcases.

That's a pretty accurate summary, actually. As for making good rugs, they're a variegated sort of grey-and-brown, not particularly flashy as far furniture goes.

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