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My first was an abjurer,
I thought our love was true,
But her resistance was impressive,
And I left with balls of blue.
Towards a cute conjurer,
My interests next leaned,
But she quickly grew in power,
And dumped me for a fiend.
I dated a diviner,
But soon I had regrets,
(You try being with a woman,
Who knows all your secrets!)
You’d think that an enchantress,
Would just be a sure thing,
But she could be with any man,
And so she chose the king.
A fiery evoker,
Then stirred me from my funk,
But passion turned to danger,
When she tried to singe my junk.
An illusionist I dated,
Her beauty near divine,
But t’was a mere glamer,
Like goggles caused by wine.
A necromantic lady,
I thought could be my wife,
But she gave me the cold shoulder,
‘Cos I was too full of life.
A transmuter I did marry,
The solution to my plight:
She’s a new and different woman,
Every single night!
Nice! :)
(applaudes)
*throws some gp into ProfPotts hat*
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Your list is incomplete sir,
There's another magic matron.
Dare you leave out a lady,
Just because she has a patron?
Is it her lack of special school,
That deems her not worth a look?
Or the fact she stores her spells,
In a familiar not a book?
Equally arcane her art is!
Sing her praises high and low!
It is perilous to spurn her,
Due to the spells she can Bestow.
So when writing 'arcane ladies'
Don't make every one a wizard.
To forget the witch is Baleful,
Fort save or you're a lizard.
BEGIN!
*throws coins to 'Sani as well*
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Armed with weapons and spells
It is of the magus I sing
Many are the tales she tells
Thus I toss my hat into the ring
You may be amazed at what she cast
While wielding my blade
The spell was Shocking Grasp
And oh what a sound I made
I felt her sweet caress
So I nuzzled her cheek
"I have killed for less"
Told me I was up the creek
A bittersweet memory is she
For it is tough to endure
A touch with such mystery
Loaded with a spell for sure
/cevah
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The standard eight schools are alright
if you're an arcane fundamentalist,
but you forgot the other kind of Wizard
and that's the Elementalist
Earth mages have rugged charms
to make you rock-hard, never flaccid
but it's not the best relationship
when she's always dropping acid
Woo an Air mage if you've ever wanted
to join the Mile-High Club
but when fickle winds bring her a djinn
it's time to say goodbye, bub!
To know the love of a Fire mage
leads to pyrotechnic spectacles
but piss her off the slightest bit,
she'll charbroil your testicles!
Water mages love long walks
and making love upon the beach
just watch out for her crazy exes
like that one guy, Edward Teach!
A Metal Mage is a handy woman
tough, skilled, and electrifying
but can't help loosing Shrapnel Bursts
when "the little death" she's dying
A Void Mage, veiled in mystery,
seems out of this world - but I abjure you:
Never, ever trust a lover
who can let your guard down *for* you!
A Wood Mage is your ideal lass
be assured that they're no vegetable
they're charming and cooperative
and oh, so very flexible!
I wanted to bust in with "All the Psychic Ladies," but I lack the patience and artistry to do it justice.
I wanted to bust in with "All the Psychic Ladies," but I lack the patience and artistry to do it justice.How about "Divine Dudes" and "Psychic Androgynes?"
But then there's no Beyonce reference.
This lady has magic in the blood
She gets all emotional at the least conflict
Go all out or you're a dud
And then you won't get picked
Doing the horizontal dance
Gets kind of exciting
Though it's not much romance
With her scratching and biting
Read well this page
That you learn well
That when she's in rage
Then comes the spell
When you recover your health
And repair bed and house
You'll find all your wealth
Is needed for your spouse
/cevah
PS:
Still needed: Alchemist, Arcanist, Bard, Investigator, Skald, Sorcerer, Summoner, and any prestige classes.