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Shit, man, don't summon her. I'm still cleaning up the blood from last time. Not sure why I got stuck with cleanup duty, but that's just the lot in life of a Paizonian kobold.
It should be pronounced Auntie Lisa's story hour, an opportunity to ask Paizo's CEO questions about her long career in the gaming industry.
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*Shoots spitballs at Holybushman until he sits back down*
Anti-Lisa was formed when Erik accidentally spilled a vat of radioactive Cosmo-flavor Kool-Aid on one of Lisa's character sheets.
I had the chance to attend Auntie Lisa's Story Hour at GenCon in 2014. I had a wonderful time listening to her tales. The one that stayed with me was her tale of taking Dave Arneson on a tour of TSR shortly after it was bought by WOTC. She almost teared up describing the look on Dave's face when he saw how big the game he helped design had become.
It occurred to me then that someone with better writing skills than me should document her contributions to the gaming industry for prosperity.
*Breaks out the Unholy Paddle of Kobold Behavior Adjustment*
Here, kitty, kitty...
Am I expected to activate the bee cat trap? Because I can activate the bee cat trap.
It's a trap containing both cats and bees.
Two critters that are notoriuosly difficult to control. I promise not to laugh when your trap turns on you instead.
Really, I'll contain my laughter.
Must. Control. Myself....
*Floor gives way beneath Holybushman*
*Leans over edge*
You do get the concept of a "trap", right?
*Floor gives way beneath Holybushman*
*Leans over edge*
You do get the concept of a "trap", right?
<Pushes Kobold Cleaver into the pit with Holybushman.>
There, now Kobold Cleaver will have all the time he needs to explain traps to Holybushman. And Holybushman will have all the time he needs to use the Unholy paddle of kobold behavior adjustment on Kobold Cleaver. Looks like a win-win situation to me.
*Floor gives way beneath Holybushman*
*Leans over edge*
You do get the concept of a "trap", right?
<Pushes Kobold Cleaver into the pit with Holybushman.>
There, now Kobold Cleaver will have all the time he needs to explain traps to Holybushman. And Holybushman will have all the time he needs to use the Unholy paddle of kobold behavior adjustment on Kobold Cleaver. Looks like a win-win situation to me.
*From the Shadows*
Hahahahahaha...best Slaad ever.
*than quickly does a kobold extreme flanking maneuver and runs away*
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Am I expected to activate the bee cat trap? Because I can activate the bee cat trap.
It's a trap containing both cats and bees.
Yes. Yes it does.
{leans up against KC's cubicle, sips coffee} Ummm, I'm gonna need you to go ahead and come in tomorrow. So if you could be here around 9 that would be great, mmm-kay?
Oh oh! And I almost forgot, ahh, I'm also gonna need you to go ahead and come in on Sunday too, kay? We, ahh, lost some more kobold trap-detectors this week and, ahh, we sorta need to play catch up. You'll be starting by exploring the mouth opening of the stone Great Green Devil face over on the wall, kay?
A bit busy down—ow—here right now, so—F*#+—rry. My creation has turned against me. Because it's both—AUUUUGH!—cats and bees. Probably should've seen it coming.
{blithely ignoring KC's peril} Oh, and remember: next Friday... is Hawaiian shirt day. So, you know, if you want to, go ahead and wear a Hawaiian shirt and jeans.
My tribe really needs to get a better agent. At least the ghoul dragon only ate half of us per day. And he kept the snack bar stocked! With kobold meat.
*Looks sadly at his hands*
KC broke my paddle...
*Reaches for his Smiting Crowbar of Kobold Enlightenment, swipes at bees circling his head*
Oh, that's how traps work. How silly of me. Allow me to display my undying gratitude for this educational moment.
*Salutes Ceasar Slaad, begins wading through the undulating floor of cats towards Kobold Cleaver while humming The Final Countdown*
My tribe really needs to get a better agent. At least the ghoul dragon only ate half of us per day. And he kept the snack bar stocked! With kobold meat.
Your tribe doesn't need a better agent. What your tribe needs is extinction. But at least I have been able to arrange with Eric the Kitten-Bee to have you chained into your cubicle and fed with stale bread and tap water once every other day. But you only get the food if you can double your current output.
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My tribe really needs to get a better agent. At least the ghoul dragon only ate half of us per day. And he kept the snack bar stocked! With kobold meat.Your tribe doesn't need a better agent. What your tribe needs is extinction. But at least I have been able to arrange with Eric the Kitten-Bee to have you chained into your cubicle and fed with stale bread and tap water once every other day. But you only get the food if you can double your current output.
Yeah... KC, we're gonna need to go ahead and move you downstairs into storage B. We have some new people coming in, and we need all the space we can get. So if you could just go ahead and pack up your stuff and move it down there, that would be terrific, OK? {quietly pockets KC's red Swingline stapler}
And THAT is why the Paizo offices burnt to the ground. And everyone lived miserably ever after.
ARE YOU HAPPY WITH YOURSELF ERIC?!
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*hides in the shadows across the street, with swingline stapler in a deathgrip*
And so falls the first domino....
And THAT is why the Paizo offices burnt to the ground. And everyone lived miserably ever after.
ARE YOU HAPPY WITH YOURSELF ERIC?!
Not really, no. I was hoping I could find a way to work in all of Lumbergh's dialogue from Office Space before sweeping the leg with the stapler reference. My impatience shames me.
You didn't mean Lumbergh in accounting, did you?